I am taking a few months off work to recover from burnout.
November 26, 2024 1:25 PM Subscribe
What should I do with my days?
I asked this question a while ago. Then my beautiful cat passed away last month, and I've finally hit the wall. I'm taking until the end of January off...maybe longer if I need it.
What should I do to recover from this intense burnout? I'm so tired, but I'm too anxious to take naps (I am medicated for anxiety). Also, RE: the fatigue makes it hard to get myself to do anything healthy, like exercise and make nutritious meals for myself.
Should I just give myself permission to lay on the couch all day? It feels lonely now without my cat. Should I force myself to get up and have a healthy routine or is that productivity mindset just going to prolong the burnout?
I asked this question a while ago. Then my beautiful cat passed away last month, and I've finally hit the wall. I'm taking until the end of January off...maybe longer if I need it.
What should I do to recover from this intense burnout? I'm so tired, but I'm too anxious to take naps (I am medicated for anxiety). Also, RE: the fatigue makes it hard to get myself to do anything healthy, like exercise and make nutritious meals for myself.
Should I just give myself permission to lay on the couch all day? It feels lonely now without my cat. Should I force myself to get up and have a healthy routine or is that productivity mindset just going to prolong the burnout?
Wander around outdoors whenever that feels possible. Make yourself interesting food. Sleep a lot, at night if naps don't work. Take hot baths or showers, whichever you prefer. Notice how the light looks in the afternoon through your windows.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 1:40 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
posted by Lawn Beaver at 1:40 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Highly recommend reading (slowly!) Rest is Resistance by Trisha Hersey. Great NPR article that walks through her theories - https://www.npr.org/2022/12/27/1145716272/how-to-think-about-rest-as-a-form-of-resistance
But most importantly is be kind to yourself. Do what feels right for you now. Small walks, get fresh air, but also give yourself time and space to rest, whether that is in the form of vegging out on the couch watching TV, or reading a fun novel, or even playing mindless games on your phone.
posted by something_witty at 1:41 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
But most importantly is be kind to yourself. Do what feels right for you now. Small walks, get fresh air, but also give yourself time and space to rest, whether that is in the form of vegging out on the couch watching TV, or reading a fun novel, or even playing mindless games on your phone.
posted by something_witty at 1:41 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Cook recipes that take a long time to prepare, the kind that you would never have the chance to make working full time.
posted by eschatfische at 1:45 PM on November 26
posted by eschatfische at 1:45 PM on November 26
Honestly, just be lazy as heck. You are burned out because you are exhausted, and the only cure for exhaustion is rest.
In a similar scenario, I found that after a few weeks of indulging in that, my brain clicked into "ok, time to get back on a healthy routine now", and it was surprisingly easy to get back to it, because I had genuinely recovered the capacity to do so.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 1:47 PM on November 26 [19 favorites]
In a similar scenario, I found that after a few weeks of indulging in that, my brain clicked into "ok, time to get back on a healthy routine now", and it was surprisingly easy to get back to it, because I had genuinely recovered the capacity to do so.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 1:47 PM on November 26 [19 favorites]
I'm sorry about your cat!
I think it's fine to lay about! Just try to do a few easy things to maintain your sleep, nutrition, and mental health.
Sleep:
- Make sure your room is SUPER DARK at night (blackout curtains, put tape over LED lights, etc)
- Mattress that feels good for your body
- Sleep goodies like white noise, weighted blanket, eye mask
- Aim for an earlyish bedtime at least a few days a week.
Nutrition:
Commit to ONE very attainable food habit, like
"I'll eat one apple a day".
"I'll drink a bottle of water every morning before I get out of bed".
"I'll have a healthy breakfast- instant oatmeal, a handful of wheat bran, a handful of frozen berries."
Then make it easy: like, wash the apples as soon as you buy them, and put them in a bowl beside the couch, so it's appetizing, convenient, and absolutely ready to eat. Keep a case of bottled water beside the bed. Put an alarm on your phone to do it. Make it easy to do this ONE nutrition improvement (and then you can eat whatever you want the rest of the time).
Mental Health:
Every day do ONE thing that's good for your mental health. Make a list of what that means for you, and post it in the bathroom so you see it when you pee.
For example:
Go for a short walk. OR Shower and get totally dressed, including grooming. OR Phone a friend and chat for a few mins. OR Put on a happy playlist and dance around the room for 5 minutes. etc.
If you can knock off a few of those good habits a week, even if your consistency isn't perfect, your mental health will probably feel a bit better. Wishing you all the best!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:49 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
I think it's fine to lay about! Just try to do a few easy things to maintain your sleep, nutrition, and mental health.
Sleep:
- Make sure your room is SUPER DARK at night (blackout curtains, put tape over LED lights, etc)
- Mattress that feels good for your body
- Sleep goodies like white noise, weighted blanket, eye mask
- Aim for an earlyish bedtime at least a few days a week.
Nutrition:
Commit to ONE very attainable food habit, like
"I'll eat one apple a day".
"I'll drink a bottle of water every morning before I get out of bed".
"I'll have a healthy breakfast- instant oatmeal, a handful of wheat bran, a handful of frozen berries."
Then make it easy: like, wash the apples as soon as you buy them, and put them in a bowl beside the couch, so it's appetizing, convenient, and absolutely ready to eat. Keep a case of bottled water beside the bed. Put an alarm on your phone to do it. Make it easy to do this ONE nutrition improvement (and then you can eat whatever you want the rest of the time).
Mental Health:
Every day do ONE thing that's good for your mental health. Make a list of what that means for you, and post it in the bathroom so you see it when you pee.
For example:
Go for a short walk. OR Shower and get totally dressed, including grooming. OR Phone a friend and chat for a few mins. OR Put on a happy playlist and dance around the room for 5 minutes. etc.
If you can knock off a few of those good habits a week, even if your consistency isn't perfect, your mental health will probably feel a bit better. Wishing you all the best!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:49 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Don't just sit on your couch, but definitely work on your relationship with your couch! But try to make it good couch time, whatever that means to you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's regretted randomly scrolling on my phone. Sometimes I wish I'd exercised or read a challenging book, but often I just wish I'd spent that time watching a few episodes of a good sitcom or a fun movie.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:56 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:56 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
If you are physically able, go for really long walks.
posted by mai at 1:59 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
posted by mai at 1:59 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Like any recovery there will likely be phases.
If you are off for 3 months, consider something like:
Week 0-2: Rest, put no limits on yourself
Week 3: Go for a walk every morning. It counts as long as you make it one block but aim to work up to an hour.
Week 4: Go for a walk, but add one healthy meal you cook in bulk to eat during the week
Week 5: Walk, one healthy meal, and one social event per week...
Since you're at full burnout now you don't even need to make your full list, just pick one or two things you'll slot in for the next period.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 2:19 PM on November 26 [6 favorites]
If you are off for 3 months, consider something like:
Week 0-2: Rest, put no limits on yourself
Week 3: Go for a walk every morning. It counts as long as you make it one block but aim to work up to an hour.
Week 4: Go for a walk, but add one healthy meal you cook in bulk to eat during the week
Week 5: Walk, one healthy meal, and one social event per week...
Since you're at full burnout now you don't even need to make your full list, just pick one or two things you'll slot in for the next period.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 2:19 PM on November 26 [6 favorites]
So sorry about your kitty. It's such a brutal heartbreak.
I would start by taking a week or so (maybe longer) to just be a slug. Let yourself de-compress. Lie around watching movies? Read fluffy fiction?
When you begin to feel a bit less crispy, try adding some low-key exercise, especially if you can get yourself outside. It doesn't have to be strenuous or intense. Find a park or garden to take a walk in, somewhere you can see and smell nature if possible. In time you may work up to something more vigorous like bike rides or hiking, if that feels like it could be helpful.
Once you have regained some equilibrium you could look into something like volunteering at an animals shelter, to get some furry lovin'. It will get you out of the house.
Try not to beat yourself up for doing too much or little of whatever it is you think you should be doing. This time is for you to heal.
You know how they say on planes that you put your own air mask on first? You have to be able to breathe before you can heal and feel better. Please do give yourself permission to do that in whatever way works for you.
posted by supermedusa at 2:21 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
I would start by taking a week or so (maybe longer) to just be a slug. Let yourself de-compress. Lie around watching movies? Read fluffy fiction?
When you begin to feel a bit less crispy, try adding some low-key exercise, especially if you can get yourself outside. It doesn't have to be strenuous or intense. Find a park or garden to take a walk in, somewhere you can see and smell nature if possible. In time you may work up to something more vigorous like bike rides or hiking, if that feels like it could be helpful.
Once you have regained some equilibrium you could look into something like volunteering at an animals shelter, to get some furry lovin'. It will get you out of the house.
Try not to beat yourself up for doing too much or little of whatever it is you think you should be doing. This time is for you to heal.
You know how they say on planes that you put your own air mask on first? You have to be able to breathe before you can heal and feel better. Please do give yourself permission to do that in whatever way works for you.
posted by supermedusa at 2:21 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Definitely rest loads. Do as little as you need to for a while at first.
Then, get outside. Even if you don't have the energy to exercise, you can still wrap up as warmly as you need to, to be able to spend time sitting outside. A big coat, hat, gloves, if you need to. A flask of warm drink and snacks, maybe take a cushion or a folding chair, or just make use of a bench.
Try different locations and see which you like - near water, near trees that swish in the wind, somewhere you can see the horizon, somewhere with hills, places with people around, or without. Just experiment a wee bit and see if you find a few spots that are particularly soothing or restful to you.
While you're there, you could... just stare into space, read a book, listen to music or audiobooks/podcasts, knit, sketch, meditate (Insight Timer is free and has 1000s of meditations - though I think you have to pay to download and listen offline which might be useful if you're somewhere a bit remote).
Spending time in nature (even a city pocket park) is beneficial for mental health, and getting out every day will give you a change of scene, a change of perspective, a bit of structure rather than being at home every day. If you start to feel like it, you can add in a little walk. Might just be 100 yards to the bench at first, and if you feel inspired, you could explore a bit further another day. Not because there's any pressure to make progress or go further or keep doing more - just to drop some nice, new, undemanding sights into your brain, get your blood flowing and release some endorphins.
posted by penguin pie at 2:29 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Then, get outside. Even if you don't have the energy to exercise, you can still wrap up as warmly as you need to, to be able to spend time sitting outside. A big coat, hat, gloves, if you need to. A flask of warm drink and snacks, maybe take a cushion or a folding chair, or just make use of a bench.
Try different locations and see which you like - near water, near trees that swish in the wind, somewhere you can see the horizon, somewhere with hills, places with people around, or without. Just experiment a wee bit and see if you find a few spots that are particularly soothing or restful to you.
While you're there, you could... just stare into space, read a book, listen to music or audiobooks/podcasts, knit, sketch, meditate (Insight Timer is free and has 1000s of meditations - though I think you have to pay to download and listen offline which might be useful if you're somewhere a bit remote).
Spending time in nature (even a city pocket park) is beneficial for mental health, and getting out every day will give you a change of scene, a change of perspective, a bit of structure rather than being at home every day. If you start to feel like it, you can add in a little walk. Might just be 100 yards to the bench at first, and if you feel inspired, you could explore a bit further another day. Not because there's any pressure to make progress or go further or keep doing more - just to drop some nice, new, undemanding sights into your brain, get your blood flowing and release some endorphins.
posted by penguin pie at 2:29 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
You don't recover from burnout by pushing yourself to be productive. Rest rest rest rest!
Get yourself a large, soft plush toy to snuggle with when you're on the couch to help it feel less lonely. Maybe a blahaj could be a good couch buddy?
You'll know when you're ready to start doing things again. You'll want to do them because you feel like it will be rewarding, not because you're feeling guilty that you aren't doing them.
Your recovery might not be linear, especially as you've got fresh grief thrown in the mix, so be extra gentle with yourself.
posted by burntflowers at 2:33 PM on November 26 [5 favorites]
Get yourself a large, soft plush toy to snuggle with when you're on the couch to help it feel less lonely. Maybe a blahaj could be a good couch buddy?
You'll know when you're ready to start doing things again. You'll want to do them because you feel like it will be rewarding, not because you're feeling guilty that you aren't doing them.
Your recovery might not be linear, especially as you've got fresh grief thrown in the mix, so be extra gentle with yourself.
posted by burntflowers at 2:33 PM on November 26 [5 favorites]
Everyone's advice in here is really good. Burnout sucks (i've got a bad case of it myself, and no way to take any time off, so please believe that i understand.) No one's brought this up yet, so i will: also consider getting a new cat. Not as a "replacement" -- i know perfectly well, from a lifetime of cat ownership, that no new pet is ever a replacement for a beloved friend -- but because having a new friend to learn to love will probably help with your grief (again, i speak from long experience here, having lost many beloved four-footed friends), and because having another living thing in your home -- and the experience of offering care to that creature, and receiving care in return -- will probably help your recovery. I wouldn't get a kitten! But adult cats aren't generally super-demanding pets, and it would probably help you build routines into your life in a low-key way that doesn't feel like forcing yourself to be "productive". (Which, i concur with other commenters, you should not do!)
posted by adrienneleigh at 2:47 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
posted by adrienneleigh at 2:47 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Should I just give myself permission to lay on the couch all day?
Yes.
Make very firm, solid, nonrefundable plans for something exciting to you for 1 month from now. For me? This would be a day out to go to a museum, get a massage, then take myself to dinner. For you this could be something else. Don't put any constraints on your time until then, unless you feel moved to do something in the moment. You'll have a nice event to look forward to in several weeks, so you know you won't collapse into utter crapulence completely. But a little bit? It's nice to rot.
I'm sorry about your cat.
posted by phunniemee at 2:59 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Yes.
Make very firm, solid, nonrefundable plans for something exciting to you for 1 month from now. For me? This would be a day out to go to a museum, get a massage, then take myself to dinner. For you this could be something else. Don't put any constraints on your time until then, unless you feel moved to do something in the moment. You'll have a nice event to look forward to in several weeks, so you know you won't collapse into utter crapulence completely. But a little bit? It's nice to rot.
I'm sorry about your cat.
posted by phunniemee at 2:59 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
You really do need to regain your energy, so I recommend that whatever you choose it really is pretty light-touch.
I would say set some very basic goals, like "go outside every day". Just...outside far enough that you can close the door behind you. If you only stand there for 5m to get some sunlight in your retinas (ideally by mid-morning, this is best for keeping your circadian rhythms upright and triggering improved serotonin production), fine. If you decide to go for a walk, fine.
A tiny bit of gardening can be a good excuse to go out every day, though January is maybe not the best month just about anywhere in the northern hemisphere.
But absolutely the first two weeks minimum should be obligation-free couch fusion. Keep a notebook on hand to capture the to-dos for later. Pick some books out of your To Be Read pile. Build a nest on your couch.
I do recommend setting up a handful of zoom hangouts or lunches with local friends, or at least plans to go to a place with friendly faces regularly. We are pack animals, we need connection and happy interaction occasionally.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:01 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
I would say set some very basic goals, like "go outside every day". Just...outside far enough that you can close the door behind you. If you only stand there for 5m to get some sunlight in your retinas (ideally by mid-morning, this is best for keeping your circadian rhythms upright and triggering improved serotonin production), fine. If you decide to go for a walk, fine.
A tiny bit of gardening can be a good excuse to go out every day, though January is maybe not the best month just about anywhere in the northern hemisphere.
But absolutely the first two weeks minimum should be obligation-free couch fusion. Keep a notebook on hand to capture the to-dos for later. Pick some books out of your To Be Read pile. Build a nest on your couch.
I do recommend setting up a handful of zoom hangouts or lunches with local friends, or at least plans to go to a place with friendly faces regularly. We are pack animals, we need connection and happy interaction occasionally.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:01 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
I'm also pretty burned out and preparing for a sabbatical, so I appreciate that you're posting these questions. Some relevant reading from my research that's generally in line with the advice above:
How to Decompress on Sabbatical
What to Expect (three phases)
This whole podcast
posted by aincandenza at 3:04 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
How to Decompress on Sabbatical
What to Expect (three phases)
This whole podcast
posted by aincandenza at 3:04 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
I'm very sorry about the loss of your cat. You are grieving on top of burnout. The best advice I ever got for grieving while overwhelmed was to literally take every day one single step at a time and give myself permission to go back to bed if it was too much. For me, the explicit permission to rest plus recognition that easing back into routine also has a role in healing was really helpful.
The "goal" such as it was, was to get ready for a regular day. So get up. Wash up. Get dressed. Eat and drink. Leave the house. But at any point, if the next step was too effortful, go back to bed, even if that meant standing up out of bed first thing in the morning and climbing right back in.
It wasn't a linear process, but being extremely undemanding of myself helped me get to a place of feeling okay in less time than I expected when I started. There absolutely were days that were basically only bed, but I really only wanted as much rest as I needed and I knew when I was ready to deal with the world again.
posted by EvaDestruction at 3:08 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
The "goal" such as it was, was to get ready for a regular day. So get up. Wash up. Get dressed. Eat and drink. Leave the house. But at any point, if the next step was too effortful, go back to bed, even if that meant standing up out of bed first thing in the morning and climbing right back in.
It wasn't a linear process, but being extremely undemanding of myself helped me get to a place of feeling okay in less time than I expected when I started. There absolutely were days that were basically only bed, but I really only wanted as much rest as I needed and I knew when I was ready to deal with the world again.
posted by EvaDestruction at 3:08 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
Yes, definitely give yourself permission to rest as much as you want! If you slowly start feeling better I think you will naturally want to do more, but you don't need to think about that right now.
Writing always helps me process things, it feels like getting all (ok, a large portion of) the anxiety out of my system. Maybe it would help you too. It doesn't have to be anything deep. Just whatever comes to mind will be good to get down on paper.
I'm so sorry about your cat.
posted by Eyelash at 3:09 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
Writing always helps me process things, it feels like getting all (ok, a large portion of) the anxiety out of my system. Maybe it would help you too. It doesn't have to be anything deep. Just whatever comes to mind will be good to get down on paper.
I'm so sorry about your cat.
posted by Eyelash at 3:09 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
I am just coming to the end of this. Unfortunately I had a lot of other external stressors continue to crop up during my leave so it was definitely not pure rest. That might happen to you too, so it might be good to be aware of the possibility. Despite that, I do feel quite a bit better mentally. I would advise you to do whatever tf you want as long as it includes healthy eating and a daily walk in the sunshine. Without those two I really don't think anything very good can happen.
posted by HotToddy at 3:10 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 3:10 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
I think you can give yourself permission to lay around. However, I also want to nudge you to get outside, preferably for a walk, every single day, preferably earlier in the day. This movement and exposure to daylight (even if it's wintry gray where you are) will do you a world of good. I'd encourage you to think about being outside and walking at least an hour. It's a small part of your day that might change how the rest of it goes.
Good luck, and I'm so sorry about your kitty.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:36 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
Good luck, and I'm so sorry about your kitty.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:36 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
If you have the relevant hardware, play nonstressful video games for a few hours a week. Like, Bejeweled, Donut County, What The Golf? and so on.
posted by aramaic at 3:40 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
posted by aramaic at 3:40 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
As someone who's recently (post-Covid) taken a couple of sabbaticals, one for mental health and one for physical health, I can tell you what things worked for me.
Trying to be "productive" did the opposite. My initial thoughts were mainly "oh my gosh I have all this time to myself, and I don't want to waste it!" And that made worse because it came with guilt whenever I spent the day/week/whatever sitting on the couch watching stupid TV (which is what my brain actually needed). My therapist was all about giving myself permission to not be at 100%, because I wasn't. It took me some time to be able to do that.
Go outside. Every single day. Even if it just meant standing in the doorway in your PJs, the fresh air for me was healing. I was fortunate (during my physical health break at least) to be able to spend a lot of time in the backyard. I didn't do anything other than nap, listen to podcasts, or watch the clouds. Or even just futzing with my phone, if thats what it took to get me outside. It quickly became something I needed to do, often before other self-care tasks.
Have days where you have zero obligations to anyone. Literally zero. Depending on your life situation, this might be hard. But days with nowhere to be, nothing you have to do, no appointments to be at, no little voice in your brain worrying that you have to still do X today or be at Y in 3 hours, is so freeing. Eventually I found I wanted to bring back some structure to my days, but in the beginning oh my gosh i just needed to not have to worry about anything other than myself in the moment.
posted by cgg at 3:41 PM on November 26 [4 favorites]
Trying to be "productive" did the opposite. My initial thoughts were mainly "oh my gosh I have all this time to myself, and I don't want to waste it!" And that made worse because it came with guilt whenever I spent the day/week/whatever sitting on the couch watching stupid TV (which is what my brain actually needed). My therapist was all about giving myself permission to not be at 100%, because I wasn't. It took me some time to be able to do that.
Go outside. Every single day. Even if it just meant standing in the doorway in your PJs, the fresh air for me was healing. I was fortunate (during my physical health break at least) to be able to spend a lot of time in the backyard. I didn't do anything other than nap, listen to podcasts, or watch the clouds. Or even just futzing with my phone, if thats what it took to get me outside. It quickly became something I needed to do, often before other self-care tasks.
Have days where you have zero obligations to anyone. Literally zero. Depending on your life situation, this might be hard. But days with nowhere to be, nothing you have to do, no appointments to be at, no little voice in your brain worrying that you have to still do X today or be at Y in 3 hours, is so freeing. Eventually I found I wanted to bring back some structure to my days, but in the beginning oh my gosh i just needed to not have to worry about anything other than myself in the moment.
posted by cgg at 3:41 PM on November 26 [4 favorites]
I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat.
For me, when I have time off, it's easy for me to default to the social media scroll. That's a trap, and one that makes me feel bad as I absorb all of the piecemeal woes of the world. If I need to recover my brain, immersing myself into some kind of story seems to do a much better job of it, whether that's mainlining some kind of tv show or reading a book--preferably from the position of lazing on the couch.
At some point, slowly starting to transition to a small amount of nutrition (such as the eat an apple suggestion above) and a short walk around the block (or some other very, very mild movement). But only in the most self-nurturing of ways.
posted by past unusual at 3:51 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
For me, when I have time off, it's easy for me to default to the social media scroll. That's a trap, and one that makes me feel bad as I absorb all of the piecemeal woes of the world. If I need to recover my brain, immersing myself into some kind of story seems to do a much better job of it, whether that's mainlining some kind of tv show or reading a book--preferably from the position of lazing on the couch.
At some point, slowly starting to transition to a small amount of nutrition (such as the eat an apple suggestion above) and a short walk around the block (or some other very, very mild movement). But only in the most self-nurturing of ways.
posted by past unusual at 3:51 PM on November 26 [2 favorites]
I've posted this before, but it bears repeating.
Kurt Vonnegut, autobiographically:
“[…] Then I go down the steps and my wife calls, 'Where are you going?'
'Well,' I say, 'I'm going to buy an envelope.'
And she says, 'You're not a poor man. Why don't you buy a thousand envelopes? They'll deliver them, and you can put them in the closet.'
And I say, 'Hush.'
So I go to this newsstand across the street where they sell magazines and lottery tickets and stationery.
I have to get in line because there are people buying candy and all that sort of thing, and I talk to them. The woman behind the counter has a jewel between her eyes, and when it's my turn, I ask her if there have been any big winners lately.
I get my envelope and seal it up and go to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner of Forty-seventh Street and Second Avenue, where I'm secretly in love with the woman behind the counter.
I keep absolutely poker-faced; I never let her know how I feel about her.
One time I had my pocket picked in there and got to meet a cop and tell him about it.
Anyway, I address the envelope to Carol in Woodstock. I stamp the envelope and mail it in a mailbox in front of the post office, and I go home.
And I've had a hell of a good time.
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:03 PM on November 26 [6 favorites]
Kurt Vonnegut, autobiographically:
“[…] Then I go down the steps and my wife calls, 'Where are you going?'
'Well,' I say, 'I'm going to buy an envelope.'
And she says, 'You're not a poor man. Why don't you buy a thousand envelopes? They'll deliver them, and you can put them in the closet.'
And I say, 'Hush.'
So I go to this newsstand across the street where they sell magazines and lottery tickets and stationery.
I have to get in line because there are people buying candy and all that sort of thing, and I talk to them. The woman behind the counter has a jewel between her eyes, and when it's my turn, I ask her if there have been any big winners lately.
I get my envelope and seal it up and go to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner of Forty-seventh Street and Second Avenue, where I'm secretly in love with the woman behind the counter.
I keep absolutely poker-faced; I never let her know how I feel about her.
One time I had my pocket picked in there and got to meet a cop and tell him about it.
Anyway, I address the envelope to Carol in Woodstock. I stamp the envelope and mail it in a mailbox in front of the post office, and I go home.
And I've had a hell of a good time.
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:03 PM on November 26 [6 favorites]
I'll go against the grain a bit. I definitely agree that you don't want to try to be "productive." That's definitely true. But I do think burnout is not just a lack of rest -- it's also a lack of pleasant, positive things that make you feel pleasure.
Given that, I think rest is great -- and I also think you should try to do something that actively makes you feel better, joyful, calmer, whatever, every day if you can. It doesn't need to be big at all. It could just be making yourself a special little treat, or proactively deciding to watch a show or movie you like and making sure you're in your cozy chair with popcorn so you can really enjoy it. Instead of multitasking or thinking about something else, try really, really hard to focus on what you're doing and your enjoyment of it.
So, more structured version of this advice:
(1) have a list of pleasant events/activities. Can literally be something like "take a warm shower" or "eat a cupcake" or "watch x show." Doesn't need to be hard and stressful. You can google for this and just use someone else's list. Do a "chore" that you always find soothing. Whatever! As long as YOU experience it as pleasant, that's great.
(2) try to check one off the list each day (you can do the same thing over and over if you want). While you are engaging in that pleasant thing, be fully involved in it. If you find yourself thinking about something else, gently redirect yourself to your enjoyment.
(3) optional! But I sometimes keep notes about which activities I really enjoy or that really improve my mood or overall sense of well-being.
posted by knobknosher at 4:57 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Given that, I think rest is great -- and I also think you should try to do something that actively makes you feel better, joyful, calmer, whatever, every day if you can. It doesn't need to be big at all. It could just be making yourself a special little treat, or proactively deciding to watch a show or movie you like and making sure you're in your cozy chair with popcorn so you can really enjoy it. Instead of multitasking or thinking about something else, try really, really hard to focus on what you're doing and your enjoyment of it.
So, more structured version of this advice:
(1) have a list of pleasant events/activities. Can literally be something like "take a warm shower" or "eat a cupcake" or "watch x show." Doesn't need to be hard and stressful. You can google for this and just use someone else's list. Do a "chore" that you always find soothing. Whatever! As long as YOU experience it as pleasant, that's great.
(2) try to check one off the list each day (you can do the same thing over and over if you want). While you are engaging in that pleasant thing, be fully involved in it. If you find yourself thinking about something else, gently redirect yourself to your enjoyment.
(3) optional! But I sometimes keep notes about which activities I really enjoy or that really improve my mood or overall sense of well-being.
posted by knobknosher at 4:57 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
When I did this, I did spend a some time just resting, but I also scheduled some trips to try to break out of the brain space I was in. One was to a small town with beautiful forests where I stayed in an airbnb by myself. I had to leave to house to acquire food and ended up going on many meandering walks. But there was no pressure - I could have been entirely a hermit. And no museums or things you couldn't miss or anything. This was better for me than if I had stayed at home the whole time. So you might consider some kind of reflective time later in your journey.
posted by lookoutbelow at 5:06 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
posted by lookoutbelow at 5:06 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
Oh one other thing - I have sometimes done well with a 'rule' of leaving the house once a day. Usually it was a ten minute walk to sit at the park listening to an audiobook and watching the dogs. But not 'exercise' (a mindset to be avoided in this state imo) so much as a thing to do. I find audiobooks or podcasts can help with loneliness too, and I find they make it easier to vary activities since I can do them either while on the couch, playing a wholly video game, doing art, walking, or whatever, without having to drag myself out of scrolling or something.
posted by lookoutbelow at 5:10 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
posted by lookoutbelow at 5:10 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
You should absolutely be productive and have structure in your life. You should make up a list of daily goals that include items like
Saunter
Do something that feels good on your skin
Eat something you don't usually eat which tastes good
Do something involving nature, even if only snipping some greens off the pot of herbs on your window sill
Go outside
Do something that makes your home nicer
Listen to some music
Get exposed to some interesting idea (Metafilter is good for this, see the post about the quilt from today)
Do something creative
Make your bed
Wash the dishes
Take a shower, or a bath
Have an in person social interaction
Do something for twenty minutes or so, which is difficult for you, such as play 2048, or read chemistry or whatever gives your brain a workout
Look at some images you find truly beautiful - photographs of nature, art, the sky, family pictures, etc.
Think of something that makes you feel good about human behavior, read, remember, see a video
Do or think of something that give you hope
Leave something unfinished that you will want to work on tomorrow
Give yourself permission to feel really crappy for half an hour, but not longer than that, and go there briefly. Don't do this if you can't pull out of it, but practice pulling yourself out of being sad or angry or scared.
Have an orgasm
Laugh hard
The list I made is too long. You don't want to spend more than a third of your waking time meeting goals.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:10 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Saunter
Do something that feels good on your skin
Eat something you don't usually eat which tastes good
Do something involving nature, even if only snipping some greens off the pot of herbs on your window sill
Go outside
Do something that makes your home nicer
Listen to some music
Get exposed to some interesting idea (Metafilter is good for this, see the post about the quilt from today)
Do something creative
Make your bed
Wash the dishes
Take a shower, or a bath
Have an in person social interaction
Do something for twenty minutes or so, which is difficult for you, such as play 2048, or read chemistry or whatever gives your brain a workout
Look at some images you find truly beautiful - photographs of nature, art, the sky, family pictures, etc.
Think of something that makes you feel good about human behavior, read, remember, see a video
Do or think of something that give you hope
Leave something unfinished that you will want to work on tomorrow
Give yourself permission to feel really crappy for half an hour, but not longer than that, and go there briefly. Don't do this if you can't pull out of it, but practice pulling yourself out of being sad or angry or scared.
Have an orgasm
Laugh hard
The list I made is too long. You don't want to spend more than a third of your waking time meeting goals.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:10 PM on November 26 [3 favorites]
Set up some bird feeders and watch your local birds. I have several outside my windows and I adore seeing the hummingbirds come feed all day. It also gives me a task to refill their food. If I don't they get especially zingy around my windows.
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 8:25 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 8:25 PM on November 26 [1 favorite]
You don't have to be a Muslim to enjoy listening to a Qur'an recitation from a reciter with a mellow approach. You may find that listening relaxes you without it putting you to sleep, Insha Allah.
Two of my current mellower faves:
Hicham Elherraz of Morocco
Shaykh Hadi Touré of Senegal
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 11:31 AM on November 29 [1 favorite]
Two of my current mellower faves:
Hicham Elherraz of Morocco
Shaykh Hadi Touré of Senegal
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 11:31 AM on November 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by SPrintF at 1:40 PM on November 26 [5 favorites]