What should I name my bike?
June 16, 2006 9:07 AM   Subscribe

Forget about urban modeling applications, your son, your new screen name, your store, your new puppy, your funny stage name, your different boy, your domain, your band, your blog and all others - what should I name my new bike

Ok, for 3 years, I've been riding a 'bike'. Now I have bought my dream bike. Its big (61 cm), stiff, and made of a combination of Ultegra and Dura-Ace sprinkled on top of some carbon yumminess. Now help me name it. Before, my wife referred to my 2 bikes (road+mtn) as my bitch and my ho. Now I'd like something a little more clever. Did I mention it's stiff?

Of course I mean no respect to the OP's of the linked questions-just trying to be different.
posted by neilkod to Grab Bag (48 answers total)
posted by anthill at 9:10 AM on June 16, 2006

I named my last bike after the most beautiful road I'd ridden on it. Bodega Bay Drive, thus Bodega the Bike. Maybe you could ride it a bit, then decide.
posted by anthill at 9:11 AM on June 16, 2006

I think you should call it the Death Star.
posted by craniac at 9:17 AM on June 16, 2006

or Vader.




Gary Powers

posted by craniac at 9:19 AM on June 16, 2006

posted by grabbingsand at 9:20 AM on June 16, 2006

Neil Koder's Fantasterous, Spledifferic Bicyclomatic Funenstration and Travelating Device!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:21 AM on June 16, 2006

I called the mid-80's Raleigh I rode to work in DC traffic

"The Horseless Horse"

feel free to apporpriate.
posted by mzurer at 9:29 AM on June 16, 2006

posted by kcm at 9:31 AM on June 16, 2006

nice freakin' bike, though - although the Gerolsteiner paint jorbs are sexy, though.. too bad. :)
posted by kcm at 9:33 AM on June 16, 2006

It's kinda hard to say without a picutre of your bike.

If anyone wants to suggest names for my bikes (1, 2) i'm open to suggestions :)
posted by atom128 at 9:33 AM on June 16, 2006

Go the thesaurus route and call it Pompous McRigidPants? I believe you mentioned it's stiff. There's all kinds of synonyms and such.

Or refer to it as your "mechanical pal that's fun to ride". Don't explain it's a bike.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 9:35 AM on June 16, 2006

oh i missed the picture in the original post, I'm dumb. My friend always calles aluminum frames beercan bikes. heh.
posted by atom128 at 9:35 AM on June 16, 2006

kcm, i actually wanted the expert in Gerolsteiner blue but they had ZERO 61's left in the entire US - No Gerolsteiner or the natural carbon color. So LBS gave me the Pro for the same cost. Can't complain!!
posted by neilkod at 9:36 AM on June 16, 2006

kcm you just gained some cred...and to think i nearly flagged your previously post!
posted by neilkod at 9:37 AM on June 16, 2006

Holy mother of God atom128 I'm totally feeling the Red 3Rensho. In fact, I think you should name it "Holy mother of God"
posted by neilkod at 9:38 AM on June 16, 2006

Spokey is a great name. Was it intended as a pun on Pokey?
posted by ducksauce at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2006

I named my vintage Raleigh Mr. Bikey. Perhaps Mr. Stiff? It's a conversation starter...
posted by kalimac at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2006

The first rule for this sort of thing is simple: the name must have four words, and the first word must be 'the'. That's the rule. Informally, the name can be shortened to 'the' + the last word (or derivation thereof).

For example:

My bike is called the The Big Kahuna Burger. Actually, that's an '06, and mine is an '05, but it'll do for illustrative purposes. Shortens to 'The Burger'.

My car, an orange 1970 Volkswagen Bug, is called Doyle Das Wunderbug. 'Doyle' because of the first letters of the registration plate. 'Das Bug', for short, but 'Bug' has to be pronounced 'Boog', as it's a play off 'Das Boot', which was also German.

The eagle-eyed may be saying to themselves, "But that second one doesn't start with 'the', and is only three words." Well, they're right and they're wrong. It's the Teutonification of 'The Wonder Bug Doyle'. In cases such as these, the rule is flexible; that's what makes it so great.

So, now we've covered the basics, on to the naming of your bike. Sadly, I cannot help you, for the second rule is that only you can name your bike. Search your heart, neilkod, you know this to be true.
posted by veedubya at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2006

Cyprian. More for the noun definition than the adjective. Sweet bike, by the way. Makes my Trek roadie look like one of those bikes you can buy at K-Mart.
posted by jtfowl0 at 9:42 AM on June 16, 2006

hahah nielkod - duly noted. :)
posted by atom128 at 9:49 AM on June 16, 2006

Y'know, there's something about those curvy tubes that reminds me of a Spacelander. So call it that.
posted by adamrice at 9:49 AM on June 16, 2006

Wow. Nice bike.

I'd call it the Mahalo Acquisition Vehicle.
Nickname: "MAV".
posted by 27 at 9:58 AM on June 16, 2006

posted by clh at 10:00 AM on June 16, 2006

My former housemate, head of the my college's mountain biking team, called his bike "Mister Bike." He loved that bike. It went everywhere with him, even places he didn't necessarily need a bike.

That said, I think I agree with Veedubya's response. In my opinion, however, "the" is strictly optional.
posted by Alterscape at 10:02 AM on June 16, 2006

I've got a bike,
You can ride it if you like...
I don't know why
I call him Gerald.
posted by grateful at 10:13 AM on June 16, 2006

27, MAV has a different meaning here in Utah.
posted by neilkod at 10:15 AM on June 16, 2006

rickshaw jane.
posted by marxfriedrice at 10:28 AM on June 16, 2006

My bike's name is Bucephalas. You can't have that one.
posted by ND¢ at 10:28 AM on June 16, 2006

Don't know anything about bikes, but I love the way it looks. Something about the retro-ness, makes it look like "Skippy" to me.
posted by marsha56 at 10:41 AM on June 16, 2006

The Hussy or The Harlot (or more obscurely: Rahab)-- in keeping with "ho" and "bitch"
Five-One (61")
The Utah Scooter or the Ute Scoot
Mr. Miyagi
The Sixty-One
Salt City Cyclone
The Bounty
posted by MasonDixon at 10:44 AM on June 16, 2006

Another vote for Gerald.
posted by moift at 11:07 AM on June 16, 2006

Don't overanalyze. Looks like a Mike to me.
posted by chocolatepeanutbuttercup at 11:11 AM on June 16, 2006

Russ at LBS (Shout out to Bountiful Bicycle) - (Can I do that? ) suggested slut because of the nasty, dirty connotation, and that keeps with the bitch & ho theme. I like the nastiness of slut but it's just not as clever as some of the names here. So far I'm really liking Death Star, Deseret, Pompous McRigid, and Gen. Grievous, which was suggested by a coworker. I love the responses, keep 'em coming.
posted by neilkod at 11:18 AM on June 16, 2006

neilkod: 27, MAV has a different meaning here in Utah.

Ha! You learn something new every day...

OK - so that might not be the best name/acronym. Substitute "Machine" for "Vehicle" and call her "MAM".
posted by 27 at 11:21 AM on June 16, 2006

MasonDixon: "Five-One (61")"

More like "Two Point Oh Oh One Three" (61cm). :)
posted by kcm at 11:27 AM on June 16, 2006

In honor of Lance Armstrong: One-nut.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:43 AM on June 16, 2006

i'm starting to like Miyagi
posted by neilkod at 11:46 AM on June 16, 2006

My black/yellow LeMond ('05 Buenos Aires if anyone is keeping track) is called Charlie Brown because of its color scheme. My wife's orange Specialized is called Pumpkin.
posted by JMOZ at 12:06 PM on June 16, 2006

More like "Two Point Oh Oh One Three" (61cm). :)

posted by MasonDixon at 12:06 PM on June 16, 2006

When I was twelve I named my bike "Bobby McGee," so when someone asked with whom I went when I went somewhere, I could say "it was just me and Bobby McGee."

You can have that one if you want. I thought it was hilarious. But hey, I was twelve.
posted by penchant at 12:08 PM on June 16, 2006

Stiff, hm?
Would NeilCod or NeilsKod go too far, or not far enough?
posted by jamjam at 12:58 PM on June 16, 2006


nice fuckin' bike!
posted by COBRA! at 1:03 PM on June 16, 2006

Or, perhaps: Onandon or, more explicitly, Onan'on.
posted by jamjam at 1:15 PM on June 16, 2006

Mr. Wiggles or The Howlin' Buddha.
posted by dobbs at 1:42 PM on June 16, 2006

If I had a bike with that color scheme, I'd call it Tommy Tutone.

Gerald is a nice name for a bike, but the bike in the Syd Barrett song cited above doesn't have a name. It's a mouse that's named Gerald. Don't let that stop you, though.
posted by ROTFL at 7:00 PM on June 16, 2006

(Sean Connery accent) "The name is Milligan — Shpoke Milligan."
posted by rob511 at 8:11 PM on June 16, 2006

I'll call this one Bikey
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:23 PM on June 16, 2006

I'm for "Chauncey".

my first boyfriend in high school gave that name to the 'rat' on his chest... It has resonated in my memory since, as the.awesomist.name.for.all-that-is-inanimate
posted by sunshinesky at 6:16 PM on July 3, 2006

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