Self-Care In The Short Term
March 13, 2024 7:50 AM Subscribe
I have a new job! Yay! It's WAY busier than my last one! Yikes! I'll get the hang of it eventually! Yay! But the meantime-learning-curve phase sucks! Boo! I need some short-term self-care ideas! Please?
So my last full-time job was office manager for a tech company, and I had only one boss and he was very hands-off. I did like the hands-off part, but...I admit I was getting a little bored often. But I was afraid to ask for more to do, because I was afraid they'd respond by thinking "hmm, maybe we don't need EC any more, let's just get rid of her." So instead I got used to a slower pace at work and just boosted up a lot of outside-work stuff, and loved that. Then they laid off a crapton of people at my old job anyway.
But that was three years of generally low activity, followed by another 6 months of part time work that did a very good job of keeping me solvent. The new job, however, is with non-profit that's part of NYC's foster and child care system. And instead of having just one boss....I'm supporting the CSO, the Chief Development Officer, the General Counsel, AND the Board of Directors, and in only 5 weeks I have helped with 3 Special Events (and a 4th such event is tomorrow) and taken 3 site tours and done catering and special gifts for 3 speakers and....and it's a LOT. It's all stuff I can do - I've done it before at an earlier job - and my main boss is very supportive, and very protective of my not working too much (all the days I've stayed late for an event, she knee-jerk tells me that "so come in late tomorrow since you stayed late today").
So I'm 100% confident this is just an adjustment phase I'm going through, coming from a fairly big gear shift. So I'm looking for simple ideas that will help smooth that adjustment phase a bit, particularly in the short term. Bonus if they're also ideas for good habits I can keep going anyway.
Things I'm already thinking of doing:
* I am actually forreal going to take my entire lunch break today, and I will leave the building and go sit in the park across the street with a book. I will be trying to do that more often.
* I am going to treat myself to cute desk accessories like pretty pencil cups and different colored thumbtacks, and I'm also going to put up fun pictures on my cubicle. (I even found one in the street near my apartment - an artist's drawing of a snoring cat floating in midair surrounded by clouds. Don't know where it came from, it's adorable, I picked it up and it is now at my desk.)
* I'm going to try to stay on top of those hobbies I built up when I had a more slack day job, so that I have something else going on aside from "go to work and go home."
* But I'm also going to forgive myself on the days when I'm like "I JUST CAN'T.'
* I've started using a meditation app, and instead of doing dumb web surfing shit during the 5 minutes it takes my coffee to brew, I'm meditating.
* I am trying out acupuncture at the behest of my BFF who has been swearing to me that I should do that for years (she says it was "a total body reboot"). I am also indulging by having selected the really hot acupuncturist I met at a concert last summer (I tried asking him out, he said he'd get back to me, then met someone else and oh well - but he's still pretty).
As for other ideas I have not tried yet but am considering, or other ideas I rejected:
* Going to a gym and starting an exercise practice would be torture. I'm going to maybe add a walk during lunches and then another one after work (I have a blessedly short commute - 20 minutes by bus - and I may get on a stop further along and get off a couple stops ahead of where I usually do and trick myself into some walking that way, and wander a bit as I do).
* I'm also considering some kind of weekly reward - I don't drink, so maybe a cafe visit where I get something indulgent?
Anyone have other ideas?
So my last full-time job was office manager for a tech company, and I had only one boss and he was very hands-off. I did like the hands-off part, but...I admit I was getting a little bored often. But I was afraid to ask for more to do, because I was afraid they'd respond by thinking "hmm, maybe we don't need EC any more, let's just get rid of her." So instead I got used to a slower pace at work and just boosted up a lot of outside-work stuff, and loved that. Then they laid off a crapton of people at my old job anyway.
But that was three years of generally low activity, followed by another 6 months of part time work that did a very good job of keeping me solvent. The new job, however, is with non-profit that's part of NYC's foster and child care system. And instead of having just one boss....I'm supporting the CSO, the Chief Development Officer, the General Counsel, AND the Board of Directors, and in only 5 weeks I have helped with 3 Special Events (and a 4th such event is tomorrow) and taken 3 site tours and done catering and special gifts for 3 speakers and....and it's a LOT. It's all stuff I can do - I've done it before at an earlier job - and my main boss is very supportive, and very protective of my not working too much (all the days I've stayed late for an event, she knee-jerk tells me that "so come in late tomorrow since you stayed late today").
So I'm 100% confident this is just an adjustment phase I'm going through, coming from a fairly big gear shift. So I'm looking for simple ideas that will help smooth that adjustment phase a bit, particularly in the short term. Bonus if they're also ideas for good habits I can keep going anyway.
Things I'm already thinking of doing:
* I am actually forreal going to take my entire lunch break today, and I will leave the building and go sit in the park across the street with a book. I will be trying to do that more often.
* I am going to treat myself to cute desk accessories like pretty pencil cups and different colored thumbtacks, and I'm also going to put up fun pictures on my cubicle. (I even found one in the street near my apartment - an artist's drawing of a snoring cat floating in midair surrounded by clouds. Don't know where it came from, it's adorable, I picked it up and it is now at my desk.)
* I'm going to try to stay on top of those hobbies I built up when I had a more slack day job, so that I have something else going on aside from "go to work and go home."
* But I'm also going to forgive myself on the days when I'm like "I JUST CAN'T.'
* I've started using a meditation app, and instead of doing dumb web surfing shit during the 5 minutes it takes my coffee to brew, I'm meditating.
* I am trying out acupuncture at the behest of my BFF who has been swearing to me that I should do that for years (she says it was "a total body reboot"). I am also indulging by having selected the really hot acupuncturist I met at a concert last summer (I tried asking him out, he said he'd get back to me, then met someone else and oh well - but he's still pretty).
As for other ideas I have not tried yet but am considering, or other ideas I rejected:
* Going to a gym and starting an exercise practice would be torture. I'm going to maybe add a walk during lunches and then another one after work (I have a blessedly short commute - 20 minutes by bus - and I may get on a stop further along and get off a couple stops ahead of where I usually do and trick myself into some walking that way, and wander a bit as I do).
* I'm also considering some kind of weekly reward - I don't drink, so maybe a cafe visit where I get something indulgent?
Anyone have other ideas?
What about riding a bike for exercise? Either stationary or regular. If you ride a stationary bike, there’s YouTube videos and even virtual reality apps designed to keep you from getting bored, and/or even gamify riding. Because as we all get told repeatedly, exercise is the best cure for, well, everything!
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:01 AM on March 13, 2024
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:01 AM on March 13, 2024
Find an excellent masseur who is willing to work you over for at least an hour, and see them at least every two weeks.
posted by flabdablet at 8:06 AM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 8:06 AM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Suggest buying yourself flowers as a treat. Congratulate yourself for doing a hard thing. The flowers are a pretty and visual reminder that you’re doing a good job.
Sleep is essential and must be prioritized. Make time for sleep hygiene.
Make sure you’ve built time into your day for doing nothing, and you have life structures that support rest. Skip the dishes if you just can’t, eat prepared food from the grocery store, whatever.
I usually take an afternoon break as well. When I worked in an office I took a short walk mid afternoon. At home, if I’m tired, I lie down and take a nap. Breaks help.
Hobbies are good, definitely do one, but keep your expectations low. You’re doing a hard thing that’s not the hobby. Maybe in six months you’ll do more in the hobby space.
posted by shock muppet at 8:52 AM on March 13, 2024 [3 favorites]
Sleep is essential and must be prioritized. Make time for sleep hygiene.
Make sure you’ve built time into your day for doing nothing, and you have life structures that support rest. Skip the dishes if you just can’t, eat prepared food from the grocery store, whatever.
I usually take an afternoon break as well. When I worked in an office I took a short walk mid afternoon. At home, if I’m tired, I lie down and take a nap. Breaks help.
Hobbies are good, definitely do one, but keep your expectations low. You’re doing a hard thing that’s not the hobby. Maybe in six months you’ll do more in the hobby space.
posted by shock muppet at 8:52 AM on March 13, 2024 [3 favorites]
One of the important things for me during that overwhelm phase is to keep a pretty tight grip on my to-do list, but also to include some moments of respite on it. Like, you have 98 different work things to do, and you need to keep track of where you are and when they are due, and whatnot. But inject a few things into the list that are a bit easier as a breather. Examples:
Is there a mandatory training you need to click through? put it on the list and then do it at the coffee shop down the street while drinking your favourite cuppa.
Put chatting with a new co-worker on the list. Add it as you asking them for some work-related information if you need a fig leaf of respectability, but plan for more time than it would take to just get the info so you can have a bit of informal get-to-know-you. Consider doing it at the coffee shop down the street while drinking your favourite cuppa.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:54 AM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
Is there a mandatory training you need to click through? put it on the list and then do it at the coffee shop down the street while drinking your favourite cuppa.
Put chatting with a new co-worker on the list. Add it as you asking them for some work-related information if you need a fig leaf of respectability, but plan for more time than it would take to just get the info so you can have a bit of informal get-to-know-you. Consider doing it at the coffee shop down the street while drinking your favourite cuppa.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:54 AM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
When I'm super busy, I often think in a similar pattern, but the one framing that helped as I got older was, "when is a a treat really just adding more things I feel like I have to do?" So for me, starting a new hobby is often a new obligation to get to class, buy those materials, practice, etc. It's fun, but maybe not the right treat when I'm feeling overworked. Take out dinner on the other hand is a good treat because it's something new and different, tastes great, and removes cooking a meal or two from my to do list.
posted by advicepig at 9:17 AM on March 13, 2024 [4 favorites]
posted by advicepig at 9:17 AM on March 13, 2024 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Whenever I, the primary home cook, am starting a new job on in the middle of an intense project, we re-enable our "ready to heat meals" subscription service (currently Factor) to relieve me from shopping-planning-cooking-cleaning tasks I won't have the resources/resilience for, for about a month. Housekeeping obligations also get simplified.
I won't have the spoons for things like extra appointments for various body services, hobbies, socializing, exploring cafes, etc. I have to lock it down hard to very nearly just "work, eat, sleep" and any downtime in there is drooling in front of comfort TV with basically no narrative or conflict, and trying to talk myself into a shower I will be glad I took once it's over but is very hard to start. I also usually go to bed up to 90 minutes early during this phase, as I tend to wake up early and anxious.
I do put reminders on my calendar at the 4 and 6 week marks to start re-incorporating my life into my work firehose, and that's when the hair appointments and cafes and coffee with friends starts reappearing.
But new desk stuff is absolutely mandatory - this is the adult version of starting a new grade in school, and you gotta have a new Trapper Keeper and pencil case, or a Rocketbook and fresh Post-Its. If I was ever going to work in an office again, I would also make myself a Care Case to keep at my desk, with the first aid basics and really good hand cream and lip balm, travel toothbrush and toothpaste, hot sauce and tiny salt and pepper, eyeglass cleaner if applicable, fingerless gloves or hand warmers if it's one of THOSE offices.
Also, and this is a go-to in my home office too, I keep one or two goes-with-nearly-everything ruana/wrap/shawls to use for warmth, to create a nicer neckline for video meetings, and/or to drape over the back of my chair for a non-black contrast behind me on video calls. In a pinch these can also be used rolled up as pillows or neck/lumbar support.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:33 AM on March 13, 2024 [10 favorites]
I won't have the spoons for things like extra appointments for various body services, hobbies, socializing, exploring cafes, etc. I have to lock it down hard to very nearly just "work, eat, sleep" and any downtime in there is drooling in front of comfort TV with basically no narrative or conflict, and trying to talk myself into a shower I will be glad I took once it's over but is very hard to start. I also usually go to bed up to 90 minutes early during this phase, as I tend to wake up early and anxious.
I do put reminders on my calendar at the 4 and 6 week marks to start re-incorporating my life into my work firehose, and that's when the hair appointments and cafes and coffee with friends starts reappearing.
But new desk stuff is absolutely mandatory - this is the adult version of starting a new grade in school, and you gotta have a new Trapper Keeper and pencil case, or a Rocketbook and fresh Post-Its. If I was ever going to work in an office again, I would also make myself a Care Case to keep at my desk, with the first aid basics and really good hand cream and lip balm, travel toothbrush and toothpaste, hot sauce and tiny salt and pepper, eyeglass cleaner if applicable, fingerless gloves or hand warmers if it's one of THOSE offices.
Also, and this is a go-to in my home office too, I keep one or two goes-with-nearly-everything ruana/wrap/shawls to use for warmth, to create a nicer neckline for video meetings, and/or to drape over the back of my chair for a non-black contrast behind me on video calls. In a pinch these can also be used rolled up as pillows or neck/lumbar support.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:33 AM on March 13, 2024 [10 favorites]
GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Can't stress this one enough. And I hate to say it (drives me bonkers, too), but exercise generally helps with this.
posted by praemunire at 10:01 AM on March 13, 2024 [2 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 10:01 AM on March 13, 2024 [2 favorites]
Best answer: If your new office is in an area that you haven't spent much time in before, and it's walkable, do as much walking at lunchtime as you can. Explore the area. Find the coffee shops, the bookshops, the patches of green, the weird little museums, the planters with spring flowers, the reflections (in windows or puddles or shiny car roofs), the blossoming street trees, the unexpected views, the ghost signs on the sides of old buildings, the quirky street names, the imaginative graffiti, whatever it might be. Take pictures, too; it's easier to pay attention to your surroundings if you're actively looking for things worth photographing.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 10:05 AM on March 13, 2024 [6 favorites]
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 10:05 AM on March 13, 2024 [6 favorites]
I find routines to be essential when going through stressful times. Lower the cognitive load of the every day. Bring the same thing for breakfast, figure out the set of places for lunch and always go there. This may be more of a way to make the adjustment faster but I work in routinely high stress high change environments and I survive by the strength of my familiar routines. What are you currently having to think about that you could set as a routine to give your brain a break?
posted by ch1x0r at 1:32 PM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by ch1x0r at 1:32 PM on March 13, 2024 [1 favorite]
I'm so sorry that I'm just here to echo others saying to really, really prioritize sleep. Good quality sleep. Enough sleep. Maybe you're already really good at sleeping! But a lot of people aren't.
I have made this change in the past few months- here's what helped. Being IN bed way before I need to sleep. Like 30 to 60 minutes to wind down mentally and physically. I try to read in that time but sometimes I'm on my phone (it's hard, okay!) I take magnesium before bed- a small dose of melatonin is good, too. Sleep mask and/or earplugs/sleep headphones. I also spray my pillow with a lavender vanilla spray. I thought that was kind of goofy at first but I honestly really like it.
On the days I'm not able to get that good sleep, I notice it a lot more than before. And I usually don't have that running-on-fumes feeling anymore from the days of 'eh 6 hours between head hitting pillow and alarm is probably fine, right?'
posted by rachaelfaith at 2:31 PM on March 13, 2024
I have made this change in the past few months- here's what helped. Being IN bed way before I need to sleep. Like 30 to 60 minutes to wind down mentally and physically. I try to read in that time but sometimes I'm on my phone (it's hard, okay!) I take magnesium before bed- a small dose of melatonin is good, too. Sleep mask and/or earplugs/sleep headphones. I also spray my pillow with a lavender vanilla spray. I thought that was kind of goofy at first but I honestly really like it.
On the days I'm not able to get that good sleep, I notice it a lot more than before. And I usually don't have that running-on-fumes feeling anymore from the days of 'eh 6 hours between head hitting pillow and alarm is probably fine, right?'
posted by rachaelfaith at 2:31 PM on March 13, 2024
Response by poster: Just coming in since I have seen this a lot:
Sleep hygiene is already good and I am already monitoring it to make sure it stays good. I had super bad insomnia for a year some time back and have tricks I use for that. The sleep supports on the meditation app are why I initially got it, in fact, and I regularly take magnesium for sleep support. I even track that on my Fitbit so i can see if anything there needs fixing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:39 PM on March 13, 2024 [2 favorites]
Sleep hygiene is already good and I am already monitoring it to make sure it stays good. I had super bad insomnia for a year some time back and have tricks I use for that. The sleep supports on the meditation app are why I initially got it, in fact, and I regularly take magnesium for sleep support. I even track that on my Fitbit so i can see if anything there needs fixing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:39 PM on March 13, 2024 [2 favorites]
Lots of great advice here, especially taking your full lunch and getting a real break.
On the work front, I'd also recommend using this early time to get a solid understanding of what your boss sees as their main priorities, and building a rapport that will allow you to go to them for help when you are faced with competing demands you can't reconcile on your own.
posted by rpfields at 4:09 PM on March 13, 2024
On the work front, I'd also recommend using this early time to get a solid understanding of what your boss sees as their main priorities, and building a rapport that will allow you to go to them for help when you are faced with competing demands you can't reconcile on your own.
posted by rpfields at 4:09 PM on March 13, 2024
Book out your morning review-with-coffee time and lunch as fixed immovable appointments on your calendar so people don’t book those times. Make exceptions for them only for TRUE emergencies not other people’s convenience.
I really really appreciate past me implementing Johnny Decimal file storage for my current job - I can find documents in seconds and having the same folder set up in outlook and on my desktop makes it easy to archive and find old attachments.
Sleep, sleep, sleeeeeeeeep. Treat yourself to early bedtimes! Luxury to lie in a cozy bed and know you can wake up early fresh.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:31 PM on March 13, 2024
I really really appreciate past me implementing Johnny Decimal file storage for my current job - I can find documents in seconds and having the same folder set up in outlook and on my desktop makes it easy to archive and find old attachments.
Sleep, sleep, sleeeeeeeeep. Treat yourself to early bedtimes! Luxury to lie in a cozy bed and know you can wake up early fresh.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:31 PM on March 13, 2024
Response by poster: I really really appreciate past me implementing Johnny Decimal file storage
What is "Johnny Decimal file storage"?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:00 AM on March 14, 2024
What is "Johnny Decimal file storage"?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:00 AM on March 14, 2024
Johnny.Decimal. Some people really like it. I can't get past the COBOL flashbacks.
posted by flabdablet at 6:08 AM on March 14, 2024
posted by flabdablet at 6:08 AM on March 14, 2024
So much good advice. Wanted to add something: walking is a surprisingly high-calorie-burn activity. A little (10 minutes) goes a long way. I survived a lot of jobs by either going out for fresh air and walking around the block, or by "doing laps" on the office floor. Sometimes I'd take a co-worker and make a point for us to say hi to people along the way.
You don't need a lot of desk stuff, but it may be worthwhile to find a dollar store/clearance store and buy yourself a fun mug to hold your pens/pencils.
posted by brianvan at 6:52 AM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]
You don't need a lot of desk stuff, but it may be worthwhile to find a dollar store/clearance store and buy yourself a fun mug to hold your pens/pencils.
posted by brianvan at 6:52 AM on March 14, 2024 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Checking in so far:
In addition to finally getting some clarity on "hey yo so this is a thing you want me to do and NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT IT, halp", I have also been very diligent about not working overtime (my boss gave me the go-ahead on that) and have been monitoring the sleep. I've also given myself permission to subsist on Grubhub more often than usual if I'm like "I literally just can't" about cooking.
I've also made reservations for some fun things a couple months in the future, and MY BOSS also nudged me to take advantage of another fun thing (my company is organizing a group movie outing for some of their employees, and my boss forwarded it to me with the note "you wanna go?" so hell yes).
Gradually starting to feel more like i know what I"m doing at work is helping, but I'm going to keep tabs on this too becuase I think it's all going into the mix. As did actually TAKING some sick time yesterday when my cold developed a queasy-stomach element instead of toughing it out; there was a board meeting I could have tried to log onto and taken minutes for in the evening, but I was playing CIV V and have no guilt.
Thanks!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:00 PM on March 22, 2024 [2 favorites]
In addition to finally getting some clarity on "hey yo so this is a thing you want me to do and NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT IT, halp", I have also been very diligent about not working overtime (my boss gave me the go-ahead on that) and have been monitoring the sleep. I've also given myself permission to subsist on Grubhub more often than usual if I'm like "I literally just can't" about cooking.
I've also made reservations for some fun things a couple months in the future, and MY BOSS also nudged me to take advantage of another fun thing (my company is organizing a group movie outing for some of their employees, and my boss forwarded it to me with the note "you wanna go?" so hell yes).
Gradually starting to feel more like i know what I"m doing at work is helping, but I'm going to keep tabs on this too becuase I think it's all going into the mix. As did actually TAKING some sick time yesterday when my cold developed a queasy-stomach element instead of toughing it out; there was a board meeting I could have tried to log onto and taken minutes for in the evening, but I was playing CIV V and have no guilt.
Thanks!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:00 PM on March 22, 2024 [2 favorites]
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posted by london explorer girl at 8:01 AM on March 13, 2024 [2 favorites]