Planning my holiday gathering in 2024

November 25, 2024 7:19 AM

Party planning in 2024 seems a bit more complicated, or maybe I'm just rusty. Do people still check Facebook events? How do I make sure everyone's food intolerances and preferences are accounted for? What if some of my friends don't celebrate Christmas? Also what about masks/covid? Should I tell my friends who are parents that their kids are also invited (mostly toddlers at this point)?

I am having a holiday party at my new home in a few weeks and am feeling rusty about hosting so I turn to you for help!

Theme/ party title: First of all, I need help deciding on a theme for the party. My initial idea was Xmas + housewarming, but I don't want to make it about 'me' and I don't want people to think they have to bring housewarming gifts. What I have planned so far is : come visit my new place for Raclette, mulled wine, and a Christmas tree . The issue is some of my friends don't celebrate Christmas (Muslim), some don't eat dairy, some don't drink, and I'm pretty sure none of them will want to go out and buy an Ugly Christmas Sweater. So I need a new Christmas Party Theme for 2024.

Food: My buddy is bringing a raclette set, but some of my friends don't eat dairy so I'll have to provide other options. Also, the raclette only fits 8 people at a time. Should I separate the raclette idea and host a separate raclette party? Or just offer raclette and other food options? Does raclette take up the whole party? lol

Inviting people: I feel like no one checks Facebook events or their email anymore, so I'm leaning towards sending out a mass text. But then the issue is people will recieve all the replies and that could get annoying. Not everyone has Instagram, Whatsapp or the Facebook messenger app. Has anyone dealt with this issue in 2024?

Game/ activity/ icebreaker: I want an icebreaker activity that's appropriate for people in their late 20s/30s/early 40s. It doesn't have to be a formal game or activity but I want there to be something for people to do besides eat. A lot of my friends don't know each other because I met them in very different settings, and they may be shy to talk to each other but I want them to have fun.

Kids: This is the first time I've had to think about whether to invite kids or not. What's the etiquette on this? The party is definitely an adults party, but I don't mind if the kids come. Last time my friends brought their toddler, she amused herself beautifully by exploring my stuffed animal collection, but I don't know if my other friends' kids are as well behaved. Any tips on how to handle this?

COVID: Should I indicate something about covid anywhere? Personally I've stopped worrying about it (judge me if you must), but I know it's still out there. Maybe something simple like: I'll provide masks if anyone needs one?

Thanks in advance!

posted by winterportage to Home & Garden (25 answers total)

I use Evite's free invitations for parties. It's great since you can:

- Design a cute email with their templates (hot tip: instead of naming the event "Billy's Party", give it more descriptive name with the date in the name - "Sat Dec 14 - Billy's Family Hangout". that way people will see all that info in their email inbox when reminders are sent, otherwise they'll just get an email saying "Don't forget, Billy's Party is coming up and they'll need to click through to find the event date, and scatterbrained types might not!)
- Another hot tip, invite yourself and your household members to your party as well, so you can see the invite and nudges the way your guests see them, and also so the RSVP numbers are accurate.
- Make it easy for guests to remember the date since Evite has an "add to calendar" function that's very quick and easy
- Easily see all the RSVPs
- Choose the setting that allows guests see who else is coming, in case that helps them arrange rides or decide about bringing kids, etc
- Let guests RSVP for numbers of adults AND children, which is very helpful for planning kiddo activities
- Nudge only the guests who RSVP late
- Message everyone with a reminder a few days before the event
- Evite
- Quickly communicate any changes to the plan
- Use the Evite list to easily send thank you notes after
- Use an old Evite list to populate the next party, too.

I promise I don't work for Evite - I just plan a lot of parties and love it!

As a toddler parent, I would be THRILLED if you invited my whole family to a party since it's such an expensive hassle and sometimes stressful for kiddos to be left with a sitter.

If you were to invite a camp-counsellor teen type (maybe $25/hour in most areas, ask parent pals if they know someone) to provide childcare in a quiet room- maybe with some toys or crafts, kiddo snacks, and a movie playing, then I could actually feel confident my toddler was safe and happy, allowing me to socialize unencumbered between check-ins, I would be DEEEELIGHTED.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:31 AM on November 25 [7 favorites]

I mean, it's a housewarming party. Just throw a housewarming party. If you have a Christmas tree in the house, so be it.

Send an e-vite with a link to RSVP on a form where you ask for dietary restrictions. Then 24 hours before the RSVP date, reach out to the non-RSVPers by whatever means you normally communicate with them and drop them a link to the RSVP form.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:33 AM on November 25 [3 favorites]

Partiful seems to be popular for event RSVPs. It works via text and web, and you can send text blasts to everyone who RSVPed.
posted by BungaDunga at 7:43 AM on November 25 [1 favorite]

I meant to add, - Evite also allows you to write a detailed party blurb, so it's an easy way to discuss masks, allergies, etc.

Note, If you're inviting families, parents often bring snacks they know for sure that their kids will like. Three of my child's little friends have severe anaphylactic allergies, so usually when I send a party invitation I add a line about all the toddler foods people tend to bring that have those allergens: "NO NUTS OR SESAME - One of the toddlers has a severe nut and sesame allergy, so please avoid! Please double check any food you bring so no nuts or sesame are present (granola bars, candy, chocolate, cookies, brownies, crackers, buns, nutella, bamba, sesame oil, noodles, seaweed snacks, tahini, hummus, etc, would all be unsafe for this kiddo. Thanks for your care!).

And invite guests to send you food restrictions or allergies either by email or in their RSVP note directly in Evite.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:44 AM on November 25

You don't need a theme, you can just invite people to "a party". But housewarming or holiday or winter are also fine.

An easy way to make sure dietary needs are accommodated is to invite people to bring a dish to share (warning it will be a lot of cookies if people interpret it as a holiday party). This can also sidestep the housewarming gift issue, people feel good about bringing chips and not showing up empty handed. Otherwise just make sure you have some vegetarian and nondairy options. It's not a dinner party, if the food doesn't work for people it's not the end of the world. Raclette sounds like a fun activity to have set up in a corner, but have some platters of food too.

Yes, you should explicitly say kids are welcome. If this is an adult timed party hosted by someone without kids, your parent friends will understand that it's not kid oriented.

For invites, I've been liking Partiful. But otherwise I just text everyone individually. Kinda annoying, but I know people will see it that way. Sometimes I design a little digital flyer with the details to send.
posted by umwelt at 7:50 AM on November 25

I would want an email invite to a party and please don't worry about foods I don't like, as long as you have things I do like or ask me to bring something. Themes don't seem as important when it is the holiday season and you have a new home. Yes, do invite children and put that in the party description so others know the type of party. In group texts, I never know if I should reply, or it is just an open invite. I think "no gifts please" is okay to include - times have changed since Miss Manners or whoever claimed this was presumptive and rude. People might still bring hosting gifts and you can just accept them with a quiet thanks.

For an activity that helps people get to know each other, I would try to come up with something low stakes that lasts the whole night but can be done a few minutes at a time. I am trying to think of a good example, but not coming up with anything. Nametags with fun facts seems too formal, but some type of method to get people talking enough to find out they both ski or both like to read cozy mysteries would be ideal.
posted by soelo at 8:01 AM on November 25

How about People Bingo. You can only get each guest to sign once.
posted by olopua at 8:20 AM on November 25

As an immunocompromised person, I'm not judging you about covid. No one cares anymore except those of us who have to. If I judged everyone for that I would have no relationships left! You should still invite your disabled and/or covid-realist friends, just don't expect them to come. Leave a basket of masks by the door, you can say "masks provided" on your invitation if you want (this is very rare, your disabled friends will probably really appreciate it but still probably won't come).
posted by twelve cent archie at 8:41 AM on November 25 [5 favorites]

A few thoughts:

-I wouldn't worry about a theme - holiday get together is fine. It doesn't matter if people celebrate different holidays. Maybe your social circle is different, but mine wouldn't feel obligated to give gifts at a housewarming especially if the host made that clear - but we're all pretty informal people.

-A warning on all the Evite options - depending on your friends emails, these may get filtered out of the primary inbox. I have missed invitations because of this. So I'd send out a mass text after you send the invite "Hey everyone, just sent out an invitation to your email, if you can't find it let me know!"

-I agree you should just ask people their food restrictions when they RSVP, and making it a potluck is a great way to make sure a range of food options are represented. You could make a turkey, a lasagna, or some other big main course, have people bring the sides. Since you have Muslim friends, assuming they are observant, don't make a Christmas ham.

-Since not everyone drinks, I'd make sure there is some nice non-booze options - maybe hot cider, range of juices, seltzer, etc.

-Kids are up to you. It will change the dynamic of the party. If your friends have grandparents nearby, it's probably not a big imposition to make this adults only. If not, babysitters are in high demand for the holidays, so you risk friends not attending if you restrict it to adults only.

-Activity: something I've done with success is have people share (via email) 1-3 photos of top moments in their lives the past year. Then I printed them out, and attached them to picture frames (in may case using bright craft foam), and used them as decoration over various door ways as part of garland - not only does it look festive, but this can introduce people to each other "Oh, you visited the Grand Canyon this year? How was that? I've been wanting to go..." and lets people share their highlights - so generally puts people in a positive mood.
posted by coffeecat at 8:50 AM on November 25 [4 favorites]

For food just make sure you have a range of options and don't have too many things that are 'mixed'. A dish may be suitable for vegetarians, different faiths and allergies but for the fact that the recipe has you add a dollop of cream or sprinkle with crispy bacon or roasted nuts or drizzle with seed oil ..... have that kind of thing in separate bowls on the side for people to take or leave.
posted by koahiatamadl at 9:32 AM on November 25

An emailed invitation or evite is fine; don't do the group text and make everyone deal with everyone else's responses. You're overthinking the theme - a housewarming party is fine, and you can specify no gifts requested! (Yes, this will raise an eyebrow of someone who's like deeply into traditional etiquette, but I don't get a sense that's a thing you're super hung up on. If it is, then the answer is probably to make this a general party, it doesn't need a theme.)

Those of us who are still concerned about covid enough to be concerned about parties, probably aren't going to come to your party no matter what you say about it, given that it involves strangers at a high-risk time of year. Yes, it would be nice to note that you'll provide masks, but in practical terms I think you just have to expect that people like me are going to self-select out of your party. But personally I still appreciate being invited and might enjoy the chance to send you a little housewarming treat even if you didn't specifically request one. I know other people are more annoyed by the reminder that their friends are out there hosting/attending parties, etc., so I don't know what to tell you about that except I think it's basically fine to invite everyone you want to invite, and trust people to make the decisions that are right for them and ask the follow-up questions they need to ask.
posted by Stacey at 10:02 AM on November 25

A thought about kids at the party, if you get a significant number of families responding that their kids will join and a lot of them are under 5, you may want to arrange a babysitter for the night to help wrangle them. We've done this for parties where parents may lose track of their kids as they are running around and it helps to have one person be responsible for keeping the kids occupied, and if there's space, a room for them to hang out in with a video playing. Having crafts that kids and adults can do, together or not, like decorating cookies or crayons/markers/colored pencils with paper is usually popular. If you don't want to manage the cookies, see if one of your guests will bring plain cookies and another colored frosting, and yet another sprinkles. Cookie decorating at the holidays is always a big hit even if no one touches the cookies afterwards.
posted by drossdragon at 10:35 AM on November 25

Two things I would consider about Raclette... 1) As you may already know, it is served very à la minute--when the cheese is hot and melted, it has to be poured onto whatever and eaten immediately, because it's not nearly as nice when it's cooled down again. Would this cause any logistical difficulties in serving and eating? 2) I say this with so much love in my heart, but Raclette is a pretty stinky cheese when it's warmed up. If everyone at your party is not a cheese fan, it might create an off-putting atmosphere for those folks.
posted by merriment at 10:52 AM on November 25 [2 favorites]

Best answer: This is how my friend group seems to handle invitations these days (bear in mind this is UK, so *everyone* is on WhatsApp):

1) Optional - a pre-invite text saying save the date 'Thinking of having a little get together on DATE, more details to come!'

2) Individual texts, but a copy-paste message to each person with the details (does not need to be personalised). Asks people for allergies/dietary along with the RSVP. Maybe has a funny picture.

3) Everyone who's said yes gets added to a new text group. This is useful for last minute reminders, sharing photos afterwards etc.


If kids are invited, it's stated in 1 and/or 2. Usually with a note that some activity will be provided for them e.g. a movie and popcorn.
posted by atlantica at 10:52 AM on November 25 [2 favorites]

An easy thing to facilitate mixers at a party where people knew me (the host) but necessarily each other: We provided name tags and then under their name, we asked them to write a favorite or dream travel destination. This worked as a good conversation starter. Since it could include dream destinations, no one needed to feel pressure if they haven't been traveling much and everyone seemed pretty comfortable talking about why they choose that destination.
posted by metahawk at 11:04 AM on November 25 [1 favorite]

For theme, what's your home decor like? I would align them like "glitz and glamour of the season" "thrift shop finds" (this describes my decor) "cosy winter" or something like that.

Depends on your budget and number of guests but I might have a little ice breaking thing on that theme for people like I might have like sock-shaped nametags with markers to decorate or name tags with glitter or have people write their favourite cosy treat. Another just easy title is "Home for the holidays."

For icebreakers here are some ideas:

- given it's a holiday housewarming, a station with graham cracker gingerbread houses would get my vote

- I went to a party with a housewarming would you rather that was fun

- I've done a candy cane/candy stick taste guessing activity (everyone gets a candy to taste and then guesses - note that link is the expensive and weird way to go and don't do bacon/ham for obvious reasons; lots of stores carry weird candy cane flavours) but this is not diabetic friendly and you would want to make sure it's gelatine free - it was still in the right group a lot of fun

- Okay I just made this one up and it might be waaaay too much but you could have pictures of houses from holiday moves (the house from Home Alone, the apartment from Love Actually, the office tower from Die Hard, etc.) and have people match them to the film.

Food: I wouldn't do an 8 person raclette for a larger group unless it was like an option off to one side, because people will come and go and it'll be a lot to coordinate

I like holiday potlucks for all the reasons mentioned.

Kids: Assume that if they come they may be ill-behaved and your friends will as good parents deal with them. Having a craft table is a good idea, or if you have a babysitter, a separate room and some balloons and a video will go a long way. If you need the kids to be well-behaved to come, don't invite 'em. Holiday parties in particular tend to wind some kids up.
posted by warriorqueen at 11:22 AM on November 25

Best answer: Broadly speaking:

1) I don't do anything differently in 2024 than I did in 2019. I used email to send out party invites in 2019; I use email now. If I don't have someone's email, I ask them for their email. If you used Facebook before, you can still use Facebook; it's fine.

2) Host the party you want to host. It's kind to accommodate dietary preferences if you can, but it's not an absolute necessity. If one or more of Christmas, raclette, and/or mulled wine are a no-go for someone to the extent that they can't participate, it would be kind of you to make concrete plans to see them outside of the party. Similarly, it is kind to accommodate kids, but you also aren't The Worst if you decide not to invite kids, or you invite kids but don't specifically provide activities for them; and it's entirely up to you if you want to provide masks, ask guests to rapid test, or not.

3) Game/activity/icebreaker: Honestly, raclette is a pretty good activity in its own right! But Telephone Pictionary/Telestrations never goes amiss.

4) It feels a little like you want to host a party that all of your friends will attend, and that you'd feel guilty or responsible if someone didn't join for any reason other than a pre-existing scheduling conflict, whether it's missing the invitation, disliking the theme, or needing an accommodation that you aren't providing. I don't think this needs to be your goal.

I would love to come to a raclette mulled wine Christmas housewarming party, by the way. That sounds so cozy.
posted by capricorn at 12:09 PM on November 25 [2 favorites]

I go to academic department parties with my english professor partner, and his department always has labels next to the dishes - like "bean salad - vegan" or "meatballs - turkey" or whatever. It's great because it lets people pick according to their needs. These are mostly but not invariably potlucks, which also helps because people can bring their own favorite dishes that meet their dietary needs.

Raclette wouldn't be my choice for a larger gathering for the reasons folks have already mentioned - smells and having the cheese be hot for everyone. Maybe do a separate party for that?

The last time we did a holiday party we had mulled cider and put a bottle of applejack next to it for people to doctor their own drinks. I also like to make punch when we're doing something where we expect people to drink alcohol - it's so festive! But requires you to have a punch bowl and cups. Second hand stores often have them, but you have to store them afterwards.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 12:12 PM on November 25

Label the food. I make a vegan scalloped potato casserole that seems like it has dairy, so the label is a big help. A few vegan and gluten free dishes and some bread with spreads allows a lot of dietary choice. Some people will find the presence of pork offensive, so maybe no holiday ham.

If you do some veg-centric item, like miso-roasted carrots, roast asparagus w/ lemon, green beans w/ spaghetti in buttery sauce, pmost people will eat well.

Love the gingerbread house decorating idea, and all the icebreakers are great.

For kids, a pillow fort, a big bed, and some videos is handy.
posted by theora55 at 12:17 PM on November 25 [1 favorite]

I'd suggest email, where you bcc folks; don't send it to everyone such that they can see each other's email (and don't text everyone either), or evite or a similar online RSVP system.

You can call it a winter potluck, or housewarming potluck. I don't think having a housewarming screams "ME ME ME ME ME" but rather, hey, come check out my new place!

It's great if you can invite kids. I might also add, "Your kids will be the first in my home, so I can't promise how childproof it is."
posted by bluedaisy at 1:04 PM on November 25

You have a lot of excellent suggestions so far, so I will try to add one that doesn't seem to have been mentioned by anyone else:

Try to give your guests as much advance notice as possible for a December party.

I'm sorry that this advice may be coming a little late for you. But generally, if you want to stake out a weekend date in December to host your party, ideally you'd do it by the end of October or early November.

Since you've waited till the end of November, if I were you, I would brace for a number of invitees to not be able to make it to your December party.

Trust me, this is not because they don't like you and it's not because they don't want to attend your party! It's because December is a dreadfully busy month for parties for everyone. Most people celebrate Christmas with family and New Years with friends, they generally keep one more weekend of the month for party/travel prep, and the other two remaining weekends get filled up pretty quick with work parties and Christmas open houses thrown by other people. It's just a high-demand time.

Other answers to your questions:

- For my Diwali open house I send invites via a Google Calendar invite. People respond with yes/no to the invite or they text me or email me or whatever. Since it's only about 30-40 people, of which many are families so several people are clubbed together in one RSVP, this is not too chaotic for me to keep track of.

- For food, do a potluck! Have vegan options for food and non-alcoholic options for drinks.

- For kids, set up the TV room with a bunch of pillows and put on a movie. Easy peasy.

- If this is the first time they're coming over to your home, make it a housewarming! It's okay to have people focus on you and celebrate you. People LOVE opportunities to celebrate you. I bet you don't give them enough chances and you are too self effacing. Ease up!
posted by MiraK at 3:10 PM on November 25

RE dietary restrictions: I always make a vegan, gluten-free main course, which accommodates most needs. (Chana masala and white rice is a go-to.) Otherwise I only go to significant trouble if I know a CLOSE friend has an intolerance. Maybe this makes me a jerk, but if someone's spouse I barely know can't eat parsley, I don't want to rework an entire menu based on that, especially when they might end up not showing up after all. So I don't proactively ask about dietary restrictions.

RE COVID: If you want to try to accommodate those of us who can't risk illness, I recommend asking everyone to take a rapid test before coming over and ventilating/ running an air purifier during the event. We are used to being excluded so we won't be mad if you don't take precautions, but if you want to be inclusive, this helps. Offering masks is not necessary if you aren't going to require them; people who care about protecting themselves bring their own.
posted by metasarah at 3:19 PM on November 25

I send invites exclusively by email (BCC), with a link to partye.io for handling rsvps. It’s easier than tracking email replies and it lets people see who else is coming without giving any data away to Google/Meta/whoever owns Evite. And it’s free.
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 8:42 PM on November 25

I would call it a Holiday Open House or End of Year Open House

For invites, if you feel most comfortable with texting, do that. Split the invitees into groups and send 3-4 mass texts with people who know each other. That way they're not getting a lot of unknown numbers. You can double-up and also post on facebook and/or email as well.

Give some basic info: I'll have raclettes (dairy) and a vegan lasagna. Please bring a side dish. I'll have a variety of sodas and waters. BYOB if you'd like something else. Kids are welcome; I'll have a game room set up for them.

You can even vary up the invite, asking one group of friends to bring a dessert and another to bring appetizers.

This may be just my friend-group, but I like to put out boxes of Trivial Pursuit cards (cheap at thrift shops) for easy conversation starters. Definitely have some music playing (not too loudly) to help fill in the gaps in conversation.
posted by hydra77 at 9:25 AM on November 26

Should I tell my friends who are parents that their kids are also invited (mostly toddlers at this point)?

No, you should not tell only your friends who are parents that their kids are invited. This implies that you would be giving the impression on the invite that kids are not going to be there, especially since you are going to mention serving wine. Lots of people would prefer to know this for their plans, for example a guest might wear a sexy dress if they think it's a party for 21+, but would not want to wear the same outfit around children.

Everyone should know that kids are invited if you are inviting kids.

The party is definitely an adults party, but I don't mind if the kids come.

If I saw this on your invite I would be very confused. Perhaps English is your second language -- a "definitely an adults party" is definitely not something that kids should be present at. If I got an invite to an adult party and the host said it was fine for people under 18 to be there I would be avoiding the party because I don't want to get involved in anything illegal. I think you need to think about your wording here and maybe have a native English speaker read over the invitation.

Food: My buddy is bringing a raclette set, but some of my friends don't eat dairy so I'll have to provide other options. Also, the raclette only fits 8 people at a time.

This sounds like some sort of a game or a piece of furniture but somehow involves eating dairy. I have no idea what in the world it is. You might want to explain more on the invitation.

some don't drink

I always feel it is a good idea to provide nonalcoholic options but if you are inviting kids you definitely need to do this.

If you think any of your friends will be offended that there is a Christmas Tree, this is certainly good information to include and they will decide if they are comfortable with that. It doesn't seem likely that it would bother people but always best to provide the info and let people decide for themselves if they are interested in attending.
posted by yohko at 6:15 PM on November 26