Help me help her
July 20, 2006 6:41 AM Subscribe
Well the mixtape worked (together 7 months now), but things are getting difficult as my girlfriends various issues become more and more of a problem. Help me help her.
She told me...accidentally...that shes £5,000 in debt. She doesnt earn enough to make a dent in this any time soon, but I can't seem to motivate her to seriously look for a new/better job. She'll see something she says she'll apply for, but never makes the call. If I remind her to apply for jobs or even to look for work she gets upset and angry at me. Because this has gone on for so long her debt is now up to £6,000.
Obviously this is making her very unhappy. When she's unhappy she tends to shop. Which results in more debt.
I'm at a loss of what to do. I wish I could help her, but every attempt I make seems to be met with more and more resistance.
What can I possibly do to help her, without being a meddling boyfriend?
She told me...accidentally...that shes £5,000 in debt. She doesnt earn enough to make a dent in this any time soon, but I can't seem to motivate her to seriously look for a new/better job. She'll see something she says she'll apply for, but never makes the call. If I remind her to apply for jobs or even to look for work she gets upset and angry at me. Because this has gone on for so long her debt is now up to £6,000.
Obviously this is making her very unhappy. When she's unhappy she tends to shop. Which results in more debt.
I'm at a loss of what to do. I wish I could help her, but every attempt I make seems to be met with more and more resistance.
What can I possibly do to help her, without being a meddling boyfriend?
Pay it off for her?
posted by davey_darling at 6:47 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by davey_darling at 6:47 AM on July 20, 2006
Cut up her credit cards and take her to debt counselling?
posted by handee at 6:49 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by handee at 6:49 AM on July 20, 2006
The chances are she knows already that what she's doing isn't "right". Your banging on about it - trying "to help" etcetera - will probably just make her resent you. Cutting up her credit cards would be, I think, a seriously BIG mistake. She's an adult, they're her cards, she can do with them as she likes. It's not up to you to solve all (maybe even any) of her problems, unless she asks you to do that. Be her boyfriend, don't try to be her dad. If her behaviour doesn't "improve", then you're free to go. All partners of addicts have to make this choice (not that I'm saying she's addicted to anything, it's just that I think it's aa similar situation).
posted by bunglin jones at 7:05 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by bunglin jones at 7:05 AM on July 20, 2006
Dude, until she wants to change her behavior you can't change it for her.
Help her when she asks for help. This does not include lending her money or paying for her shopping sprees. Offer to take her to debt counseling in those situations but make it clear you're not going to enable her problem.
If she doesn't ask for help, you're just going to have to watch her dig her own hole. This is painful, so that means you'll either have to deal or leave her.
posted by Anonymous at 7:06 AM on July 20, 2006
Help her when she asks for help. This does not include lending her money or paying for her shopping sprees. Offer to take her to debt counseling in those situations but make it clear you're not going to enable her problem.
If she doesn't ask for help, you're just going to have to watch her dig her own hole. This is painful, so that means you'll either have to deal or leave her.
posted by Anonymous at 7:06 AM on July 20, 2006
Pay it off for her?
Why? She's obviously not eager to take responsibility for her finances. She'll just run it up again.
posted by dobbs at 7:18 AM on July 20, 2006
Why? She's obviously not eager to take responsibility for her finances. She'll just run it up again.
posted by dobbs at 7:18 AM on July 20, 2006
As someone who rang up a large debt in the past, whatever you do, don't pay it off for her. Doing so will just make it easier for her to ring up the debts again without forcing her to address her problem.
posted by drezdn at 7:22 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by drezdn at 7:22 AM on July 20, 2006
Contact Debtors Anonymous. You may not be able to convince your girlfriend to go to a meeting herself (in fact, probably not), but they may be able to provide you with some helpful resources for helping her out. Good luck.
posted by Gator at 7:27 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by Gator at 7:27 AM on July 20, 2006
I see you're in the UK; here is DA's UK-specific site and their list of meeting places.
posted by Gator at 7:31 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by Gator at 7:31 AM on July 20, 2006
Time for a story from my own life.
When I started dating my now-wife, I had a decent job as a network administrator. This was 2002. The work was rather low-key, the offce was shiny and dot-com and the pay was more than the job warranted. Problem was, my credit was still damaged from years before, I hadn't done anything to fix it and I didn't have a clue how to manage the money I was taking in. By all rights, I should've been socking away a decent amount of cash after rent and utilities. Instead, I spent most of my excess on new CDs, lattes and other things I just didn't need. To top it all off, I made the brilliant decision to buy a new iBook on Apple Store credit, ignoring the fact that MBNA's APR at the time was around 26%.
Three months later, I was downsized, in debt and unable to cope. Had it not been for my now-wife, I don't really know how I would've made it. The initial process was painful. As my finances were a constant source of aggravation, I'd ignore them. Discussions with my now-wife about money were always terse (on my side) and forced. I suppose it was much like talking openly about any major life failing. I couldn't deal, so I wouldn't deal, and the whole time the situation was getting worse and worse. Checks would bounce, collectors would call, so on.
These days, now that I'm married and living the suburban life in a house with two cats, I can look back at that time with a little regret. The only reason that I've restored my credit the amount I have, that I've actually gone for most of a year without bouncing a single check and that I can qualify for a credit card that doesn't choke me with fees, is because of the positive influence exercised upon me by my far more fiscally responsible wife. You could say that due to the mortgage, I had to become a better steward of my funds, but it's more than that.
What I'm saying is, it took a lot of patience and courage on my wife's part to get me to see the light. It was only after it registered with me that she was only trying to help me to help myself that I allowed myself to accept that help. See?
Sometimes, my wife will tell me that she wishes she would've been a bit more bold earlier in our relationship. Maybe she could've steered me clear of the big-ass iBook loan (that $1900 iBook ended up costing me/us $5000 after interest), or convinced me that my monthly excess of available cash was something to save, not spend. Who can say how that would've turned out? But with that in mind, maybe you need to be so bold with your girl. You don't have to be imperious or parental, just offer the assistance. She might be reticent at first, just like I was, but in the long run ... particularly if you two can see a longer run ahead of you ... you owe it to both of you to head this growing problem off now .... and to do it together.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:35 AM on July 20, 2006 [4 favorites]
When I started dating my now-wife, I had a decent job as a network administrator. This was 2002. The work was rather low-key, the offce was shiny and dot-com and the pay was more than the job warranted. Problem was, my credit was still damaged from years before, I hadn't done anything to fix it and I didn't have a clue how to manage the money I was taking in. By all rights, I should've been socking away a decent amount of cash after rent and utilities. Instead, I spent most of my excess on new CDs, lattes and other things I just didn't need. To top it all off, I made the brilliant decision to buy a new iBook on Apple Store credit, ignoring the fact that MBNA's APR at the time was around 26%.
Three months later, I was downsized, in debt and unable to cope. Had it not been for my now-wife, I don't really know how I would've made it. The initial process was painful. As my finances were a constant source of aggravation, I'd ignore them. Discussions with my now-wife about money were always terse (on my side) and forced. I suppose it was much like talking openly about any major life failing. I couldn't deal, so I wouldn't deal, and the whole time the situation was getting worse and worse. Checks would bounce, collectors would call, so on.
These days, now that I'm married and living the suburban life in a house with two cats, I can look back at that time with a little regret. The only reason that I've restored my credit the amount I have, that I've actually gone for most of a year without bouncing a single check and that I can qualify for a credit card that doesn't choke me with fees, is because of the positive influence exercised upon me by my far more fiscally responsible wife. You could say that due to the mortgage, I had to become a better steward of my funds, but it's more than that.
What I'm saying is, it took a lot of patience and courage on my wife's part to get me to see the light. It was only after it registered with me that she was only trying to help me to help myself that I allowed myself to accept that help. See?
Sometimes, my wife will tell me that she wishes she would've been a bit more bold earlier in our relationship. Maybe she could've steered me clear of the big-ass iBook loan (that $1900 iBook ended up costing me/us $5000 after interest), or convinced me that my monthly excess of available cash was something to save, not spend. Who can say how that would've turned out? But with that in mind, maybe you need to be so bold with your girl. You don't have to be imperious or parental, just offer the assistance. She might be reticent at first, just like I was, but in the long run ... particularly if you two can see a longer run ahead of you ... you owe it to both of you to head this growing problem off now .... and to do it together.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:35 AM on July 20, 2006 [4 favorites]
It's not your problem. Unless you're planning on marrying her and/or your finances are going to be tied together somehow, this is definitely not your bear to wrestle.
Like bunglin jones said, she already knows what she's doing is irresponsible, and your constantly bringing it up will only make her feel worse.
DO NOT pay it off for her, and don't lend her money, unless you're okay with not getting it back.
posted by timetoevolve at 7:37 AM on July 20, 2006
Like bunglin jones said, she already knows what she's doing is irresponsible, and your constantly bringing it up will only make her feel worse.
DO NOT pay it off for her, and don't lend her money, unless you're okay with not getting it back.
posted by timetoevolve at 7:37 AM on July 20, 2006
DO NOT pay it off for her. It will only give her back the freedom of spending, and soon enough she'll be back in debt. It's a problem she needs to want to fix herself.
I'd make one last attempt at bringing it up: tell her that you're ready and willing to help her (not financially, but motivationally, emotionally, etc) whenever she's ready to tackle this problem. Hopefully she'll realize what she's doing and either come to you for support or simply solve it on her own; if she doesn't, and the problem continues, realize that it's a part of her personality and make a decision regarding the relationship.
posted by Meagan at 7:50 AM on July 20, 2006
I'd make one last attempt at bringing it up: tell her that you're ready and willing to help her (not financially, but motivationally, emotionally, etc) whenever she's ready to tackle this problem. Hopefully she'll realize what she's doing and either come to you for support or simply solve it on her own; if she doesn't, and the problem continues, realize that it's a part of her personality and make a decision regarding the relationship.
posted by Meagan at 7:50 AM on July 20, 2006
She doesn't want to fix her problems. Either leave her now, or leave her a few years from now, after you realize your codependency has put you several thousands of pounds in debt.
posted by Mr. Six at 7:56 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by Mr. Six at 7:56 AM on July 20, 2006
And, um, you might show her this thread.
:-)
Except for the part where you didn't post anon, so maybe not.
posted by baylink at 8:08 AM on July 20, 2006
:-)
Except for the part where you didn't post anon, so maybe not.
posted by baylink at 8:08 AM on July 20, 2006
Actually, one followup: this could get rough.
Whatever you do, no matter how uncomfortable things get, do not lie to her about anything: what you think, what you've said or done. Nothing.
I'm not sayin' you're the sort to go around makin' stuff up, Lemon; don't get me wrong. But pressure situations spawn more half-truths and Little Fibs than almost anything else. Don't succumb; it won't end well.
posted by baylink at 8:10 AM on July 20, 2006
Whatever you do, no matter how uncomfortable things get, do not lie to her about anything: what you think, what you've said or done. Nothing.
I'm not sayin' you're the sort to go around makin' stuff up, Lemon; don't get me wrong. But pressure situations spawn more half-truths and Little Fibs than almost anything else. Don't succumb; it won't end well.
posted by baylink at 8:10 AM on July 20, 2006
I second grabbingsand's advice. I've gone through periods where my finances were sliding into dangerous territory, and I just couldn't bring myself to face it. And the more I didn't face it, the worse it got....
In my case, there was also the issue of some mild depression. Depression made me not want to face the pile of bills that needed to be paid, and sent me off spending money that I shouldn't have in an attempt to lift my spirits. I don't mean to fall into that AskMe trap of telling everyone to "get therapy," I just want you to be aware that your girlfriend's behavior may have a deeper cause than just being lazy and liking to shop too much. (Her inability to follow up on finding a new job, for instance, also sounds like depression inertia.)
The best thing you can do for her is to be supportive and help her manage her finances responsibly, like grabbingsand's wife did. Don't make her feel guilty -- I'm sure she already feels wretched, and feeling wretched isn't helping any.
posted by junkbox at 8:21 AM on July 20, 2006
In my case, there was also the issue of some mild depression. Depression made me not want to face the pile of bills that needed to be paid, and sent me off spending money that I shouldn't have in an attempt to lift my spirits. I don't mean to fall into that AskMe trap of telling everyone to "get therapy," I just want you to be aware that your girlfriend's behavior may have a deeper cause than just being lazy and liking to shop too much. (Her inability to follow up on finding a new job, for instance, also sounds like depression inertia.)
The best thing you can do for her is to be supportive and help her manage her finances responsibly, like grabbingsand's wife did. Don't make her feel guilty -- I'm sure she already feels wretched, and feeling wretched isn't helping any.
posted by junkbox at 8:21 AM on July 20, 2006
My current boyfriend of three years has a significant amount of debt, and has ever since I've known him. He pays responsibly, but can't really make a dent in it either due to its size. And yeah, he still spends from time to time, but now he's also in school, and basically has resigned to carrying this debt for the next few years until he's able to get a way better job because of his degree and wipe it out.
As far as our relationship goes, our finances are totally separate. I maintain a deliberate and conscious ignorance of his worries unless he wants to share and discuss them with me. Really the only circumstances that should cause you to be worried or get involved are:
1. She wants you to
2. You begin to discuss marriage, living together, or the conjoining of your finances
3. You really feel that she is spiraling out of control spending-wise, ie: she has a problem that you think requires counseling of some kind.
Both 1 and 2 should result in fairly smooth sailing, and a chance to grow closer as a couple. Only act on 3 if you are prepared for things to end not-so-well between the two of you.
Debt is embarassing, personal, and fills people with despair. Everyone handles it their own way. At 7 months you are probably not close enough to be able to help the way you'd like to, and pressing the matter can only result in unnecessary grief. Besides, just because she isn't making much progress now doesn't mean that she never will; she acquired the debt at her own pace, and she is certainly entitled to dissolve it in the same fashion. If I were you I'd drop the subject for a long time, until 1 or 2 happen.
posted by hermitosis at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2006
As far as our relationship goes, our finances are totally separate. I maintain a deliberate and conscious ignorance of his worries unless he wants to share and discuss them with me. Really the only circumstances that should cause you to be worried or get involved are:
1. She wants you to
2. You begin to discuss marriage, living together, or the conjoining of your finances
3. You really feel that she is spiraling out of control spending-wise, ie: she has a problem that you think requires counseling of some kind.
Both 1 and 2 should result in fairly smooth sailing, and a chance to grow closer as a couple. Only act on 3 if you are prepared for things to end not-so-well between the two of you.
Debt is embarassing, personal, and fills people with despair. Everyone handles it their own way. At 7 months you are probably not close enough to be able to help the way you'd like to, and pressing the matter can only result in unnecessary grief. Besides, just because she isn't making much progress now doesn't mean that she never will; she acquired the debt at her own pace, and she is certainly entitled to dissolve it in the same fashion. If I were you I'd drop the subject for a long time, until 1 or 2 happen.
posted by hermitosis at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2006
Response by poster: I prefer to just sit back and read answers normally, but I just want to chip in that we have actually spoken about moving in with each other. It's the reason why it's become more of an issue of late.
posted by lemonfridge at 8:44 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by lemonfridge at 8:44 AM on July 20, 2006
I wouldn't do that until she cleans up her act. Living together automatically means being involved in each other's finances, and you really don't want to be involved in hers at this point. Whatever she agrees to pay, she's going to wind up not paying it, and you'll have to deal with the fallout. And if you make it clear (in a caring and nonjudgmental way) that you're not willing to move in together unless she gets her finances straight, it might provide an incentive.
posted by languagehat at 8:58 AM on July 20, 2006
posted by languagehat at 8:58 AM on July 20, 2006
OK, my 2d.... i've been with my partner for 13 years. We moved in together 2 years ago and bought a house. I have carried a good few thousand pounds worth of debt for about 7 years now. Mostly from paying my way through College then buying computers etc when I couldn't afford them.
She has no debt. Our finances are completely seperate. the mortgage comes out of my account and she pays me half. Other bills generally come out of her account and I'll pay half of them.
i would never expect my GF to pay my debts for me and vice-versa. However, if either of us did hit a really rough patch and couldn't get out of it no matter how hard we tried then of course we would help one another financially.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem to be trying too hard though. So I certainly wouldn't pay her debt for her. I would also perhaps make it a condition that you move in together once she is in a stable better paid job and you knew you could count on her for financial help.
posted by twistedonion at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2006
She has no debt. Our finances are completely seperate. the mortgage comes out of my account and she pays me half. Other bills generally come out of her account and I'll pay half of them.
i would never expect my GF to pay my debts for me and vice-versa. However, if either of us did hit a really rough patch and couldn't get out of it no matter how hard we tried then of course we would help one another financially.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem to be trying too hard though. So I certainly wouldn't pay her debt for her. I would also perhaps make it a condition that you move in together once she is in a stable better paid job and you knew you could count on her for financial help.
posted by twistedonion at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2006
You didn't say specifically, but I think everyone is assuming it's credit card debt. If it's student loan debt, then seriously back off.
If you aren't getting married or sharing expenses, the only thing I would suggest is when you do things together, to try & find things that are not goingn to encourage her to spend impulsively, or to take her along when you are shopping, in case that's a temptation to shop for her.
Also, if she's staying in her job because she loves it, then why pressure her to find a higher paying job? Having a job you love is worth dealing with debt while chipping away at it slowly. If it bothered her so much, she could certainly try getting a second part-time job or finding ways to trim her expenses.
You could always get her a copy of Suze Orman's book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke, as well. I think it's a great resource & not the same-old-crap as every other finance book.
posted by tastybrains at 9:53 AM on July 20, 2006
If you aren't getting married or sharing expenses, the only thing I would suggest is when you do things together, to try & find things that are not goingn to encourage her to spend impulsively, or to take her along when you are shopping, in case that's a temptation to shop for her.
Also, if she's staying in her job because she loves it, then why pressure her to find a higher paying job? Having a job you love is worth dealing with debt while chipping away at it slowly. If it bothered her so much, she could certainly try getting a second part-time job or finding ways to trim her expenses.
You could always get her a copy of Suze Orman's book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke, as well. I think it's a great resource & not the same-old-crap as every other finance book.
posted by tastybrains at 9:53 AM on July 20, 2006
As stated ad infinitum above, stop trying to help. But be ready to give help when she's ready to get it.
1. She knows she's got debt and doesn't get paid enough to eliminate it. Let her find the breaking point. Until then, it's not your problem to solve.
2. When she's ready to work on it, be encouraging and kind. Help her plan a budget that will a) outline where her money goes, b) tell her where she should be spending, and c) show the logical limits of her cash flow. Later, with her permission, you keep an eye on the budget with her--but as an enabler, not a nag. Do not say things like "I can't believe you're still shopping!" Say, "How's your budget going?" and "Did you manage to save what you wanted to save this month?" Encourage her to do right without any parental-style guilt.
3. When she's into step two, while you definitely should not pay a single penny of her debt, by all means, pick up the tab a little more than usual, so that she can continue to save. But again, don't do this until she's in the right mindset to do something about it.
Having credit card debt is like being overweight: it's unwanted bloat that's easy to accumulate and twice as hard to eliminate. Everyone with a little extra baggage knows s/he needs to slim down, but it takes determination and effort to get it to happen. Which should illuminate better why you need to hang loose for now. (For comparison, try telling your girlfriend she needs to diet and see how that goes.)
posted by werty at 10:28 AM on July 20, 2006
1. She knows she's got debt and doesn't get paid enough to eliminate it. Let her find the breaking point. Until then, it's not your problem to solve.
2. When she's ready to work on it, be encouraging and kind. Help her plan a budget that will a) outline where her money goes, b) tell her where she should be spending, and c) show the logical limits of her cash flow. Later, with her permission, you keep an eye on the budget with her--but as an enabler, not a nag. Do not say things like "I can't believe you're still shopping!" Say, "How's your budget going?" and "Did you manage to save what you wanted to save this month?" Encourage her to do right without any parental-style guilt.
3. When she's into step two, while you definitely should not pay a single penny of her debt, by all means, pick up the tab a little more than usual, so that she can continue to save. But again, don't do this until she's in the right mindset to do something about it.
Having credit card debt is like being overweight: it's unwanted bloat that's easy to accumulate and twice as hard to eliminate. Everyone with a little extra baggage knows s/he needs to slim down, but it takes determination and effort to get it to happen. Which should illuminate better why you need to hang loose for now. (For comparison, try telling your girlfriend she needs to diet and see how that goes.)
posted by werty at 10:28 AM on July 20, 2006
Practical help: Get a copy of Martin Lewis's The Money Diet.
The whole approach (and that of his web site) is about making saving money fun. There's also a debt-free wannabe forum...although your gf will have to want to be debt free and be willing to do some work on it including facing up to the problem which seems to be the stumbling block.
However, if you are considering cohabiting then I think you need to try and persuade her to at least make a start but try not to be too pushy. And there's the problem.
If your gf's debt increase continues at the same rate it's going to be over £11,000 in 3 year's time so she might want to start getting on with it toot sweet...
posted by i_cola at 11:45 AM on July 20, 2006
The whole approach (and that of his web site) is about making saving money fun. There's also a debt-free wannabe forum...although your gf will have to want to be debt free and be willing to do some work on it including facing up to the problem which seems to be the stumbling block.
However, if you are considering cohabiting then I think you need to try and persuade her to at least make a start but try not to be too pushy. And there's the problem.
If your gf's debt increase continues at the same rate it's going to be over £11,000 in 3 year's time so she might want to start getting on with it toot sweet...
posted by i_cola at 11:45 AM on July 20, 2006
Having BBC Three's Spendaholics on the TV might be a slightly-more-subtle-than-needling-her-about-it-hint
posted by i_cola at 12:32 PM on July 20, 2006
posted by i_cola at 12:32 PM on July 20, 2006
tasty: you might clarify 'back off'?
Do you mean he should lay off the topic with her? Or lay off *her*?
posted by baylink at 12:52 PM on July 20, 2006
Do you mean he should lay off the topic with her? Or lay off *her*?
posted by baylink at 12:52 PM on July 20, 2006
Response by poster: Its credit card debt. and once again, i have no intention of paying anything towards her debt. I want to help her help her self really.
She loathes her current job (working in a supermarket), but i think she feels settled there and doesnt want to move. shes not keen on change. But she also realises that working on a checkout in a supermarket is for school leavers and old people (pretty true), and doesnt want to be there either. Shes just reluctant to find other work.
posted by lemonfridge at 2:29 PM on July 20, 2006
She loathes her current job (working in a supermarket), but i think she feels settled there and doesnt want to move. shes not keen on change. But she also realises that working on a checkout in a supermarket is for school leavers and old people (pretty true), and doesnt want to be there either. Shes just reluctant to find other work.
posted by lemonfridge at 2:29 PM on July 20, 2006
Ignore all the support group nonsense, it's not as if she's remortgaged her house three times and owes some heavy lads a few k. Six grand is not a lot of debt to be in, by today's standards (and I say that as someone with a pathological fear of owing anyone money).
By the sound of it, the crappy job is the problem, or, rather, her willingness to accept the shitty job as her lot is the problem. Does she have ambitions she feels unqualified to pursue? Maybe shifting your focus away from the debt and work thing and on to something potentially positive that will lead to a better job is the way to go. There's defo a big difference between saying 'You should apply for this job (implication: to pay off your debts)' and 'Look, you've always been into x, they do evening classes in it at this place...'.
posted by jack_mo at 3:09 PM on July 20, 2006
By the sound of it, the crappy job is the problem, or, rather, her willingness to accept the shitty job as her lot is the problem. Does she have ambitions she feels unqualified to pursue? Maybe shifting your focus away from the debt and work thing and on to something potentially positive that will lead to a better job is the way to go. There's defo a big difference between saying 'You should apply for this job (implication: to pay off your debts)' and 'Look, you've always been into x, they do evening classes in it at this place...'.
posted by jack_mo at 3:09 PM on July 20, 2006
Response by poster: She hates her job. But doesnt have any qualifications or any desire to get any. She doesnt know what she wants to do, but cooking is her passion. I've suggested working in catering, but she doesnt want to ruin her hobby by making it her job.
posted by lemonfridge at 2:22 AM on July 21, 2006
posted by lemonfridge at 2:22 AM on July 21, 2006
Sounds like she might benefit from some careers advice then.
posted by handee at 2:54 AM on July 21, 2006
posted by handee at 2:54 AM on July 21, 2006
tasty: you might clarify 'back off'?
Do you mean he should lay off the topic with her? Or lay off *her*?
I meant back off of her. Student loan debt is one of the few debts most financial experts consider "good debt", and it's fairly common for young adults to have this sort of debt.
However, it's not student loan debt, so my opinion in that regard is a moot point.
posted by tastybrains at 12:06 AM on July 25, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by muddgirl at 6:44 AM on July 20, 2006