Giving a friend their chemo buzzcut
October 30, 2024 2:00 PM Subscribe
How do I make my friend's buzzcut before chemo a little less horrible?
A very dear friend of mine has gotten a cancer diagnosis during pregnancy and is starting chemo shortly. She asked me do give her a buzz cut. Among a million other things I feel honored and humbled by this request and want to prepare to make this suck a tiny bit less (if possible).
I have done some research on how to go about this best haircut-wise and being a therapist I do feel somewhat equipped to hold space for someone in a difficult moment. I would like to hear from those of you who have done this either as a cancer patient or a friend: What helped you make this a safe/tolerable situation? Aside from scissors, clippers with guards and something to protect her from the hair, was there any helpful equipment? Did you have somewhat of an "event" with cake and treats etc. and or would that have felt inappropriate?
She has indicated that maybe we could do something fun like dyeing her hair a crazy color or doing a buzz cut/mohawk first, though I am not sure this is the way it's going to go down once we're at it or even if it's a good idea (for instance if dyeing irritates the scalp).
Thank you all in advance! Fuck cancer a million times!
A very dear friend of mine has gotten a cancer diagnosis during pregnancy and is starting chemo shortly. She asked me do give her a buzz cut. Among a million other things I feel honored and humbled by this request and want to prepare to make this suck a tiny bit less (if possible).
I have done some research on how to go about this best haircut-wise and being a therapist I do feel somewhat equipped to hold space for someone in a difficult moment. I would like to hear from those of you who have done this either as a cancer patient or a friend: What helped you make this a safe/tolerable situation? Aside from scissors, clippers with guards and something to protect her from the hair, was there any helpful equipment? Did you have somewhat of an "event" with cake and treats etc. and or would that have felt inappropriate?
She has indicated that maybe we could do something fun like dyeing her hair a crazy color or doing a buzz cut/mohawk first, though I am not sure this is the way it's going to go down once we're at it or even if it's a good idea (for instance if dyeing irritates the scalp).
Thank you all in advance! Fuck cancer a million times!
When I was in high school, one of my friends started chemo for cancer. She wanted her hair buzzed before it fell out, and so a few of us got together and made an event of it, helping her buzz her hair, but we (and she) also buzzed everyone's hair, as a visible reminder that she wasn't alone in her ordeal. We took silly photos throughout, and a couple of us had momentary mohawks before taking the rest off.
posted by xedrik at 2:09 PM on October 30
posted by xedrik at 2:09 PM on October 30
After the buzzcut follow up with a safety razor and gently shave the remaining hair off. It feels soooo good. Both the shaving and the peach fuzz when it's coming back.
This was for a man though. Women seem to have a different relationship with their hair.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:22 PM on October 30
This was for a man though. Women seem to have a different relationship with their hair.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:22 PM on October 30
In preparation for an utterly terrifying brain tumor surgery, my friend had to shave her head. So she threw a pre-op head shaving party! The initial pass of the buzzer wasn’t perfect and she needed to tidy it up the next day, but I think it was a positive experience to have it done in the company of her nearest and dearest (plus good party food.) Nobody seemed to think it was inappropriate and it gave some of us hands-on support peeps an opportunity to connect IRL before the surgery and rehab. Kind of like a team building event!
posted by stowaway at 2:42 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
posted by stowaway at 2:42 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
I remember calling a friend to cut my hair off, she came to my house and it felt very personal. I have no idea how to make the cut itself better. however, I saved my hair and then left it outside for birds to use in their nests. It was freeing, setting it out for nature to use.
posted by jennstra at 2:43 PM on October 30 [5 favorites]
posted by jennstra at 2:43 PM on October 30 [5 favorites]
It definitely depends on the friend's feelings on it, but one thing I've seen folks do is to do a photo series with a bunch of silly "haircuts" done in the process of being totally buzzed. Could be a mohawk, mullet, friar cut, etc. I also like the idea of then leaving the hair outside for the birds to take for nesting.
posted by Molasses808 at 2:55 PM on October 30 [4 favorites]
posted by Molasses808 at 2:55 PM on October 30 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Have a couple of nice tuques/beanies ready for her. I was fortunate that it was just for a fundraiser and not because of cancer, but when I got my head shaved I frigging FROZE for the first two weeks until some peach fuzz grew back in. And this was in July.
posted by kate4914 at 3:14 PM on October 30 [6 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 3:14 PM on October 30 [6 favorites]
I've buzzed my hair off several times, for fun and or charity though so really not relatable.
Dyeing your hair is a ton of fun, and can be done safely and fun-ly at home. Especially if your friend says she'd like to try, please run with it!!
Go to Sally's (together, if she's up for it!) and get a packet of powder bleach, a little bottle of 20 volume developer, a cheap tint brush, and a cheap mixing bowl if you don't have something at home to sacrifice. And then go nuts on the color. There's typically one or two color brands having a sale every week so go for those. (Don't be afraid to ask a Sally's employee for help, I love Sally's employees, they're wonderful.)
At home, your friend should change into something long sleeved that can be destroyed, or topless and wrapped in an old towel works too if you don't want to ruin any clothes. Mix the bleach by packet instructions, paint it on just up to but not touching the scalp (start at the ends and work your way home), and then let it cook. Depending on your friend's hair color, up to a half hour. Then wash it out well with shampoo but no conditioner. Dry it, apply the color, and marinate as long as you want! Color alone is generally quite gentle. Wash lightly and you're ready to go!
posted by phunniemee at 3:27 PM on October 30
Dyeing your hair is a ton of fun, and can be done safely and fun-ly at home. Especially if your friend says she'd like to try, please run with it!!
Go to Sally's (together, if she's up for it!) and get a packet of powder bleach, a little bottle of 20 volume developer, a cheap tint brush, and a cheap mixing bowl if you don't have something at home to sacrifice. And then go nuts on the color. There's typically one or two color brands having a sale every week so go for those. (Don't be afraid to ask a Sally's employee for help, I love Sally's employees, they're wonderful.)
At home, your friend should change into something long sleeved that can be destroyed, or topless and wrapped in an old towel works too if you don't want to ruin any clothes. Mix the bleach by packet instructions, paint it on just up to but not touching the scalp (start at the ends and work your way home), and then let it cook. Depending on your friend's hair color, up to a half hour. Then wash it out well with shampoo but no conditioner. Dry it, apply the color, and marinate as long as you want! Color alone is generally quite gentle. Wash lightly and you're ready to go!
posted by phunniemee at 3:27 PM on October 30
clippers with guards
You absolutely do not need guards for this. I would recommend a Wahl Peanut as the clippers of choice, as using it without guards gives you a VERY close cut. Seconding others to a) finish with a razor (if she wants to, she may just want to stick with stubble for now) and b) have others there to buzz with her. You're a great friend for helping with this!
posted by saladin at 3:28 PM on October 30
You absolutely do not need guards for this. I would recommend a Wahl Peanut as the clippers of choice, as using it without guards gives you a VERY close cut. Seconding others to a) finish with a razor (if she wants to, she may just want to stick with stubble for now) and b) have others there to buzz with her. You're a great friend for helping with this!
posted by saladin at 3:28 PM on October 30
Best answer: I am a veteran headshaver much in the vein of phunniemee. Mainly through doing Brave the Shave at work, but a couple of other times as well, going from ponytail to bald sometimes. I had to do it myself (with my daughter’s help) during Covid, and have a consumer grade clipper that worked fine; I think it is Wahl but can’t find it right now. Clipper is much easier and less likely to draw blood than scissors. But if your friend has really thick hair trimming it down to an inch or so with scissors before getting the clippers out might be worthwhile. Just realize that pros can pay hundreds of dollars for shears, so you might want to ask for advice before getting out the scissors. Lots of good advice here. I personally went ahead and shaved the stubble off after the clipper; just seemed less itchy that way. As always YMMV. Agree that there is no need for guards if you are taking it all off. When my daughter shaved my head she was 15 and had never done anything like it before but did fine.
The advice to get head coverings is spot on. Without hair you do lose a lot of heat through your head, and depending on the climate where you are that may feel good or bad. But in my experience it gets noticeable when the temperature is in the 70s (F) and in the 60s your friend may definitely need a head covering to feel comfortable.
The idea of making it an event of some sort is totally up to your friend; I can see it going either way. I’ve had too many friends with cancer and every one approached it differently; and the course of every one’s disease was unique.
Very sorry to hear your friend (and her friends and family with her) is going through this, and at quite likely the worst time possible. It is good she has friends like you to support her.
posted by TedW at 4:00 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
The advice to get head coverings is spot on. Without hair you do lose a lot of heat through your head, and depending on the climate where you are that may feel good or bad. But in my experience it gets noticeable when the temperature is in the 70s (F) and in the 60s your friend may definitely need a head covering to feel comfortable.
The idea of making it an event of some sort is totally up to your friend; I can see it going either way. I’ve had too many friends with cancer and every one approached it differently; and the course of every one’s disease was unique.
Very sorry to hear your friend (and her friends and family with her) is going through this, and at quite likely the worst time possible. It is good she has friends like you to support her.
posted by TedW at 4:00 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
the stubble off after the clipper
Oh oh oh oh my goodness. There are a few days immediately post-buzz where your head feels like Velcro. Cut cute shapes out of felt and give your friend a self-colorform experience. I had way more fun with this than a grown person should.
posted by phunniemee at 4:03 PM on October 30 [8 favorites]
Oh oh oh oh my goodness. There are a few days immediately post-buzz where your head feels like Velcro. Cut cute shapes out of felt and give your friend a self-colorform experience. I had way more fun with this than a grown person should.
posted by phunniemee at 4:03 PM on October 30 [8 favorites]
FYI if your friend’s hair is long they may be able to donate it. I know Locks of Love accepts donations of hair 8” or longer, but I also know some salons around here have places they donate shorter lengths.
posted by fedward at 4:36 PM on October 30
posted by fedward at 4:36 PM on October 30
You might get something out of this video:
My Chemo Hair Journey, Two Cuts and a Shave
posted by Glinn at 5:58 PM on October 30
My Chemo Hair Journey, Two Cuts and a Shave
posted by Glinn at 5:58 PM on October 30
Best answer: My husband did it and used electric clippers. I actually felt totally badass and cute after. If she seems like someone who would like wearing lipstick, get her a nice one - my favorite was the ysl lip stain - wearing bold lipstick and cool earrings made the haircut look more on purpose and made me feel human during chemo, even though I wasn't a lipstick wearer before.
Personally I wouldn't bother with hair dye unless she has a couple weeks - but you could give her a mohawk and use some temporary spray color as you go.
posted by beyond_pink at 6:17 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]
Personally I wouldn't bother with hair dye unless she has a couple weeks - but you could give her a mohawk and use some temporary spray color as you go.
posted by beyond_pink at 6:17 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]
My partner buzzed my hair partway through chemo, using electric clippers. My hair was already coming out in clumps, so it was very uneven, and I ran a razor over it very very lightly a few times in the direction of the hair growth while I was in the shower. This took out most of the longer stragglers and made it easier for him. I do not recommend scissors.
I would caution against dye if she's even a little bit sensitive. They advise you to use things as mild and unscented as possible. I got a terrible rash twice during chemo. It was from the chemo, not anything on or around my skin, but if I'd had any dye on my remaining hair I probably would have blamed it and made things worse by trying to scratch it off or something, I was so miserable. You just don't want anything that might make it worse, even just the sliver of a risk.
I also discovered that my favourite headwear was a fancy silk headband from Camilla, something like this or this. I wear them down on my forehead a bit. They're pricey but they are less obviously "cancer patient" than the regular turbans or beanies, they let my head breathe on top, and they're a bit less startling than a bald head. I am still wearing them on my baby-bird-feathers fuzzy regrowth.
posted by andraste at 8:04 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]
I would caution against dye if she's even a little bit sensitive. They advise you to use things as mild and unscented as possible. I got a terrible rash twice during chemo. It was from the chemo, not anything on or around my skin, but if I'd had any dye on my remaining hair I probably would have blamed it and made things worse by trying to scratch it off or something, I was so miserable. You just don't want anything that might make it worse, even just the sliver of a risk.
I also discovered that my favourite headwear was a fancy silk headband from Camilla, something like this or this. I wear them down on my forehead a bit. They're pricey but they are less obviously "cancer patient" than the regular turbans or beanies, they let my head breathe on top, and they're a bit less startling than a bald head. I am still wearing them on my baby-bird-feathers fuzzy regrowth.
posted by andraste at 8:04 PM on October 30 [1 favorite]
It's obvious you are a good friend just from the wording of your question. Before you do the deed, you may want to share with your friend this information from Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center about scalp cooling. When I accompanied a friend to a cancer infusion clinic, a young woman with gorgeous hair who was on the same chemo schedule as my friend did scalp cooling. She did not lose much hair at all. Scalp cooling success does depend on the type of chemo being administered. The woman was being treated for breast cancer, a solid tumor, not a blood cancer, which is treated with different drugs. The friend I was with did a buzz cut. So there may be a choice for your own friend.
posted by Elsie at 9:39 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
posted by Elsie at 9:39 PM on October 30 [2 favorites]
A friend of mine took the opportunity to do everything they'd ever wanted to their hair. Fun colors, clip-in temporary extensions, crazy styles, even a mohawk. When it was time for them to actually buzz their hair, they felt like it was time, and then when the hair grew back they appreciated having tried out some of the possibilities... especially since their formerly-slightly-wavy hair grew back in curly!
posted by erst at 11:35 PM on October 30
posted by erst at 11:35 PM on October 30
I do not know about chemo buzz cuts but I gave my two boys buzz cuts through high school and I have cut my own hair down to a 2 or a 3-4 depending for the past 5 years.
If they want to see it happening, of course do it in front of a mirror like at a salon. I also recommend a hand held mirror so they can see the sides and back.
For me, I will not start the buzzing on my own head until I have baby powder at hand. I put it on my neck and shoulders. It prevents the small sharp stubbles from sticking to you and from poking you. It prevents a lot of itching.
Also make sure the buzzer is well oiled before starting. Nothing worse than having it "grab" at your hair. Ouch.
I rub hand lotion on my head and my kid's heads right afterwards. It really helps make it less "burny" or it cools the head and helps the scalp. When my hair was down to my shoulders or even at a professional length for a guy I never thought about it, but once I buzz it down low, I also need to put sun screen on my head. Your scalp is very sensitive to the sun.
When doing things like a mohawk, start wider than you think it should be. You can always make it smaller, cannot make it wider.
I have also done the before, the during and the after photos. I am glad I did, but not sure what I am going to do with all those photos of me and my boys looking insane.
Good luck. You are a good friend. It sounds like your friend is going through a lot more than just the chemo. I cannot tell, but either she is pregnant now or is a new mother or god forbid just lost her baby.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:05 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]
If they want to see it happening, of course do it in front of a mirror like at a salon. I also recommend a hand held mirror so they can see the sides and back.
For me, I will not start the buzzing on my own head until I have baby powder at hand. I put it on my neck and shoulders. It prevents the small sharp stubbles from sticking to you and from poking you. It prevents a lot of itching.
Also make sure the buzzer is well oiled before starting. Nothing worse than having it "grab" at your hair. Ouch.
I rub hand lotion on my head and my kid's heads right afterwards. It really helps make it less "burny" or it cools the head and helps the scalp. When my hair was down to my shoulders or even at a professional length for a guy I never thought about it, but once I buzz it down low, I also need to put sun screen on my head. Your scalp is very sensitive to the sun.
When doing things like a mohawk, start wider than you think it should be. You can always make it smaller, cannot make it wider.
I have also done the before, the during and the after photos. I am glad I did, but not sure what I am going to do with all those photos of me and my boys looking insane.
Good luck. You are a good friend. It sounds like your friend is going through a lot more than just the chemo. I cannot tell, but either she is pregnant now or is a new mother or god forbid just lost her baby.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:05 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]
I had chemo in my 20s and did the pre-chemo buzz cut (I am a woman). One simple thing you might consider adding to the experience to make it more positive and/or cathartic without overburdening either of you is music! I often found music was able to reach me in a helpful way during the various ups and downs of my cancer journey.
posted by space snail at 8:24 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]
posted by space snail at 8:24 AM on October 31 [1 favorite]
The supplies I would gather would be-
Haircutting scissors
Clippers
Tons of small elastic bands - use real rubber bands made for office supply use, not thread-covered hair elastics. The grippiness of the rubber will help keep the hair from falling out of the ponytails after they are cut.
Some big alligator clips and claw clips to help with parting the hair
A plastic comb that's not too sharp on the tips, maybe with a handle for parting
A long music playlist!
Snacks
A cape
A large fluffy blush brush and baby powder to powder & brush off all the cut hairs from her neck so she won't be itchy
A vaccuum, broom, etc, to whisk away the mess
A large mirror and a hand mirror so she can see it happening
Things to feel pretty - shaving the head is jarring at first so minimize the shock by making sure she feels good about how she looks aside from her hair. Makeup, accessories, a flattering colour top, etc, will all help!!
A few hat / bandana / head wrap options to try on
The maximum amount of makeup she feels comfortable with -brow makeup, blush, and lip colour will help make her face look defined and more like herself.
Accessories / earrings etc.
Start with clean hair that has no styling products or moisture in it.
Before buzzing, I would put her hair into lots of small ponytails, and cut it off just above the ponytails. That way you get a bunch of cute little bundles of hair that could maybe even be donated or later made into a wig or hair topper (women's toupee to conceal a thinning scalp), when her own hair is growing back.
Section the hair into 5-10 sections with straight neat parts - Gently part with the rounded edge of the comb. Arrange the parts going back from the face, with a neat part across the back from ear to ear to create an undershave part. That way, as the hair sections are shaved (starting from the nape and doing the forehead area last), the remaining hair can create an undershave, then a mohawk, then a top lock, and finally a forelock.
I suggest you DO NOT start from the forehead because there's no going back! Start from the nape, then the sides, then the top, and finally the forehead. That way if she decides to keep a different style for a few days or weeks, it will still look cool!
Put the sections into small keepsake ponytails using elastic bands. Put in the elastics leaving some slack between scalp and elastic, and make the elastics quite tight on the hair but with zero tension on the scalp. The smaller your bundles, the more securely the elastic can hold onto all the hair, and also the more length each bundle will preserve. When you cut, cut off the ponytails ABOVE the elastics so you can keep the little bundles of hair.
Cut off the ponytails from the nape of the neck first and then buzz that area for an undercut effect. Then cut off the ponytails from the sides and buzz the sides for a cool mohawk. Then cut off the mohawk but leave the forelock and maybe it can even stay for a few weeks like a chelsea cut, which will look cute peeking out from under a hat and give her time to get used to her buzzed head but still with some softening hair around the face for a few weeks.
Make sure the hair is EXTREMELY dry before storing - let it dry for a couple days to get out any moisture trapped inside the rubber band, too. And store it in a paper or fabric bag rather than plastic, in a place with some air flow, and maybe even toss a little silica packet into the box where you store it.
Personally I would encourage her to keep the hair in case she wants to make a topper out of it later (note it probably needs to be about 8 inches long for that to work). Or else do something ceremonial with it! Note that burning hair smells HORRIBLE so a ceremonial fire probably isn't ideal!
You sound like a great friend!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:19 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]
Haircutting scissors
Clippers
Tons of small elastic bands - use real rubber bands made for office supply use, not thread-covered hair elastics. The grippiness of the rubber will help keep the hair from falling out of the ponytails after they are cut.
Some big alligator clips and claw clips to help with parting the hair
A plastic comb that's not too sharp on the tips, maybe with a handle for parting
A long music playlist!
Snacks
A cape
A large fluffy blush brush and baby powder to powder & brush off all the cut hairs from her neck so she won't be itchy
A vaccuum, broom, etc, to whisk away the mess
A large mirror and a hand mirror so she can see it happening
Things to feel pretty - shaving the head is jarring at first so minimize the shock by making sure she feels good about how she looks aside from her hair. Makeup, accessories, a flattering colour top, etc, will all help!!
A few hat / bandana / head wrap options to try on
The maximum amount of makeup she feels comfortable with -brow makeup, blush, and lip colour will help make her face look defined and more like herself.
Accessories / earrings etc.
Start with clean hair that has no styling products or moisture in it.
Before buzzing, I would put her hair into lots of small ponytails, and cut it off just above the ponytails. That way you get a bunch of cute little bundles of hair that could maybe even be donated or later made into a wig or hair topper (women's toupee to conceal a thinning scalp), when her own hair is growing back.
Section the hair into 5-10 sections with straight neat parts - Gently part with the rounded edge of the comb. Arrange the parts going back from the face, with a neat part across the back from ear to ear to create an undershave part. That way, as the hair sections are shaved (starting from the nape and doing the forehead area last), the remaining hair can create an undershave, then a mohawk, then a top lock, and finally a forelock.
I suggest you DO NOT start from the forehead because there's no going back! Start from the nape, then the sides, then the top, and finally the forehead. That way if she decides to keep a different style for a few days or weeks, it will still look cool!
Put the sections into small keepsake ponytails using elastic bands. Put in the elastics leaving some slack between scalp and elastic, and make the elastics quite tight on the hair but with zero tension on the scalp. The smaller your bundles, the more securely the elastic can hold onto all the hair, and also the more length each bundle will preserve. When you cut, cut off the ponytails ABOVE the elastics so you can keep the little bundles of hair.
Cut off the ponytails from the nape of the neck first and then buzz that area for an undercut effect. Then cut off the ponytails from the sides and buzz the sides for a cool mohawk. Then cut off the mohawk but leave the forelock and maybe it can even stay for a few weeks like a chelsea cut, which will look cute peeking out from under a hat and give her time to get used to her buzzed head but still with some softening hair around the face for a few weeks.
Make sure the hair is EXTREMELY dry before storing - let it dry for a couple days to get out any moisture trapped inside the rubber band, too. And store it in a paper or fabric bag rather than plastic, in a place with some air flow, and maybe even toss a little silica packet into the box where you store it.
Personally I would encourage her to keep the hair in case she wants to make a topper out of it later (note it probably needs to be about 8 inches long for that to work). Or else do something ceremonial with it! Note that burning hair smells HORRIBLE so a ceremonial fire probably isn't ideal!
You sound like a great friend!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:19 AM on October 31 [2 favorites]
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posted by cider at 2:08 PM on October 30 [3 favorites]