ACME Medical: Saving the world one IV pole at a time!
June 8, 2006 6:14 AM   Subscribe

After helping me name a surgical table (inspiring pee-your-pants laughter) I now need your help with a slogan. Comedy welcome, serious replies equally appreciated.

Our company manufactures and distributes medical equipment. Surgical tables, anesthesia machines, ventilators, monitors, etc. We specialize in high-tech OR/procedure equipment, as opposed to standard MD office stuff.

Current slogans include:
"Operating within your budget."
"Where price meets quality in new and used medical equipment."

Requirements: short and sweet, intended for use on tradeshow booth signage.
posted by cior to Writing & Language (31 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Now I've gotta know, what did you end up naming the table??
posted by necessitas at 6:28 AM on June 8, 2006

Oh, totally boring: Lucerne. Owners stepped in at the last minute, quashing all the truly great ideas. Hopefully that won't happen with the slogan, as it seems to be up to my department to come up with it, design it and so forth.
posted by cior at 6:38 AM on June 8, 2006

Company Name: Our Patients Die Less

Probably not helpful, huh?

Company Name: Where Art and Science Meet
Company Name: For Every Procedure
Company Name: Providing the Anatomy for your Practice
posted by headspace at 6:48 AM on June 8, 2006

Company Name: Our Patients Die Less

Coffee. On. Keyboard.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:53 AM on June 8, 2006

Company Name: Trust your patients on us
Company Name: Supporting you and your patients
Company Name: Explore a better choice
posted by plinth at 6:54 AM on June 8, 2006

Perform a Dollarectomy with ACME Medical.
ACME Medical: for the smoother operator.
You won’t lose your patience with ACME Medical.
ACME Medical: the backbone of your operation.
posted by misteraitch at 6:57 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME: Doctor, My Eyes... can't believe these prices
ACME: High tech stuff for low tech dough
ACME: Putting U and I in eqUIpment.

Eh, these suck.
posted by unixrat at 7:09 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: Everything but the leeches
posted by mikepop at 7:17 AM on June 8, 2006

unixrat: not exactly sucky, we're still laughing!
posted by cior at 7:17 AM on June 8, 2006

When you're strapped to the table, make sure it's a NAME.

NAME: Giving Doctors the Tools they Need Since DATE.

When you're creating your army of cyborg monkey soldiers, you have two choices: Going it alone with equipment of your own design forged together from junkyard scraps or NAME. Choose Quality. Choose NAME.

"NAME is the best I've ever seen!" -Hippocrates

NAME: Grafting Quality to Value Since DATE.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:18 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: For the way you operate
posted by mikepop at 7:20 AM on June 8, 2006

or, probably better: Equipment for the way you operate
posted by mikepop at 7:21 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: Patients on our tables don't wind up on slabs. [riffing on headspace's excellent suggestion]

ACME Medical: You remember that "Operation" game from when you were a kid, where the guy has a red lightbulb for a nose? Yeah? Well, if you could play that game with our equipment you would, like, totally ACE it!

ACME Medical: We cut out the fat so you can too.
posted by adamrice at 7:39 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: Don't buy us if you want to blame your equipment for your shortcomings as a surgeon


You can't blame your tools when you use ACME Medical.

(best superimposed over a photo of a grim-looking doctor, explaining to some parents that little Timmy isn't going to be just fine after all. the doctor should be wearing/holding something in such a way that (to other doctors) he is obvsiously incompetent. or for something less dark, superimposed over a doctor using some equipment in some obvsiously wrong way, while another doctor in the background rolls his eyes at his cluelessness)
posted by mikepop at 7:52 AM on June 8, 2006

"The furniture you don't mind getting bodily fluids on"

"So comfortable you won't mind being left awake during surgery"

"Replacing your organ function one step at a time"
posted by arruns at 7:53 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: making your job easier *

[pic of pizza delivery guy operating on someone]

* not that easy
posted by mikepop at 7:56 AM on June 8, 2006

posted by cior at 8:05 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: Because there are more important things to worry about than your equipment

[over a picture of a guy playing golf]
posted by mikepop at 8:12 AM on June 8, 2006

Four Out of Five Recovering Heart Patients Say 'if we had to do it all over again, we would get operated on by ACME Medical - their equipment was really shiny!'

(might be too long to use as a slogan...)
posted by iconomy at 8:14 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME: You're dying to meet us!
posted by popcassady at 8:54 AM on June 8, 2006

Is this a slogan for the table or for the company?
posted by Caviar at 9:50 AM on June 8, 2006

Choose ACME! It's not like it's brain surgery. Well, it is. Brain surgery. Technically. But you know what we mean!
posted by GIRLesq at 9:56 AM on June 8, 2006

Hey cior, drop me an email--I'm a graphic designer/art director and I'd love to help you with your marketing and tradeshow materials. I'm matt at fandango dot net.
posted by fandango_matt at 10:09 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME Medical: Because there are more important things to worry about than your equipment

[over a picture of a guy having sex]

with appologies to mikepop
posted by gmarceau at 10:23 AM on June 8, 2006

Think outside the bun.
Free breadsticks with the purchase of an MRI.
A Prosthetic is Forever.
posted by horsewithnoname at 10:23 AM on June 8, 2006

Hrm.. gmarceau: you have me thinking, a fetish nurse angle might work quite nice in this application.

/me nods to mikepop, who summed up our corporate culture quite nicely. Still, it'll never fly.
posted by cior at 10:34 AM on June 8, 2006

That's why I put in at least one serious one up there somewhere. They are just not as fun. I guess it shows that I've spent some time working in hospitals/medical settings.

ACME Medical: You cut patients. We cut prices.
posted by mikepop at 10:53 AM on June 8, 2006

ACME: Your flatline is our bottom line.
ACME: Flesh and cut bait
ACME: Follow the light.
ACME: Bloody right we're the best.
Acme: A stitch in time saves thine
The Big Nurse says: Buy Acme!
ACME: We put the urgeon in surgeon
ACME: We put the quip in equipment
ACME: What every body wants.
ACME: You can take it with you.
The world is dying for ACME.
ACME: Because your surgeon needs all the help she can get.
ACME: put your feet in our stirrups
ACME: Follow the bleeders
posted by Rumple at 11:13 AM on June 8, 2006

We erect 'em, you dissect 'em.
posted by transient at 12:47 PM on June 8, 2006

ACME: For when you're feeling stabby
ACME: You might want to warm that up first
ACME: Four hundred thousand amputees give us two stumps up
ACME: Guaranteed not to absorb damning evidence
ACME: Unless you're a Christian Scientist, Of Course
ACME: You'll Feel a Little Prick...If You Buy from Our Competitors
ACME: The Goggles, They Do Something
ACME: Phillip K. Dick Predicted Our Product Line
ACME: Be Doctor Gallant, Not Doctor Goofus
ACME: Better Than the Plastic Shit You Normally Use
ACME: Catheters Make Great Spitball Shooters
ACME: It Is Safe
ACME: Shiny Stuff to Cut Up Sick Fuckers
posted by middleclasstool at 1:56 PM on June 8, 2006 [1 favorite]

ACME: It Rubs the Lotion On Its Skin
ACME: We Dont Make Misteaks
ACME: Preferred by Wes Craven For 20 Years
ACME: "Licensed" For, Like, At Least a Week
ACME: We Kill More Bunnies Before Nine AM Than Ann Coulter Kills All Day
ACME: That's Not a Toy, Put That Down
ACME: Ooh, Shiny!
ACME: Expensive Stuff, Some of Which Makes a Splorpy Noise When You Use It
posted by middleclasstool at 2:42 PM on June 8, 2006

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