Missed a deadline. Do I mention the Big Medical Issue?
August 12, 2024 2:01 AM   Subscribe

I have spent much of this year being treated for cancer which has been stressful and I've had to work part time and had some brain fog. I stuffed up at work. Do I be honest but self-serving and mention the cancer and brain fog, or no?

I should have asked a donor for an extension on a final report months ago, but I didn't, though I swear I remember doing it. I also didn't follow up. The donor has just asked where the report is and it's sent me into a tailspin because I honestly thought I was coping with everything really well, but clearly I have fucked at least one thing up. It's making me spiral and I can't think straight.

Bonus difficulty - we already had an extension on this project because of Covid flow-on issues, and I need to ask for another extension as the researcher has also had personal circumstances.

Bonus irony - it's a cancer research project.
posted by andraste to Work & Money (8 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Of course? Everyone is human, you are allowed to show it. What would you get out of not telling them?
posted by deadwax at 3:14 AM on August 12, 2024 [5 favorites]


Best answer: If you have a reporting structure where you have a boss, that person should gently and kindly now take over the communication, and definitely share with them if you haven’t.

If you don’t have that structure, then you’re in a role where you just don’t have a lot of supports, and in that case I think transparency with the donor is fine. Something like “I was sure we’d let you know we would need an extension due to XYZ circumstances, but after receiving your email I realized it wasn’t sent. I am so sorry. I wanted to let you know the circumstances: During that time I was undergoing (whatever you were). That must have impacted my communication.

And then lay out either the new timeline or a timeline for when you will lay out the timeline.

I hope you know that this issue here is the lack of supports, not you. Given that, inevitably some things will go wrong from time to time. What’s happened is very understandable and I think it’s good to give the donor the opportunity to be good about it.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:53 AM on August 12, 2024 [23 favorites]


I am in HR and this message is for OP and also for everybody in the USA. Please for the love of god tell your employer when you or a member of your family has a health condition (mental health counts too) for which you need to receive care. You don't have to go into detail (in fact, please don't) but please share this. We have precious few worker protections in this country, but we do have FMLA.

Please please please do not privacy or bravery yourself into getting fired for performance. You have rights.
posted by phunniemee at 5:02 AM on August 12, 2024 [20 favorites]


Response by poster: Not thread sitting, just a clarification after phunniemee’s comment; I have informed my employer and immediate team of my condition, and they have been very supportive. The question is about whether I should mention it to the donor. Apologies for not making that clear.

(Work have been really good. I am just freaking out a bit because I thought I was on top of everything, and now I have proof that I wasn’t.)
posted by andraste at 5:46 AM on August 12, 2024


I wouldn't tell the donor, it's not their business. But I might be missing something about this kind of work.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:56 AM on August 12, 2024 [1 favorite]


Personally, I would give a very high-level explanation ("medical/health issues"/"family situation"/"personal circumstances" etc) that combines both your situation and the other extension you'll need to ask for, without disclosing the exact details or mentioning that it's cancer because that may cause them to make certain assumptions and reactions based on their past experiences and current understanding of cancer (particularly if the donor has had a personal or family diagnosis, which they very often do in this field). Definitely agree with giving a timeline so they don't worry that the project is totally lost.

Of course you are also free to disclose your medical details if you wish and it's necessarily not a bad thing if you do, it just may change how they interact with you in the future (for the better or worse, so use your judgement based on your relationship). Most people will be quite understanding about this general situation even with very minimal details.
posted by randomnity at 7:24 AM on August 12, 2024


Best answer: Work have been really good. I am just freaking out a bit because I thought I was on top of everything, and now I have proof that I wasn’t.)

I’ve had colleagues with cancer and supervised staff going through other things and I promise you that any good environment means that your boss and colleagues are way more invested in your long-term career and health than any small slips you may make during this very difficult time in your life. I know how scary it is from when I had to drop a lot of things during a rough pregnancy. It is okay to be human at work. It’s okay for this to have an impact. It’s okay to make a mistake.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:16 AM on August 12, 2024 [5 favorites]


Best answer: Take a deep breath. Tell the shame goblin to get stuffed. In a proper society you wouldn't have to work through cancer treatment in the first place. If you're not the one producing the report, then you're not even the one actually responsible for the delay, just the miscommunication about the delay. Not to minimize the importance of good donor relations, but if this is not related to meeting a grant deadline, it's a made-up deadline anyway.

I agree with warriorqueen that this is a good place for your supervisor to step in on communications, just to reassure the donor that the organization is aware of the situation and the report will be coming. If not, the key is to be briefly apologetic, professional, and clear about when the work product will be arriving (don't overpromise on this out of shame/panic, either).

It's going to be okay!
posted by praemunire at 9:06 AM on August 12, 2024 [3 favorites]


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