Visibilty (but not authority) to family member's finances

December 5, 2023 9:49 AM

As my parents age we are looking for ways to have visibility to their finances. Is there a good way to do this without getting into 'power of attorney' type arrangements?

Earlier this year my father had a medical incident and my mother (who normally handles the finances) lost her routine and didn't pay some bills for long enough that credit card accounts were closed, her credit rating took a huge hit, and other repercussions. As a result of this I have learned more about some of her other practices which include carrying large month to month balances on some credit cards, the fact that their last home equity refinancing had put them in a variable rate mortgage so their mortgage payments have risen dramatically, etc. In short, they are still financially okay, but not as good as they should be, and I'm concerned they are losing the drive and interest to stay on top of what they should be doing beyond just sending a check to whoever sends an invoice.

They are both still sharp, and i think she is back on track, but I want a good way to help monitor things with a gentle touch from out of state. My initial thought was to get them to sign up for something like Mint and find a way to share the data out with me. My mother typically does all her bill paying by paper, and trying to switch everything to online I think would cause more harm than good (although she has authorized automated minimum payments on all accounts, to avoid the issues of this summer).

My understanding is that Mint as a specific app is being retired, but I'm still hoping that there is something where we could do a one time set-up over the holidays to get all the accounts into a tool which will automatically update from the account providers and which I can be given access to for visibility. I'm sure this is well-trodden ground for others, so I'm looking for advice on how to set things up for passive monitoring across the whole financial picture to act as a safety net for the future.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (12 answers total)

I have online access to my Mom's Bank of America account, and can set up/ monitor online bill pay for her. Her Visa card is connected to the account so I can keep track of that as well.
Makes things simple to keep abreast of things from afar.
Obviously this would work with pretty much all banks.
posted by mmf at 10:04 AM on December 5, 2023

I'm with mmf, the easiest way to do this may just to be to get a login for all of your parents' accounts and do a 'manual' sweep every so often. Most of the tools I know of are built more for active management and categorization of expenses, which it sounds like might be overkill? And at any rate if you can see all the transactions, you can always ask for more information. The thing that worries me about aggregation is it typically focuses a lot on things like "what is this charge for?" and not necessarily the deeper financial data - ie, it might say "this is a $50 fee" but wouldn't expose the underlying interest rate that you'd want to be aware of in this case.
posted by Tomorrowful at 10:08 AM on December 5, 2023

This depends on just how many financial relationships they have that require monitoring - how many providers do they have for banking, credit cards, loans and mortgages and how many investment accounts etc.

If you want to stay away from formal POA the easiest way to give you visibility is to have online account management set up for all their providers. They can then share their details with you and you can monitor remotely.

That does require there to be enough trust that they are comfortable with you being able to look but feel safe that you won't touch (even though you could). A selling point here would be that you could, in an emergency, help even from afar.

You could then even set up your own app/set up for sweeping and aggregating if you want to.

But it sounds as if you have reached the point where wider conversations around emergencies/wills/where to find information in case of either need to start. This would be in the context of making things easier for the surviving spouse.
posted by koahiatamadl at 10:51 AM on December 5, 2023

I got a 1password family account and my mom put her logins into a shared "vault" there so that I had access to them.
posted by adamrice at 11:03 AM on December 5, 2023 [5 favorites]

Do your parents have a cell phone?

Some accounts can be configured to send a text message reminder if a bill is overdue. This usually involves adding a cell phone to the standard contact information. If your parents don't use cell phones or don't use text messages, you could add your cell phone number so you get the notifications.

Ditto email addresses and notifications.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 11:11 AM on December 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

When my mother-in-law was in and out of the hospital and nursing home for six months, she agreed to give me access to her checking account. I set up bill pay for all of her bills (since I was helping her with them anyway). I didn't use the ebill feature at that point since she still needed to get the paper statements which she then paid by mail. She continued to pay them by writing checks when she was able but I could easily step and sent payments when she wasn't.

Since she didn't do any on-line banking, I set up on-line accounts with my email and password so I could check if needed. That also let me set up account alerts so I would get notified if there was any unusual activity or an overdue bill.

Over time, I took over paying all the bills myself but it was a gradual shift over several years. However, it did require a high degree of trust on her part since she was giving me access to her accounts.
posted by metahawk at 12:09 PM on December 5, 2023

Check with their bank or other financial institutions to see what is possible.

My bank (Wells Fargo) allows for "guest users" who can view the account but not make any transactions. Similarly, Vanguard allows for users with different levels of access which includes view only or limited ability to do transactions within the account but not to pull money out (except to bank accounts owned by the same owner and already authorized)

In addition, some agencies (like the gas and electric company) allows them to list a third party to get notified in case they are late in paying your bill so you can step in before things get too bad.
posted by metahawk at 12:19 PM on December 5, 2023 [4 favorites]

Having just dealt with similar issues within my family, I would recommend obtaining POA now, even if you don't use it, while there are no questions about competence. If another medical incident happens, it could become 100x harder, and it is a LOT of work even when the situation is straightforward.

Then, as some recommended above, I would get logins under your own name instead of using your parents' accounts, as it reduces the uncertainty about who authorized what actions.
posted by sapere aude at 2:39 PM on December 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

Also suggesting just getting online access for now, so you can see what is going on. My mom is financially stable but felt she was getting pushed around by her financial advisor. She finally asked me to review her investments* and there were some stupid problems.

I explained the problems to her and when we met with her and her financial advisor, I asked some very pointed questions** and we made some changes to her account. She now has agreed to meet with her financial advisor only once per year, and only when I am present to evaluate any changes.

So just getting that online access to her account has been useful in helping her.


* I am not a financial advisor, but I minored in business in college, started an MBA program for year and have read the Wall Street Journal every day for 30 years. So I know how to do research and what to look for.

** "Why does she have 100K in only nine stocks, five of which are in the US energy sector and two of which are with dinosaur telecommunication companies that have been losing value for years? Etc."
posted by ITravelMontana at 3:13 PM on December 5, 2023

It’s a good idea to try to convince them to make you co-owner on their checking account. If they are comfortable with that, and you are good about your stewardship, it can make life much easier for you and them, especially if they become truly unable to manage their finances. With you as a co-owner, the account won’t be tied up during probate when they pass, giving you some freedom to manage expenses during that time.
posted by lhauser at 3:49 PM on December 5, 2023

Seconding Salade aude, get the POAs now. Setting one up involves a notorized signature. Each financial institution will require their own form.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:50 AM on December 6, 2023 [1 favorite]

Came here to add - get added to the accounts and get POA in place - it will make life SO much easier down the line. Getting all of that in place well before stuff gets hard helps a lot.
posted by leslies at 7:22 AM on December 6, 2023