Someone committed me to play Scrabble with a horrid couple
November 5, 2023 12:54 PM Subscribe
I play Scrabble semi-regularly with a couple women from church. One of them set up a new game for us with this terrible couple --right in front of them so I couldn't comfortably say no. The couple is asking about days and times. How do I get out of this?
I know Susan from the UU we attend. She and I had some conflict but we are on good terms now, and I'd rather not rock that boat because I enjoy our games. (We play with one more person, but she's not involved in this.)
One Sunday after church, I saw Susan talking to this couple I take great pains to avoid. I got stuck at some dinner events with this couple before and try to avoid even small talk. The husband is a very arrogant retired engineering professor and just rambles on and on. At one dinner, an Asian American woman didn't laugh at his bad joke and he assumed it was because her English wasn't good. (She's from DC.) The wife was also really snobby and acts like a diva about everything, like making a ton of food demands that don't involve anything practical like allergies.
Susan was talking to them and I happened by, As I was walking past, Susan stopped me and asked if I wanted to have a Scrabble game with these people. It was right in front of them, so I said sure, thinking I'd come up with a reason to cancel later.
fThe wife just emailed Susan and me asking for days and times and suggesting we go to their house to play. I don't want to play at all, and with the open-ended day/time question, it's harder to get out of. I don't want to put Susan in a weird position, especially with our friendship being so newly re-minted.
How do I get out of playing with the horrid couple while keeping things okay with Susan?
I know Susan from the UU we attend. She and I had some conflict but we are on good terms now, and I'd rather not rock that boat because I enjoy our games. (We play with one more person, but she's not involved in this.)
One Sunday after church, I saw Susan talking to this couple I take great pains to avoid. I got stuck at some dinner events with this couple before and try to avoid even small talk. The husband is a very arrogant retired engineering professor and just rambles on and on. At one dinner, an Asian American woman didn't laugh at his bad joke and he assumed it was because her English wasn't good. (She's from DC.) The wife was also really snobby and acts like a diva about everything, like making a ton of food demands that don't involve anything practical like allergies.
Susan was talking to them and I happened by, As I was walking past, Susan stopped me and asked if I wanted to have a Scrabble game with these people. It was right in front of them, so I said sure, thinking I'd come up with a reason to cancel later.
fThe wife just emailed Susan and me asking for days and times and suggesting we go to their house to play. I don't want to play at all, and with the open-ended day/time question, it's harder to get out of. I don't want to put Susan in a weird position, especially with our friendship being so newly re-minted.
How do I get out of playing with the horrid couple while keeping things okay with Susan?
beagle's suggestion is probably the best, but alternative tactics might include scheduling a day and time and then feigning illness at the last minute, or playing Scrabble with Mr. and Mrs. Horrible and demolishing them so thoroughly that they'll never want to play with you again.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:12 PM on November 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:12 PM on November 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
"Oh hey, you know I love the games times, but I'm right at my limit social time for the next few weeks - the commitments I have are awesome and fun and I wouldn't miss them, but my spouse and I are having to work hard to have any real quality time with each other!
OTOH my sister-in-law Jesse / my new neighbor Jake who is 24 but surprisingly cool / my mother / Killian who is the best bike mechanic ever and who I saw last week has been wanting to play scrabble - I promise they're really fun, once she knows you ten minutes - I know this is weird, but maybe this could be a chance for them to get out of the house? They'd really appreciate it and you'd be helping me do a mitzvah (and keep my sanity)!"
Every time you can do good, why not do good?
posted by amtho at 2:04 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
OTOH my sister-in-law Jesse / my new neighbor Jake who is 24 but surprisingly cool / my mother / Killian who is the best bike mechanic ever and who I saw last week has been wanting to play scrabble - I promise they're really fun, once she knows you ten minutes - I know this is weird, but maybe this could be a chance for them to get out of the house? They'd really appreciate it and you'd be helping me do a mitzvah (and keep my sanity)!"
Every time you can do good, why not do good?
posted by amtho at 2:04 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
Alternatively (if the above don't work) you could schedule and then cancel a day or two before. Not the nicest thing to do but avoids them pushing you to commit.
posted by greta simone at 2:48 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by greta simone at 2:48 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Wanted to make this clear; This game would be in addition to the other, not a merger. I tried to say five would be too many. Susan agreed and said that this was a separate thing.
While this couple is retired, they're certainly not stuck indoors alone waiting to be entertained. They're very active and mobile and have a lot of activities. It's not at all a case of visiting a shut-in or anything like that.
posted by mermaidcafe at 3:24 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
While this couple is retired, they're certainly not stuck indoors alone waiting to be entertained. They're very active and mobile and have a lot of activities. It's not at all a case of visiting a shut-in or anything like that.
posted by mermaidcafe at 3:24 PM on November 5, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'd just reply all with something like "I have a busy few weeks coming up, so the three of you should find a time that works for you. Have fun!"
posted by umwelt at 3:35 PM on November 5, 2023 [44 favorites]
posted by umwelt at 3:35 PM on November 5, 2023 [44 favorites]
Let Susan suggest her days and times first and then say "Oh, hmm, I don't think any of those days work for me but why don't you three go and play without me."
posted by jacquilynne at 3:38 PM on November 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 3:38 PM on November 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
"Someone committed me to play Scrabble with a horrid couple."
Just to clarify: Nobody else committed you to do anything; you committed to this. Don't try to place the blame on somebody else .
How do you get out of it? Without being entirely honest, I don't know that you can since you agreed to do so. Delaying (as many folks are suggesting) doesn't solve anything. You're just postponing the need to play, and then you'll be asking the same question in three or four or eight weeks. Plus, if you tell your friend your true feelings and ask her to make excuses, that's a dick move. You made the commitment. You need to resolve it.
The right thing to do here is to own your mistake and your feelings, then decline the invitation. It'll suck, sure, but then it'll be over and done.
If I did something like this — and I have many times in the past — I'd swallow my pride and admit I made a mistake, then play the game of Scrabble. Imagine how much fun it would be to play a triple-word bingo against that arrogant bastard! If I didn't enjoy it, I'd be done with it. But from my experience, there's always a chance that my preconceptions are wrong. Sometimes horrid people turn out to be perfectly delightful. (But, yeah, sometimes not.)
In any event, don't make commitments like this in the future. Just say "no" up front. A moment of discomfort prevents greater pain down the road.
posted by jdroth at 5:53 PM on November 5, 2023 [27 favorites]
Just to clarify: Nobody else committed you to do anything; you committed to this. Don't try to place the blame on somebody else .
How do you get out of it? Without being entirely honest, I don't know that you can since you agreed to do so. Delaying (as many folks are suggesting) doesn't solve anything. You're just postponing the need to play, and then you'll be asking the same question in three or four or eight weeks. Plus, if you tell your friend your true feelings and ask her to make excuses, that's a dick move. You made the commitment. You need to resolve it.
The right thing to do here is to own your mistake and your feelings, then decline the invitation. It'll suck, sure, but then it'll be over and done.
If I did something like this — and I have many times in the past — I'd swallow my pride and admit I made a mistake, then play the game of Scrabble. Imagine how much fun it would be to play a triple-word bingo against that arrogant bastard! If I didn't enjoy it, I'd be done with it. But from my experience, there's always a chance that my preconceptions are wrong. Sometimes horrid people turn out to be perfectly delightful. (But, yeah, sometimes not.)
In any event, don't make commitments like this in the future. Just say "no" up front. A moment of discomfort prevents greater pain down the road.
posted by jdroth at 5:53 PM on November 5, 2023 [27 favorites]
I agree that you said yes when you shouldn't have, but you're allowed to change your mind. Email back with something like, "Sorry, all, I'm realizing I'm at my Scrabble limit! Gonna have to back out of this one. I wish you all a great game!"
In the future, in the moment, use something like, "Hmmm, I'll have to think about it," rather than agreeing to things you don't want to do.
posted by lapis at 7:19 PM on November 5, 2023 [13 favorites]
In the future, in the moment, use something like, "Hmmm, I'll have to think about it," rather than agreeing to things you don't want to do.
posted by lapis at 7:19 PM on November 5, 2023 [13 favorites]
“After taking another look at my schedule, I realized I can only accommodate one game a week for a while. I’ll have to bow out of this one but will let you know if anything changes later on.”
posted by rodneyaug at 10:38 PM on November 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by rodneyaug at 10:38 PM on November 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
"I'm sorry, I'm just looking at my calendar now and realising how overcommitted I am. I'm sorry I'm not available but I'm sure you can find someone else to play with!"
posted by DarlingBri at 4:25 AM on November 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 4:25 AM on November 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Tell Susan, in person and in confidence, that Couple N are just not your cup of tea and that you'd prefer not to spend time with them. Nothing dire, they just aren't fun for me.
posted by theora55 at 8:19 AM on November 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 8:19 AM on November 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
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No need to tell Susan your opinion of the other folks. This is just about you, your time, your bandwidth, your preferences for Scrabble partners, and your desire to just keep things as they are.
posted by beagle at 1:08 PM on November 5, 2023 [69 favorites]