Positive experiences with online dating since 2020
October 26, 2024 11:51 AM Subscribe
Looking to collect some positive experiences others have had, after 2020, with online dating in order to encourage and motivate myself again!
Whether you've gotten into a relationship, or had a different type of positive experience , I'd like to hear about it. If you want, you can share what helped make it a positive experience for you in terms of how you approached it.
Really just looking for recent, post-2020 experiences, as I've felt online dating has changed a lot since then (seemingly for the worse)...if you have a great story from 2019 or whatever, go ahead, but the idea is for these to be recent and post-covid
I'm doing this to try to encourage and motivate myself to try again, since I hear (amd have experienced) a lot of negative stories .
For context, I'm a woman in my 40s looking to date men for committed relationships
Whether you've gotten into a relationship, or had a different type of positive experience , I'd like to hear about it. If you want, you can share what helped make it a positive experience for you in terms of how you approached it.
Really just looking for recent, post-2020 experiences, as I've felt online dating has changed a lot since then (seemingly for the worse)...if you have a great story from 2019 or whatever, go ahead, but the idea is for these to be recent and post-covid
I'm doing this to try to encourage and motivate myself to try again, since I hear (amd have experienced) a lot of negative stories .
For context, I'm a woman in my 40s looking to date men for committed relationships
I'll start by saying that my experience with online dating was a while ago so I totally understand if you don't feel my situation is relevent. I've been married now for about 12 years. I met my wife online. While I know online dating is waaay different these days I want you to know that it was pretty tough even back then. But for me the thing that kept me going was coming to grips that it really was a numbers game. I went on so many first dates that never went anywhere. The whole swiping thing of today is not something I can relate to because I never had to do that but I do think it still comes down to numbers. I don't know how many first dates I went on before meeting my wife..but it was a lot. I had to take brakes from dating...stop for a few weeks or months and then try it again. In a lot of ways it felt like a job. And it kind of was. But today I'm very happily married. My wife and I have a pretty great marriage and I have zero regrets. I'd do it all over again in a heart beat. Hang in there...it's hard.
posted by ljs30 at 12:41 PM on October 26 [1 favorite]
posted by ljs30 at 12:41 PM on October 26 [1 favorite]
(Online dating has gotten even worse in the past year or so as these companies start feeling pressure to be profitable and 1) get people to pay 2) keep people on the app as long as possible.)
That said, my friend (40s F) met her girlfriend on Tinder in 2022 and they just got engaged! Their profiles both said they were open to getting to know new people and seeing where it went, so they had 3-4 lunches before they went on a kayak camping trip where they both said they like-liked each other.
posted by momus_window at 2:59 PM on October 26 [4 favorites]
That said, my friend (40s F) met her girlfriend on Tinder in 2022 and they just got engaged! Their profiles both said they were open to getting to know new people and seeing where it went, so they had 3-4 lunches before they went on a kayak camping trip where they both said they like-liked each other.
posted by momus_window at 2:59 PM on October 26 [4 favorites]
I'm a 39 yo woman who mostly dates men and was also looking for a long term relationship.
I stopped drinking about two and half years ago and wanted to wait a year before I started to date, but I felt good after about eleven months and so I created profiles on Hinge and Bumble. After a couple days of feeling pretty meh about the prospects, I created a profile on OkCupid because a friend had mentioned that it was her preferred venue; it provides less structure and lets you communicate more.
Maybe ten days in, I messaged with a guy; his profile caught my eye because he seemed smart, sweet, funny, and deeply interested in a wide swathe of areas. Also, a real cutie pie. We exchanged a few messages and set up a date for the following weekend. Then I had an unexpected Tuesday night free so I messaged him to see if he wanted to go out for tea. And we did, and it was wonderful in a way that I had sort of given up on experiencing. We were very intrigued by each other.
Our second date, we did a puzzle together and talked very frankly about our issues. At our age, everyone has baggage, but we were both experienced and self-aware enough to decide if it was baggage we could handle together.
And we've been together since - he's reading at the other end of the couch right now, his legs tangled with mine, in the home we share. We just adore each other, and we're building a wonderful life together. He's so tender and brilliant and silly and weird; I can't believe my luck.
It's hard for me to say what was different this time compared to others - this was my first attempt at dating since I got sober and went through some other big life stuff, so I was a hugely different person than I had been previously. Largely, I think it's just a numbers game. Only message enough to feel confident that you won't hate them, and then meet in person in a low-commitment way. This is supposed to enlarge your life, so when it feels like a burden, take a break.
posted by punchtothehead at 4:12 PM on October 26 [10 favorites]
I stopped drinking about two and half years ago and wanted to wait a year before I started to date, but I felt good after about eleven months and so I created profiles on Hinge and Bumble. After a couple days of feeling pretty meh about the prospects, I created a profile on OkCupid because a friend had mentioned that it was her preferred venue; it provides less structure and lets you communicate more.
Maybe ten days in, I messaged with a guy; his profile caught my eye because he seemed smart, sweet, funny, and deeply interested in a wide swathe of areas. Also, a real cutie pie. We exchanged a few messages and set up a date for the following weekend. Then I had an unexpected Tuesday night free so I messaged him to see if he wanted to go out for tea. And we did, and it was wonderful in a way that I had sort of given up on experiencing. We were very intrigued by each other.
Our second date, we did a puzzle together and talked very frankly about our issues. At our age, everyone has baggage, but we were both experienced and self-aware enough to decide if it was baggage we could handle together.
And we've been together since - he's reading at the other end of the couch right now, his legs tangled with mine, in the home we share. We just adore each other, and we're building a wonderful life together. He's so tender and brilliant and silly and weird; I can't believe my luck.
It's hard for me to say what was different this time compared to others - this was my first attempt at dating since I got sober and went through some other big life stuff, so I was a hugely different person than I had been previously. Largely, I think it's just a numbers game. Only message enough to feel confident that you won't hate them, and then meet in person in a low-commitment way. This is supposed to enlarge your life, so when it feels like a burden, take a break.
posted by punchtothehead at 4:12 PM on October 26 [10 favorites]
I met a guy on Tinder in 2021 and we just got married. My profile said something like "looking to get married and start a family, but in a fun non-threatening way". I like to think my combo of forthrightness and sparkling wit gave me a leg up, but it was probably just luck and persistence. He's wonderful (naturally), and I was the first person he met on Tinder after a breakup. This was right as everyone was getting vaxxed and lockdown was lifting, so I'd say it's been a post-covid relationship.
posted by umwelt at 5:19 PM on October 26 [5 favorites]
posted by umwelt at 5:19 PM on October 26 [5 favorites]
Not me, but my friend K (41 year old woman) met a man online in 2021 and they were just married and are perfect for each other.
I know two other successful M/F pairings (30s) that started in 2022/2023, and they met online, but not through dating apps. They all belonged to the same local "social club" subreddit group and met at the IRL events.
posted by cboggs at 8:55 PM on October 26 [2 favorites]
I know two other successful M/F pairings (30s) that started in 2022/2023, and they met online, but not through dating apps. They all belonged to the same local "social club" subreddit group and met at the IRL events.
posted by cboggs at 8:55 PM on October 26 [2 favorites]
At the 18-month mark with a guy I met on Bumble, talking marriage.
I was dating guys via a few apps for about six months before we met. Had some casual flings but nothing serious. Met this dude and instant hot chemistry, then fell in love.
The thing that I credit is that my profile was VERY specific. Done with kids, no conservatives, and looking for guys who were taking care of their own mental health (big issue in my divorce) and not expecting me to do it. I'm also not super specific in my physical preferences, I don't much care about hair color or eye color. Avoided sportsy guys and guys who were too hardcore outdoorsy, I am a casual hiker at best. I didn't get as many nibbles that way, but the ones I got were better fits.
posted by emjaybee at 10:31 PM on October 26 [6 favorites]
I was dating guys via a few apps for about six months before we met. Had some casual flings but nothing serious. Met this dude and instant hot chemistry, then fell in love.
The thing that I credit is that my profile was VERY specific. Done with kids, no conservatives, and looking for guys who were taking care of their own mental health (big issue in my divorce) and not expecting me to do it. I'm also not super specific in my physical preferences, I don't much care about hair color or eye color. Avoided sportsy guys and guys who were too hardcore outdoorsy, I am a casual hiker at best. I didn't get as many nibbles that way, but the ones I got were better fits.
posted by emjaybee at 10:31 PM on October 26 [6 favorites]
My partner and I met on Bumble in 2021. I'm 41 and he's 44. I've used online dating to meet people since 2011 or so, and overall I've had really positive experiences. I think that the way I approached it was helpful for meeting genuine men who are looking for relationships.
- First, I posted a few pictures, including make-up less photos/unfiltered photos and full length photos (but not suggestive ones).
- I included a good amount of information on my profile about what I want in a partner, and what I'm interested in general, trying to show my personality as much as possible, because I was interested in finding someone who is interested in my personality and someone who was ultimately interested in being in a committed relationship. I agree with what emjaybee says - make your profile specific.
- I would read profiles before swiping left or right. If a guy was cute, had a fun/interesting/genuine profile that gave me some insight into his personality, and met all my deal makers (doesn't want kids, not conservative, etc.), THEN I would swipe right.
- When I matched with a guy, I struck up a conversation and tried to remark on something specific in his profile within the first couple of messages to help forge a more personal connection. I would also pay attention - did he reference things from my profile? If not, bye.
- I would pay attention to how he communicated (grammar, what kinds of questions he asked, did we have similar styles?)
- At one point, I showed my close friend some of my matches. She really liked the guy I'm with now, and it helped guide me to message him. Sometimes friends can see things that we don't!
- I initiated dates fairly quickly - within a week or two of matching/talking. That way you know if there's a real connection.
- I went on a few first and maybe second dates in the span of a few weeks with a couple different guys, but didn't juggle for longer than that. If I like someone, I like to focus my energy on them, and my partner is similar so that's what we did after just a few dates.
posted by I_carried_a_watermelon at 9:52 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]
- First, I posted a few pictures, including make-up less photos/unfiltered photos and full length photos (but not suggestive ones).
- I included a good amount of information on my profile about what I want in a partner, and what I'm interested in general, trying to show my personality as much as possible, because I was interested in finding someone who is interested in my personality and someone who was ultimately interested in being in a committed relationship. I agree with what emjaybee says - make your profile specific.
- I would read profiles before swiping left or right. If a guy was cute, had a fun/interesting/genuine profile that gave me some insight into his personality, and met all my deal makers (doesn't want kids, not conservative, etc.), THEN I would swipe right.
- When I matched with a guy, I struck up a conversation and tried to remark on something specific in his profile within the first couple of messages to help forge a more personal connection. I would also pay attention - did he reference things from my profile? If not, bye.
- I would pay attention to how he communicated (grammar, what kinds of questions he asked, did we have similar styles?)
- At one point, I showed my close friend some of my matches. She really liked the guy I'm with now, and it helped guide me to message him. Sometimes friends can see things that we don't!
- I initiated dates fairly quickly - within a week or two of matching/talking. That way you know if there's a real connection.
- I went on a few first and maybe second dates in the span of a few weeks with a couple different guys, but didn't juggle for longer than that. If I like someone, I like to focus my energy on them, and my partner is similar so that's what we did after just a few dates.
posted by I_carried_a_watermelon at 9:52 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]
I met my partner on OKCupid in early 2023. Well, we actually matched sometime in 2022, but I was just coming off a bad breakup and not ready to meet anyone new. Then we matched again the next year and I remembered I had liked him before. Everyone our age (34/35) and younger who hears this is shocked to hear OKC still even exists. I'm not sure what it's like now, but at the time I still liked it better than the other apps because people wrote a lot more about themselves and I liked getting that sense of people before meeting. Plus, their matching percentage algorithm was generally pretty accurate for me. I think my partner and I were something like a 98% match and I'm still pretty shocked at how well suited we are.
We were both very clear we wanted a serious relationship and, once we found the right person, marriage and kids . Before him, I tried to make it work with some guys who were ambivalent and found that really stressful. Much better to know from the start we were on the same page.
posted by jane addams at 11:35 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]
We were both very clear we wanted a serious relationship and, once we found the right person, marriage and kids . Before him, I tried to make it work with some guys who were ambivalent and found that really stressful. Much better to know from the start we were on the same page.
posted by jane addams at 11:35 AM on October 27 [2 favorites]
A friend of mine was on the apps before covid and continued through the pandemic: she met someone in 2020 or 2021, he moved in, they got married, and they had a baby this past summer.
She told me that she felt like covid helped her really focus on what she was looking for in a partner, and that meeting in person while doing social distancing showed her a lot about a person - if they were willing to match her level of commitment to staying as safe as possible while meeting up, that was a good sign. He’s a decent guy and they seem like a good match to me.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 11:54 AM on October 27 [1 favorite]
She told me that she felt like covid helped her really focus on what she was looking for in a partner, and that meeting in person while doing social distancing showed her a lot about a person - if they were willing to match her level of commitment to staying as safe as possible while meeting up, that was a good sign. He’s a decent guy and they seem like a good match to me.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 11:54 AM on October 27 [1 favorite]
It's been two years since I met my current partner on Bumble. I've had other relationships that began online, and my experience has been that since swipe apps took over from apps like OkCupid which used to allow searches, it takes me about a year to find a good partner online. I have some very specific criteria which may make it take longer than other people, and I take breaks along the way when I'm busy or worn out, but knowing that it's not likely to be an instant thing actually helps me feel less exhausted but it.
posted by metasarah at 3:20 PM on October 27 [1 favorite]
posted by metasarah at 3:20 PM on October 27 [1 favorite]
Well, pre-covid, but my experience was similar to others - it's a numbers game. I have no idea how many times I sat down for coffee with a stranger, but it was a lot. That was after being very specific in my profile and not trying to present myself as anything other than exactly what I am. In almost all cases, there was no or little spark and I moved on straight away. Then I met my (now) wife and knew instantly the search was over. I've never used 'swipe to reject' apps like Tinder, but sites that allow searching etc and the paid version at that. I'm male and I know that changes things a lot in this context but, even though you may have to sort through a desert of sand, there's a diamond in amongst all that sand and all you have to do is sift it.
posted by dg at 6:02 PM on October 27
posted by dg at 6:02 PM on October 27
I was 54 in 2020, and had recently ended a nearly a year relationship with someone I knew and wanted a better fit. Someone on MeFi suggested Bumble (I also tried Match...ugh) so I gave it a shot. I ended up chatting with a few guys; met one for a date; but that was meh.
In Bumble, men who swipe right on you go into your "hive". I'd swipe left on guys I thought lived too far, or didn't interest me. Except this one guy. He didn't have a fantastic profile; he only had three pictures; and he lived an hour away. But I couldn't swipe left. He sat in my hive for a week until one night I said what the hell, and messaged him. He responded in half an hour. We texted back and forth for three hours. Two days later, after we exchanged cell numbers, he FaceTimed me.
It's a little over four years and we're going strong. This is the best relationship I've ever had; not to let anyone thing it's easy, it's not, but it's honest, it's fun, and for once in my life I can say how I feel and NOT get pushback/demeaned for it. He's in his early 60s, and I'm now 58. We don't live together yet, but we do have plans in the future.
posted by annieb at 6:26 PM on October 27 [3 favorites]
In Bumble, men who swipe right on you go into your "hive". I'd swipe left on guys I thought lived too far, or didn't interest me. Except this one guy. He didn't have a fantastic profile; he only had three pictures; and he lived an hour away. But I couldn't swipe left. He sat in my hive for a week until one night I said what the hell, and messaged him. He responded in half an hour. We texted back and forth for three hours. Two days later, after we exchanged cell numbers, he FaceTimed me.
It's a little over four years and we're going strong. This is the best relationship I've ever had; not to let anyone thing it's easy, it's not, but it's honest, it's fun, and for once in my life I can say how I feel and NOT get pushback/demeaned for it. He's in his early 60s, and I'm now 58. We don't live together yet, but we do have plans in the future.
posted by annieb at 6:26 PM on October 27 [3 favorites]
In late 2020, I was 45 and about 18 months post-separation from my ex. A friend encouraged me to try online dating – something I hadn't done since maybe 2003. I tried Hinge first, which was fine but I didn't have the best luck. But I did get a lay of the land, as it were. Then I joined Bumble, and I think overall it had more of the type of men I was looking for. I wasn't on there long before connecting with someone, and we have been together ever since. I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted going into the world of online dating (and said something to that effect in my profile) but find myself really happy with the partner I've found. Best relationship I've ever had for sure.
As for my approach, my answer from this thread will probably be best, plus there are some other good answers there too, related to a similar question to yours. Good luck! Good outcomes are definitely possible.
posted by Molasses808 at 9:17 PM on October 28
As for my approach, my answer from this thread will probably be best, plus there are some other good answers there too, related to a similar question to yours. Good luck! Good outcomes are definitely possible.
posted by Molasses808 at 9:17 PM on October 28
I'm an early 50s cis woman and, until recently, mostly dated men. I have a few stories to share:
I just went to a wedding of a gay friend of mine. He met his now-husband in late 2020 (so very much in the height of covid) on the apps. My friend had been looking for something monogamous and serious for a while, and they are an incredibly beautiful couple. Like one of those "see, love stories can be real!" couples. Just really lovely folks, and they're in a dating pool where it can be difficult to find someone looking for something serious.
Years ago, pre-Covid, I went on one date with a guy from an app, and we had fun, but there was never a second date. We reconnected on the apps during Covid, in spring of 2022. We dated casually for about a year, but our friendship really ramped up over that time, and then we transitioned into friendship. He's now one of my best friends, like in my very inner circle.
A year ago, I met a woman on the apps, and we started dating. We both have busy lives (kids etc) so it's too soon for me to make dramatic statements, but I adore her and am hoping it's a long term thing. I'll be honest. I think she's maybe my love story, you know?
posted by bluedaisy at 11:49 AM on October 29
I just went to a wedding of a gay friend of mine. He met his now-husband in late 2020 (so very much in the height of covid) on the apps. My friend had been looking for something monogamous and serious for a while, and they are an incredibly beautiful couple. Like one of those "see, love stories can be real!" couples. Just really lovely folks, and they're in a dating pool where it can be difficult to find someone looking for something serious.
Years ago, pre-Covid, I went on one date with a guy from an app, and we had fun, but there was never a second date. We reconnected on the apps during Covid, in spring of 2022. We dated casually for about a year, but our friendship really ramped up over that time, and then we transitioned into friendship. He's now one of my best friends, like in my very inner circle.
A year ago, I met a woman on the apps, and we started dating. We both have busy lives (kids etc) so it's too soon for me to make dramatic statements, but I adore her and am hoping it's a long term thing. I'll be honest. I think she's maybe my love story, you know?
posted by bluedaisy at 11:49 AM on October 29
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Met a particular person and had vibes from the very beginning aka upon first reading her profile. She contacted me on a Saturday morning, I made a coffee date for that day, we met and talked for hours and were pretty inseparable. That was almost two years ago and still together.
In retrospect (we've talked about this), we both had hots for each other from our individual profiles. We made a pointed effort to show up for that first coffee date and be ourselves, while putting in a little more than usual effort (we're both introverted) to be outgoing. We were both adamant about minimal texting before meeting and meeting in person ASAP to see if a connection was real.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:17 PM on October 26 [17 favorites]