Best/creative way to surprise spouse with a large cash gift?
March 14, 2024 10:40 AM   Subscribe

I’m looking for fun ways to gift my wife between $100,000-$250,000. This will be surprise proceeds from the sale of an asset, mixed in with some inheritance sharing. Get creative!

She likes art, gold coins, food and dining, nice experiences, live music, adventure, cooking, gardening, hiking, and backpacking, but doesn’t really like super fancy jewelry, clothes, cars. I don’t want to burden her with something that she’ll have to sell at a loss or that has high transactional friction. We’re not wealthy enough to fly private. Her tastes are such that I shouldn’t buy her any art. She is the sort of person who appreciates pretty $300 earrings, but would probably not remotely be interested in a $10,000 diamond tennis bracelet. She would also not like a surprise long trip to a distant luxurious place as she gets much satisfaction from co-planning such trips and optimizing them.

I have already set up a very fun surprise *short* trip for us that will involved taking her to a city to see a performance she’ll love, and then taking her to a nearby city the next day to see a performer she loves and could never expect, and that will totally blow her away.

We are adults who got married later in life and so while we share some assets and split expenses 50/50 we do keep our own accounts as well. Not looking for answers like “well she gets half of anything anyway.”

Idea so far:
1. Take her on a nice trip to a local hotel, nice dinner, then give her something like a 10oz bar of gold ($22,000), $10-$20,000 in cash stacks, and then a check for the rest, all in a briefcase or something?

2. Scavenger hunt where at the end is the briefcase mentioned above.

3. Daily doubling of money - give her $1 on day 1, and by the end of the month or sooner, we will have reached the full amount. I would switch from cash to gold to checks as the amount increased.
posted by CharlesDeP to Human Relations (48 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
As a wife I would find this bizarre! At most, I’d want a symbolic small piece of jewelry and then a conversation about it. That said, I tend to dislike surprises and prefer full money transparency.
posted by samthemander at 10:48 AM on March 14, 2024 [67 favorites]


A check and an appointment with a fee based financial planner.
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 10:58 AM on March 14, 2024 [31 favorites]


#3 strikes me as really weird and paternalistic. I would not like it from my SO. #2 or #3 will really depend on more knowledge about whether your wife likes things like scavenger hunts or the idea of a briefcase full of cash.

Are you intending that she think of this as a gift to be spent, or that she'll just add to her savings, or either?

If my SO were going to gift me a huge amount of cash and wanted to encourage me to spend it, I think I'd prefer either being told that this is the money for my dream trip so I should plan (or co-plan) how to travel as luxuriously as I've ever dreamed, or, likewise, being told this is a gift for my dream renovation of the house, or something.
posted by TwoStride at 10:59 AM on March 14, 2024 [11 favorites]


I assume that your goal is to give her a gift that is clearly a "gift" and therefore will be treated as separate property in the event of divorce? If so, I actually think that this is a lovely impulse. However, the way you're proposing to do it sounds oddly disrespectful and demeaning. I think you should have conversation with her over dinner about this--a nice restaurant dinner is fine--and then give her the check at a later time.
posted by HotToddy at 10:59 AM on March 14, 2024 [8 favorites]


Response by poster: To clarify: we both have plenty of money that is well invested, and which we communicate about regularly. This sum equals a small fraction of our net worth. We both enjoy surprises.
posted by CharlesDeP at 11:00 AM on March 14, 2024 [2 favorites]


Is there some small, extremely-just-a-token-not-a-$10k-piece-of-jewelry thing you could do related to the asset or tied to a nice memory of the person who left the inherited funds? Like, oh hey, the house sold, so here's (cute little trinket of a house to commemorate the thing) plus a check for your share of the proceeds?

I think I would not spend any serious money on this at all unless you have a very specific notion of something she absolutely-for-sure will love and think worth the money you spent on it. Like, I know fuck-all about gold coins, but if there's a specific coin you know she has her eye on, that might be a nice gift.
posted by Stacey at 11:03 AM on March 14, 2024


Best answer: I think it'd be very funny to fill an old thrift store duffel bag with much much cash and then walk into the room like omg honey look what I found in a crashed plane in the woods our lives will be forever changed for the better and nothing can possibly go wrong Bill Paxton A Simple Plan style.
posted by phunniemee at 11:06 AM on March 14, 2024 [42 favorites]


It's a small fraction of your net worth? Donate to something it'll be a large fraction of the budget for, and in the future gaze upon the results fondly.
posted by teremala at 11:17 AM on March 14, 2024 [34 favorites]


I would not want to carry around that much gold and cash. Like, imagine the aftermath of any of these options: now I have to be responsible for this money that has no backup if I lose it or my luggage/purse gets stolen. If you really want to make a scavenger hunt, you can totally do that but I'd advise using fake gold coins so if you lose them or someone interferes with your hiding spot, it doesn't matter. But I think symbolic is the way to go.

I would take her out someplace nice and fancy enough to need to dress up and make reservations, and make a donation that equals 10% of whatever you wind up giving her (from your own money! not the gift money!) to a charity that she likes that is in her name.

At your date, give her the thank you card or whatever from the charity and something small and symbolic. Like, if you give to Heifer International, get a cool set of earrings shaped like farm animals, or an art book about chickens or something, and enclose a heartfelt message. The place you choose could also be themed with the donation: for example, if you're giving Heifer, you could go to a farm that makes cheese and do a cheese tasting, or a farm-to-table fancy restaurant.

Then tell her the reason: it's 10% of the chunk of change I am also giving you, and PS I love you. Easy to carry, thoughtful, and does some good in the world. Perhaps it will become a tradition of surprising each other with charitable donations (the weirder the better. Personally I would love to have my name on an accessible public restroom, you know? That's hilarious and it helps people.)
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:19 AM on March 14, 2024 [4 favorites]


If I had a sudden personal windfall, and I wanted to delight my spouse beyond a fancy dinner or weekend getaway or a gift of fungible money, I would get in touch with my spouse's rarely seen, far-away friends, fly them in, put them up in a nice hotel, and schedule a weekend where they could all hang out together that I would cover (both in terms of money and obligations).
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 11:21 AM on March 14, 2024 [38 favorites]


we both have plenty of money that is well invested, and which we communicate about regularly. This sum equals a small fraction of our net worth. We both enjoy surprises.

Given the above, or maybe, or perhaps.

This is a life/organizational changing amount of coin that could do a fair bit of good in the world. Like, save fellow human's lives good.
posted by furnace.heart at 11:21 AM on March 14, 2024 [8 favorites]


While I always support Committing to the Bit and would think the briefcase/duffel full of cash could be hilarious in a Committing to the Bit kind of way, it really, really depends on the person. (Also, real talk, the logistical issues around having that much cash or gold just hanging around would stress me out too much to make this fun after the initial hilarity.)

I say encourage her to plan a sky's the limit kind of dream vacation. Like, do you two ever watch travel shows or videos together? If so, that's a natural segue into a "so, if you could plan a dream vacation..." kind of conversation.

But also, sorry to say, I do think you also gotta be practical about it and have an actual adult conversation about this money and how you want to gift it to her to do something fun and indulgent with it, or whatever she wants, because otherwise there's way too much risk of this being like when you get a fancy expensive candle as a gift and think "i am never gonna use this fuckin candle", only, like, way worse because it will be so much money.

I do really like the idea of a weird themed charitable donation though. Like, you donate some cash to a very specific cause, and along with the proof of donation, you gift her with something very closely associated with it. Could be funny, could just be straightforward. Either way it's neat.
posted by yasaman at 11:23 AM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Giant check.
posted by vunder at 11:28 AM on March 14, 2024 [14 favorites]


Response by poster: Additional clarification: imagine that we both work in service of public good, give significant sums to charity already, and will be leaving our estates mostly to charity. I also have volunteered about 5,000+ hours of skilled volunteer labor over my life, and continue to do so 1-2 days/week.

This post is asking *specifically* about gifting *my wife* a large sum of liquid or near liquid funds in a *fun* way. Please limit your answers accordingly.
posted by CharlesDeP at 11:40 AM on March 14, 2024 [14 favorites]


I think it’d be fun to somehow be in one of those phone booths where they blow dollar bills around you like a tornado. I’m not sure how to make that happen as part of a gift but it’d be memorable!
posted by samthemander at 11:44 AM on March 14, 2024 [3 favorites]


If your wife likes Halloween (or any other particular holiday I guess) you can create a revolving fund to have the best most mega blow out Trick or Treat block party extravaganza every year.
posted by phunniemee at 11:52 AM on March 14, 2024


Or if I am your wife, give me the full set of jurassic-sized lawn ornaments from Design Toscano.
posted by phunniemee at 11:53 AM on March 14, 2024 [3 favorites]


This post is asking *specifically* about gifting *my wife* a large sum of liquid or near liquid funds in a *fun* way. Please limit your answers accordingly.

OK, my spouse and I have done an escape room where the end goal of the game was to "crack the codes" to get a suitcase full of "cash" out of the "safe" and then, obviously, escape. Anything similar in your area? Work with the escape room people to plant a (lockable) suitcase full of actual gold or cash or a novelty check.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 11:54 AM on March 14, 2024 [5 favorites]


I was going to suggest you give her one Class A share of stock in Berkshire Hathaway, and get her the actual share certificate. But the share price is currently $611,000 (yes, that's the price for one share), so it's not in your budget.

If she's a fan of Apple, Disney, or some other brand you could give her a framed stock certificate for however many shares is in your budget. (Those links are to companies that get you one share, but you can get a certificate for a larger number of shares and just frame it yourself.)
posted by Winnie the Proust at 11:57 AM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Best answer: If she likes adventure, backpacking, hiking, etc... there's some fun you could have in this area.
Treasure Maps with Geocaches
Travelling Getaway Treasure Hunting

You could get inexpensive replicas of the 'real' treasure to put in your geocaches, redeemable when you get home.

Gift Card Roulette/Random Draw, or the thing where you plan a day out, with sealed choices A/B.

Learn a coin-disappearing magic trick that you can pull off with a gold coin, and keep finding coins in her ears/hair.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:07 PM on March 14, 2024 [2 favorites]


Cash could be very fun but you run into anti-money laundering rules that will make it slightly more obnoxious to get the funds and then redeposit them. Gold or other collectibles will have have a fairly high overhead cost in terms of how much you lose when you buy and then sell - not worth it. So checks will be simplest to deal with it.

Idea 1: buy a whole bunch of say yellow rubber ducks. write out a check for different amounts that you tape to the bottom of each duck. Hide them all over the house. (Keep track of the hiding places plus use consecutive check numbers to make sure you find them all) Don't tell her what you are doing until she starts finding ducks all of the place.

Idea 2: Use Cameo to have a favorite celebrity give her a message telling her how wonderful you think she is and where to go look for find the money/check.
posted by metahawk at 12:24 PM on March 14, 2024 [8 favorites]


I've heard of people renting really expensive jewelry to wear for special occasions. If you can do that, then you could rent something that has the value of the amount you want to give her, and tell her that you knew she wouldn't want to own jewelry so you rented it and are giving her the cash instead? Paired with an evening out where she'd enjoy wearing it?

I suppose you could start with the night out and the rented jewelry part, then share the part about giving her the cash later (say over dinner, etc.).
posted by bruinfan at 12:30 PM on March 14, 2024 [6 favorites]


Best answer: The decoy -- One Mason jar. White sand, tiny shells, a small string of pearls, some gold coins. Maybe a little treasure chest with a significant ring.

Start by greeting her with a pirate theme in some fashion -- Corny costumes. Buccaneer music. Posters from swashbuckling movies. Parrots and rum and "Avast, me hearties!" and "yo ho ho!"
Give her a treasure map and a compass, which lead to the Mason jar (displayed in the backyard in a suitably romantic fashion).

Then after you have enjoyed a few minutes of her understandably confused but game reaction to the pirate loot, say "Oh, wait... what have we here?" And pull out a bank deposit statement and confirm the rest of the gift.
Because she has captured your heart.
posted by TrishaU at 12:31 PM on March 14, 2024 [6 favorites]


I think treasure map to a bunch of doubloon-style coins in a chest, then when opened they can be flung in the air hilariously.
posted by corb at 12:41 PM on March 14, 2024 [3 favorites]


I think I'd also be stressed by having so much cash on one place, but maybe like - a trail of gold coins (think rose petals to the bedroom) leading to either the cheque, or a poetic hint of where the rest of the treasure is hidden?

I once got a surprise that my boyfriend had managed to hide inside a trail mix I had made for myself before we went hiking, and then the clue was supposed to lead me to my GORP, but I had never heard the term before so it didn't work out great, but I DID love that somehow the surprise was already hidden on me?
posted by euphoria066 at 12:43 PM on March 14, 2024


Mod note: Folks give this question a pass if you don't have actual answers.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:44 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Order one of those Etsy oil paintings of your pet, including the image of a check somewhere.

Cut a slit at the top of the image of the check, and sneak through just the very edge of a handwritten check for the amount, so like maybe a quarter-inch protrudes.

Hang it up (or put it on an easel), and ask her to come tell you what she thinks; encourage her to examine it closely. With luck she will pull at the check; if not, it's on you.

(Otherwise, a series of rhyming clues, hidden in series around the house, which end in the same room where it started -- with a note about the money, and the suggestion of going to Paris...for breakfast.)
posted by wenestvedt at 12:47 PM on March 14, 2024


Can you add a once-in-a-lifetime experience to that short trip -- lunch with the cast of the show you're going to see, or a private tour of a museum, or whatever?
posted by wenestvedt at 12:48 PM on March 14, 2024


Best answer: I think the 'literal bag of cash' idea is kind of fun, but you have to pair it with renting a black sports car or SUV and giving it to her in a 'movie appropriate' location, like an empty desert road or the top floor of a parking garage at night, if you access to either of those places. Also you'd better be wearing a suit or some other 'movie bad guy' type outfit.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:49 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


food and dining, nice experiences

I don't know what kind of dining you have already done, but this seems like the kind of thing where someone might do an engagement-type presentation at an experience/occasion restaurant, have someone bring out a gold coin in a little box for her. Maybe less Alinea and more like the kind of thing the Ritchie character on The Bear would come up with, creative and romantic.

I think this could be rather sweet. I've seen people give out monetary gifts to family members with an introduction like, "this is to celebrate the wonderful year we've just had," or something like that.
posted by BibiRose at 1:12 PM on March 14, 2024


During the hyperinflation era Zimbabwe printed a lot of Billion and Trillion dollar notes, many of these have found their way onto Ebay, so you could gift $150 Billion in notes and then say apologetically "these notes are expired, I can't afford to give you 150 Billion but here's a cheque for $150,000".
posted by Lanark at 1:44 PM on March 14, 2024 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I think it'd be very funny to fill an old thrift store duffel bag with much much cash

I like this idea and I challenge you to go further. Put the cash in a briefcase, along with eight fake passports and a gun. Hand her the briefcase and say, "They're onto us. We need to go. Now!"


if I played games like this with money, my wife would stab me
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 1:56 PM on March 14, 2024 [9 favorites]


Play Monopoly with the cash, winner takes all, and lose.

A money necklace or flowers or similar.
posted by stormyteal at 3:25 PM on March 14, 2024


If I were your wife, and since donations are ruled out, I would just want a check. Then I can do what I like with the money. That's a great gift!
posted by splitpeasoup at 4:22 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Best answer: A variation of your third idea - split it in nine or 12 and then regularly surprise them with a chunk of money over a whole year. And if I was in your financial position I would just not explain it. Seriously, what would the full details really matter beyond assuring my spouse that it’s not illegal. It isn’t some big mystery really.

The fun can be making each one a total surprise, so cut out the inside of a second copy of her book. You’ll know if they would get a kick out using one of those fake hiding places. Or a reusing a second empty container of their fav shampoo or cream instead of a fake can of soda.

Or put one gift in the note with the flowers and another in the jewelry box and one in the tickets to the opera. Or just breakfast in bed on the first of every month. Because even on month four it would be a fabulous surprise to get a sizable amount of money.
posted by zenon at 6:27 PM on March 14, 2024 [3 favorites]


An escape room that yields a safe deposit key or other way to access secure storage (of a check or gold bars or whatever) would be fun. An escape room with a follow-up puzzle. Or multiple puzzles strung together (Amazing Race crossed with escape rooms).
posted by janell at 7:14 PM on March 14, 2024


Does she have a favourite artist? Buy an original for her.

If the artist is alive - commission a work for her.
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 7:23 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Gold coins are lovely but a pain to store - if you already have asset storage though, I’d go for this. The Canadian gold coins are very pretty and you could buy a bunch of different pretty ones, throw in a couple of interesting antique Roman etc coins and you could get about 30 big beautiful coins that are a physical pleasure to handle. I would buy several nice crystal jar/boxes for them and then bury them shallowly in the backyard and give her a metal detector (for the love of all, take photos where you buried them first) and have an amazing afternoon (with a catered delicious picnic and wine) digging them up. Pair that with some beautiful coffee table books on coins and a specially commissioned map of your home that you have framed and then put an x on the glass, and you have an expensive gift that has art and history and exploration involved.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:57 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Dollar origami is quite creative-and it could be very fun to fold very large denomination bills into a selected shapes, or a string of the same shape as part of the fun/gifting. This would likely involve working with a banker that can provide larger denominations of cash than The Benjamins in service of having fun.
posted by childofTethys at 8:19 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


While planting a tree in the backyard, she "discovers" a time capsule containing the gold bar/gold coin hoard/(faux) valuable antique stock certificate(s)? Or, engineer a task that involves opening a wall or pulling up a floorboard (in the attic, or the basement, or elsewhere in your home), for the discovery?

If you plan your surprise for a public setting, there's the stress of transporting the goods (briefcase with stacks of cash, or coins, or other valuables) both before and after the reveal.
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:41 PM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]


Have the luckiest week evar. Canadian $2 coins have lots of designs. Fill a rusty metal box, bury it partway, so you can be planting a shrub in the back yard and 'find' it and call her to come see it.
Come home with a box of old books 'from a yard sale' with lots of paper money in the pages.
Buy her a nice used purse or and let her find cash in it. You can get a nice purse from ebay.
After dinner, throw a wallet or briefcase with cash under the car. When you back out, "Hey what's that?"
Get a scratch card. Mix silver powder with paraffin wax. Edit the card for a nice amount of winning, cover it all up with the wax. Fake lottery ticket.
Hide 5 100s in her pockets. Money clip in her car. Cash in her shoe.
I've seen coin jewelry that's really gold; in many cultures, women wear wealth. gold coin necklace, thrift store bag, find it someplace.
There's a great scene in the Sopranos, there they open the access hatch in the hall ceiling and pull out big shrink-wrapped blocks of cash. Hide shrink wrapped money someplace obscure, then set her up to 'discover' it.

It may be difficult to lay hands on 100,000+ of cash, and there will be reporting for large amounts of cash. We want updates, ideally pics.
posted by theora55 at 8:56 PM on March 14, 2024 [2 favorites]


not sure how to work it in exactly but perhaps this heated oudoor furniture could fit into the plan.
posted by wowenthusiast at 9:27 PM on March 14, 2024


If you’re looking at scavenger hunt-like things, I’ve thought about hiring this person to plan a custom one for me (there are others too, or the above comment about reaching out to people who do escape rooms). I was looking through their associated subreddit and discord for ideas, but haven’t used any of their services.
posted by sincerely yours at 11:32 PM on March 14, 2024


Best answer: If the two of you were fans of The Bear, I'm guessing you would already have thought of tomato cans. But something at home would be nice to avoid the transport anxiet and chances for slip-ups. (Don't click the link if you don't want spoilers.)
posted by BibiRose at 4:04 AM on March 15, 2024 [3 favorites]


Best answer: She would also not like a surprise long trip to a distant luxurious place as she gets much satisfaction from co-planning such trips and optimizing them.

Hire some local actors to dress up as government officials and rent a government looking vehicle. Plan to be home one day and have said acting group drive up and deliver a briefcase to you, thanking you for your service in X country (or the hell, even a distance planet or the Moon). They'll say something like, "As agreed upon before, here is payment you requested, to be opened only by your wife". They leave.

Wife opens briefcase that has money in it, along with a note that says "As agreed, you both may go to any place you desire and here are funds to do so. Thank you again for your service."

Boom, y'all get to co-plan some trips!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:49 AM on March 15, 2024 [3 favorites]


To get around the stress of the physical money (honestly gives me a bit of a panic attack even thinking about it, you could tie some of these ideas for the scavenger hunt and such to eventually lead to a bank where it is revealed that you have opened an account for her with that amount of money in it. You could make part of it a clue where she has to solve the bank account number from some code you have put together. Other than that you can go full spy movie fun like a lot of the suggestions above, assuming that wouldn't freak your wife out.

If there is a key to a safe deposit box involved, even better. You could do it at the fanciest-looking branch of your bank in a city that isn't yours, if that is possible.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:18 PM on March 15, 2024 [2 favorites]


Briefcase full of cash. Plop it on the table, pop it open, and say "You can count it if you like."

I've always wanted to do that.
posted by bink at 12:51 PM on March 17, 2024


Best answer: Monopoly has been mentioned before, but that could be spiced up by getting a new Monopoly set, replacing all the money with real money, and then shrink-wrapping it again so it looks unopened and store-bought. Your wife would be quite surprised when she opened it up.

Apparently Monopoly sets currently come with $20,580. So it wouldn't cover your whole gift, but it would be an attention-getting start.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 9:00 AM on March 18, 2024 [2 favorites]


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