Neurotic Parents Ruining My Life

August 12, 2006 5:27 PM

15 and must choose who to live with, depressed dad or neurotic mom. (LOTS of backstory, sorry)

This is a lot, i'm sorry.

i'm trying to be discrete about this because i don't want to expose my family's skeletons to the general public, but here's how it goes:

In 1991 i was born to a family in Israel with a brother who, at the time, was 7.5 and a brother who was 16.5 (we are from the same parents, all three of us).
When i was 5, brother X was almost 13, and brother Y was almost 22, our parents moved us from israel to a small crappy suburb in the USA. a year and a half later, Y moved back to israel. half a year after that (two years after we moved to the states) me, my parents, and brother X moved to Canada (i was 7, X was 15 or so, and Y, although in Israel, was 24).
when X finished high school he moved to another city for university and i've been living at home with my parents on our own for the past four years. i am now 15.
My parents have always had a fairly difficult marriage, and they are both dysfunctional in their own ways. My dad is depressed and extremely introverted, and he acknowledges this, and my mother is totally neurotic and unable to function as an adult (ie pay the bills, use a computer, work, etc) simply because she never had to (she did work as a teacher in israel, but hasn't worked for ten years).
We visit israel very often. Two months ago my mom came on her own because her father, my grandfather, is ill so she wanted to be with him. Three weeks ago I joined her, because a a few days ago brother Y got married =)
pretty much a DAY after i arrived in Israel, mother announced that she had decided to move to israel (without father) and take me along for the ride.
WOAH. HOLD IT.
of course, my dad sank deeper in depression, especially being stuck alone in canada, and i lashed out and rebelled, saying i'd stay with dad and live in canada.
a week ago, he arrived from canada, and so did brother X, and since then, everything has been really rocky. my parents are constantly at each other and i still refuse to move with my mom to israel.

So, my question is, what do you suggest i do? let me briefly go over my options:

OPTION A: STAY WITH FATHER IN CANADA
pros: stay in toronto, keep my language (though my hebrew is great but not nearly up to par with my english), keep my social life, keep my flourishing academic career, stay with my dad, stay with everything i've been used to for the past ten years.
cons: don't get to be with my mom (as crazy as she is, i love her), live far from brother Y (brother X is moving to germany anyways right now) with whom i'm very close, have to suffer with my introverted, depressed dad, and the fact that my dad can choose to move to israel at any point and although he does not currently wish to do so, he just might.

OPTION B: MOVE WITH MOTHER TO ISRAEL
pros: get to be with my brother Y (this is a really big pro), get to flourish in an open and warm society, get to be with my mom, get to be close to rest of family, taste more of life, etc.
cons: have to suffer with my neurotic mom, don't get to be with my dad (as crazy as he is, i love him), change language, change school, change social life, watch my school marks go plummeting, etc.

This is a tough choice and i need an outside opinion.

posted by alon to Human Relations (48 answers total)

We visit israel very often.

If that can still be the case after the split, stay with your father in Canada and visit your mother and brother in Israel very often. Keep your grades up, keep your friends, and still live a cosmopolitan life, perhaps with summers in Israel and hops over to Germany on the way to or from Israel to see the other brother.

And if your father ever decides to move to Israel, you can go with him and you'll all be in the same place again, or you can figure out a way to stay in Canada if you prefer it by then.
posted by pracowity at 5:41 PM on August 12, 2006

Mazel tov to your brother on his wedding. I have no good advice for you other than that if you leave Israel again, you might never come back because your life will have a way of tying you down, and you might always regret never having moved to Israel. Your academic career is flourishing in Canada, which means you'll probably go to a great college there, where you'll make great friends who you won't want to have to leave behind, might end up in a good job, etc. On balance I think you're better off starting over in Israel than putting down your roots too deeply in Canada.

Disclaimer: I am an anonymous stranger on the internet whose opinion is as useless as it is freely given.
posted by evariste at 5:42 PM on August 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

My vote is for staying with your DAD. You've only got a couple of years of school left and you've moved enough already. A little stability would be a good thing. Enjoy your friends, get good grades, be involved in activities etc. Most teenagers don't spend that much time with their parents anyway.

So, finish school, turn 18 and you will have more options available to you -- like going away to college or moving to Israel as an adult.
posted by bim at 5:44 PM on August 12, 2006

Response by poster: Disclaimer: I am an anonymous stranger on the internet whose opinion is as useless as it is freely given

Is this a true disclaimer? or perhaps a subtle hint that you are familiar with the story and/or one of the characters playing a starring role?

anyways, thanks for the advice, i appreciate any perspective as i'm at a loss for what to do myself.
posted by alon at 5:49 PM on August 12, 2006

Stay in canada and finish school.
posted by delmoi at 5:49 PM on August 12, 2006

I have no experience with Israel at all, but is it really much more warm and open than Canada?

To a completely detached observer, living in Israel carries with it significant danger, and there is little sign of that abating.

Keep improving your Hebrew though, so as too keep your options open. Shalom.
posted by phrontist at 5:53 PM on August 12, 2006

Response by poster: oh, and as a side question, anyone know what the legal age to leave home is in Ontario?
posted by alon at 5:54 PM on August 12, 2006

Flip a coin. Assign option A (Canada) to heads. Obviously, option B (Israel) is tails. Flip the coin, high, into the air. Whatever side you find yourself rooting for, that's your answer.

Sorry that's not a proper answer, but it will at least tell you want you want to do. Of course, what you want and what you should do are not always the same thing, but it's somewhere to start.

My personal opinion - finish high school in Canada, visiting Isreal often, and then re-evaluate. After high school, your social circle will change as everybody does their own thing, and you will have a ton of options available to you then. University anywhere in the Canada/US, travel the world, go back to Israel, or something else entirely.

Best of luck to you, wherever you end up. Thats a tough decision to have to make at any age, and I don't envy your position at all.
posted by cgg at 6:01 PM on August 12, 2006

cgg: I make most major life decisions by that method. But the key is convincing yourself you will follow the toin coss no matter what first.
posted by phrontist at 6:02 PM on August 12, 2006

I vote living with your father. If she's really neurotic, you may find yourself taking far more care of your mom than you're ready for, especially when you'll also be dealing with being uprooted and meeting new friends and whatnot.

There's only a few more years of school. Enjoy yourself and become an adult. Then you can go where you like.
posted by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on August 12, 2006

Response by poster: a huge part of me really wants to go back to israel, because i'll get to live near my brother. the rest of me is screaming "YOU FUCKING IDIOT". i don't know which part to listen to.
posted by alon at 6:06 PM on August 12, 2006

I'd also vote to live in Canada.

A) The country is more stable

B) Your dad seems more stable

C) You have an established social circle.

D) You already visit Isreal often, you'll still be able to see your mom... P.S. it's HELL living with a parent that can't take care of themselves... I was lucky that I didn't have to go through it, but I heard about it constantly from a close friend years ago.


I'd tell your Dad that you want to stay in canada, but that you need him to commit to staying in Canada until you go to college.
posted by hatsix at 6:09 PM on August 12, 2006

I too would suggest staying in canada, for the reasons people have given: grades, school, continuity. Visit Israel often if you can, but your life will increasingly become your own as you continue to get older, and it sounds like you have a headstart on that life in canada, not in israel. Getting a headstart counts for A LOT. You will soon be in college, grades, career, social life, romantic life -- all this will begin to matter more and more and more and more. In all this your headstart is in Canada, not in Israel.

Visit as often as you can, but your life is already launched in Canada. THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR YOUR BROTHERS, who are significantly older, who have more of a connex with Israel than you do. The move was easier for them. So was the language issues. That is simply not the case for you. As much as you love them, you have to realize this difference between yourself and the rest of your family, including your brothers. Visit often - having relatives in other countries whom you can visit, is a great plus, and will widen your own experiences. But now at 15, this is not the time to start over in any way. Your life is about to launch into independence. Dont lose your headstart.

Thats my random advice anyway.
posted by jak68 at 6:22 PM on August 12, 2006

I vote for staying in Canada with your dad, because that was a very sneaky trick your mother tried to pull on you. If you validate her bad behavior by letting her "keep you" in Israel, I predict there will be much more manipulation from her in your future. Just remember, you will be an adult soon, and can make your own decisions about where to live. Good luck!
posted by Scram at 6:23 PM on August 12, 2006

You are a very mature 15 year old. Congratulations to you!

I vote for Canada. Why not keep going on with your life with your dad, finish school, do university and then think about your future. You can always visit mom in the summer time.

Plus, with your mom's flighty behavior, who knows if she'll decide to stay in Israel for the long run?

Good luck, whatever you do.
posted by k8t at 6:28 PM on August 12, 2006

I'd stay in Canada since you're relatively close to applying to colleges (I know it may not feel like that now, but it'll come sooner than you think). Keep up your great grades, and maybe you can apply to a college in Israel or do a semester or two over there as a trial. If your grades plummet, you won't be able to go to college anywhere.

Also, it seems that either place will have a number of cons. You might need your friends' support to get through it.

Good luck!
posted by christinetheslp at 6:34 PM on August 12, 2006

My first thought was, "depressed is better than Neurotic.' Mind you, that's depressed as in 'non-suicidal,' and Neurotic with a capital N. My second thought was, stick with whatever is likeliest to lead to the best college education for you. Then it sunk in: you're cool enough not only, at the age of 15, to have sought out Metafilter as a site for being exposed to new ideas, but to have joined and asked for advice; I strongly suspect you'll make your successful way in this world whichever decision you make (assuming you learn when to use capital letters).
posted by kimota at 6:37 PM on August 12, 2006

Nobody is actively trying to wipe Canada off the face of the earth. I'd wait until the bloodshed has scaled back a bit before considering moving to Israel.
posted by lekvar at 6:43 PM on August 12, 2006

alona-Is this a true disclaimer? or perhaps a subtle hint that you are familiar with the story and/or one of the characters playing a starring role?

No, no! I didn't mean to make any subtle hints. Sorry, I don't know you or anyone who knows you, I'm certain of it, and I wasn't trying to be mysterious or creepy or weird. I do have a very good British/Israeli friend who lives in Canada and who misses Israel dearly every single day and my advice to you was based on her. My disclaimer was meant to tell you that no one is qualified to make this decision for you except you, yourself. Nothing more.

I do hope you ignore all the people who are telling you to stay away from Israel because Israel has scary enemies. No place on earth is totally safe, and the jihad is worldwide. Ask the Jewish women who were gunned down by a Pakistani in Seattle if they were safer for avoiding Israel.
posted by evariste at 7:02 PM on August 12, 2006

I've spent some time in Israel, and in Canada. For Israelis, the choice of moving to Israel seems sensible. It's hard for the rest of us to understand, but there's a certain logic about it, if you have family there, and it is your home country. Still, for a 15 year old, moving to Israel means:

1) Not going to movies in theatres regularly. (Movie theatres being a prime target of bombers, they aren't popular).
2) Infrequently going to clubs. (Not that many good clubs in Israel, for the same reasons).
3) Limited choices of radio, TV and Internet access.
4) At age 18, mandatory service in the IDF (both males and females).
5) Constant chance of terrorist action that will involve you.
6) Limited choices for learning to drive, have a car, and the personal freedom that goes with personal transportation in North America, for a teenaged student in a country like Israel, where gas is expensive and where car ownership and parking are a nightmare.

Personally, as an American business man, I didn't particularly like Israel, although it was an interesting place to visit on business. Dull in the evening, even in Tel Aviv, and the best restaurants were generally only fair, by international standards. Interesting attitudes in Israeli Customs, too. But, as I've said, I'm not Israeli.

In a choice between Toronto and anywhere in Israel, I'd pick Toronto, hands down, every time I got the chance. But I agree that alona seems like a cool kid, with strong, if imperfect family to help with the decision, and in the long run, I think this will be OK. My bet is she moves to Israel.
posted by paulsc at 7:11 PM on August 12, 2006

I chose to stay in the US with grandparents when my parents moved to Australia when I was in high school. It's not anywhere close to your situation, because my parents were not splitting up. But even though moving out of my parents' home a lot younger than any of my friends was hard, I'm incredibly glad I did it.

By the time you're in your teens, you've begun a gradual move toward independence from your parents. As you move away from depending on your parents, you begin to depend on friends and peers more and more.

Given this choice: abandoning friends and starting over at 15, instability at school and at home vs. maintaining stability at school but accepting a little more uncertainty at home, I'd go with the second option.

Your dad may be depressed, but it sounds like you'll be OK and you'll still have friends to turn to if you stay with him. If you go with your mother, you may find yourself parenting her, and at the same time you won't have a real safety net to lean on.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 7:25 PM on August 12, 2006

I am almost sure the legal age to leave home in Ontario is 16. A cursory Googling (and my husband's offhand knowledge) appears to back me up. I have heard of kids that age around here supporting themselves or receiving social services/subsidies so they can live on their own (usually pregnant teens). It is not at all beyond the capability of a mature teen with a part-time job, and trustworthy roommates, even without welfare, even during high school. I do stress "mature", here, but you sound like you could land on your feet.

I'd stay in Canada and finish school, in your situation, whether or not you leave home. An established family situation vs. a new-starting-over one with a mother who it sounds like will lean on you heavily to help deal with basic life skills while you'll be adjusting to a new life - that's too much, IMO. Once high school is over, you can go anywhere. And it sounds like you'll still be visiting your family in Israel. Good luck whatever your decision!
posted by Melinika at 7:36 PM on August 12, 2006

This may not be helpful (I am not offering a vote for either country or parent), but if you had a conversation with your father, could you convince or request that he remain in Canada at least for the next 3 years until you finished high school? (If you decide to stay in Canada).

Have you asked your mother (along with presenting her with logical reasons) to remain in Canada? Tell her about the number of changes in your life, social circle, academic success, your desire to visit BOTH parents on a regular basis? If she will not listen to you, would she listen to one of your brothers or another relative or close family friend?

Best of luck Alona
posted by Wolfster at 7:38 PM on August 12, 2006

Canada without a doubt (disclaimer: I live here). You're 15 years old. Try to look ahead and imagine yourself at 25 yrs. Canada simply will offer you more options. You'll get a first class education, you'll be with someone you love. And you get almost a do-over if you regret your decision in 5 or 10 yeaers time
posted by Neiltupper at 7:44 PM on August 12, 2006

Could you encourage your mother to remain in Canada and obtain an Ontario teaching certificate? This would help her make the move to self-reliance, since many students are also learning life skills and she'll thus be able to go out to work. You can point out that your academic career will be smoother if you don't need to make major life changes in critical years. Perhaps you could work on your language skills and minor in Hebrew at university.

Your mom probably wants to go home because she misses home, stability and family support. Perhaps she can even see teaching again. Maybe you can show her a path in Canada.
posted by acoutu at 8:41 PM on August 12, 2006

I agree with hatsix. Now is the part of your life where stability in your social life, in your family life, and in your general environment is worth more to your development than adventure. Considering your mom's issues, a move to Israel looks like you'd be taking on not just risk of having trouble adapting culturally and socially, but what if you get evicted because you're mom is flaky with the rent?

I think the time for adventure is college and thereafter. You could always go to university in Israel, or travel the world, but Canada and your possbly-less-exciting, fairly introverted, but apparently more mature and responsible father sound like the better option right now.
posted by chimaera at 9:16 PM on August 12, 2006

Have you considered that your depressed Dad might be considerably less depressed without your neurotic Mom?

If nothing else, it's a hell of a vote of confidence from you to him.
posted by effugas at 9:26 PM on August 12, 2006

Especially if your mom will have extended family in Israel that she can count on, I think you should stay in Canada. It is very difficult to be a teenager who has to act as a quasi-spouse/parent to a parent who can't function on their own. It sounds like your mom is more likely to lean on you in that way than your dad is.

I'm sorry you are in this situation; good luck with the decision.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:26 PM on August 12, 2006

as someone who followed older brothers (twice - but only a thousand kilometres of so), I must point out that they had a lot of time for me during holidays, but general everyday real life day-to-day stuff? I was just a kid. So, keep in mind, should you end up living near your brother, you may find that the time he has available for you might be a little less than you would hope.

I think you know your mind already. I think you said something about refusing to go to Israel. Whatever you choose, try not to feel guilt or manipulation. In ten years, you could be anywhere - it doesn't matter so much - do what you want now, change things if they're not working out.
posted by b33j at 9:47 PM on August 12, 2006

Stay in Canada. If nothing else, your Mom cannot function as an adult. Your Mom cannot give you stability. Seriously, a parent-child can ruin your life.
posted by spaltavian at 10:04 PM on August 12, 2006

you might want to go to an English speaking school in Israel.

Israel has lots of Olim- English speakers.- I would go to israel "for a year" or for a semester, if possible- and see how much i liked/loved/hated it...

I would also suggest to you that if you *do* decide tomove to israel, be aware that the israeli army has a draft- so I would go as a tourist or student and NOT move there officially, especially since if you are in is reali citzen you can have touble leaving the country at will once you are eligible to be drafted.

Good luck and hatzlacha!
posted by Izzmeister at 11:08 PM on August 12, 2006

The Canada option sounds like the least upsetting for you right now and the most likely to provide you a stable base to grow into adulthood on, a difficult enough task without all the dramatic changes moving to Israel would entail.
posted by scheptech at 11:29 PM on August 12, 2006

Somehow, even though I do not know you, I want you to be safe in Canada. After you finish high school and perhaps go to yet another country for college, I can't help thinking that you would be better off traveling with a Canadian passport.
While you are worrying about your family, and facing such a tremendous decison, I do not think that you need to take on the Middle East's political problems also.

BTW, you mean to be discreet about your family, not discrete.
posted by Cranberry at 12:59 AM on August 13, 2006

You can route around your father's depression; It's pretty hard to live with someone who can't pay the bills. The option to go to Israel or Canada (or both) regularly will still be open to you after you finish school, etc. Take the choice that's least disruptive and gives you the most options in the future with the least risk now. Your mom will understand.
posted by anildash at 1:21 AM on August 13, 2006

Lived in Israel 1999-2003. You could have a great time but don't underestimate the difficulty of moving your life to another country. Also, clearly you are articulate - it will be frustrating to not be able to communicate on the same level. Also, do you want to do military service or national service?

I would say complete your education in Canada even if it means dealing with Dad...visit your brothers...and you can always move there in your 20's if you want to.
posted by terrortubby at 1:34 AM on August 13, 2006

Do NOT underestimate the impact of mandatory military service. I'm serious; I know people that scoffed at that ("oh, that won't affect me"), and then found themselves serving in fairly terrible places.

I wouldn't move to Israel unless you can deal with the prospect of dying for Israel.

(warning: I have no idea how the Israeli military service is set up)
posted by aramaic at 1:47 AM on August 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

Given your mom's personality, I don't have much confidence that she won't change her mind about living in Israel - especially if her father dies. You could easily end up moving twice.

Also worth thinking about: unless your brother's new wife has the patience of a saint there is likely to be a less than comfortable relationship between her and the neurotic mother-in-law who has just unexpectedly dropped into her life. No doubt your mother will expect you to take her side. This is more aggravation that you don't need to be stuck in the middle of.
posted by teleskiving at 1:54 AM on August 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

To try and look at this in a positive way, you are in the fortunate situation of being able to choose which of the two countries to live in. You can do whichever you like now, and you can re-evaluate that decision at any time and move between the two countries. Don't be afraid to do what your gut tells you. The worst that can happen is that you don't like your choice and you just move. Nothing forcing you to stick with your decision!
posted by Joh at 2:28 AM on August 13, 2006

You have the opportunity to protect yourself from damage - stay in Canada where your support network and school are. The next three years will go very quickly and you will have the academic and emotional tools to have choices in your future.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:00 AM on August 13, 2006

Response by poster: 1) Not going to movies in theatres regularly. (Movie theatres being a prime target of bombers, they aren't popular).
Actually, movie theatres are surprisingly unpopular targets for terrorist action, it's mostly cafes and such, and we haven't had a suicide bombing for about a year now...
2) Infrequently going to clubs. (Not that many good clubs in Israel, for the same reasons).
It has been my experience that israeli teenagers go clubbing far more than canadian ones, and i really don't know how to explain that but it's true.
3) Limited choices of radio, TV and Internet access.
I can't argue; there're less tv and radio stations, and a far fewer number of people have high-speed internet, although almost everyone does have some sort of internet.
4) At age 18, mandatory service in the IDF (both males and females).
Yeah, that one's a big deterent, i have to say.
5) Constant chance of terrorist action that will involve you.
Not likely. Firstly, i'd live in central israel, close to tel-aviv, so the war in lebanon isn't currently directly affecting me. and secondly, i'd live in Ramat Hasharon, a nice little upscale place far enough from tel-aviv that it didn't have any suicide bombins in history.
6) Limited choices for learning to drive, have a car, and the personal freedom that goes with personal transportation in North America, for a teenaged student in a country like Israel, where gas is expensive and where car ownership and parking are a nightmare.
Actually, that one's not really a problem. I mean, parking is a nightmare but any teen financially able to get a car who wants one does so. The only real problem along those lines is public transportation, which doesn't come close to the close-to-perfect TTC in T.O.
posted by alon at 3:19 AM on August 13, 2006

Response by poster: Oh, and i just wanted to clear something up... most of you believed after my comment that my Hebrew isn't that great, so let me correct you. I am fluent in hebrew and have a flawless accent, and I can read. My only problem is that my reading speed isn't very high, somewhere around the level of a fourth-grader in israel, and my spelling is atrocious.
posted by alon at 3:25 AM on August 13, 2006

Response by poster: "...unless your brother's new wife has the patience of a saint there is likely to be a less than comfortable relationship between her and the neurotic mother-in-law."

Teleskiving, you really hit a nail there- i'm impressed! Firstly, my brother and his new wife started dating ten years ago, so she's very familiar with my mother's antics, and secondly, she does have the patience of a saint and still gets very angry at my mum sometimes (understandably!)
posted by alon at 3:29 AM on August 13, 2006

After reading this advice, this is a tough decision for a 15yo. Best of luck with it (and the other advice given.)



When faced with a tough decision, I try "living 'as if'" for a day.

One day, life as if you decided to live with your father. Really 'believe' that it's the case. See how you feel.

Then the next day, do the same with your mother.

After this, you'll feel (hopefully) like one is 'more right' for you than the other. Follow this instinct.
posted by filmgeek at 6:13 AM on August 13, 2006

Best answer: You sound very mature for a 15 year old, so I have no doubt that whatever decision you make, you'll end up just fine in the long run.

The one concern I'd have with you moving to Israel with your mother is that you mentioned that she's "unable to function as an adult". Realize that this means that you will be doing a lot of the adult things for her -- so that in addition to the pressure of having to study in a completely different language* and pull together a new social life, it sounds like you will also have a lot of pressure to get your mother's life together for her -- helping her adjust, paying her bills, putting her house together, supporting her when her father dies, etc. -- and while just one of those things alone sounds incredibly stressful, combined they might affect your mental health (anxiety's a bitch).

* Don't underestimate how hard this is going to be - I did it on exchange to a country where I was fluent in the language at your age, and after a year, I was still at a very low reading/writing level compared to people who had grown up in the country.

Good luck with whatever you choose :-)
posted by echo0720 at 8:40 AM on August 13, 2006

Best answer: alona - the overwhelming (by far) metafilter advice is that you stay in canada.
Yet, in your comments you almost sound like you're trying to talk yourself into moving to israel.

In a way I think the choice you're facing is your current love of family and israeli culture vs. what is best for you personally in the future in terms of career and options.

I really wouldnt underestimate the latter, but as a youngster (mature tho you are) you may be pulled by your emotions for now. I also will bet you will wind up in Israel because of that. You dont yet know what its like to be independent as an adult. Most of the metafilter advice is coming from people who have been on their own as adults; thats why they're saying 'canada'. But those are experiences you dont yet fully have. You might not appreciate all that it means.

Anyway; my bet is because of that the family/emotional pull will draw you into israel; but in truth, I agree with all those who are saying, objectively, and for your future, hands down your choice should be canada. Mature though you are, for some reason I dont think you're going to choose that though.

Just a wild guess simply based on your comments in this thread. ;)
posted by jak68 at 12:09 PM on August 13, 2006

alona, how Israeli do you feel?

I ask this because my Israeli mother moved us (kids) from the U.S. to israel when I was nine. Until then we were raised as Americans (didn't know any Hebrew or have Israeli friends). The move was quite a shock (even though people always think it's easy on kids)

Being Israeli is a totally different mindset. If you don't know what it's like and aren't totally fluent in hebrew - factor in culture shock, feeling like an outsider with your own age group and finding yourself too dependent on your neurotic mother who will suddenly be the stronger person in the family as a native speaker and an Israeli.

Good luck with whatever you chose.
posted by mirileh at 1:39 PM on August 13, 2006

It's super-hard moving in high school. Finish it out. Avoid the IDF. (Get your dad to promise he'll stay, as someone above suggested.) Your knee-jerk reaction was to stay. I'd trust that.

Sounds like now you want to make sure you're not giving up a cool opportunity without having thought about what you'd be giving up? I understand that. But your ties to Israel, your brother, etc., will be stronger than ever, so by staying in Canada, you'll avoid giving up your Canadian friends and experience, plus get even more time in Israel than you do now.
posted by beatrice at 4:34 PM on August 13, 2006

I don't have any advice for you because I've never been in Israel or Toronto.

I just want to compliment of how wise and mature you are at the age of 15. My 22 years old didn't even know about Metafilter as a site for being exposed to new ideas, join and ask for advice. You are a very cool kid. Your parents would be very proud of you.

Best wishes to you.
posted by teapot at 8:32 AM on August 14, 2006