Help me take down a scam junk mailer
June 29, 2006 9:48 AM Subscribe
I just got a shady piece of 'scam' mail in my (snail) mailbox today. It came on an index card-sized piece of blue paper, and promised luxury vehicles, a cruise, and/or outrageous gobs of cash, among other things. I could simply throw the damn thing away, but I'd rather pull a P-p-powerbook, or find some other way to inconvenience the idiots behind this. Any ideas? Of course, there's much
[BEGIN Contents of Card]
Return Address:
AWARDS VERIFICATION CENTER
2400 W. PIONEER PKWY, SUITE 210
ARLINGTON, TX 76013
Stamp Area:
PRESORTED
FIRST CLASS
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
PERMIT NO. 1520
ARLINGTON, TX
My Address Area:
ARL-TP3 137970979 - 0052
06272006
P1IGMA5H01
************AUTO** 3 - DIGIT 018
Nathiel Arnold [My name, misspelled]
[My actual address, redacted to protect my privacy]
[Bar Code]
The Other Side:
Dear Nathiel,
You are an official prizewinner in our NEW MERCEDES, BMW, PORSCHE, or $40,000 CASH promotion. We have been unable to contact you, therefore, in compliance with the program regulations, this notice is being forwarded to your attention.
We are holding your choice of a luxury 4-day Royal Caribbean Cruise for two with meals and entertainment included, value $1,398 or pre-paid round trip airfare and two nights accommodations for two to your choice of Las Vegas/Orlando, value $1,250, plus one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ M-Class, BMW X5, PORSCHE Cayenne or $40,000 CASH, a $1,500 Shopping Spree, Exotic Island Adventure, $806 value or $500 Cash. To avoid forfeiting your status as a recipient, please call toll free at 1-888-XXX-XXXX WITHIN 72 HOURS and arrange for a time for you and your spouse to visit and claim your prizes. There is no obligation to purchase anything. You are guaranteed to receive your prize and gift immediate, in accordance with the requirements of your claim confirmation letter.
Sincerely,
[Signed Name]
[Printed Name]
Awards Director
P.S. Please ask to speak to one of my assistants, Sandra or Kim. They are available M-F, 9:00am until 8:00pm and Sat. 9:00am until 6:00pm Central Time
[END Contents of Card]
My primary goal is to make the people behind this scam wish they had chosen a different line of work without resorting to harrassment or other illegal means.
I have an inordinate amount of spare time, strong writing skills, and a well-developed sense of vengeance to devote to this task... but very little accessible money, so siccing lawyers at 'em isn't a viable option.
[BEGIN Contents of Card]
Return Address:
AWARDS VERIFICATION CENTER
2400 W. PIONEER PKWY, SUITE 210
ARLINGTON, TX 76013
Stamp Area:
PRESORTED
FIRST CLASS
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
PERMIT NO. 1520
ARLINGTON, TX
My Address Area:
ARL-TP3 137970979 - 0052
06272006
P1IGMA5H01
************AUTO** 3 - DIGIT 018
Nathiel Arnold [My name, misspelled]
[My actual address, redacted to protect my privacy]
[Bar Code]
The Other Side:
Dear Nathiel,
You are an official prizewinner in our NEW MERCEDES, BMW, PORSCHE, or $40,000 CASH promotion. We have been unable to contact you, therefore, in compliance with the program regulations, this notice is being forwarded to your attention.
We are holding your choice of a luxury 4-day Royal Caribbean Cruise for two with meals and entertainment included, value $1,398 or pre-paid round trip airfare and two nights accommodations for two to your choice of Las Vegas/Orlando, value $1,250, plus one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ M-Class, BMW X5, PORSCHE Cayenne or $40,000 CASH, a $1,500 Shopping Spree, Exotic Island Adventure, $806 value or $500 Cash. To avoid forfeiting your status as a recipient, please call toll free at 1-888-XXX-XXXX WITHIN 72 HOURS and arrange for a time for you and your spouse to visit and claim your prizes. There is no obligation to purchase anything. You are guaranteed to receive your prize and gift immediate, in accordance with the requirements of your claim confirmation letter.
Sincerely,
[Signed Name]
[Printed Name]
Awards Director
P.S. Please ask to speak to one of my assistants, Sandra or Kim. They are available M-F, 9:00am until 8:00pm and Sat. 9:00am until 6:00pm Central Time
[END Contents of Card]
My primary goal is to make the people behind this scam wish they had chosen a different line of work without resorting to harrassment or other illegal means.
I have an inordinate amount of spare time, strong writing skills, and a well-developed sense of vengeance to devote to this task... but very little accessible money, so siccing lawyers at 'em isn't a viable option.
I've found that it isn't worth the time. They've dealt with people that want to "get even" in the past, they know how to respond. You won't bother them, you won't annoy them, you won't scare them.
Go have a glass of wine and watch a good movie...and forget about the idiots.
posted by HuronBob at 10:06 AM on June 29, 2006
Go have a glass of wine and watch a good movie...and forget about the idiots.
posted by HuronBob at 10:06 AM on June 29, 2006
The only "legal" thing that will actually result in a net benefit to you is to take the free vacation to their Lose-Money-Fast seminar, and bring a walkman to the seminar. It means they've spent $XX(maybe one more X) on you with zero returns. You may even leave with some crap prize, like a pen with their name on it.
But if you consider it a discount vacation, and you're getting paid less than the amount the vacations cost divided by the hours you spend in their idiot seminar, it could be to your advantage.
I know others who have done the same -- generally if you just go and let them know you have no interest in buying anything after the seminar (because they'll probably want to chat you up privately in an office) and that you're just using them for the vacation, they'll leave you alone. If enough people did this, they'd stop wasting their money.
Anything else is very likely to be absolutely futile.
Some notes on the letter, from the standpoint of what they really mean (of course you know this, but this is for the less used to bullshit):
"NEW MERCEDES, BMW, PORSCHE, or $40,000 CASH" = The same thing as "POWERBALL". It's just a name.
"We are holding your choice of a luxury 4-day Royal Caribbean Cruise for two with meals and entertainment included, value $1,398 or pre-paid round trip airfare and two nights accommodations for two to your choice of Las Vegas/Orlando, value $1,250," = "I'm holding your choice of a cellphone or a banana. Which I'm holding is up to you. Which you get is neither. I plan to eat the banana, or make a call. You decide!"
"plus one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ M-Class, BMW X5, PORSCHE Cayenne or $40,000 CASH, a $1,500 Shopping Spree, Exotic Island Adventure, $806 value or $500 Cash." = You get the $806 value Exotic Island Adventure, most likely at the nearest motel with the word "Island" in the name, which consists of driving through their oddly shaped parking lot and sleeping in their fleabag beds for a night! Oh, yeah, don't forget they paid $86 for your $806 value Adventure!
So, what does all that crap mean? It means that if they get someone suckered enough they'll probably give them the top-end prizes they list, since they'll be getting way more than that much money from them. But it also means THEY AREN'T LYING. Which is the first step to proving they're breaking the law. So all you're left with is to check for any way what they are doing is illegal (lottery law violations, advertising violations, business type violations, etc). And, I would guess in Texas none of that is illegal.
But, have fun if you decide to do something else. Let us know the results, please!
posted by shepd at 10:24 AM on June 29, 2006
But if you consider it a discount vacation, and you're getting paid less than the amount the vacations cost divided by the hours you spend in their idiot seminar, it could be to your advantage.
I know others who have done the same -- generally if you just go and let them know you have no interest in buying anything after the seminar (because they'll probably want to chat you up privately in an office) and that you're just using them for the vacation, they'll leave you alone. If enough people did this, they'd stop wasting their money.
Anything else is very likely to be absolutely futile.
Some notes on the letter, from the standpoint of what they really mean (of course you know this, but this is for the less used to bullshit):
"NEW MERCEDES, BMW, PORSCHE, or $40,000 CASH" = The same thing as "POWERBALL". It's just a name.
"We are holding your choice of a luxury 4-day Royal Caribbean Cruise for two with meals and entertainment included, value $1,398 or pre-paid round trip airfare and two nights accommodations for two to your choice of Las Vegas/Orlando, value $1,250," = "I'm holding your choice of a cellphone or a banana. Which I'm holding is up to you. Which you get is neither. I plan to eat the banana, or make a call. You decide!"
"plus one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ M-Class, BMW X5, PORSCHE Cayenne or $40,000 CASH, a $1,500 Shopping Spree, Exotic Island Adventure, $806 value or $500 Cash." = You get the $806 value Exotic Island Adventure, most likely at the nearest motel with the word "Island" in the name, which consists of driving through their oddly shaped parking lot and sleeping in their fleabag beds for a night! Oh, yeah, don't forget they paid $86 for your $806 value Adventure!
So, what does all that crap mean? It means that if they get someone suckered enough they'll probably give them the top-end prizes they list, since they'll be getting way more than that much money from them. But it also means THEY AREN'T LYING. Which is the first step to proving they're breaking the law. So all you're left with is to check for any way what they are doing is illegal (lottery law violations, advertising violations, business type violations, etc). And, I would guess in Texas none of that is illegal.
But, have fun if you decide to do something else. Let us know the results, please!
posted by shepd at 10:24 AM on June 29, 2006
These are very, very common; a good chunk of the time share industry seems to run on this principle. So common, in fact, that I'd bet that anything you throw at them, they've seen a hundred times before.
Anyone in that line of work either already wishes they'd chosen a different line of work, or is so morally debased that they won't ever care.
posted by ook at 10:26 AM on June 29, 2006
Anyone in that line of work either already wishes they'd chosen a different line of work, or is so morally debased that they won't ever care.
posted by ook at 10:26 AM on June 29, 2006
Yeah, I'm not sure this is technically a "scam". This is just time-share static. Once they find out you have "very little accessible money", I doubt they'll be interested any more.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2006
posted by mr_roboto at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2006
Go to the 'free' island adventure/sale pitch and rather being sold, try and sell them Amway or Tupperware or something.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:30 PM on June 29, 2006
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:30 PM on June 29, 2006
Go to the seminar and then behave in such a manner as to cause them to be compelled to have you forcibly removed. You should be able to do so without breaking any laws.
posted by nanojath at 1:24 PM on June 29, 2006
posted by nanojath at 1:24 PM on June 29, 2006
The most effective thing within easy reach is to fold this postcard up into a snail mail letter to one of your Senators saying something like: 'I have older relatives who might actually fall for crap like this, lose a lot of their money, wreck their lives and compromise mine. It is your job to protect them and me. If you ever expect another vote from me, get busy.'
posted by jamjam at 1:34 PM on June 29, 2006
posted by jamjam at 1:34 PM on June 29, 2006
Go to the seminar and then behave in such a manner as to cause them to be compelled to have you forcibly removed.
Pirates often have Exotic Island Adventures . . .
posted by marxfriedrice at 4:40 PM on June 29, 2006
Pirates often have Exotic Island Adventures . . .
posted by marxfriedrice at 4:40 PM on June 29, 2006
jamjam,
just what we need more government in our lives.
Thanks :P
posted by CCK at 5:26 PM on June 30, 2006
just what we need more government in our lives.
Thanks :P
posted by CCK at 5:26 PM on June 30, 2006
Pirates often have Exotic Island Adventures . . .
Full pirate regalia at the time share seminar. Oh, man. I want a follow up on this one. With pictures. Hey, this could be the illustrated blog post that sweeps the internet and earns you HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS in AdSense revenue.
posted by nanojath at 11:05 PM on July 1, 2006
Full pirate regalia at the time share seminar. Oh, man. I want a follow up on this one. With pictures. Hey, this could be the illustrated blog post that sweeps the internet and earns you HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS in AdSense revenue.
posted by nanojath at 11:05 PM on July 1, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
First google result is: dallas BBB, and it's clear from the description that they give sales presentations and in return you actually do get a prize, but it's usually a crappy prize.
I don't think you'll be able to do much, unless you want to lodge a complaint against them in which case you'd have to attend one of their crappy presentations and then be disappointed in the prize and then file a complaint about it.
posted by twiggy at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2006