New mattress logistics -- difficulty level: social anxiety
June 27, 2024 10:48 AM   Subscribe

I think the time has come for me to replace my mattress and possibly box spring, but it's such a large purchase (financially and literally, mattresses are large objects) that I'm not sure how to go about it.

Some specific barriers include:
- My back is touchy and so I want to make sure to get a mattress that agrees with it as much or more as my current one did before it got saggy. I'm concerned about accidentally downgrading.
- My social anxiety is such that the idea of walking into a bed store and lying on random beds to test them seems unthinkable -- plus, would I really know from 30 seconds of lying on a bed vs sleeping on it overnight whether it agreed with my back? That said, I might be able to rally myself to do this with more information about the social script for in-person bed testing and purchasing.
- I could get one online, as they often have a trial period, but that brings me to another barrier, which is that I have no idea how to get my current bed, or any other bed, out of my apartment without professional assistance (no friends with cars and a willingness to haul gigantic objects for me). I could throw money at this and was sort of hoping I could order a mattress from a place that would deliver the new one and take the old one away, but that doesn't seem like it would work if I was only trialing the new mattress and might need to bail and go back to the old one

So every time I consider pulling the trigger and trying to do this, I get stuck in a bit of a loop where I'm not sure whether this is a thing I need to do in person or online and how to go about it to avoid regrets. Any thoughts or advice?
posted by space snail to Home & Garden (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: In my experience as a socially anxious person, the full service mattress places are much easier to deal with because they will handle delivery and disposal for you. I plan to do this in the near future and I am definitely not going to use an internet mattress company for the reasons you mention. I would much prefer to pay some money to someone who knows how to do this then ask a friend with a truck, and the thought of trying to return a mattress I don't like makes me fairly upset.

As for figuring which mattress to get, I would think about your current mattress in detail and try to figure out what features are important. I'm leaning towards getting a firm bed with a nice pillow top so I can both have support as well as some comfort. If you look up the model of your bed you should be able to see what adjectives they use to describe it, so you know if you want to look for something similar. Then, when you get to the store you can say that you want to try beds with those properties, and then pick one that seems decent when you lay on it. My current one was fairly expensive but did last me 15 years (yes I should have gotten one earlier except for the social anxiety).
posted by JZig at 10:59 AM on June 27, 2024


One of the dominant furniture stores in our area, which got its start selling mattresses, has some sort of software they use to have you develop a profile and then match it to a mattress, so you don't have to go lay on a bunch of different ones if you don't want to. It is exclusive to them in this market, but that doesn't mean some other big furniture store might not have it where you are.
posted by briank at 11:07 AM on June 27, 2024


Brick-and-mortar mattress stores have pushy sales people in my experience. I would go with an online retailer like Tuft & Needle, which has a 100-night trial period, if memory serves. For getting rid of your old mattress, pick someone on Task Rabbit who's up for light moving.
posted by emelenjr at 11:11 AM on June 27, 2024 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Is there an Ikea near you? They have a wide variety of mattresses at reasonable prices, 90 day exchange policy, and offer delivery and removal. And I'm not particularly anxious but like to avoid the risk of getting a pushy salesperson or having to haggle over prices, both of which you're guaranteed to avoid at Ikea. (If you do end up at a traditional store, in most cases salespeople will be nice; if they aren't, just walk out and fine a better store.)
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 11:14 AM on June 27, 2024 [6 favorites]


Best answer: I also suggest Ikea. We went through the rigmarole of mattress testing and had THREE mattresses we hated and had to arrange exchanges for. We ended up going with an Ikea mattress that we tested out in store and liked it so much we got another one to replace another mattress we had. The 90-day return policy is a definitely plus because it's not like usual mattress stores we went to where you can exchange your mattress once and then are stuck with the second one.

As a tip, mattresses in the stores are WAY softer than they will be when you get them. This sucks and makes it really hard to figure out if something will actually work for you.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:27 AM on June 27, 2024


Yes to making a list of wants & needs before shopping, yes to Ikea (& Costco, if applicable).

Is there someone in your life who could accompany you to a mattress store? Another person can be the primary talker and deflector, while you're testing the mattresses in your defined range (firmness, budget, etc.).
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:29 AM on June 27, 2024 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I went to a department store (the Bay, if you're Canadian) that sells mattresses and walked around the mattress floor. I sat down and laid on several mattresses as I walked around. I wanted to make sure I found one that was firm enough. I laid down with my feet off the end of the bed. I didn't lay on any of the ones that were done up as a display; there were unadorned mattresses that seemed to be placed on the floor for people to try them out.

Two assistants wandered over while I was doing this and asked if I needed any assistance. I told them I was just looking, thank you. When I had made up my mind (seemed firm enough, right size, a brand I had heard of, had real coils), I went to the cash register and said I wanted to buy it and have it delivered. They organized delivery of the new mattress and removal of my old mattress. It is just like buying a sofa, from the salesperson perspective and the neutral buying perspective.
posted by hepta at 11:44 AM on June 27, 2024 [4 favorites]


Best answer: Big department store mattress sections are often super chill. Wander in and if an employee approaches you tell them you are just doing some preliminary research and won’t be making a purchase that day. After flopping around on the floor models you will have a better idea of how firm you want your mattress and if spring vs foam vs hybrid makes a difference. It’s also just good practice for your social anxiety to go check out expensive stuff and not buy it, practice rebuffing customer service people, etc. Department stores are super low key in comparison to a full service mattress store, and are less crazy busy and maze like than Ikea, and usually have a good range of mattresses to try since they want to appeal to a broad customer base.

Most places that sell mattresses will offer an add-on service of previous mattress removal upon delivery of your new one. Sometimes this is included in the price, sometimes it’s part of “white glove” delivery. No matter what, don’t assume you can wrangle any mattress larger than a twin by yourself, even if it’s all rolled up or whatever. Either pay for setup assistance as part of the delivery, wrangle a friend, or hire someone from taskrabbit or similar.

If you decide to order one online with a big return window, still have them remove your old mattress. You will very likely know before the return window closes if you hate the mattress, and in that case you should acquire a different new one, not use your old sad mattress. The delivery people should be able to help you move the mattress intended for return to a good spot or if it’s the same company and you’re switching models or something they might be able to swap right then.

You didn’t ask but I have been very much appreciating my Nectar mattress that I got last year. They locally contract companies to deliver and assemble, so I got a call from that local company to schedule the logistics and all that, during which I asked about old mattress and box spring removal and bed frame stuff and all that. It was straightforward and because Nectar did the contracting with them I didn’t have to like, scrounge around to find someone or vet anybody or even pay them - the cost was included in the price I paid to Nectar.
posted by Mizu at 12:07 PM on June 27, 2024 [1 favorite]


Buy your mattress at Costco. Buy online, they limit the choices but the choices are good, and the return policy is excellent. They'll deliver your new mattress and take away the old one for free.
posted by phunniemee at 12:10 PM on June 27, 2024 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Thanks for these responses! It sounds like I might be able to try beds out in a department store (or other larger store that isn't just there to sell mattresses) to feel less watched and then either purchase on site or make the actual purchase online direct from a mattress maker that offers a full service delivery and removal option?

@Hepta, thanks so much for the walkthrough of a purchasing experience, this is what I was hoping for with a social script!

@Mizu, is Nectar a brand you were able to try in a department store before you purchased, or did you just order it and hope for the best?
posted by space snail at 12:27 PM on June 27, 2024


One upside to Ikea is that no-one's going to bother you if you lie around on a mattress for 10 minutes to check it out, or even half an hour, unless someone else wants to check out that same one. In my experience, around 5 minutes of lying down are enough to properly relax and determine more closely if it'll be comfortable overnight - a quick 30-second bounce isn't enough, I agree.

A general hint for social anxiety and in person mattress testing: take another person with you. This can be a friend without a car who you'll treat to lunch or dinner in exchange for Lending Their Mattress Buying Expertise. Read, standing by that mattress as you test it and chatting with you about mattresses or the newest episode of that show you both watch. It feels much less weird to be lying down talking to the person you arrived with than staring at the ceiling and trying not to seem like a homeless person catching a kip.

(And hey, maybe your friend does have recent mattress buying expertise they can share? Everyone sleeps, like 95% of people have a mattress, ask them about how they found theirs and if they're happy with it. No idea how old you are but in my experience anyone over 30 is happy to praise good mattresses and complain about bad ones.)
posted by I claim sanctuary at 12:30 PM on June 27, 2024 [1 favorite]


Echoing Costco as how I solved this problem - they also have below-market deals, so it was actually cheaper for me to buy a Costco membership+ the mattress than to buy it normally. At my local store they don't have full beds out, but did have sample patches that are eh-okay to touch and get a feel for.

Pickup and replacement was simple and free, even though I had a lot of stairs for them to get up and down.
posted by matrixclown at 12:48 PM on June 27, 2024


OP, Nectar has various authorized stores, which you can find on their website. Many of the various mattress in a box type online sellers have listings like this, you just have to poke around their sites. I think it would be a good idea for you to peruse a few different FAQs for different mattress companies because your concerns are super normal and your questions are likely to already have been answered.
posted by Mizu at 1:06 PM on June 27, 2024


I've had two semi-recent mattress buying experiences. Five years ago we went to a Sleep Number store out of curiosity and walked out with a $many$ bed, with more features than we needed and a bunch of extras that seemed like a good idea in the moment and for which I had buyer's remorse and rage for a while afterward. It wasn't exactly a hard sell, but their folks are obviously well trained, and looking back there are definitely moments that were manipulated to make us fall in love with the bed, her, and "sleep science." We ended up getting rid of that bed last year for reasons mostly unrelated to the bed itself, but I would not buy one again.

For its replacement, we went to our local Original Mattress Factory, where we've bought several mattresses in the past, mostly for guest beds and kids rooms. I was very impressed by their very low-key sales approach. They ask a few questions to try to narrow down a selection for you, and then they just ... leave you alone. For however long it takes. Our long-term experiences have been good with their products - they held up to our kids basically making their beds a home base for long periods of time - and their prices are reasonable.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 1:11 PM on June 27, 2024 [2 favorites]


I haven't bought a mattress in person in ages, but I did buy a chair and later a couch in person not too long ago from a primarily mattress store. I'm sharing my experience to try to give you a better idea of what you might expect for the store experience.

I went to a smaller local chain rather than a big national one (BedMart in Portland, in case you're in the same area) and it was a surprisingly chill experience. A salesperson approached as soon as I came in the store, I got them to walk me around and point out where they had the specific things I was interested in, and then I told them I wanted to take my time trying things out, and they left me alone until I approached them again. I brought a book, I took my shoes off, and I hung out and read on their couches until I stopped thinking about how I was sitting and relaxed more like I would at home. They were totally cool with that, and didn't try to pressure me or hurry me up. They even seemed to think it was a good idea, and let me gather up throw pillows from other couches to mimic how I planned to set it up! I was probably there for a couple hours just sitting on various couches and reading. A mattress won't be exactly like a couch in terms of what you're testing out, obviously, but I encourage you to go to a smaller or more local store and just take your time! It's a big purchase, and it's ok to take up some time and some space while you're figuring out what you want. If you feel unwelcome, it's not the right store, and you can go somewhere else and never have to see the people from that store again! But you don't have to let an imaginary salesperson make you too uncomfortable to shop before you've even gone in (easier said than done, I know!)

It's also totally OK to go with the intention to test out the store experience rather than to test out a mattress! Go to a store, do some cursory mattress testing, but mostly see how the sales people interact. Maybe you'll find something you like, or an especially nice and helpful person you'd like to go back to for a purchase, but that doesn't have to be the goal. You can go just to practice and see what the experience is like, so that you can go somewhere else later armed with a better idea of what to expect.
posted by duien at 1:47 PM on June 27, 2024 [1 favorite]


I tried Casper and Endy and hated them and ended up with Ikea. They had a 1 year return policy, but that might have been covid related as I purchased in 2021.
posted by dobbs at 4:12 PM on June 27, 2024 [1 favorite]


I bought the firmest mattress IKEA offers. On a super rainy Sunday I went to a store and took my time lying on all the mattresses, and ordered it online, easy peasy. Totally happy with it, and my previous two were traditional mattresses/box spring combos.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:29 PM on June 27, 2024


You've received good advice, but here's a tip for trying out beds to make it feel less weird while sprawled out in a store. Yes, it's weird to go in and try out a bed and lay around in it. It's what everyone does at some point, and the stores are fine with it, but if you have social anxiety it's going to feel weird for you.

So, even though none of your friends have a car and hauling skills, I guarantee you that you have an extroverted friend without social anxiety and with a ton of boredom who'd be glad to go with you, try out beds, and do all the small talk with sales people and pretend that you are their quiet significant other. I have lost count at the number of times I've done this for friends who just couldn't deal with the prospect of having to talk to salespeople.

If you lived near me, I'd gladly spend a couple of weekend hours or weekday evening hours bouncing from bed to bed, pretending I cared (and had your tastes, while you quietly evaluated things) and then asked your questions. (If you REALLY didn't want to talk, you could text your friend while they're right next to you, prompting them with questions to ask the salesperson. Everyone's on their phones constantly and the salespeople wouldn't be any the wiser or even care.)
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 12:57 AM on June 28, 2024 [1 favorite]


Assuming your old mattress is still in good condition, there's a good chance you could give it away through your local buy nothing group, where the person receiving the item will typically pick it up.

I've always ordered mattresses online since I've found that a combination of any cheap firm spring mattress plus a thick, high-quality memory foam topper works great for me, but that may not work for you.
posted by randomnity at 6:30 AM on June 28, 2024


On getting rid of mattresses: there are places around you can pay to just deal with this, under the heading of mattress recycling. I can't personally vouch for it but this is one that operates in my area (and maybe lots of others), though they might need you to arrange to get it outside the building.
posted by advil at 10:20 AM on June 28, 2024


A bit of post purchase advise from when I did mattress shopping - the ones in the store have been 'broken in' with various people bouncing on/testing them them. The version you get delivered might feel a little different when you first get it, but should settle into something similar in time. And related to that set yourself an alert for a couple weeks before the return period is up so you don't get caught out if it doesn't get there.
posted by platypus of the universe at 11:18 AM on June 28, 2024


Response by poster: Update: I braved the social anxiety to go to a Mattress Firm (mostly because I have one a block away from me), and got to test out several mattresses and then extricate myself from a pushy salesperson who was ready to get me to sign up immediately to buy $4,000 worth of bed and pay for it for the next three years (I deferred to go home and think it over).

Most of them felt... about the same, but I was able to confirm I probably want a firm hybrid one and identified a few brands that seemed like they would work (I did feel he might have been steering me to the high-end ones, but that's what I get for going to a Mattress Store instead of a department store where I had more of a chance of getting ignored). Still glad I made the attempt and will let the experience percolate to decide if I have enough information to Buy a Bed now or need to go try more of them in a setting where the salespeople are not quite so interested in mediating the experience.
posted by space snail at 1:48 PM on June 29, 2024 [2 favorites]


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