How to get help for random chores?
December 22, 2023 4:33 PM Subscribe
My partner deals with a number of health issues that sometimes make it difficult to take care of general life maintenance stuff. She doesn’t currently need medical care, but often needs help with running errands, doing laundry, and similar ad-hoc tasks. What kind of service is out there to help with this?
My partner’s challenges include, but aren’t limited to, chronic pain, migraines, a hip that makes long walks difficult, and ADHD. Most days are fine, but every 3-4 days, she’ll have a day she just has to spend in bed. She also occasionally has medical treatments that put her in bed for a week at a time. This impacts daily life and also means she isn’t currently working.
I help as much as I’m able, but I’m the only employed member of the family and my job keeps me fully occupied during normal business hours (and sometimes much later). Many tasks are things I can do in the evening after work, but sometimes they have to happen during hours I am working and can’t take time off.
If my partner is having a bad day and I can’t accomplish a particular chore in time, she will often “push through” and do the task anyway, which later impacts her health even worse. I never, ever want her to have to do that - she is more important than random chores, even if they feel urgent!
While my work eats too much of my time, it also thankfully pays well, so we’re extremely open to throwing money at the problem. But it’s difficult to figure out how!
Services like care.com seem to mostly be oriented towards medical care, which is not (currently) needed, and the personal assistant services I’ve found are generally aimed at professional tasks. Not, like, please drop off this package, make a stop at a local shop, pick up dry cleaning, and can you unload the dishwasher while you’re around? Which is fair, but I don’t need help with calendars and correspondence, I need help with random crap.
It’s entirely possible this service doesn’t exist, but it’s also possible I just don’t know what to Google. Help?
My partner’s challenges include, but aren’t limited to, chronic pain, migraines, a hip that makes long walks difficult, and ADHD. Most days are fine, but every 3-4 days, she’ll have a day she just has to spend in bed. She also occasionally has medical treatments that put her in bed for a week at a time. This impacts daily life and also means she isn’t currently working.
I help as much as I’m able, but I’m the only employed member of the family and my job keeps me fully occupied during normal business hours (and sometimes much later). Many tasks are things I can do in the evening after work, but sometimes they have to happen during hours I am working and can’t take time off.
If my partner is having a bad day and I can’t accomplish a particular chore in time, she will often “push through” and do the task anyway, which later impacts her health even worse. I never, ever want her to have to do that - she is more important than random chores, even if they feel urgent!
While my work eats too much of my time, it also thankfully pays well, so we’re extremely open to throwing money at the problem. But it’s difficult to figure out how!
Services like care.com seem to mostly be oriented towards medical care, which is not (currently) needed, and the personal assistant services I’ve found are generally aimed at professional tasks. Not, like, please drop off this package, make a stop at a local shop, pick up dry cleaning, and can you unload the dishwasher while you’re around? Which is fair, but I don’t need help with calendars and correspondence, I need help with random crap.
It’s entirely possible this service doesn’t exist, but it’s also possible I just don’t know what to Google. Help?
Personal Assistant sounds fancy but that's what you need. Maybe get the word out to find a neighbor who would like to be paid to do the occasional help/task/ pick up groceries when they go to the grocery on their weekly run? A responsible college student?
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Personal Assistant is probably the right term, but it might also be Home Care Assistant, which is sometimes geared towards personal services (medical stuff, but also making sure laundry and dishes are done.) It might wind up being a combination of PA and a cleaning service.
There is probably an agency near you that works with seniors or people with disabilities to navigate this stuff. If you're in the United States, you can call 2-1-1 which has human operators who can direct you to them.
posted by blnkfrnk at 4:53 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
There is probably an agency near you that works with seniors or people with disabilities to navigate this stuff. If you're in the United States, you can call 2-1-1 which has human operators who can direct you to them.
posted by blnkfrnk at 4:53 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am quite sick right now very temporarily and in a lot of pain. I was literally contemplating posting on my condo group to see if there's a teenager looking to make some cash. My three tasks were going to be sweep floor, take out trash and wrap gifts for which I was thinking $50-75 cash would be reasonable.
But now I have a fever so I can't responsibly have anyone over. Anyway you could post on a neighbourhood group and see if anyone wants to be considered for occasional work.like that. If it involves going out for you you probably fomt want a 14 year old. My tasks were to be done with my around lying on the couch, back of hand to forehead, so a little different.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:47 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
But now I have a fever so I can't responsibly have anyone over. Anyway you could post on a neighbourhood group and see if anyone wants to be considered for occasional work.like that. If it involves going out for you you probably fomt want a 14 year old. My tasks were to be done with my around lying on the couch, back of hand to forehead, so a little different.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:47 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
We have this and we found them on care.com. Mother's helper or family assistant is the term we used (we have kids, although I can see how it might feel weird to use that term if you don't). We posted ads under both the housekeeping and childcare section of care.com, since many people who do childcare are open to this sort of work. (Although in our most recent search, the ad we posted under childcare got taken down, so care.com may be cracking down).
Other places to look are nextdoor or even some parent groups on Facebook. I realize that you don't mention having kids, but those is a common enough need for those who do have kids that those are good places to find someone.
Expect to get a lot of low-quality auto-responses, a couple of reasonable ones, and one decent candidate. I also found it took a bit longer than expected (~2 weeks) for responses to come in, with high-quality responses taking longer. It was still worth it to interview people as responses came in though.
posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 6:10 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Other places to look are nextdoor or even some parent groups on Facebook. I realize that you don't mention having kids, but those is a common enough need for those who do have kids that those are good places to find someone.
Expect to get a lot of low-quality auto-responses, a couple of reasonable ones, and one decent candidate. I also found it took a bit longer than expected (~2 weeks) for responses to come in, with high-quality responses taking longer. It was still worth it to interview people as responses came in though.
posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 6:10 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Seconding care.com. Laundry isn't a random chore though; it's a regular event that might be outsourced to a pick up/drop off service? There are laundry services that offer dry cleaning, too. Maybe a regularly-scheduled grocery delivery would help. Doing the laundry & grocery shopping (with chronic pain, reduced walking capacity, and adhd) can be really draining.
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:46 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:46 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
This is exactly what I use TaskRabbit for. I’ve been working with the same guy for five years, he does all my errands for me. I’m sure he would do stuff around the house, too. I tried one other person before I found my forever Tasker; that guy struggled. But then I got lucky.
posted by dianeF at 7:56 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by dianeF at 7:56 PM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Household Helper or Household Assistant is often the name of this kind of role. If the activities are more outside of the house errands and shopping stuff or managing schedules and interfacing with other people that might be more of a personal assistant job.
Care.com seems to be a first stop for a lot of people looking for this kind of thing but thinking on it everyone I know who has worked with the same helper for a while has found them through community connections. Like an auntie I know has a guy who does food prep and household maintenance tasks and she got in touch with him because the cleaning service her friend uses employed his friend who connected them. Or a friend who employs a guy that was recommended via a church choir group connection to help with accessibility and PA tasks once a week.
Being stuck in bed about twice a week is a pretty big amount of time. I would strongly encourage your partner to be scheduling in blocks of downtime so they are built into future plans, instead of pushing herself too hard and needing to spend even more time recovering. Sometimes it feels impossible to match expectations to ability without a miracle, but once we finally get a chance to experience how much rest we actually need, more things get done anyway because we’re better able to make our periods of activity more predictable and therefor efficient. It can also help with calibrating expectations and reinforcing the idea that our value does not come from how much we can accomplish, that it is inherent. In my experience, that can be something a loved one says to you but you don’t start believing it until you allow yourself the time to rest and you still have that loved one afterwards.
posted by Mizu at 8:49 PM on December 22, 2023 [2 favorites]
Care.com seems to be a first stop for a lot of people looking for this kind of thing but thinking on it everyone I know who has worked with the same helper for a while has found them through community connections. Like an auntie I know has a guy who does food prep and household maintenance tasks and she got in touch with him because the cleaning service her friend uses employed his friend who connected them. Or a friend who employs a guy that was recommended via a church choir group connection to help with accessibility and PA tasks once a week.
Being stuck in bed about twice a week is a pretty big amount of time. I would strongly encourage your partner to be scheduling in blocks of downtime so they are built into future plans, instead of pushing herself too hard and needing to spend even more time recovering. Sometimes it feels impossible to match expectations to ability without a miracle, but once we finally get a chance to experience how much rest we actually need, more things get done anyway because we’re better able to make our periods of activity more predictable and therefor efficient. It can also help with calibrating expectations and reinforcing the idea that our value does not come from how much we can accomplish, that it is inherent. In my experience, that can be something a loved one says to you but you don’t start believing it until you allow yourself the time to rest and you still have that loved one afterwards.
posted by Mizu at 8:49 PM on December 22, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm a disabled stay at home mom with some of the same conditions as your partner (particularly chronic migraine).
I haven't needed ad hoc help, though if I did I'd probably hire a neighbor, probably one of the college kids next door or one of the teens six houses down. TaskRabbit is also an option.
When my child was small, we had a cleaning service come every other week. This made life a lot simpler - it took major recurring chores off my plate and meant I could just focus on daily upkeep and smaller tasks.
Sometimes the answer isn't managing the small tasks, it's taking something major off the plate.
posted by champers at 3:03 AM on December 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
I haven't needed ad hoc help, though if I did I'd probably hire a neighbor, probably one of the college kids next door or one of the teens six houses down. TaskRabbit is also an option.
When my child was small, we had a cleaning service come every other week. This made life a lot simpler - it took major recurring chores off my plate and meant I could just focus on daily upkeep and smaller tasks.
Sometimes the answer isn't managing the small tasks, it's taking something major off the plate.
posted by champers at 3:03 AM on December 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
My neighborhood Facebook group just had a post about a teen looking for oddd jobs/home helper work. So if you have a neighborhood Facebook group that is used for recommendations ('lookimg for a housepainter' etc that could be an easy place to start.
posted by emd3737 at 3:41 AM on December 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by emd3737 at 3:41 AM on December 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
My pet sitter does this sort of random chores as part of her personal assistant role. So I hire her to check on pets and our house, but other people hire her to run errands for them.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:37 AM on December 23, 2023
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:37 AM on December 23, 2023
A friend of mine is a retired chef, and she runs a personal chef business that does meal planning and full-on cooking and meal delivery. They deliver dinners to me once a week, and put together other food like breakfasts, frozen soups and snacks that can be kept at work, and other stuff like full-on catered holiday dinners. The cost is less than going out, and only slightly more than groceries.
During times when my schedule is crazy or I'm not feeling well, this takes a huge mental load off me and makes it more likely that I'll eat something other than take-out..
posted by answergrape at 1:38 PM on January 17, 2024
During times when my schedule is crazy or I'm not feeling well, this takes a huge mental load off me and makes it more likely that I'll eat something other than take-out..
posted by answergrape at 1:38 PM on January 17, 2024
This thread is closed to new comments.
Second idea would be to post on local community board, like NextDoor or a local FaceBook group and see if you can find someone who is open to small, flexible tasks from time to time. The challenge is that these people aren't sitting around waiting for you to call so you need to be flexible to meet their schedule as well.
Would it help to have some regular scheduled suppert to just off-load things that your partner could do but it would save energy for more important things if someone else did it? It might be easier to have someone who comes regularly (say 2 hours twice a week) who could add an extra 30-60 minutes when needed than to get someone who can show up when called. This person could do light housekeeping and laundry when your partner is doing well and shift to more urgent tasks (dishes, errands) when needed. A "mother's helper" sometimes does this or just a house cleaner/household help then when you interview you can see if they are open to doing a bit more.
posted by metahawk at 4:43 PM on December 22, 2023 [7 favorites]