emotional writing that isn't cliched
January 9, 2025 2:55 AM Subscribe
I'm writing a novel. It centres love and found family, so is about emotional and sentimental subject matter, but I need tips on how to avoid cheap sentiment and cliche, and actually make a reader feel things without feeling manipulated. For the writers among you, what are some tips you would share? For readers, who are the writers you know who are doing this kind of thing well?
I do feel things while writing this story because I love my characters but I don't know how readers would feel.
I have quite a big cast of characters including the two main ones, who fall in love, but they also have deep and what I hope are complex, layered relationships with friends and relatives. So it's almost impossible to avoid the odd emotional scene.
I love stories about relationships but broad strokes and cliche give me the ick. I'm paranoid about my own writing being mushy and cliched and making readers cringe.
What are some writerly tips for making your reader feel things about your characters without making them feel manipulated?
I recently read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Slow Dance, both of which did this rather well I thought - YMMV (I know that Slow Dance got mixed reviews). Who are some other authors who do this well?
Thanks for your advice!
I do feel things while writing this story because I love my characters but I don't know how readers would feel.
I have quite a big cast of characters including the two main ones, who fall in love, but they also have deep and what I hope are complex, layered relationships with friends and relatives. So it's almost impossible to avoid the odd emotional scene.
I love stories about relationships but broad strokes and cliche give me the ick. I'm paranoid about my own writing being mushy and cliched and making readers cringe.
What are some writerly tips for making your reader feel things about your characters without making them feel manipulated?
I recently read Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Slow Dance, both of which did this rather well I thought - YMMV (I know that Slow Dance got mixed reviews). Who are some other authors who do this well?
Thanks for your advice!
Feel the emotion yourself while writing the scene. That includes more than just writing the love scenes and the thwarted love scenes. If your reader can feel your main characters fear when they go away to the big city for the first time, they will be more easily able to feel her annoyance when she meets the overbearing guy, and more easily able to feel her relief when she gets rid of him, and thus slide easily into sharing her feeling of hungry need to know more when her actual love interest is introduced.
Show, don't tell. If character A is deeply loyal to character B, have character A actually inconvenience themself to take care character B. Then you don't have to put words into their mouth. The just-happened-to-be-there-when-he-fell-into-the-river rescue scene means nothing. Any decent person would do a rescue under those circumstances. The rescuer gets minimal hero points for leaping in to save their love interest. But if the hero bails on their own medical school graduation, or commitment to be best man at a wedding, to show up to assist their love interest to make a getaway from a bad living situation and justifies it on the grounds that they need someone hefty to help carry things downstairs, your reader will get the point about what their priorities are.
Avoid plots based on misunderstandings at all costs - they are the cheap way to keep a trope going. If the whole conflict and the entire plot could be resolved by a cards on the table scene in the first chapter, the hurt feelings and reconciliations are going to feel faked, because they are.
Go for understated or indirect reveals, instead of long meaningful confessions. Examples are "Fanny must have a horse" in Mansfield Park, or the demon lover who has been pursuing a human commenting bitterly about being immortal, "Humans always die. It's like falling in love with a soap bubble."
Be as terse as possible with dialogue during those all important scenes. The ILY payoff should not be rotund "Out of the thousands I have chosen you. I've never known a man tougher outside and more gentle inside..." etc. " is going to be cringe. Your final ily's should be clinchers, as terse as "I won't play the sap for you," or "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," and more imply the situation than state it outright. "It was always Judy." or "Give me an occupation, Miss Dashwood, or I shall run mad." You want it to turn into a tag line that your readers can remember and savour later while hugging themself.
Indirect loyalty also counts for a lot. If the hero rushes to rescue his love interest's mother from the fires in LA it shows that he loves the female lead more than if he rushed to rescue the lead herself, because he cares about whatever she cares about, and all the more if your female lead has no idea that he was racing to the rescue until he's got Mom out of there and is trying to bring them together.
Sketch your main characters lightly in terms of appearance. If you were filming you'd have to make them as maximally beautiful as possible. In writing, barely describe them at all, so that your readers can project their own preferences on them. But to make sure your readers know they are attractive, put the description into the mouths of the characters. When the speaker doesn't know the person, describe them in general terms "that drop-dead gorgeous beard you brought to the family reunion..." but once they have attached, use the lovers point of view and describe the details they have imprinted on: "...his thoughtful grey eyes..." or "... a dimple in his chin.." or "...the soft-faced serenity of a Dutch Madonna..."
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:49 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
Show, don't tell. If character A is deeply loyal to character B, have character A actually inconvenience themself to take care character B. Then you don't have to put words into their mouth. The just-happened-to-be-there-when-he-fell-into-the-river rescue scene means nothing. Any decent person would do a rescue under those circumstances. The rescuer gets minimal hero points for leaping in to save their love interest. But if the hero bails on their own medical school graduation, or commitment to be best man at a wedding, to show up to assist their love interest to make a getaway from a bad living situation and justifies it on the grounds that they need someone hefty to help carry things downstairs, your reader will get the point about what their priorities are.
Avoid plots based on misunderstandings at all costs - they are the cheap way to keep a trope going. If the whole conflict and the entire plot could be resolved by a cards on the table scene in the first chapter, the hurt feelings and reconciliations are going to feel faked, because they are.
Go for understated or indirect reveals, instead of long meaningful confessions. Examples are "Fanny must have a horse" in Mansfield Park, or the demon lover who has been pursuing a human commenting bitterly about being immortal, "Humans always die. It's like falling in love with a soap bubble."
Be as terse as possible with dialogue during those all important scenes. The ILY payoff should not be rotund "Out of the thousands I have chosen you. I've never known a man tougher outside and more gentle inside..." etc. " is going to be cringe. Your final ily's should be clinchers, as terse as "I won't play the sap for you," or "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," and more imply the situation than state it outright. "It was always Judy." or "Give me an occupation, Miss Dashwood, or I shall run mad." You want it to turn into a tag line that your readers can remember and savour later while hugging themself.
Indirect loyalty also counts for a lot. If the hero rushes to rescue his love interest's mother from the fires in LA it shows that he loves the female lead more than if he rushed to rescue the lead herself, because he cares about whatever she cares about, and all the more if your female lead has no idea that he was racing to the rescue until he's got Mom out of there and is trying to bring them together.
Sketch your main characters lightly in terms of appearance. If you were filming you'd have to make them as maximally beautiful as possible. In writing, barely describe them at all, so that your readers can project their own preferences on them. But to make sure your readers know they are attractive, put the description into the mouths of the characters. When the speaker doesn't know the person, describe them in general terms "that drop-dead gorgeous beard you brought to the family reunion..." but once they have attached, use the lovers point of view and describe the details they have imprinted on: "...his thoughtful grey eyes..." or "... a dimple in his chin.." or "...the soft-faced serenity of a Dutch Madonna..."
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:49 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
As both a writer and a reader, in my opinion when an overall story works well, it's because almost all of the emotional scenes are delivered a bit obliquely, expressed by actions that show what our characters do under duress. Yes, the duress of powerful negative emotions, but even with love. That duress can be the duress of hiding love, realizing you love, feeling inadequate to love, hating that you love, wanting love, losing love, refusing to love, running from love, choosing to love -- all the reasons that are true and specific for each individual character. But those reasons need to be expressed in very concrete and unique actions that make sense for that character. I think of it as leaking. For most of the story, your characters should leak emotions. And each character leaks them differently. One person might take up smoking. Another dresses differently. Another hiccups. Another goes quiet. Those are the things you need to use to convey the true emotion beneath the skin of the character.
But then, there's the right time and place in every story for one or more characters to wildly run head-on into an emotional scene. That's when the character reveals, to us and often, when done skillfully, to themselves, what their deepest, truest emotions are. It's Anna Scott saying, “Remember, I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy...” It's Fitz Darcy saying, :"Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.” and “I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I HAD begun.” It's Pip in Great Expectations: “You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then.”
posted by cocoagirl at 5:51 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
But then, there's the right time and place in every story for one or more characters to wildly run head-on into an emotional scene. That's when the character reveals, to us and often, when done skillfully, to themselves, what their deepest, truest emotions are. It's Anna Scott saying, “Remember, I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy...” It's Fitz Darcy saying, :"Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.” and “I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I HAD begun.” It's Pip in Great Expectations: “You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then.”
posted by cocoagirl at 5:51 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
I think of it as leaking.
One of the best examples I can think of of that is The Optimist's Daughter. Which is an older book and probably not the style you're after, but worth reading all the way to the end for this.
In general I think you want to set things up so that readers are ready for the emotions when they come. Ready to feel alongside characters who things are happening to, or ready to feel alongside a character who takes some action, because by that point they're almost ready to take that action themselves. It's not just some scene itself that needs to be powerful, it's the setup throughout the rest of the book that supports that emotion when it finally comes.
posted by trig at 6:14 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
One of the best examples I can think of of that is The Optimist's Daughter. Which is an older book and probably not the style you're after, but worth reading all the way to the end for this.
In general I think you want to set things up so that readers are ready for the emotions when they come. Ready to feel alongside characters who things are happening to, or ready to feel alongside a character who takes some action, because by that point they're almost ready to take that action themselves. It's not just some scene itself that needs to be powerful, it's the setup throughout the rest of the book that supports that emotion when it finally comes.
posted by trig at 6:14 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
Turn to examples of writing that you think succeed, because this feature is about as personal and subjective as it gets.
I think of Mary Doria Russell often. She has three anthropology degrees that came before her novel-writing career: cultural anthropology (BA), social anthropology (MA), and biological anthropology (PhD). That anthopological, sociological detail is really incisive when paired with clean, precise prose about emotions... human and otherwise. Her first novel has, as a minor component, one of the most heartfelt depictions of a mature marriage I'd ever read when this book came out. I had that feeling then, even though I hadn't been married or even had an intimate relationship at that time. With a much longer perspective now, and with a few serious relationships in the rear view, it's even more relevant and still a joy to read.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 6:22 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I think of Mary Doria Russell often. She has three anthropology degrees that came before her novel-writing career: cultural anthropology (BA), social anthropology (MA), and biological anthropology (PhD). That anthopological, sociological detail is really incisive when paired with clean, precise prose about emotions... human and otherwise. Her first novel has, as a minor component, one of the most heartfelt depictions of a mature marriage I'd ever read when this book came out. I had that feeling then, even though I hadn't been married or even had an intimate relationship at that time. With a much longer perspective now, and with a few serious relationships in the rear view, it's even more relevant and still a joy to read.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 6:22 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
Some excellent advice given already. But don't give your inner critic too much power. My experience as a writer is that it's very much like dancing. If you're too self conscious and aware of all the possible critical eyes on you, you probably will be stiff and uncoordinated, and definitely won't have much fun. In this analogy, the music you should be listening to as a writer is the things that hook you into the story. "What happens next?" or "What's it like to experience this?" or whatever it is that makes you want to write this particular story.
Write the story you want to read. Shut the door on the rest of the world until that first draft is done. If you find yourself imagining scornful goodreads reviews, shut that line of thinking down (kindly) and distract your brain with something else to keep it busy while you get on with writing.
Yes, you might write trite or stereotypical things. The beauty of writing is that you get to do many drafts, and each time you edit your story you'll get the chance to decide "oh goodness this is not believable at all let's cut this bit out" or "actually this makes sense to me, this is what these characters would do so I'm not changing it."
Your job is not to pre-emptively avoid making mistakes. Your job is to write what seems right to you in the moment. If mistakes are made, you can fix them and learn from them.
But to answer your actual question, I find it helpful to start with the body and the senses. It's easy to get stuck in predictable body language and facial expressions. Pay attention to yourself and other people. How do you know you, yourself, are feeling hesitant? What are you doing with your hands, your face, your eyes? What behaviour flows out of a particular emotion? And don't be afraid to just go right ahead and say what a character is feeling. "Show, don't tell" shouldn't mean that you're writing a sort of guessing game for your readers to decode clues. Sometimes telling is the best and fastest way to convey information.
Also, consider using secondary character's reactions to bring across information about your primary characters. A side character starting with surprise, or hesitating, or staring, can convey a lot of information about how the primary characters are coming across.
To get back to my first point, you might never feel entirely confident about your writing. That doesn't mean it's proof you're not a good writer. Chances are very high that almost all of the writers you admire have pretty powerful doubts, at times, about their own skill, no matter how much success they've had. What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about the mistakes you might make, or what others might think about your writing. Focus on writing the story that you yourself would love to read.
posted by Zumbador at 6:31 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Write the story you want to read. Shut the door on the rest of the world until that first draft is done. If you find yourself imagining scornful goodreads reviews, shut that line of thinking down (kindly) and distract your brain with something else to keep it busy while you get on with writing.
Yes, you might write trite or stereotypical things. The beauty of writing is that you get to do many drafts, and each time you edit your story you'll get the chance to decide "oh goodness this is not believable at all let's cut this bit out" or "actually this makes sense to me, this is what these characters would do so I'm not changing it."
Your job is not to pre-emptively avoid making mistakes. Your job is to write what seems right to you in the moment. If mistakes are made, you can fix them and learn from them.
But to answer your actual question, I find it helpful to start with the body and the senses. It's easy to get stuck in predictable body language and facial expressions. Pay attention to yourself and other people. How do you know you, yourself, are feeling hesitant? What are you doing with your hands, your face, your eyes? What behaviour flows out of a particular emotion? And don't be afraid to just go right ahead and say what a character is feeling. "Show, don't tell" shouldn't mean that you're writing a sort of guessing game for your readers to decode clues. Sometimes telling is the best and fastest way to convey information.
Also, consider using secondary character's reactions to bring across information about your primary characters. A side character starting with surprise, or hesitating, or staring, can convey a lot of information about how the primary characters are coming across.
To get back to my first point, you might never feel entirely confident about your writing. That doesn't mean it's proof you're not a good writer. Chances are very high that almost all of the writers you admire have pretty powerful doubts, at times, about their own skill, no matter how much success they've had. What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about the mistakes you might make, or what others might think about your writing. Focus on writing the story that you yourself would love to read.
posted by Zumbador at 6:31 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
I think it was Vonnegut who said, "Make your characters want something, even if it's just a cup of water."
Establishing desire means that when there are emotional payoffs, they can seem more legitimate - because it's not just the feeling that you're communicating, but the tension of desire thwarted, or the resolution of desire satisfied.
posted by entropone at 7:06 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Establishing desire means that when there are emotional payoffs, they can seem more legitimate - because it's not just the feeling that you're communicating, but the tension of desire thwarted, or the resolution of desire satisfied.
posted by entropone at 7:06 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
I would caution that not everyone is emotionally repressed. If you have a character who's a drama queen in general, I'd feel cheated if their love confession isn't a big production, or if their proposal isn't choreographed with live music and the other person's favourite song. Try to make your characters real and coherent, not just have them move through preplanned beats.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 7:22 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
posted by I claim sanctuary at 7:22 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
My advice to add to the above is:
- what's at stake for the characters and how does the reader know that? That's the number one thing.
- does your dialogue include some small interiority tags?
- for every character where you want that emotional connection, map out the arc of the scene or story. What do they want/know/feel/think coming into the scene, and does the scene change that or not? If not, why not?
- in the draft editing stages: for avoiding cliché it's really about line edits. Are your verbs active and precise? Do you have too many adverbs. Is the writing tight? Are the physical details specific and multisensory (where appropriate)?
posted by warriorqueen at 7:29 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
- what's at stake for the characters and how does the reader know that? That's the number one thing.
- does your dialogue include some small interiority tags?
- for every character where you want that emotional connection, map out the arc of the scene or story. What do they want/know/feel/think coming into the scene, and does the scene change that or not? If not, why not?
- in the draft editing stages: for avoiding cliché it's really about line edits. Are your verbs active and precise? Do you have too many adverbs. Is the writing tight? Are the physical details specific and multisensory (where appropriate)?
posted by warriorqueen at 7:29 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
FWIW I thought Miranda July's "All Fours" novel addressed themes of love, betrayal, sex, family dynamics, etc in a fresh way. The extreme specificity related to the lens through which her protagonist views all these subjects is what kept them from being cliche.
posted by egeanin at 10:03 AM on January 9
posted by egeanin at 10:03 AM on January 9
I like to suggest: don't be overly afraid of cheap sentiment, broad strokes, and cliche. A little bit can sometimes be effective, if you can make it work within the concept. (mind you, I also sometimes construct song lyrics, and cliches are deeply woven into their DNA).
In general, willingness to take risks leads to interesting results, sometimes useful, sometimes not. Anything you don't love can just be edited out after the fact.
posted by ovvl at 10:07 AM on January 9
In general, willingness to take risks leads to interesting results, sometimes useful, sometimes not. Anything you don't love can just be edited out after the fact.
posted by ovvl at 10:07 AM on January 9
I love Anne Patchett, Sally Rooney, and especially Elizabeth Strout who all handle relationships, family, and complicated feelings with real writing chops. They take me inside the characters and activate that part of me that feels those feelings, without feeling sappy or trite.
posted by LKWorking at 10:33 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
posted by LKWorking at 10:33 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
Irish writer Niall Williams brilliantly “explores themes of love, loss, resilience, and the profound connections between people and place”. For starters, I recommend his book ‘This is Happiness’. His website lists all his fiction and non-fiction works.
posted by The Patron Saint of Spices at 11:07 AM on January 9
posted by The Patron Saint of Spices at 11:07 AM on January 9
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I like what Matt Bird has to say about "I understand you" scenes and how necessary they are for a convincing romance.
However, I also feel compelled to say: don't be TOO afraid of cringe. There are so many books out there - especially in contemporary lit fic - that seem to go too far in the other direction trying to be too cool for love. I'm having trouble finding books to recommend now because it's so rare in contemporary lit fic to tackle romantic relationships where the people involved like each other. Sally Rooney, I guess? (I have to admit that I've only read one Sally Rooney book, and it's the one that made my book club say, "yeah, read a different Sally Rooney book.")
posted by Jeanne at 4:46 AM on January 9 [7 favorites]