How to talk to young kids about cannabis?
December 16, 2023 2:01 PM Subscribe
I have talked with my son (6yo) about addiction when it has come up and I feel like he has an age appropriate understanding of what it is and it's dangers. However, a solid chunk of the drug use my son encounters is cannabis use. Cannabis is not physically addictive. I'm worried that if I don't address cannabis specifically then once he finds out it's not addictive the values that I hope to impart to him around drug use will go out the window with it. So how do I talk about cannabis?
Cards on the table: I find smoking and vaping repulsive. I would be truly grieved if my son ever took them up. I think he's pretty grossed out by it too, but obviously a lot can change between now and when it is actually a danger. I am not repulsed by non-inhalation-based use of cannabis, but honestly if it were my choice (and I realize that there will come a day when it is not), I would rather he avoid that, too.
We live around a lot of restaurants and night clubs and we go to a lot of baseball games. So when we are walking home from baseball games we frequently pass many many people smoking on the sidewalk. He has asked me many times why they do that and I tell him they have an addiction. That is when you try something -- and some things are able to do this because of the way our body responds to them -- and they trick our body into thinking we need them. So then when we don't have them our body feels very bad and so if that happens to you then you do the thing again and again because your body feels like it needs it. I have told him that because of this, when something is addictive it's important to be aware of that and be careful and probably not to try it. I have told him that when people have addictions they care very very much about getting the thing they're addicted to and that makes them ignore the damage that thing is doing to them and to other people. I have told him that half the people who smoke will die because of it and that it is not good for our lungs to breath anything other than clean air. He has asked me why they tried smoking in the first place and I told him that I don't know exactly but sometimes people feel like they need to do the thing other people are doing.
Ok, but now cannabis. Probably about a quarter of the smoking/vaping we encounter is cannabis. That's walking along the restaurants/nightclubs. At other times (e.g. walking home from school, or even right outside the Skydome when the game ends) probably 3/4 of the smoking we encounter is cannabis. Cannabis is not addictive. One day he will learn this and I don't want him to conclude "well it's not addictive so it's all good." But I don't know how to talk to him about cannabis.
Please advise.
Cards on the table: I find smoking and vaping repulsive. I would be truly grieved if my son ever took them up. I think he's pretty grossed out by it too, but obviously a lot can change between now and when it is actually a danger. I am not repulsed by non-inhalation-based use of cannabis, but honestly if it were my choice (and I realize that there will come a day when it is not), I would rather he avoid that, too.
We live around a lot of restaurants and night clubs and we go to a lot of baseball games. So when we are walking home from baseball games we frequently pass many many people smoking on the sidewalk. He has asked me many times why they do that and I tell him they have an addiction. That is when you try something -- and some things are able to do this because of the way our body responds to them -- and they trick our body into thinking we need them. So then when we don't have them our body feels very bad and so if that happens to you then you do the thing again and again because your body feels like it needs it. I have told him that because of this, when something is addictive it's important to be aware of that and be careful and probably not to try it. I have told him that when people have addictions they care very very much about getting the thing they're addicted to and that makes them ignore the damage that thing is doing to them and to other people. I have told him that half the people who smoke will die because of it and that it is not good for our lungs to breath anything other than clean air. He has asked me why they tried smoking in the first place and I told him that I don't know exactly but sometimes people feel like they need to do the thing other people are doing.
Ok, but now cannabis. Probably about a quarter of the smoking/vaping we encounter is cannabis. That's walking along the restaurants/nightclubs. At other times (e.g. walking home from school, or even right outside the Skydome when the game ends) probably 3/4 of the smoking we encounter is cannabis. Cannabis is not addictive. One day he will learn this and I don't want him to conclude "well it's not addictive so it's all good." But I don't know how to talk to him about cannabis.
Please advise.
Best answer: Cannabis is not addictive. One day he will learn this and I don't want him to conclude "well it's not addictive so it's all good."
Well...why is it not good, in your eyes? I get that you think it's "repulsive," and you're certainly entitled to that opinion, but should a young adult (when he reaches that age) be governed by what his parent finds gross? Surely not. What values of yours does it violate, what harms does it cause? (Beyond inflicting the smell on everyone, which, believe me, I agree is nasty.)
This is not a trick question. I don't use cannabis myself. I can think of various understandable reasons one might object to its use. And if it just boils down to "I hate the smell and I don't want it in my own house," that is legitimate! But that of course only goes so far in terms of telling him what he should do (not smoke in your house). You can't possibly begin talking to him without knowing what you're talking about.
posted by praemunire at 2:38 PM on December 16, 2023 [24 favorites]
Well...why is it not good, in your eyes? I get that you think it's "repulsive," and you're certainly entitled to that opinion, but should a young adult (when he reaches that age) be governed by what his parent finds gross? Surely not. What values of yours does it violate, what harms does it cause? (Beyond inflicting the smell on everyone, which, believe me, I agree is nasty.)
This is not a trick question. I don't use cannabis myself. I can think of various understandable reasons one might object to its use. And if it just boils down to "I hate the smell and I don't want it in my own house," that is legitimate! But that of course only goes so far in terms of telling him what he should do (not smoke in your house). You can't possibly begin talking to him without knowing what you're talking about.
posted by praemunire at 2:38 PM on December 16, 2023 [24 favorites]
Best answer: Cannabis isn't physically addictive, but it can become a psychological dependency. I think it's OK to lump those together at this age and level of understanding.
I think explaining it like alcohol would also work. Some people like to drink alcohol or smoke because they like how it makes them feel. Cannabis can be used as medicine, but both are very strong and can hurt you. It can really hurt your brain and body, so it's important not to try it until you're an adult, or ever. My opinion is... and then tell him honestly how you feel but as objectively as you can.
I appreciated that my parents were honest about their drug use and opinions, and I think it helped me develop my own independence about this (never smoked.) It felt like I had enough facts to make my own decision.
posted by blnkfrnk at 2:45 PM on December 16, 2023 [13 favorites]
I think explaining it like alcohol would also work. Some people like to drink alcohol or smoke because they like how it makes them feel. Cannabis can be used as medicine, but both are very strong and can hurt you. It can really hurt your brain and body, so it's important not to try it until you're an adult, or ever. My opinion is... and then tell him honestly how you feel but as objectively as you can.
I appreciated that my parents were honest about their drug use and opinions, and I think it helped me develop my own independence about this (never smoked.) It felt like I had enough facts to make my own decision.
posted by blnkfrnk at 2:45 PM on December 16, 2023 [13 favorites]
Best answer: Addiction to cannabis
Contrary to popular belief, people can become addicted to cannabis. Continued, frequent and heavy cannabis use can cause physical dependency and addiction.
It's also estimated that 1 in 11 (9%) of those who use cannabis will develop an addiction to it. This statistic rises to about 1 in 6 (17%) for people who started using cannabis as a teenager. If a person smokes cannabis daily, the risk of addiction is 25% to 50%.
----
There is also Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome
just becoming more recognized
posted by yyz at 2:47 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
Contrary to popular belief, people can become addicted to cannabis. Continued, frequent and heavy cannabis use can cause physical dependency and addiction.
It's also estimated that 1 in 11 (9%) of those who use cannabis will develop an addiction to it. This statistic rises to about 1 in 6 (17%) for people who started using cannabis as a teenager. If a person smokes cannabis daily, the risk of addiction is 25% to 50%.
----
There is also Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome
just becoming more recognized
posted by yyz at 2:47 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
Best answer: What is your goal here? If the goal is to convince your child that he should never use a mind-altering substance for any reason, that is unrealistic. If the goal is to communicate that smoke is never good for the lungs and that there are numerous reasons not to vape, either, it sounds like you're already communicating well on that score.
If your hope is to prevent him from using cannabis as a minor, I would emphasize that substance use of any kind is not wise in middle or high school. It is a distraction at best, and use habits that form when someone is young can be extraordinarily hard to break in the future. Therefore, he should avoid substance use across the board until he is working with more brain maturity.
But beyond that, I think if you go hard against marijuana, especially in a cultural context where it is normalized, you risk a D.A.R.E. effect where he decides ALL your advice about drugs was a moralistic overreaction.
posted by desert outpost at 2:52 PM on December 16, 2023 [22 favorites]
If your hope is to prevent him from using cannabis as a minor, I would emphasize that substance use of any kind is not wise in middle or high school. It is a distraction at best, and use habits that form when someone is young can be extraordinarily hard to break in the future. Therefore, he should avoid substance use across the board until he is working with more brain maturity.
But beyond that, I think if you go hard against marijuana, especially in a cultural context where it is normalized, you risk a D.A.R.E. effect where he decides ALL your advice about drugs was a moralistic overreaction.
posted by desert outpost at 2:52 PM on December 16, 2023 [22 favorites]
I would talk about this pretty much like you talk about alcohol, but with bit of extra attention to the fact that it can make smelly smoke that can make other people feel sick, so it’s really not a polite thing to be doing in public and definitely not something you allow anyone to do in your home.
posted by Stacey at 3:03 PM on December 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Stacey at 3:03 PM on December 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: At six, he needs to know that some things adults do can be harmful for kids because they’re much smaller and they’re still growing - there’s a much bigger risk that he’ll try alcohol and accidentally poison himself at this point than that he’ll become a huge stoner. It’s okay for the big takeaway to be “drugs can hurt kids” and deal with why drugs can be bad for adults separately.
posted by momus_window at 4:24 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 4:24 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
Best answer: Cannabis may not be physically addictive in the way that opioids are, i.e. causing a recognized set of physical withdrawal symptoms, but it absolutely can be psychologically addictive in the sense that people become helpless to function without it and come to prioritize it over the rest of their life activities. I've seen it happen and it's not pretty. Heavy use can absolutely derail a previously healthy life.
Honestly this all seems too advanced for the average 6 year old, but if yours is a special case where you feel it is important to engage already, then I'd think it would be enough to say "it's a powerful drug that has different effects on different people, and you don't really know in advance what it will do. It can cause some people to become stupid, or to make very bad decisions, and not be able to do other things they need to do to be healthy. It's a good idea to stay away from people who use a lot of it."
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:25 PM on December 16, 2023 [5 favorites]
Honestly this all seems too advanced for the average 6 year old, but if yours is a special case where you feel it is important to engage already, then I'd think it would be enough to say "it's a powerful drug that has different effects on different people, and you don't really know in advance what it will do. It can cause some people to become stupid, or to make very bad decisions, and not be able to do other things they need to do to be healthy. It's a good idea to stay away from people who use a lot of it."
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:25 PM on December 16, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I world focus on the brain development aspects.
I think even a six-year-old can understand "your brain won't grow right if you use drugs or alcohol when you're too young, just like how your feet won't grow right if you wore too-small shoes all day every day."
IMO "wait until you're 25 and your brain is done growing before you experiment" comes across as much more reasonable than "never do drugs or alcohol ever!!!" when there's so many examples of adults using without any consequences.
As your son ages (this is a conversation you should be having with him more than once) and is more able to understand complex topics, you can introduce scientific articles about how early drug and alcohol use is highly correlated with tons of other problems.
Maybe I'm a weirdo but the only drinking I did as a teen was with my parents at dinner (thus ensuring that I developed expensive tastes and couldn't stand the crap served at high school and college parties) and I barely touched cannabis until I was 35+ because I didn't want to fuck up my brain. My 40s have involved a lot more drug experimentation and that's been fun, but I'm glad I waited until I was middle-aged because I look at people who started using in their teens and early 20s and they're clearly emotionally and intellectually stunted as a result.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:05 PM on December 16, 2023 [12 favorites]
I think even a six-year-old can understand "your brain won't grow right if you use drugs or alcohol when you're too young, just like how your feet won't grow right if you wore too-small shoes all day every day."
IMO "wait until you're 25 and your brain is done growing before you experiment" comes across as much more reasonable than "never do drugs or alcohol ever!!!" when there's so many examples of adults using without any consequences.
As your son ages (this is a conversation you should be having with him more than once) and is more able to understand complex topics, you can introduce scientific articles about how early drug and alcohol use is highly correlated with tons of other problems.
Maybe I'm a weirdo but the only drinking I did as a teen was with my parents at dinner (thus ensuring that I developed expensive tastes and couldn't stand the crap served at high school and college parties) and I barely touched cannabis until I was 35+ because I didn't want to fuck up my brain. My 40s have involved a lot more drug experimentation and that's been fun, but I'm glad I waited until I was middle-aged because I look at people who started using in their teens and early 20s and they're clearly emotionally and intellectually stunted as a result.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:05 PM on December 16, 2023 [12 favorites]
I work in tech that serves the cannabis industry. Many of my coworkers have kids and they're old enough to have come across cannabis at home. They seem to usually take the "cannabis as medicine" route, and you wouldn't take some one else's medicine, would you? Or else similarly to how they talk to their kids about alcohol usage.
That and because their parents work in it, it's just not cool. Normalize and destigmatize it. Just like anything else, it can be ritualistic, habitual, and addictive. Personally, caffeine has been worse for me physically and mentally than a couple dabs of weed.
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 6:10 PM on December 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
That and because their parents work in it, it's just not cool. Normalize and destigmatize it. Just like anything else, it can be ritualistic, habitual, and addictive. Personally, caffeine has been worse for me physically and mentally than a couple dabs of weed.
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 6:10 PM on December 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: The way I’ve framed it with my kid: I, personally, do not like intoxicants. I prefer to feel competent and in control at all times. Also, I have had family members who loved drugs more than they loved the people who relied on them, chemical dependency or not. So they aren’t for me, and because of my upbringing I don’t love being around people who use them either. I don’t like how people behave on them, and I don’t care for most of the smells (whether pot or beer or tobacco.) Addiction didn’t really play into my explanation at that age; when he asked why they use, I said it changes the way they experience reality (he’s had medical sedation that he remembers so I liken it to that.) As he has gotten older we have talked about addiction as an illness that’s not subject to a particular substance.
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:17 PM on December 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:17 PM on December 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
The line between physical addiction and psychological dependence isn't so clear (especially given the fact that all psychological states have their basis in neural activity in the brain). I've known people who were clearly addicted to marijuana, and it was causing problems in their lives.
posted by akk2014 at 6:36 PM on December 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by akk2014 at 6:36 PM on December 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm not sure I ever did, and certainly not when they were 6. Maybe because I'm not a hypocrite, and have always felt cannabis is about the least dangerous intoxicant to worry about. When going to jail is on the menu, that's a good way to fuck up your life. But, with it being legal most places, better that than drinking a lot.
And sure, tell them not to eat gummies they find in a bag on the street.
Of my kids, one drives to Michigan to get gummies, one smokes a bit, one is an anti-intoxicant person, (but has tried cannabis), and one is 18, and we just don't know yet where that is going.
Intoxicants seem to be a part of the human condition. Have been for centuries. I'm expecting some of that. I've pushed hard with "don't take pills, snort random powders, etc." Too much fentanyl around and in stuff these days for random drug taking IMO. People don't die from smoking weed. Unlike most other recreational drugs. (Not counting driving high and such).
But it sounds like you are doing well with "smoking anything is nasty, and vaping isn't much better", which may or may not stick with your kid. But, the teen years are coming, and soon what you say will not be a thing. And as the other person said upthread, smoking pot is no longer the cool, rebellious thing to do. It's just a thing.
Will be interesting to see how this all develops in the next decade as weed becomes more legal and accepted.
posted by Windopaene at 7:42 PM on December 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
And sure, tell them not to eat gummies they find in a bag on the street.
Of my kids, one drives to Michigan to get gummies, one smokes a bit, one is an anti-intoxicant person, (but has tried cannabis), and one is 18, and we just don't know yet where that is going.
Intoxicants seem to be a part of the human condition. Have been for centuries. I'm expecting some of that. I've pushed hard with "don't take pills, snort random powders, etc." Too much fentanyl around and in stuff these days for random drug taking IMO. People don't die from smoking weed. Unlike most other recreational drugs. (Not counting driving high and such).
But it sounds like you are doing well with "smoking anything is nasty, and vaping isn't much better", which may or may not stick with your kid. But, the teen years are coming, and soon what you say will not be a thing. And as the other person said upthread, smoking pot is no longer the cool, rebellious thing to do. It's just a thing.
Will be interesting to see how this all develops in the next decade as weed becomes more legal and accepted.
posted by Windopaene at 7:42 PM on December 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
Best answer: IMO "wait until you're 25 and your brain is done growing before you experiment" comes across as much more reasonable than "never do drugs or alcohol ever!!!" when there's so many examples of adults using without any consequences.
There is some evidence that cannabis use before 25 might increase the chances of psychosis. So that's another thing to say: young brains, including those of young adults, react differently to drugs.
I would never advocate an "abstinence-only" strategy for sex or drugs (or rock'n'roll) - they just aren't effective. I was never swayed by Nancy Reagan or "just say no" - but I did listen seriously to my teacher who instead talked about being careful and the fact that he had friends who were institutionalized due to too many psychoactive substances. Best warning ever.
posted by jb at 9:40 PM on December 16, 2023 [5 favorites]
There is some evidence that cannabis use before 25 might increase the chances of psychosis. So that's another thing to say: young brains, including those of young adults, react differently to drugs.
I would never advocate an "abstinence-only" strategy for sex or drugs (or rock'n'roll) - they just aren't effective. I was never swayed by Nancy Reagan or "just say no" - but I did listen seriously to my teacher who instead talked about being careful and the fact that he had friends who were institutionalized due to too many psychoactive substances. Best warning ever.
posted by jb at 9:40 PM on December 16, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: You could talk about cannabis being honest about the risks:
cannabis use at an early age increases the risk of early onset schizophrenia, and may cause schizophrenia in people who would otherwise not develop it
driving while impaired can lead to car accidents
cannabis can get you a legal record or even a jail sentence that can limit your options like jobs and travel
smoking cannabis is even more likely to cause lung cancer than smoking tobacco due to a high tar content.
But if you want him to take you seriously, you should also say that some adults use modest amounts of cannabis and are fine - the biggest risks are when people who are young enough that their brain is still growing/developing use it; when people smoke it; and when people are heavy regular users.
Context: I have never used cannabis OR alcohol (or indeed anything other than caffeine/chocolate), but I used to work for the government health department on programs that reduced the risk of illegal drug use, and they sent me to conferences full of experts in reducing the harm of illegal drug use.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 10:28 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
cannabis use at an early age increases the risk of early onset schizophrenia, and may cause schizophrenia in people who would otherwise not develop it
driving while impaired can lead to car accidents
cannabis can get you a legal record or even a jail sentence that can limit your options like jobs and travel
smoking cannabis is even more likely to cause lung cancer than smoking tobacco due to a high tar content.
But if you want him to take you seriously, you should also say that some adults use modest amounts of cannabis and are fine - the biggest risks are when people who are young enough that their brain is still growing/developing use it; when people smoke it; and when people are heavy regular users.
Context: I have never used cannabis OR alcohol (or indeed anything other than caffeine/chocolate), but I used to work for the government health department on programs that reduced the risk of illegal drug use, and they sent me to conferences full of experts in reducing the harm of illegal drug use.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 10:28 PM on December 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
Best answer: I have three kids now in their late 20s. One, has had a stint in rehab for prescription drugs, one is in the military and pees in a bottle almost weekly and has never tried drugs except he has had a few beers in his life, and the third is a Saturday night at dinner have a drink and I suspect if offered at say a party will take a hit off a joint. All three very different.
I am not sure there is anything we said or did other than modeling appropriate behavior that had any affect on the way they turned out. 3 kids, 3 VERY different attitudes towards cannabis and drugs. I think you tell him the truth. In your family, we don't do drugs. Drugs can be harmful even if you are not addicted. Some people have different attitudes about alcohol and cannabis use. That is their family. Not in our (your) family.
When he turns 15, 16, 17 etc. he will be under tremendous peer pressure to try it. If he knows that it repulses you, that may drive him to learn to just hide his use. I think you just keep on repeating at the appropriate time the risks and the negatives about drug and alcohol use and that you do not condone it and you never do it.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:43 PM on December 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
I am not sure there is anything we said or did other than modeling appropriate behavior that had any affect on the way they turned out. 3 kids, 3 VERY different attitudes towards cannabis and drugs. I think you tell him the truth. In your family, we don't do drugs. Drugs can be harmful even if you are not addicted. Some people have different attitudes about alcohol and cannabis use. That is their family. Not in our (your) family.
When he turns 15, 16, 17 etc. he will be under tremendous peer pressure to try it. If he knows that it repulses you, that may drive him to learn to just hide his use. I think you just keep on repeating at the appropriate time the risks and the negatives about drug and alcohol use and that you do not condone it and you never do it.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:43 PM on December 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: A lot of people use cannabis for medical conditions—it can be an important medicine for people who have severe nausea or low appetite. Some people also use it to help manage anxiety, though it can also heighten anxiety, depending on the strain and its chemical composition. It can be unpredictable. It's kind of like alcohol, in that one's experience with different varieties may differ, and it's hard to predict how each person will react to it.
So it's good to approach it with caution, because while many people have experiences with it that are just fine and even therapeutic, there is a possibility that might not be the case for any given person. And that's especially the case when someone is younger with a developing brain.
So that's some of what I might try to impart. But I just want to point out, gently, that a fair number of the thoughts here feel like they skew toward the perspective of having barely ever tried substances, and/or being at least skeptical of them. And many folks who have weighed in have their own valid reasons for that. But I'm hearing a bit of smugness in some answers about the superiority of never trying these things, and I mention that in this spirit: Your kids will pick up on whatever your underlying attitude is about it and people who use it. They will also no doubt meet people who use it. And if there's a disjuncture in how you talk about it (gross, repulsive) and how their friends talk about it (fine, normal), that itself might influence their decision to try it as they naturally test their own autonomy and sense of self.
That all hopefully will only come up years from now. But I say all of this now as someone who recognizes that tone because I used to have it, and I used to have ideas about what substance use said about one's intelligence or morality. And I've still heard it from family members who've judged the choices of those close to me, and I can say this: It doesn't help. And it led to a huge fight in my family once at a particularly fraught time. That personal experience aside, many harm reduction approaches highlight the fact that moral judgments of substance users and substance use don't actually improve outcomes.
Overall, one of the best things you can impart to your kids is that you don't need to apply moral judgment to people who use substances or to their actions. And that doesn't even have to be "Hate the sin, love the sinner" territory, as some might say in a religious context—substance use isn't inherently sinful, bad, or a moral issue. (It can become entwined with moral issues, of course.) As someone else pointed out, it is somewhat inherently human to try to modify one's experience of the world through substance use. Some traditions and religions do frown on that and prohibit even caffeine. Some traditions and religions also prohibit music and dancing, which can modify one's mental state and cause ecstasy. But other traditions and religions uphold the use of psychotropic and psychedelic substances, dance, and music as important life experiences. Those that center around psychedelic use often also require the person who will be taking them to be prepared and monitored.
I have a history of alcoholism in my family. But I've had alcohol and never become dependent. I've tried cannabis and had experiences ranging from panic attacks to a full-body feeling of waves of electricity on my skin (edibles) to just not much of anything. None of that is particularly great for me, so I don't use it much. And while I make a lot of psychedelic art, I actually don't take psychedelics, and I'm not sure I ever will. But I don't judge those who do—if I did, I wouldn't have made the connections I have with a lot of amazing artists, musicians, and dancers.
And personally, I find the scent of cannabis kind of calming and comforting, because of my life experiences. It's not a universal thing that its scent or use are reviled.
tl;dr: Try to separate practical advice from moral judgment, personal disgust, or fear-mongering. Just on a practical level, it will help you address this with your kids in a way that doesn't inadvertently encourage the thing you want to discourage.
posted by limeonaire at 8:34 AM on December 17, 2023 [8 favorites]
So it's good to approach it with caution, because while many people have experiences with it that are just fine and even therapeutic, there is a possibility that might not be the case for any given person. And that's especially the case when someone is younger with a developing brain.
So that's some of what I might try to impart. But I just want to point out, gently, that a fair number of the thoughts here feel like they skew toward the perspective of having barely ever tried substances, and/or being at least skeptical of them. And many folks who have weighed in have their own valid reasons for that. But I'm hearing a bit of smugness in some answers about the superiority of never trying these things, and I mention that in this spirit: Your kids will pick up on whatever your underlying attitude is about it and people who use it. They will also no doubt meet people who use it. And if there's a disjuncture in how you talk about it (gross, repulsive) and how their friends talk about it (fine, normal), that itself might influence their decision to try it as they naturally test their own autonomy and sense of self.
That all hopefully will only come up years from now. But I say all of this now as someone who recognizes that tone because I used to have it, and I used to have ideas about what substance use said about one's intelligence or morality. And I've still heard it from family members who've judged the choices of those close to me, and I can say this: It doesn't help. And it led to a huge fight in my family once at a particularly fraught time. That personal experience aside, many harm reduction approaches highlight the fact that moral judgments of substance users and substance use don't actually improve outcomes.
Overall, one of the best things you can impart to your kids is that you don't need to apply moral judgment to people who use substances or to their actions. And that doesn't even have to be "Hate the sin, love the sinner" territory, as some might say in a religious context—substance use isn't inherently sinful, bad, or a moral issue. (It can become entwined with moral issues, of course.) As someone else pointed out, it is somewhat inherently human to try to modify one's experience of the world through substance use. Some traditions and religions do frown on that and prohibit even caffeine. Some traditions and religions also prohibit music and dancing, which can modify one's mental state and cause ecstasy. But other traditions and religions uphold the use of psychotropic and psychedelic substances, dance, and music as important life experiences. Those that center around psychedelic use often also require the person who will be taking them to be prepared and monitored.
I have a history of alcoholism in my family. But I've had alcohol and never become dependent. I've tried cannabis and had experiences ranging from panic attacks to a full-body feeling of waves of electricity on my skin (edibles) to just not much of anything. None of that is particularly great for me, so I don't use it much. And while I make a lot of psychedelic art, I actually don't take psychedelics, and I'm not sure I ever will. But I don't judge those who do—if I did, I wouldn't have made the connections I have with a lot of amazing artists, musicians, and dancers.
And personally, I find the scent of cannabis kind of calming and comforting, because of my life experiences. It's not a universal thing that its scent or use are reviled.
tl;dr: Try to separate practical advice from moral judgment, personal disgust, or fear-mongering. Just on a practical level, it will help you address this with your kids in a way that doesn't inadvertently encourage the thing you want to discourage.
posted by limeonaire at 8:34 AM on December 17, 2023 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. Plenty of good stuff to consider here. And most of all I'm realizing we've never really talked about alcohol. Honestly, he encounters way more cannabis than alcohol right now. I realize that may change when he hits his teen years, though.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:56 PM on December 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:56 PM on December 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Though I want to add, I don't think it's the same as alcohol because alcohol IS addictive and is also far more easily and commonly deadly than cannabis.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:09 PM on December 17, 2023
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:09 PM on December 17, 2023
Response by poster: Oh, and if it matters for further advice givers -- if I could wave a magic wand and impose my wishes (And if that were even ethical), I would wave my wand and ensure he never smokes or vapes anything. But if he wants to try some edibles when he's an adult, I feel the same as I do about his drinking when he's an adult -- I would hope he keeps it a very occasional thing, but it's once in a while, whatever. I've never tried it myself because repulsed by smoking and by the time edibles became a thing one could get I wasn't particularly interested. I was in a cannabis store a few months ago buying pain cream and noticed they have some beverages now. If those taste like sugar, I could see myself giving it a shot sometime if I were in a context where it wouldn't matter if they hit me badly somehow. But as I am rarely in such contexts (I have a kid I'm responsible for, I can't just get myself in a state where I cannot be responsible) who knows if I will ever try it.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:19 PM on December 17, 2023
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:19 PM on December 17, 2023
If edibles are in your future, i have to warn you its so much easier to overdose (in the sense of feeling way too high for hours or days) on an edible than it is from smoking or vaping. Edibles are not safer in any sense other than you're not inhaling smoke. The high lasts much longer and it can be harder to gauge the proper dosage, especially if you don't regularly smoke weed.
I don't use cannabis currently, though I used to smoke in high school. All the horror stories I hear from my friends about weed nowadays come from accidentally eating too many edibles or eating one they thought was a lower dose.
posted by ananci at 6:02 AM on December 18, 2023
I don't use cannabis currently, though I used to smoke in high school. All the horror stories I hear from my friends about weed nowadays come from accidentally eating too many edibles or eating one they thought was a lower dose.
posted by ananci at 6:02 AM on December 18, 2023
Response by poster: If edibles are in your future, i have to warn you its so much easier to overdose (in the sense of feeling way too high for hours or days) on an edible than it is from smoking or vaping. Edibles are not safer in any sense other than you're not inhaling smoke. The high lasts much longer and it can be harder to gauge the proper dosage, especially if you don't regularly smoke weed.
Thank you for the warning. Yes,I was aware of that which is why I said though I might have tried edibles in the past had they been available I don't think I would now. I was thinking the drinks might be better because it's a lot easier to slowly nurse a drink and see how it goes than it is to slowly nurse a gummy. The drinks I saw in the store where not like little shots, they were like cans of pop/beer-sized.
But I think what this suggests is that if I'm ever going to give it a shot (or rather a pint), I'll post for some advice first. Thanks for the warning.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 6:33 AM on December 18, 2023
Thank you for the warning. Yes,I was aware of that which is why I said though I might have tried edibles in the past had they been available I don't think I would now. I was thinking the drinks might be better because it's a lot easier to slowly nurse a drink and see how it goes than it is to slowly nurse a gummy. The drinks I saw in the store where not like little shots, they were like cans of pop/beer-sized.
But I think what this suggests is that if I'm ever going to give it a shot (or rather a pint), I'll post for some advice first. Thanks for the warning.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 6:33 AM on December 18, 2023
I think these are inappropriate convos with a 6 year old. Frankly as a racialized parent and lower income relative to my rather swank neighbourhood, I don't feel I have the leeway of teachers noticing if my young child had knowledge of illegal substances - I'd be terrified that they'd probably call child services.
I don't use cannabis at all but I do sometimes have a beer in front of my child, and I don't I even go into alcohol names with my child, because "Mommy likes beer" is not the kind of phrase I want my kid saying at school. Much less addiction terminology and drug names. "That's cannabis! Be careful not to get addicted!" Jeez.
My child doesn't know the word cannabis at age 6 and I plan to keep it that way for a few more years. I would be pretty pissed if a 6 year old peer with a massive and precocious knowledge of addiction terms and drug names taught them to my child in the first grade schoolyard. Parroting this stuff would compromise my child's safety in a real, "right now" way, not a projected "in ten years" way which is what you're addressing.
I would just suggest you say, "Those people are smoking (no need to specify what). Smoking means to burn something in a little stick or device and breathe in the smoke. Some people choose to smoke, but a lot of people think it feels bad for their body and smells bad, and it's not very good for your body. That's why I don't smoke, and I hope when you grow up, you don't smoke either. Why do they choose to smoke? Good question, I don't know why. Hey, (subject change)."
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:16 AM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
I don't use cannabis at all but I do sometimes have a beer in front of my child, and I don't I even go into alcohol names with my child, because "Mommy likes beer" is not the kind of phrase I want my kid saying at school. Much less addiction terminology and drug names. "That's cannabis! Be careful not to get addicted!" Jeez.
My child doesn't know the word cannabis at age 6 and I plan to keep it that way for a few more years. I would be pretty pissed if a 6 year old peer with a massive and precocious knowledge of addiction terms and drug names taught them to my child in the first grade schoolyard. Parroting this stuff would compromise my child's safety in a real, "right now" way, not a projected "in ten years" way which is what you're addressing.
I would just suggest you say, "Those people are smoking (no need to specify what). Smoking means to burn something in a little stick or device and breathe in the smoke. Some people choose to smoke, but a lot of people think it feels bad for their body and smells bad, and it's not very good for your body. That's why I don't smoke, and I hope when you grow up, you don't smoke either. Why do they choose to smoke? Good question, I don't know why. Hey, (subject change)."
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:16 AM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
Okay, it sounds like you've made a BIG DEAL about drugs. The danger is that you are making is super clear how this kid can rebel against you. Like, pretty much having the attitude of, "Well, there's ONE thing I never want my kid to do or try" is how you end up walking them right there when they are desperate to differentiate and assert independence. You are also risking that they'll realize that you over-emphasized some of the dangers.
You said your kid doesn't encounter a lot of alcohol use. How about caffeine use? It's super addictive, and many (most?) of us are addicts, legally and openly. How do you talk about coffee and soda and caffeine?
I think some of us grew up with such strong just-say-no messages about many drugs that we can't quite shake off the idea of all of this stuff as being super dangerous. I think it would be good for you to maybe work through some of your repulsion to cannabis. I'm not saying become a pot head or embrace it. I'm saying that some of this sounds like a pretty strong feeling you have not based exactly on facts?
Also, my new adult children have two parents in two households, with pretty different attitudes about drug use. Guess which parent pretty much knows what those kids are up to? Guess which parent got the check in call on party night? Guess which parent is trusted?
When I was a kid and wanted birth control, I did not go to the parent who told me never to have sex before I was older and in a very serious relationship. I went to the parent who wanted me to be safe. My kids talk to me about this stuff because I am safe.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:39 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
You said your kid doesn't encounter a lot of alcohol use. How about caffeine use? It's super addictive, and many (most?) of us are addicts, legally and openly. How do you talk about coffee and soda and caffeine?
I think some of us grew up with such strong just-say-no messages about many drugs that we can't quite shake off the idea of all of this stuff as being super dangerous. I think it would be good for you to maybe work through some of your repulsion to cannabis. I'm not saying become a pot head or embrace it. I'm saying that some of this sounds like a pretty strong feeling you have not based exactly on facts?
Also, my new adult children have two parents in two households, with pretty different attitudes about drug use. Guess which parent pretty much knows what those kids are up to? Guess which parent got the check in call on party night? Guess which parent is trusted?
When I was a kid and wanted birth control, I did not go to the parent who told me never to have sex before I was older and in a very serious relationship. I went to the parent who wanted me to be safe. My kids talk to me about this stuff because I am safe.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:39 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: My child doesn't know the word cannabis at age 6 and I plan to keep it that way for a few more years.
There are probably 15 cannabis stores within a 10 minute walk of our home. We pass two on the walk to school. He can read.
Okay, it sounds like you've made a BIG DEAL about drugs.
I don't think I have? I've answered what he asks when he has asked. And it's not something we talk about all the time or anything. The last time we talked about it was probably months ago. The next time we talk about it will be the next time it comes up. I wasn't planning on sitting him down and presenting a powerpoint. It was on my mind because we are constantly walking by people smoking cannabis on the way to/from school. But yes, I am very worried about sending him flying in the other direction, which is why I asked the question here. And I'm not repulsed by cannabis, I'm repulsed by smoking and vaping. You could be smoking roses and I'd find it gross.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 4:41 PM on December 18, 2023
There are probably 15 cannabis stores within a 10 minute walk of our home. We pass two on the walk to school. He can read.
Okay, it sounds like you've made a BIG DEAL about drugs.
I don't think I have? I've answered what he asks when he has asked. And it's not something we talk about all the time or anything. The last time we talked about it was probably months ago. The next time we talk about it will be the next time it comes up. I wasn't planning on sitting him down and presenting a powerpoint. It was on my mind because we are constantly walking by people smoking cannabis on the way to/from school. But yes, I am very worried about sending him flying in the other direction, which is why I asked the question here. And I'm not repulsed by cannabis, I'm repulsed by smoking and vaping. You could be smoking roses and I'd find it gross.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 4:41 PM on December 18, 2023
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posted by plonkee at 2:28 PM on December 16, 2023 [12 favorites]