Struggling in my job and it's been noticed
December 29, 2023 11:21 AM Subscribe
I work in Treasury, its high paced and high pressure. Its imperative to be super organised and on the ball and given I definitely have executive functioning problems, I am struggling.
Today my HoD (not my boss, who is on leave), who has been monitoring my work this week and noticed a few mistakes called me.
He was lovely and friendly but he asked me if I was getting enough support from my team.
He then said that I should feel free to come to him for a chat for any support and that he's always there to help me with more generic things, he also suggested going on a time management course.
My boss so far has not expressed any strong critique of my work and performance but I haven't had a one to one with her for a long time.
I feel like work is chaos, emails flying everywhere and urgent daily deadlines.
I am going to start keeping a spreadsheet of all my tasks from now on and am urgently looking into ways to stay organised.
I actually felt positive after that conversation with the HoD, I felt relieved that my struggle had been recognised and support offered.
However my bf had a more negative and realistic perspective on it, that if senior management is noticing I'm struggling and offering support, that is a red flag to pull your socks up as it is the first step to potentially getting fired.
I am starting to doubt my ability to do this job due to my executive functioning issues but I want to test myself to my limit and see if I can find techniques to deal with this. After all, most jobs require attention to detail and organisation and planning skills.
Plus I desperately need the salary to pay off my debt, it's a well paying job.
Does anyone have any advice or techniques to deal with a dynamic, constantly moving role with daily deadlines?
Today my HoD (not my boss, who is on leave), who has been monitoring my work this week and noticed a few mistakes called me.
He was lovely and friendly but he asked me if I was getting enough support from my team.
He then said that I should feel free to come to him for a chat for any support and that he's always there to help me with more generic things, he also suggested going on a time management course.
My boss so far has not expressed any strong critique of my work and performance but I haven't had a one to one with her for a long time.
I feel like work is chaos, emails flying everywhere and urgent daily deadlines.
I am going to start keeping a spreadsheet of all my tasks from now on and am urgently looking into ways to stay organised.
I actually felt positive after that conversation with the HoD, I felt relieved that my struggle had been recognised and support offered.
However my bf had a more negative and realistic perspective on it, that if senior management is noticing I'm struggling and offering support, that is a red flag to pull your socks up as it is the first step to potentially getting fired.
I am starting to doubt my ability to do this job due to my executive functioning issues but I want to test myself to my limit and see if I can find techniques to deal with this. After all, most jobs require attention to detail and organisation and planning skills.
Plus I desperately need the salary to pay off my debt, it's a well paying job.
Does anyone have any advice or techniques to deal with a dynamic, constantly moving role with daily deadlines?
If it’s the same guy, you already know MetaFilter’s thoughts on your boyfriend.
Whatever solution you use can’t be its own task to keep up with. Creating your own spreadsheet might be too much, so use something that’s already built or very basic. I like Trello, especially once I learned how to forward emails to it. I have Trello lists for today, this week, this month, next month, this quarter, completed this month, and “someday” and I move my tasks around accordingly.
posted by kimberussell at 11:48 AM on December 29, 2023 [14 favorites]
Whatever solution you use can’t be its own task to keep up with. Creating your own spreadsheet might be too much, so use something that’s already built or very basic. I like Trello, especially once I learned how to forward emails to it. I have Trello lists for today, this week, this month, next month, this quarter, completed this month, and “someday” and I move my tasks around accordingly.
posted by kimberussell at 11:48 AM on December 29, 2023 [14 favorites]
Does anyone have any advice or techniques to deal with a dynamic, constantly moving role with daily deadlines?
I'm not sure what tools you have access to, but a spreadsheet of tasks is not a bad start. Some kind of calendaring system might also be a good idea.
If you have access to Microsoft Teams, they have an app called "Tasks by Planner" that combines checklists and due dates. There are a number of tutorials online, here are two Simplify Task Management in Teams with Tasks by Planner and To Do and Using Tasks by Planner and To Do
posted by Gorgik at 11:52 AM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm not sure what tools you have access to, but a spreadsheet of tasks is not a bad start. Some kind of calendaring system might also be a good idea.
If you have access to Microsoft Teams, they have an app called "Tasks by Planner" that combines checklists and due dates. There are a number of tutorials online, here are two Simplify Task Management in Teams with Tasks by Planner and To Do and Using Tasks by Planner and To Do
posted by Gorgik at 11:52 AM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
The time management course that your HoD suggested that you go on probably has lots of great systems for managing your workflow, designed by professionals specifically for your particular work situation. You should sign up for it as soon as you can!
posted by heatherlogan at 12:08 PM on December 29, 2023 [27 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 12:08 PM on December 29, 2023 [27 favorites]
I am going to start keeping a spreadsheet of all my tasks from now on and am urgently looking into ways to stay organised.
So, you should definitely keep a list of your tasks. There are lots of systems/services/tools that can help you do this, and probably many that are better than a spreadsheet, but do what works for you! I like Workflowy; other people like things with more functionality like due dates or reminders.
I feel like work is chaos, emails flying everywhere and urgent daily deadlines.
This sounds difficult and frustrating. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes but here are some things that I would probably practice in your situation:
posted by entropone at 12:10 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
So, you should definitely keep a list of your tasks. There are lots of systems/services/tools that can help you do this, and probably many that are better than a spreadsheet, but do what works for you! I like Workflowy; other people like things with more functionality like due dates or reminders.
I feel like work is chaos, emails flying everywhere and urgent daily deadlines.
This sounds difficult and frustrating. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes but here are some things that I would probably practice in your situation:
- Rigorous email hygiene: move stuff to a folder when it's done, flag things you need to follow-up on, have a brief, tidy inbox that functions in part as a "to do right now" list
- Block off time to work on stuff that's NOT due RIGHT NOW - but rather stuff that's due later in the week or whenever.
- Keep an accurate to-do list with due dates, links to more info
- If there are urgent demands that put other work at risk, tell people that! If there's six hours of work and two hours to do it in, then, communicate the trade-offs (what doesn't get done as a result) and let the bosses be aware and make the decision.
posted by entropone at 12:10 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
Keep in mind that the boyfriend, if it's the same one, takes up more than his fair share of your mental space, energy, and effort.
His words were not helpful in any way. If anything, they're more likely to damage your confidence and make your perform worse.
If it's the same guy, has he been pushing you to give up your job or take a lesser one so that you will comply with his desire to "settle"?
If so, this is MORE OF THE SAME.
It's a perfect opportunity - and plenty of justification - to ditch the boyfriend and refocus on the job.
posted by stormyteal at 12:51 PM on December 29, 2023 [8 favorites]
His words were not helpful in any way. If anything, they're more likely to damage your confidence and make your perform worse.
If it's the same guy, has he been pushing you to give up your job or take a lesser one so that you will comply with his desire to "settle"?
If so, this is MORE OF THE SAME.
It's a perfect opportunity - and plenty of justification - to ditch the boyfriend and refocus on the job.
posted by stormyteal at 12:51 PM on December 29, 2023 [8 favorites]
that is a red flag to pull your socks up as it is the first step to potentially getting fired.
Good managers don't want to fire people, because hiring is time consuming and expensive. Good managers (and it sounds like this is one) want to invest in making sure their employees have the right tools and training they need to be successful at the work they're doing.
Everyone makes errors. People don't generally get fired for "a few errors" -- what they do get fired for is being unwilling to change, or being unwilling to be honest about what help they need.
The manager is doing what they should do.
The boyfriend is talking out his ass.
posted by anastasiav at 12:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [19 favorites]
Good managers don't want to fire people, because hiring is time consuming and expensive. Good managers (and it sounds like this is one) want to invest in making sure their employees have the right tools and training they need to be successful at the work they're doing.
Everyone makes errors. People don't generally get fired for "a few errors" -- what they do get fired for is being unwilling to change, or being unwilling to be honest about what help they need.
The manager is doing what they should do.
The boyfriend is talking out his ass.
posted by anastasiav at 12:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [19 favorites]
Sounds like the HoD wants you to have a little more support to succeed. Like anastasiav says, managers want to do everything in their power to get people to succeed. Besides being unkind, firing someone and hiring someone else is a royal pain in the rear to management. You've been at this job for six months and for most jobs, we'd expect you still to be learning.
Take the course, figure out what questions you have for the HoD that can help you get better at what you are doing now and what would prepare you for what you want to be doing next.
posted by advicepig at 1:10 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
Take the course, figure out what questions you have for the HoD that can help you get better at what you are doing now and what would prepare you for what you want to be doing next.
posted by advicepig at 1:10 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
Consider working with an ADHD coach. This is hard stuff to fix by yourself. An ADHD coach can provide the outside perspective and expertise to help you make long-lasting improvements.
CHADD page on ADHD coaching (with resource links at the bottom for finding coaches)
posted by cadge at 1:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
CHADD page on ADHD coaching (with resource links at the bottom for finding coaches)
posted by cadge at 1:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
From the org’s point of view, this is not about you, it’s about the organization and making sure the tasks they need get done. This can be a hard perspective shift if you’re more used to an academic environment where it’s all about making sure you know everything yourself without “cheating” or help from others. I think “testing yourself to your limit” is a bad idea in light of this. Finding the path of least resistance, even if that means involving someone else to help support you, is fine and even more desirable here. Your boss doesn’t want you to get burned out or drop the ball because you’re not able to handle things on your own. They are generally going to be interested in your long-term success as part of a team. So I understand why you may feel like this is a sign of a personal failing (especially with the unhelpful comments from your boyfriend) but I would challenge your thinking here and take a step back to try and look at it a bit differently.
On a more practical level: have you asked others on your team what strategies they use to keep track of things? I find the Pomodoro method useful, and above all else, using a paper notebook (NOT an app or something else involving a screen!) to take notes is super helpful, and helps me remember to come back to things that may have been drowned under a pile of other messages in my inbox.
posted by music for skeletons at 1:37 PM on December 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
On a more practical level: have you asked others on your team what strategies they use to keep track of things? I find the Pomodoro method useful, and above all else, using a paper notebook (NOT an app or something else involving a screen!) to take notes is super helpful, and helps me remember to come back to things that may have been drowned under a pile of other messages in my inbox.
posted by music for skeletons at 1:37 PM on December 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
What you want is long-term change, not anxiety-driven attempts to change everything at once, even though feeling that way is understandable.
I think your HoD was really clear and helpful. He seems to recognize the environment and that you need support. I think you can trust your gut on the positive. I agree with you that this is a great time to lean in and see what you can improve. There's no shame in any of that. I don't think your boyfriend is right, but even if he is, who cares? It's still worth learning and growing.
Definitely sign up for that course. I do have one kind of pro tip for you to start with though and that is - work to pay attention to the way you work. For me this looks like this:
- I finish every day with check off tasks and putting at least 2 to-do items at the top of the next day's to-do list. That way I'm not spending my energy on figuring out where I left off. It also makes me accountable for what didn't get done that day.
- I go through my emails after lunch every day and clean up my task list when there's still time to get more out of the day itself.
- I know my own rhythms, so I schedule my tasks against that. If you don't know yours, take a look at when you zone out or make mistakes. My dead period is midafternoons towards the end of the week. I use Thursday afternoons for meetings, training, or returning emails. Friday I send out updates on what I did that week, and create my to-list for the following week.
- For detailed work, for me I must take breaks. I literally just go down 4 flights of stairs and back up, about once every 45 minutes. I don't talk to people because that extends the break. But your pattern may be different! Experiment though, and when you find you have made a mistake, slow down, take a breath, and record what was happening when you made the mistake - time of day, what tasks were before and after, anything mood or food related. It can be hard to manage anxiety (and obviously sometimes you have to fix the issue first), but if you can narrow in on why/when you make mistakes specifically, you can probably address that.
(Quirky personal example: I cannot copy edit after 4 pm. I'm dyslexic and copy editing has been a challenge for me anyway, and after years and years and years of fighting it, I learned to get up earlier if I had to do a lot of it. I run out of the ability to see errors after 4pm. Weirdly once I set some limits around it - I got more productive. And I also have gradually managed my career to do less of it. :))
posted by warriorqueen at 1:47 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
I think your HoD was really clear and helpful. He seems to recognize the environment and that you need support. I think you can trust your gut on the positive. I agree with you that this is a great time to lean in and see what you can improve. There's no shame in any of that. I don't think your boyfriend is right, but even if he is, who cares? It's still worth learning and growing.
Definitely sign up for that course. I do have one kind of pro tip for you to start with though and that is - work to pay attention to the way you work. For me this looks like this:
- I finish every day with check off tasks and putting at least 2 to-do items at the top of the next day's to-do list. That way I'm not spending my energy on figuring out where I left off. It also makes me accountable for what didn't get done that day.
- I go through my emails after lunch every day and clean up my task list when there's still time to get more out of the day itself.
- I know my own rhythms, so I schedule my tasks against that. If you don't know yours, take a look at when you zone out or make mistakes. My dead period is midafternoons towards the end of the week. I use Thursday afternoons for meetings, training, or returning emails. Friday I send out updates on what I did that week, and create my to-list for the following week.
- For detailed work, for me I must take breaks. I literally just go down 4 flights of stairs and back up, about once every 45 minutes. I don't talk to people because that extends the break. But your pattern may be different! Experiment though, and when you find you have made a mistake, slow down, take a breath, and record what was happening when you made the mistake - time of day, what tasks were before and after, anything mood or food related. It can be hard to manage anxiety (and obviously sometimes you have to fix the issue first), but if you can narrow in on why/when you make mistakes specifically, you can probably address that.
(Quirky personal example: I cannot copy edit after 4 pm. I'm dyslexic and copy editing has been a challenge for me anyway, and after years and years and years of fighting it, I learned to get up earlier if I had to do a lot of it. I run out of the ability to see errors after 4pm. Weirdly once I set some limits around it - I got more productive. And I also have gradually managed my career to do less of it. :))
posted by warriorqueen at 1:47 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
I work in Finance and I manage a team. Your boss does not want to fire you; recruiting and training people takes a lot of time and effort and it’s much more efficient to try and help the person in the role (who they’ve already invested time in) to get better at it. The fact they want to send you on a training course is a really good sign; they value you enough to put time and money into helping you get better at your job.
Here are my other thoughts after reading your question:
1. In the context of your job, what your boss says and does matters a lot and what your boyfriend says does not matter at all. Ignore your boyfriend.
2. Go on the training course and take the opportunity to ask lots of specific questions about managing time and tasks in your role. You will know best what these questions should be.
3. Having your own system for managing your work is a good idea, but I agree with the poster above that it should be a simple system. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it works for you. Get a big thick A4 notebook and keep it on your desk and scribble things down in it - use a big thick notebook rather than post-its or loose pages because it’s harder to lose a notebook and if you know you wrote the thing down somewhere in the notebook you can flick back through the pages until you find it. Or: I use an Excel workbook because I like Excel. The first sheet is a very simple list of any and all ad hoc tasks I need to do. As soon as I get the task, it gets added to the bottom of the list, and when I complete the task, I change the cell formatting so I know I’ve done it. The key thing is that tasks get added to the list immediately so they’re recorded and I don’t have to spend any mental energy remembering them, and then I can get on with whatever other task I’m doing at that moment. The second sheet in my Excel workbook is a list of recurring tasks, ie things I have to do weekly, monthly, quarterly and even yearly. Each one of those tasks goes on the list with the date when it’s next due. When I do the task, I role the date forward to the next time it’s due. There’s also a little bit of simple conditional formatting so things get highlighted as they get closer. I also have a big Word document which is just a lot of step-by-step instructions for doing various things which I’ve built up over many years. And I recommend making your own checklists for tasks (for eg, that report you have to issue every Friday morning - what are the five mistakes you’re most likely to make when you’re putting it together? Write those five things down and now you’ve got a checklist to go through each time you do it.).
4. Try not to get seduced by overly complicated task management systems. You could (for eg) devise some elaborate way of categorising your email inbox but find it takes too long to apply; maybe all you need is simply to flag any incoming email that requires a response or an action from you, and then mark it as complete when you’ve dealt with it. Maybe the issue isn’t you at all, maybe the problem is that you’ve got payments that need to be set up before noon each day but between 9am and 12 you’ve also received twenty emails that all seem to need a response and you’re getting waylaid dealing with those and missing your noon deadline. In that case, the starting point might be a conversation with your line manager: “Manager, I can’t respond to these urgent emails AND get my payments set up before noon - what’s my priority?” And your manager, if they are a good manager, will say something like “The payments are your priority; I’ll speak to Bob in sales and tell him to stop hassling you to send him the sales reports in the morning - he’ll have to wait for you to send them to him in the afternoon after you’ve done the payment run.”
5. I think from your question history you might be in the UK? If you are, does your job have a probationary period and are you still within that period? If your job has a probationary period and you are still in it, good news! That means they like you enough to want to give you training instead of letting you go on a week’s notice or whatever, as they could during the probationary period. If your job has a probationary period and you successfully completed it, good news! That means you now have more job security as they can’t just let you go with no notice - and also that you were good enough to pass the probationary period.
Good luck and ignore your boyfriend.
posted by damsel with a dulcimer at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
Here are my other thoughts after reading your question:
1. In the context of your job, what your boss says and does matters a lot and what your boyfriend says does not matter at all. Ignore your boyfriend.
2. Go on the training course and take the opportunity to ask lots of specific questions about managing time and tasks in your role. You will know best what these questions should be.
3. Having your own system for managing your work is a good idea, but I agree with the poster above that it should be a simple system. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it works for you. Get a big thick A4 notebook and keep it on your desk and scribble things down in it - use a big thick notebook rather than post-its or loose pages because it’s harder to lose a notebook and if you know you wrote the thing down somewhere in the notebook you can flick back through the pages until you find it. Or: I use an Excel workbook because I like Excel. The first sheet is a very simple list of any and all ad hoc tasks I need to do. As soon as I get the task, it gets added to the bottom of the list, and when I complete the task, I change the cell formatting so I know I’ve done it. The key thing is that tasks get added to the list immediately so they’re recorded and I don’t have to spend any mental energy remembering them, and then I can get on with whatever other task I’m doing at that moment. The second sheet in my Excel workbook is a list of recurring tasks, ie things I have to do weekly, monthly, quarterly and even yearly. Each one of those tasks goes on the list with the date when it’s next due. When I do the task, I role the date forward to the next time it’s due. There’s also a little bit of simple conditional formatting so things get highlighted as they get closer. I also have a big Word document which is just a lot of step-by-step instructions for doing various things which I’ve built up over many years. And I recommend making your own checklists for tasks (for eg, that report you have to issue every Friday morning - what are the five mistakes you’re most likely to make when you’re putting it together? Write those five things down and now you’ve got a checklist to go through each time you do it.).
4. Try not to get seduced by overly complicated task management systems. You could (for eg) devise some elaborate way of categorising your email inbox but find it takes too long to apply; maybe all you need is simply to flag any incoming email that requires a response or an action from you, and then mark it as complete when you’ve dealt with it. Maybe the issue isn’t you at all, maybe the problem is that you’ve got payments that need to be set up before noon each day but between 9am and 12 you’ve also received twenty emails that all seem to need a response and you’re getting waylaid dealing with those and missing your noon deadline. In that case, the starting point might be a conversation with your line manager: “Manager, I can’t respond to these urgent emails AND get my payments set up before noon - what’s my priority?” And your manager, if they are a good manager, will say something like “The payments are your priority; I’ll speak to Bob in sales and tell him to stop hassling you to send him the sales reports in the morning - he’ll have to wait for you to send them to him in the afternoon after you’ve done the payment run.”
5. I think from your question history you might be in the UK? If you are, does your job have a probationary period and are you still within that period? If your job has a probationary period and you are still in it, good news! That means they like you enough to want to give you training instead of letting you go on a week’s notice or whatever, as they could during the probationary period. If your job has a probationary period and you successfully completed it, good news! That means you now have more job security as they can’t just let you go with no notice - and also that you were good enough to pass the probationary period.
Good luck and ignore your boyfriend.
posted by damsel with a dulcimer at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
In a healthy organization, bosses give feedback to grow and develop their people. Bosses get points for developing their staff. If you want to be clear about what that last conversation meant, ask for feedback and ask for a career development conversation yourself. In a healthy organization, this will set you up with goals and tasks to achieve to grow in your organization.
Great tips above. Your calendar is also an essential tool to support task management. Schedule meetings with yourself to do productive work and take breaks. Maybe 30 minutes at the beginning to organize your day, an hour for lunch, 2 1-hour blocks elsewhere in your day for focus time. Turn off all notifications during focus time and do real work.
If there is a way to check emails less often, do it. Your email can probably wait 2-4 hours.
posted by shock muppet at 2:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
Great tips above. Your calendar is also an essential tool to support task management. Schedule meetings with yourself to do productive work and take breaks. Maybe 30 minutes at the beginning to organize your day, an hour for lunch, 2 1-hour blocks elsewhere in your day for focus time. Turn off all notifications during focus time and do real work.
If there is a way to check emails less often, do it. Your email can probably wait 2-4 hours.
posted by shock muppet at 2:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
1. In the context of your job, what your boss says and does matters a lot and what your boyfriend says does not matter at all. Ignore your boyfriend.
This, so much this.
The interaction you describe with the HoD (head of department?) sounds really positive and that the support is there for you to succeed. They are saying for you to communicate and work with them, rather than that you need to struggle on your own.
The interaction you describe with your boyfriend sounds negative and unhelpful.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:28 PM on December 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
This, so much this.
The interaction you describe with the HoD (head of department?) sounds really positive and that the support is there for you to succeed. They are saying for you to communicate and work with them, rather than that you need to struggle on your own.
The interaction you describe with your boyfriend sounds negative and unhelpful.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:28 PM on December 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
I think you are in a public sector job in the UK, which means that there should be lots of support available and that it is difficult for the employer to fire staff. It may be worth it to talk to HR about support for executive functioning. You can probably tell whether this would be ok in your organisation by looking at your HR's (or Personnel, or Occupational Health) online resources and seeing what they say about support available.
You may have access to counselling or support through Employee Assistance. This may or may not be worth taking up; my feeling is not, if what you want to discuss is strategies for managing work, but if you're interested in short-term talk therapy you could have a look at it. My experience is that it's typically 3 sessions and that quality varies a lot.
I recently saw a virtual ADHD coach for issues unrelated to work, but the coach I used does provide work-related support, and also can advise clients about government funding to cover part of the cost. If you are interested, MeMail me or post here and I will pass on her contact details. I realise you don't mention the term ADHD, but it sounds as if some of your struggles are similar to those of some people with a diagnosis of ADHD.
Re organisational techniques - in your situation I might go old-school and have a list of tasks on paper, rather than a spreadsheet. I don't know about you, but I can go down a rabbit hole of colour-coding cells, adding columns etc, all of which doesn't actually get the tasks done. Can you find time to sit with your list of tasks, in whatever format, once or twice a day, and think through the steps involved?
Do you have a colleague at the same level as you you can talk to about dealing with workload? Do you think you are getting enough support from your team (I assume this a team you work within, rather than one you manage?)? Would it be helpful to ask for additional training on specific areas (this could be informal, sitting with a colleague)?
The Job Accommodation Network is American, but some of the information about accommodations for people with ADHD might be useful.
Ask A Manager has discussed ADHD and some of her posts might be useful - this Ask the Readers on better work habits when you have ADHD, for instance. (Again, realise you don't use that term in this post, so apologies if doing so offends you.)
Is your own manager supportive - can you go to them if you are unsure about things or want help prioritising? Would a mentor help?
I agree with others that the conversation with your HoD sounds positive and as if they want to support you.
posted by paduasoy at 2:35 PM on December 29, 2023
You may have access to counselling or support through Employee Assistance. This may or may not be worth taking up; my feeling is not, if what you want to discuss is strategies for managing work, but if you're interested in short-term talk therapy you could have a look at it. My experience is that it's typically 3 sessions and that quality varies a lot.
I recently saw a virtual ADHD coach for issues unrelated to work, but the coach I used does provide work-related support, and also can advise clients about government funding to cover part of the cost. If you are interested, MeMail me or post here and I will pass on her contact details. I realise you don't mention the term ADHD, but it sounds as if some of your struggles are similar to those of some people with a diagnosis of ADHD.
Re organisational techniques - in your situation I might go old-school and have a list of tasks on paper, rather than a spreadsheet. I don't know about you, but I can go down a rabbit hole of colour-coding cells, adding columns etc, all of which doesn't actually get the tasks done. Can you find time to sit with your list of tasks, in whatever format, once or twice a day, and think through the steps involved?
Do you have a colleague at the same level as you you can talk to about dealing with workload? Do you think you are getting enough support from your team (I assume this a team you work within, rather than one you manage?)? Would it be helpful to ask for additional training on specific areas (this could be informal, sitting with a colleague)?
The Job Accommodation Network is American, but some of the information about accommodations for people with ADHD might be useful.
Ask A Manager has discussed ADHD and some of her posts might be useful - this Ask the Readers on better work habits when you have ADHD, for instance. (Again, realise you don't use that term in this post, so apologies if doing so offends you.)
Is your own manager supportive - can you go to them if you are unsure about things or want help prioritising? Would a mentor help?
I agree with others that the conversation with your HoD sounds positive and as if they want to support you.
posted by paduasoy at 2:35 PM on December 29, 2023
Best answer: Your boyfriend is a dingus you should dump yesterday, but sadly I'm going to say that it's not actually a great sign if the head of your department (?) is noticing your errors and having a meeting with you to discuss them. It sounds like they were very kind about it, which is good, but it also sounds like your work is very much not up to par. They can be mean about it or they can be gentle, but in the end, it is not good to have a more senior person thinking that way about you. I would take advantage of any and all training they offer you, like the time management course. It may actually help, and it will also show that you are receptive to feedback and eager to improve.
posted by praemunire at 6:23 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 6:23 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
Others have already said it but I'll repeat it: it sounds like your HoD sees you doing good things but also that you deserve more support. It can feel yucky but is not bad; there could be more going on in the department that you don't know about. Also, higher-ups tend to like it when we take their advice and grow even a little bit so this could actually really work out in your favor!
As for your boyfriend, unless he's offering kind support and/or genuinely useful ideas on how to improve things, then he's part of the problem and not part of the solution.
posted by smorgasbord at 8:39 PM on December 29, 2023
As for your boyfriend, unless he's offering kind support and/or genuinely useful ideas on how to improve things, then he's part of the problem and not part of the solution.
posted by smorgasbord at 8:39 PM on December 29, 2023
Your HoD sounds great and you should accept any help they offer that might help you. It shows self-awareness and a willingness to improve, and it will hopefully actually help you.
If only your boyfriend was as helpful and supportive as your HoD.
posted by fabius at 5:25 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
If only your boyfriend was as helpful and supportive as your HoD.
posted by fabius at 5:25 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Her boyfriend wants to destroy her.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:14 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:14 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
As a person with ADHD, I do find it helpful to have a list of my tasks, but even MORE helpful to have alarms and reminders set to remind me to do things when it is time. I also have a lot of things "flying in at me" which is very distracting when I'm working on a project... so if I am working on something I need to keep on top of, I will "snooze" my Outlook reminder in half-hour (or hour) increments until the task is completed. Otherwise some email may trigger me to go off on a tangent and I may totally forget about the report I need to finish by the end of the day.
The reminder pops up: "Work on tech lead report due by 5 pm on 12/28". I snooze it for 30 minutes, and work on the report until something interrupts me. In a little while, the reminder pops up again, I snooze it again and work on the report. I will do this all day if necessary.
I set multiple alarms on my phone for certain things, as well. For example, I have a reminder to complete my timesheet on Friday, which is set to go off in mid-afternoon just to remind me it's something I need to do before the end of the day. Then a second reminder goes off 10 minutes before the end of my shift. I also set a reminder to go off mid-day Saturday, in case I wind up working a couple of hours on Saturday morning, so I can make sure the overtime gets on my timesheet for the week. When each alarm goes off, I reset it to the same time/day the following week, so it's ready to go.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:17 PM on December 30, 2023
The reminder pops up: "Work on tech lead report due by 5 pm on 12/28". I snooze it for 30 minutes, and work on the report until something interrupts me. In a little while, the reminder pops up again, I snooze it again and work on the report. I will do this all day if necessary.
I set multiple alarms on my phone for certain things, as well. For example, I have a reminder to complete my timesheet on Friday, which is set to go off in mid-afternoon just to remind me it's something I need to do before the end of the day. Then a second reminder goes off 10 minutes before the end of my shift. I also set a reminder to go off mid-day Saturday, in case I wind up working a couple of hours on Saturday morning, so I can make sure the overtime gets on my timesheet for the week. When each alarm goes off, I reset it to the same time/day the following week, so it's ready to go.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:17 PM on December 30, 2023
Response by poster: Sorry I didn't add extremely relevant context that I have been fired from 2 jobs previously for being unable to manage and also micromanaged due to poor performance. One manager created a spreadsheet to track my tasks, for me.
posted by Sunflower88 at 2:36 PM on December 30, 2023
posted by Sunflower88 at 2:36 PM on December 30, 2023
It kind of sounds to me like you don't feel you deserve the support you were offered at work, because you think you're fucking up and that means you deserve to be harshly treated.
That's why you want to believe you boyfriend when he says this is a bad sign and you're probably going to be fired soon. The support your boss offered which made you feel good was so easily eclipsed from your mind because your boyfriend's harsh view of what you deserve is something you believe deep down.
That's why the only answer you have favorited on this thread is the one that says yeah, it isn't a good sign that your boss noticed your poor performance. All the other comments which are blaming the boyfriend for tearing you down and telling you to accept the support you're being offered at work, you feel you can ignore. They don't make an impact on you because you don't think you deserve the support.
In your mind, you're fucking up, therefore you are a fuck up, and you deserve to be fired.
I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I hope things get better for you.
posted by MiraK at 3:58 PM on January 4 [3 favorites]
That's why you want to believe you boyfriend when he says this is a bad sign and you're probably going to be fired soon. The support your boss offered which made you feel good was so easily eclipsed from your mind because your boyfriend's harsh view of what you deserve is something you believe deep down.
That's why the only answer you have favorited on this thread is the one that says yeah, it isn't a good sign that your boss noticed your poor performance. All the other comments which are blaming the boyfriend for tearing you down and telling you to accept the support you're being offered at work, you feel you can ignore. They don't make an impact on you because you don't think you deserve the support.
In your mind, you're fucking up, therefore you are a fuck up, and you deserve to be fired.
I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I hope things get better for you.
posted by MiraK at 3:58 PM on January 4 [3 favorites]
because you think you're fucking up and that means you deserve to be harshly treated.
In your mind, you're fucking up, therefore you are a fuck up, and you deserve to be fired.
I have the same thing going on myself. I'm constantly told how awful I am, a lot worse than this current boss is doing to Sunflower. I have no idea how to recover from it, though, other than to have people stop telling you you're awful.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:43 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]
In your mind, you're fucking up, therefore you are a fuck up, and you deserve to be fired.
I have the same thing going on myself. I'm constantly told how awful I am, a lot worse than this current boss is doing to Sunflower. I have no idea how to recover from it, though, other than to have people stop telling you you're awful.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:43 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I've been there and been convinced of that, too, jenfullmoon & OP. What helped me was to first get away from all the external voices that were telling me I deserved bad things, and, having done that, intentionally, painstakingly, (and often painfully) focusing attention and efforts on playing to my strengths, as opposed to focusing on correcting my weaknesses.
Don't get me wrong: internally I was 100% wracked with a sense of failure, but I tried to tell myself that I couldn't let this self hating feeling stop me from playing to my strengths in terms of my actions.
So like in concrete terms, when I started sucking at a job, dropping tasks, falling behind on work, it was very tempting to berate myself and buy a new planner and try a new time management system and commit myself to a course of changing bad habits. But what I realized is that I'm bad at all that stuff. Those are my exact weaknesses. So I had to teach myself to say, "Oh, okay, I'm sucking at this job. Time to deal with this problem in my own way." And my own way was: to quit and get a new job. 🤷🏾 I'm good at that, and new-job-energy always gives me a ton of energy and motivation to do job tasks.
No self help book recommends this course of action for that particular problem. Many call it unprofessional (which it may be) or unethical (which I'm very sure it isn't). But I job hop regardless of what the experts recommend, because that's what I'm good at, that's what I can be successful at.
In the last 8 years I've had ... 6 jobs? 8 years ago I lasted about 5 months in a job before starting to screw up so much that I felt the need to jump ship before getting fired. I am getting much better at staying in a job and working at it - but only because of I am now sure of my strengths, and have seen my strengths save me many times. Like, I'm not unemployed or destitute, far from it. Each time, even though I was failing at every job, I learned something new and then made a jump into a better paid gig because of the exposure. This track record of success improves my self esteem. Improved self esteem makes me more likely to stick around at a job I'm "failing" at, and psych myself into regaining some of the new-job motivation and energy just because I hate myself less? If that makes sense?
But I'm under no illusions that it will last forever. I'm pretty sure I'll be needing to look for a new job within the year, because I need that new-job adrenaline to motivate me to do tasks properly again.
At interviews I talk about my "breadth of experience" "across many market verticals" - yet another intentional effort to recast my failures as a strength. It does work. It's not woo, and actually, it's not even a lie. My strengths are real. These days I fully believe it. In the beginning it did take a fair bit of suspending my own disbelief, and acting like it was true.
Hope some of this helps you, OP. I hope you can take your attention away from your failure points and try to focus exclusively on your strengths. You start by cutting out EXTERNAL voices which are keeping you focused on failures. And if you're thinking you have no useful or meaningful strengths, that makes this first step that much more urgent.
posted by MiraK at 7:50 PM on January 4
Don't get me wrong: internally I was 100% wracked with a sense of failure, but I tried to tell myself that I couldn't let this self hating feeling stop me from playing to my strengths in terms of my actions.
So like in concrete terms, when I started sucking at a job, dropping tasks, falling behind on work, it was very tempting to berate myself and buy a new planner and try a new time management system and commit myself to a course of changing bad habits. But what I realized is that I'm bad at all that stuff. Those are my exact weaknesses. So I had to teach myself to say, "Oh, okay, I'm sucking at this job. Time to deal with this problem in my own way." And my own way was: to quit and get a new job. 🤷🏾 I'm good at that, and new-job-energy always gives me a ton of energy and motivation to do job tasks.
No self help book recommends this course of action for that particular problem. Many call it unprofessional (which it may be) or unethical (which I'm very sure it isn't). But I job hop regardless of what the experts recommend, because that's what I'm good at, that's what I can be successful at.
In the last 8 years I've had ... 6 jobs? 8 years ago I lasted about 5 months in a job before starting to screw up so much that I felt the need to jump ship before getting fired. I am getting much better at staying in a job and working at it - but only because of I am now sure of my strengths, and have seen my strengths save me many times. Like, I'm not unemployed or destitute, far from it. Each time, even though I was failing at every job, I learned something new and then made a jump into a better paid gig because of the exposure. This track record of success improves my self esteem. Improved self esteem makes me more likely to stick around at a job I'm "failing" at, and psych myself into regaining some of the new-job motivation and energy just because I hate myself less? If that makes sense?
But I'm under no illusions that it will last forever. I'm pretty sure I'll be needing to look for a new job within the year, because I need that new-job adrenaline to motivate me to do tasks properly again.
At interviews I talk about my "breadth of experience" "across many market verticals" - yet another intentional effort to recast my failures as a strength. It does work. It's not woo, and actually, it's not even a lie. My strengths are real. These days I fully believe it. In the beginning it did take a fair bit of suspending my own disbelief, and acting like it was true.
Hope some of this helps you, OP. I hope you can take your attention away from your failure points and try to focus exclusively on your strengths. You start by cutting out EXTERNAL voices which are keeping you focused on failures. And if you're thinking you have no useful or meaningful strengths, that makes this first step that much more urgent.
posted by MiraK at 7:50 PM on January 4
I too work in treasury and the jobs within the organization have a way of constantly revolving and staying at the same frenetic pace while training doesn't seem to adjust to the needs of many types of learning models. there has been talk within the teams for certain departments training to be broken up into shorter segments targeting first the lingo, then the function of the job and then the quality performance aspect of the jobs but for now the training seems to be the biggest argument to why certain rote memory style learners don't feel as up to speed when the training period is over. Your best use of time would be to keep a note pad of essential functions handy and shorthand the parts of the job you are very familiar with. When faced with parts of the job that tax your brain, when you find the answer keep a note of that as well so it becomes something you can easily become familar with. Work leaders are supposed to be available to assist you with the questions you can't find on your own but when that is not an option see if you can skip it until you can find a on the job instructor for help. You will find it gets easier the more you do it and as long as you focus on accuracy the speed of your work will come soon enough.
posted by The_imp_inimpossible at 2:59 AM on January 6
posted by The_imp_inimpossible at 2:59 AM on January 6
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Take a time management class, figure out a to-do system, and figure out why you’re with that guy who undermines your self esteem.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:32 AM on December 29, 2023 [53 favorites]