Tips to combat "Sunday Scaries" (but not just on Sundays)?
February 4, 2025 12:08 PM Subscribe
Every time I sit down at my desk to do work, I get the feeling of "Sunday Scaries" -- that low-grade anxiety the night before going to school/work on Monday morning, except this is every day. Do you have any thing that worked for you?
I've been using impromptu strategies (play a game of solitaire, surf the web) that only temporarily distract me from the anxiety, but also put me more behind on my work. And then I get anxious about how far I am behind in work. It's a terrible cycle.
Has anything worked for you? Note: a medication solution isn't really feasible for me.
I've been using impromptu strategies (play a game of solitaire, surf the web) that only temporarily distract me from the anxiety, but also put me more behind on my work. And then I get anxious about how far I am behind in work. It's a terrible cycle.
Has anything worked for you? Note: a medication solution isn't really feasible for me.
I like to send gifs to my friendly coworkers of people pitching themselves off a bridge, or that one where Elmo is on fire.
posted by phunniemee at 12:20 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
posted by phunniemee at 12:20 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
Lie to yourself: ok self, we just have to work for 5 minutes. Set a timer. See how you feel after 5 minutes. Keep going.
Therapy has really helped me with that low level anxiety - instead of ignoring the anxiety (which is trying to tell you something to try and keep you safe) be curious about why you're anxious and help your "leader brain" get back in control..
posted by freethefeet at 12:26 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
Therapy has really helped me with that low level anxiety - instead of ignoring the anxiety (which is trying to tell you something to try and keep you safe) be curious about why you're anxious and help your "leader brain" get back in control..
posted by freethefeet at 12:26 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
I have this problem and don't have a general solution yet. Some things that help sometimes:
- music I can listen to while I work that puts me in a good headspace
- thinking about how it's okay that I'm behind, I've been behind before, the world didn't end, I will be behind again, and the amount of behind I am right now will not decrease by me stressing about it so not feeling guilt or fear about it, and just making slow and steady progress, is the right thing to do
- thinking about how I know how to do this work and have done it many times
- thinking about how I have been through this anxiety cycle many times. About how every time my brain really wants me to sell me on the idea that this is some new! horrible! situation that I have to commit myself fully to dreading, but how at this point I've heard all my brain's sales pitches, they're not new and exciting any more, the situations aren't new any more, and I don't actually need to listen to the salesman and get worked up about them.
- regularly doing stuff to get my body to exit tense mode at least temporarily, like deep breathing, electric massagers (or real massages, if you can afford them), etc. Exercise and things like cold showers as described above, or the thing where you wash your face with really cold water, might also help.
Sometimes, if the anxiety is making my brain not be able to actually do the thinking needed to get the work done, it turns out there are some ancillary rote parts of the job that can be done even in that kind of incapacitated zombie mode, and sometimes doing those helps make me feel like I've taken a chunk out of the project and what's left is more manageable.
posted by trig at 12:54 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]
- music I can listen to while I work that puts me in a good headspace
- thinking about how it's okay that I'm behind, I've been behind before, the world didn't end, I will be behind again, and the amount of behind I am right now will not decrease by me stressing about it so not feeling guilt or fear about it, and just making slow and steady progress, is the right thing to do
- thinking about how I know how to do this work and have done it many times
- thinking about how I have been through this anxiety cycle many times. About how every time my brain really wants me to sell me on the idea that this is some new! horrible! situation that I have to commit myself fully to dreading, but how at this point I've heard all my brain's sales pitches, they're not new and exciting any more, the situations aren't new any more, and I don't actually need to listen to the salesman and get worked up about them.
- regularly doing stuff to get my body to exit tense mode at least temporarily, like deep breathing, electric massagers (or real massages, if you can afford them), etc. Exercise and things like cold showers as described above, or the thing where you wash your face with really cold water, might also help.
Sometimes, if the anxiety is making my brain not be able to actually do the thinking needed to get the work done, it turns out there are some ancillary rote parts of the job that can be done even in that kind of incapacitated zombie mode, and sometimes doing those helps make me feel like I've taken a chunk out of the project and what's left is more manageable.
posted by trig at 12:54 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]
Lean into it. The anxiety is trying to get you to avoid the feeling, how's that working out for you? No need to answer since I suffer like you do and I know the answer... not great! Here's a technique from renowned psychologist Albert Ellis as I practice it sometimes.
Do not avoid the feeling. Go deeper. Here's an exercise example, all of this is in my head.
1. I feel anxiety because I have an interview tomorrow.
2. I ask myself: What's the worst thing that can happen?
3. I could forget the appointment. No... we can do worse than that.
4. I could do well but not get the job, etc.
5. I could do badly and somehow get blacklisted from the industry.
6. I could never get a job and lose my house, my wife, etc. etc.
Finally, we may get to something like: The world could straight up end.
Now... you may be wondering why would we do that. Isn't that going to just ramp out anxiety up? No, it actually doesn't, because the anxiety isn't RATIONAL or based on what has happened, it's a guess and tends to ramp up and up inside our heads. By countering it with an ever increasing source of worries, no matter how outlandish and unlikely, we put the initial anxiety in perspective.
The second thing to do is just stop the spiral. I know things that break it up for me, I have to get out of my head. I go for a walk, I do sound meditation (where I sit, eyes closed and listen intently to whatever happens to be around me), I read. Those all let me stop ruminating nonstop in an ever faster spiral of doom.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:54 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]
Do not avoid the feeling. Go deeper. Here's an exercise example, all of this is in my head.
1. I feel anxiety because I have an interview tomorrow.
2. I ask myself: What's the worst thing that can happen?
3. I could forget the appointment. No... we can do worse than that.
4. I could do well but not get the job, etc.
5. I could do badly and somehow get blacklisted from the industry.
6. I could never get a job and lose my house, my wife, etc. etc.
Finally, we may get to something like: The world could straight up end.
Now... you may be wondering why would we do that. Isn't that going to just ramp out anxiety up? No, it actually doesn't, because the anxiety isn't RATIONAL or based on what has happened, it's a guess and tends to ramp up and up inside our heads. By countering it with an ever increasing source of worries, no matter how outlandish and unlikely, we put the initial anxiety in perspective.
The second thing to do is just stop the spiral. I know things that break it up for me, I have to get out of my head. I go for a walk, I do sound meditation (where I sit, eyes closed and listen intently to whatever happens to be around me), I read. Those all let me stop ruminating nonstop in an ever faster spiral of doom.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:54 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]
I deal with this, the anxiety makes my brain almost bounce off of any work issue that is too boring, too hard, too ambiguous, whatever my brain does not like that day. Imagine trying to point the wrong ends of two very strong magnets at each other, they push each other away. That is my brain and the task. Then I get SUPER anxious about being behind about not being "productive enough". The anxiety only empowers the magnet force that makes it harder to work.
Things that help me when I practice them:
* Warm up tasks! I review my calendar for the entire week, and pick a handful of "just right" warm up tasks to get me in the working groove. No magic for selecting the tasks, they are just the ones my brain can easily do at that moment. They might not be the most urgent ones, but that's okay. This method makes me more likely to deal with the more urgent ones rather than procrastinate them further. Make a list of the warm-up tasks, cross them off as you go.
* Now you've done your warm up tasks and guess what, you can stop beating yourself up for being behind at work. Look at all the work you've already done! You are productive. You may now be in a groove. You may have a reward (see "snacks" below). From here, you may find it easier to tackle a task your brain would rather not do, i.e. a task that triggers anxiety for whatever reason.
* A minute or two of simple box breathing as needed is very helpful for the anxiety. Whether or not this is "meditation" is up to you. To me they are different. I can't really "meditate" during work, but I can do this.
* I satisfy the overlord (dopamine) with snacks. I have a lineup of reasonably-healthy snacks that I eat every few tasks. It just got easy to say "Oh, get this done already then you can have a snack."
* I have tried, like, pomodoro timers but they don't work for me. My brain knows who is in charge, and if it wants to ignore the timer and keep playing Solitaire, then it will. The timer has no power here. The snacks have power because the snack = dopamine. Just doing what the timer says? No dopamine. (Maybe this is not a scientifically accurate representation of the function of dopamine, but it's my framework.)
* I mentioned, above, that you might be in a groove after doing warm up tasks. Think of the concept of flow. Try, if you can, to develop some mindful awareness of when you are in or even near that state. The article talks about enjoyment of the task, for this purpose, you don't have to enjoy it, you just have to be okay with it. You're in a zone. When you find yourself kind of in a zone, try to take advantage of that and grab the task you are most heavily avoiding and do even some of it.
* Last but not least, physical comfort. Do something for your physical comfort, because even if you can't help your mind in that moment, you can help your body. I will try to stimulate various senses. Incense (I work from home so this is okay), a heating pad on my shoulders, a cat purring on my lap, calming music or a just-interesting-enough podcast. I find this helps me get in the zone.
My tricks might not work for you, but for me, they get me out of the avoidance-anxiety cycle that haunts my work life and frankly my personal life too. I have to stay vigilant though. But, of this work-avoidance-anxiety cycle, in my personal opinion, "the only way out is through."
posted by fennario at 12:55 PM on February 4 [13 favorites]
Things that help me when I practice them:
* Warm up tasks! I review my calendar for the entire week, and pick a handful of "just right" warm up tasks to get me in the working groove. No magic for selecting the tasks, they are just the ones my brain can easily do at that moment. They might not be the most urgent ones, but that's okay. This method makes me more likely to deal with the more urgent ones rather than procrastinate them further. Make a list of the warm-up tasks, cross them off as you go.
* Now you've done your warm up tasks and guess what, you can stop beating yourself up for being behind at work. Look at all the work you've already done! You are productive. You may now be in a groove. You may have a reward (see "snacks" below). From here, you may find it easier to tackle a task your brain would rather not do, i.e. a task that triggers anxiety for whatever reason.
* A minute or two of simple box breathing as needed is very helpful for the anxiety. Whether or not this is "meditation" is up to you. To me they are different. I can't really "meditate" during work, but I can do this.
* I satisfy the overlord (dopamine) with snacks. I have a lineup of reasonably-healthy snacks that I eat every few tasks. It just got easy to say "Oh, get this done already then you can have a snack."
* I have tried, like, pomodoro timers but they don't work for me. My brain knows who is in charge, and if it wants to ignore the timer and keep playing Solitaire, then it will. The timer has no power here. The snacks have power because the snack = dopamine. Just doing what the timer says? No dopamine. (Maybe this is not a scientifically accurate representation of the function of dopamine, but it's my framework.)
* I mentioned, above, that you might be in a groove after doing warm up tasks. Think of the concept of flow. Try, if you can, to develop some mindful awareness of when you are in or even near that state. The article talks about enjoyment of the task, for this purpose, you don't have to enjoy it, you just have to be okay with it. You're in a zone. When you find yourself kind of in a zone, try to take advantage of that and grab the task you are most heavily avoiding and do even some of it.
* Last but not least, physical comfort. Do something for your physical comfort, because even if you can't help your mind in that moment, you can help your body. I will try to stimulate various senses. Incense (I work from home so this is okay), a heating pad on my shoulders, a cat purring on my lap, calming music or a just-interesting-enough podcast. I find this helps me get in the zone.
My tricks might not work for you, but for me, they get me out of the avoidance-anxiety cycle that haunts my work life and frankly my personal life too. I have to stay vigilant though. But, of this work-avoidance-anxiety cycle, in my personal opinion, "the only way out is through."
posted by fennario at 12:55 PM on February 4 [13 favorites]
(I realize your question is not about productivity, and my answer seems like it is mostly productivity. The reason I feel it is relevant is because for me it is anxiety that drives my avoidance of work tasks, and it is anxiety I have to manage to stay on track. These techniques help me overcome the anxiety. It's not that I am trying to be more productive; I am trying to wade through anxiety that's like mud up to my hips so that I can get anything done.)
posted by fennario at 1:00 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]
posted by fennario at 1:00 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]
Oh, one other thing has helped me a lot recently. Again, an example from my life. "I'm going to apply for jobs today." Nope, my brain will do literally anything else. "I am going to apply for 1 job today at 11am." (or preferably, I say to do so immediately if it's during the day) or "I will look at this job board for 15 minutes."
I have to chunk the problem into discrete units. People run into a lot of trouble with "I'm going to study." and it seems so overwhelming instead of "I'm going to read chapter 2 and answer 3 quiz questions." then they are free to do more if they want after... which usually I do! A little bit of momentum goes a long way.
I have ADHD, diagnosed when I was 35 btw, so the avoidance thing is always part of me. I like calling it the "work-avoidance-anxiety cycle" like fennario did.
The book 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals was helpful too. It's not actually about productivity. It's about how there's so much to experience or do and you're never going to be able to do it all. That's life! Like a fun Buddhist takedown of productivity culture.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:01 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]
I have to chunk the problem into discrete units. People run into a lot of trouble with "I'm going to study." and it seems so overwhelming instead of "I'm going to read chapter 2 and answer 3 quiz questions." then they are free to do more if they want after... which usually I do! A little bit of momentum goes a long way.
I have ADHD, diagnosed when I was 35 btw, so the avoidance thing is always part of me. I like calling it the "work-avoidance-anxiety cycle" like fennario did.
The book 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals was helpful too. It's not actually about productivity. It's about how there's so much to experience or do and you're never going to be able to do it all. That's life! Like a fun Buddhist takedown of productivity culture.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:01 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]
Do you think if you switched to a job you liked, that might change your feelings?
posted by saturdaymornings at 1:11 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
posted by saturdaymornings at 1:11 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]
I have found Pomodoro helpful -- set a visual timer for 25 minutes, work those 25 minutes, take a 5-10 min break, rinse and repeat. Once you've done 4 Pomodori, take a 20-30 min break. For me, for this to work, the breaks must be *real* breaks, ideally away from your desk if your work environment allows that option. Also... if I'm really on a roll, sometimes I skip a break or two and take a 15-min break later. Not exactly
Also as tracking what I spend my time on for the day helps me. My work makes me do this for billing purposes (not in a super draconian way, but we def have to do it)... but it still motivates me! I set goals for individual days and for the week in terms of how many hours I'm going to hit for various productive things (training, billable hours, a certain project, whatever).
(full disclosure: I have ADHD. Meds definitely help but I also need Strategies on top of the meds)
posted by cnidaria at 11:58 PM on February 4
Also as tracking what I spend my time on for the day helps me. My work makes me do this for billing purposes (not in a super draconian way, but we def have to do it)... but it still motivates me! I set goals for individual days and for the week in terms of how many hours I'm going to hit for various productive things (training, billable hours, a certain project, whatever).
(full disclosure: I have ADHD. Meds definitely help but I also need Strategies on top of the meds)
posted by cnidaria at 11:58 PM on February 4
My experience:
If you have a little drill seargeant in your head yelling at you to get tf up and DO STUFF - that voice is your friend, it is desperately trying to help you avoid future pain. It's just doing a really bad job of it. Not helping, making the pain-avoidance cycle worse. Give it a mental hug for trying so hard to protect you, and tell it you're trying something else now.
My mantra is "joy in the little things". Because I do, in fact, enjoy parts of my work and that is the only thing that reliably makes me continue working. There is a positive cycle, too, from accomplishment to joy and back. So if I'm caught in a negative loop, where there are too many tasts and I don't know which one to fail at first, I pick one thing off my list that seems doable and enjoyable (or at least not too painful). I do that with the understanding that one little thing done is better than zero things done.
I meditate about why I chose this kind of work and what I used to like doing about it, the things that make me smile. I give myself permission to start small and, whatever else crisis is looming, find joy in the little things again.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:22 AM on February 5
If you have a little drill seargeant in your head yelling at you to get tf up and DO STUFF - that voice is your friend, it is desperately trying to help you avoid future pain. It's just doing a really bad job of it. Not helping, making the pain-avoidance cycle worse. Give it a mental hug for trying so hard to protect you, and tell it you're trying something else now.
My mantra is "joy in the little things". Because I do, in fact, enjoy parts of my work and that is the only thing that reliably makes me continue working. There is a positive cycle, too, from accomplishment to joy and back. So if I'm caught in a negative loop, where there are too many tasts and I don't know which one to fail at first, I pick one thing off my list that seems doable and enjoyable (or at least not too painful). I do that with the understanding that one little thing done is better than zero things done.
I meditate about why I chose this kind of work and what I used to like doing about it, the things that make me smile. I give myself permission to start small and, whatever else crisis is looming, find joy in the little things again.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:22 AM on February 5
When I start to feel this way, I write down all work tasks making me feel particularly anxious, adding to the list when I'm in the middle of working but one floats through my head. It helps to see them written down in scribbly shorthand and realize it's doable. And feels even better to scratch them out as I finish them.
Also, when I feel overwhelmed about one particular task, I open an empty Excel sheet and write a super quick outline of basic steps I need to do so I don't get distracted. Things as simple as "open x's email from last Tuesday"
Another grounding thought is realizing that I'm getting paid for this and to try to approach it objectively and realize it will be over by the end of the day (or week). And to remind myself about something at the end of the day (or week) that I'm looking forward to, which means this moment will have passed.
posted by watrlily at 3:37 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]
Also, when I feel overwhelmed about one particular task, I open an empty Excel sheet and write a super quick outline of basic steps I need to do so I don't get distracted. Things as simple as "open x's email from last Tuesday"
Another grounding thought is realizing that I'm getting paid for this and to try to approach it objectively and realize it will be over by the end of the day (or week). And to remind myself about something at the end of the day (or week) that I'm looking forward to, which means this moment will have passed.
posted by watrlily at 3:37 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]
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For years I’ve made it a practice for a good part of my winter showers to be on cold for several minutes, and before I go in I say “I can do this” and it seems to help with all this other this-things on my lists.
Yes, I know this practice is now associated with wellness/right wing grifters but believe me I both hate their bullshit and have found the cold water trick to work for me.
posted by glaucon at 12:19 PM on February 4 [6 favorites]