Adulting Task List for Independent Living

July 22, 2024 9:13 AM

My cousin (22 years old, nonbinary) is getting started with independent living. They are very smart, but have been delayed in achieving independence because of chronic health issues. They are also not neurotypical (ADHD and on the autism spectrum). They LOVE lists. I want to make them a list of the tasks they need to think about now that they are living in their own apartment and are responsible for their own car. The tasks I’m most concerned about including are the things that are both PERIODIC and REQUIRED, like changing the oil in your car.

I have shared with them the book How to Keep House While Drowning as a good guide for what housekeeping stuff is functional vs aesthetically pleasing. It was well received.

posted by ocherdraco to Home & Garden (20 answers total)

Response by poster: I should add: One of my big goals in making this list is having something to start with so that I can talk them through the executive function tasks necessary to achieve each item on the list. For example, yesterday we went together to get their oil changed and tires rotated, which had been an overwhelming task to them, and therefore when they had been avoiding. I helped them identify the kind of place they should go to make it happen versus the kind of place they should go for more significant car issues, what to expect when they get there and to know that by going to an oil change specific shop they are less likely to be shamed or exploited for not having deep car knowledge.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:17 AM on July 22 [1 favorite]

Replace A/C filters, if applicable.
posted by catquas at 9:25 AM on July 22 [1 favorite]

The best way to remain independent is by being solvent.

Does your cousin have an emergency fund? Does your cousin have regular income? Does your cousin have financial responsibilities (a lease, utilities, car insurance) in their name?

Some good basic financial health strategies:
1) figure out how much it costs to live per month
2) set up two high yield savings accounts, one for "emergency savings" and one for "fun savings"
3) from their paycheck, set up direct deposits straight to those savings accounts for the (hopefully) leftover from (1)
4) set calendar meetings for themself twice a month (12th & 28th maybe??) to review credit card transactions, pay bills, review account balances to make sure everything looks normal and stay on track
5) promise themself to ask a trusted older friend or family (you, for example) before taking on debt or making major financial decisions in excess of "fun savings" balance until that confidence and consistency is built up
6) pull free credit report 1-2 times per year to make sure that also looks normal
posted by phunniemee at 9:29 AM on July 22 [7 favorites]

A great place to start would be incorporating the commonly accepted lists of Activities of Daily Living and Instrumental ADLs. Occupational therapists have done a lot of the work you're looking for!
posted by saveyoursanity at 9:47 AM on July 22 [3 favorites]

They should keep a list, which will grow over time, of things they have that can expire and need to be renewed, including:
- various forms of ID
- debit and credit cards
- insurance?
- rental lease

Once a year (or twice if they don't trust themselves) they should do a quick check of all of these to see if the expiration date falls within the next year, and if so they should take care of it earlier rather than later. They should also set calendar reminders for expiration dates, but still do the yearly manual checks because reminders can get erased or forgotten.

They should also keep a list of things to which they've set up automatic payments or direct deposit, including utilities and subscriptions, with a record of what form of payment they use for these. That way it's easier to cancel or transfer utilities accounts when they move without forgetting anything, and they can also set a yearly date or calendar reminders to cancel or renew subscriptions and so forth.

Especially if their memory is lousy: a dated list of interactions with landlords, health professionals, people they've met who are useful to know for specific things (good plumber, great movers, etc.), accounts opened, and so on. This is less for periodical review and more for being able to look this stuff up easily if needed.

A list of documents they need for tax season and a list of steps for how to take care of their taxes.

On a different level, if there are family members or friends whose relationship with your cousin has largely been mediated by e.g. your cousin's parents - things like "don't forget to call your grandparents and wish them happy anniversary", or "have you talked with your cousin lately? why don't you drop them a line" - then they should make a list of these, including special dates and maybe things like people's kids names and so forth - and review it periodically. If they're really into it they could also keep a record of when they last contacted them, what's new in their lives, and so on. (It might sound like a bit much but even Mr. Rogers did it!)

They should also have a system for where to keep all these lists, in case they're like me and like to use random notebooks or pieces of paper that will eventually get mislaid and forgotten.
posted by trig at 10:01 AM on July 22 [2 favorites]

Oh, and if they have meetings or deadlines at work: a habit of reviewing the coming day, week, and maybe month.
posted by trig at 10:03 AM on July 22

Depending on their car and their apartment complex, they may be getting reminders of some of these tasks already. Do you have time to sit down with them with ALL the paperwork/reminders from their apt complex/landlord and their car manual as a part of this listmaking? I know my car gives me alerts abt periodic maintenance and my apt manager gives FREQUENT reminders about how to:
-change smoke detector batteries (barely necessary bc smoke detectors are connected to electricity)
-change ac/heat filter, including how often
-change batteries in garage door opener and how to manually open in case batteries fail
-several other things I'm not thinking of
posted by epj at 10:07 AM on July 22

The FlyLady email list might help because every day it emails you what you should be doing

If you miss a task you can just delete the email and do it next time it comes up in the rotation -- she's got them frequently enough that things won't get too out of control
posted by Jacqueline at 10:27 AM on July 22

If necessary life tasks involve paperwork, then you could help them get some simple paperwork storage system (I have a small plastic file box with hanging folders). Then you could spend time showing them how to deal with whatever paperwork arrives, and action/store/destroy it all.

Keeping the place tidy by spending a few minutes every day putting stuff where it belongs is a great habit for them to build. And maybe wiping the kitchen counters or checking for egregious spills. Having someone to help out sometimes with that tidying could be really useful, especially if you can help figure out (and maybe occasionally gift) better storage solutions that make things more likely to stay tidy.
posted by quacks like a duck at 10:27 AM on July 22

Car stuff is easy: it's all listed in the owner's manual.

As for the rest, has any one read "The Adulting Manual"?
posted by kschang at 10:58 AM on July 22

Renew car registration
Get car inspected
Renew driver's license
Get winter tires put on in late fall and taken off in spring if they live in a place where that's necessary.
Dentist appointment every 6 months for cleaning and checkup
posted by Redstart at 11:06 AM on July 22

For house stuff, @WeeklyHomeCheck on Instagram. Might not all apply to an apartment but a lot would.
posted by carolr at 11:13 AM on July 22

For helping created a system, I highly recommend taking the Time Management Fundamentals class by Dave Crenshaw (who has ADHD) on Linked-In learning (which you might have access to for free through your library or work). I've recommended it before. It can be a little overwhelming, but when in place it makes managing all the little things so much easier.

YNAB is the best system I've found for managing money.

Lists are nice, but these systems will help support completing the items on the list.

Also, you might want to check out ADDitude magazine's website. The have a section for ADHD adults

It's awesome your cousin has your help to support them!
posted by skunk pig at 11:20 AM on July 22

Adjacent, but they may enjoy Mercury Stardust’s “Safe and Sound: a renters guide to home repair”
posted by raccoon409 at 12:47 PM on July 22

Response by poster: I actually own that book! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it for them.
posted by ocherdraco at 3:13 PM on July 22

Remind them to make sure the smoke detectors work. Everything else is fixable.

Have a housekeeper come 2x a month, or at least 1x a month, to change the sheets, wash the linens, and give the bathroom, kitchen, and floors a swipe. They can probably find someone to do it for $50 for 2 hours. It'll help them stay on top of the worst mess. Budget the cost as if it was a part of rent!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:11 PM on July 22

Another tip that helps ME a lot (I don't have ADHD, but I am an EA and was a stage manager and have to be more organized than average) - taking that checklist and making recurring calendar reminders for most of the tasks. It's one thing to have a checklist telling you the things you do "every two months", it's another thing to have a calendar reminder ding at you every two months that says "hey, do these things today!"

And if there's anything that can be automated completely, go for that. I have auto-pay set up for all the bills I can, where they just automatically charge my credit card once a month, and then I have weekly automated transfers from my checking account to my credit card that pay down that balance. I also have automated transfers to my savings accounts. As a result I have completely stellar credit and I pay off my credit card balance in full every month, without my having to even think about it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:39 AM on July 23

Response by poster: Thanks all! This is all very helpful.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:12 AM on July 23

These videos from Midwest Cleaning Magic are good:

This should be REQUIRED viewing before graduating high school!


18 Things You Should Clean at the Beginning of Every Season
posted by AlSweigart at 3:06 PM on July 23

Something I tell _all_ my young friends: add gas when the tank says ½ full. Whether you're lucky to have funds to fill the tank, or you can budget only $5 or $10 a week for gas, always do it when it is ½ full. That way you _never_ run out of gas, which is never a good day. I live in a college town and have seen so many young folks stranded at intersections, or on the side of the road way out by the airport, and that's when I started giving this advice out.

In an emergency situation, you can maybe run it to ¼ full - but that should be the exception not the rule, and your first priority is to get it back above ½ right after the emergency whatever it was.

And NO, Hot Band of the Moment in a city fifty miles away does not count as an "emergency"
posted by TimHare at 9:05 PM on July 23