PhD: Met with 2 POI in the same department. How to kindly "reject" one?

September 27, 2023 5:54 AM

PhD applicant in the US. I met with two POI (people of interest) from the same department and one asked me to let them know of my decision. Does this mean that I should notify both of whom I want to work with before applying? If so, how can I do this respectfully and without burning a bridge?

Hi everyone,

I am a PhD applicant in a social science in the US, so I will apply to work with one advisor. I met with two professors from the same department and after meeting, I'm feeling that one faculty member (Professor A) is a better fit and I plan to apply to work with them. The other professor, Professor B, knew that I had already met with Professor A and told me to be sure to "keep in touch about my decision." (I also told Professor A that I'd had an upcoming appointment with Professor B in our meeting, so both were aware.)

Since Professor B asked me to keep in touch about what I decided, is it appropriate to email both (separately) and state that I have decided to apply to work with Professor A? I think the answer is "yes," but it feels weird to "reject" someone/close a door before I've even applied, so I guess I'm also looking for some reassurance that this is normal and will not come back to bite me later. I guess I'm feeling this way because Professor B is the one who specifically asked (and Professor A didn't seem to mind), and they're the one I'm going to decline working with...

Thank you for any insight!

posted by anonymous to Education (11 answers total)

I, personally, would not tell prof B that I had "chosen" prof A. I'd just show up and if I run into them, be personable and talk about it if they ask. But also, and maybe this is just differences in your field, but until you're at the stage where you're developing your prospectus you have plenty of opportunity to pick a different advisor. Professors are people and sometimes surprisingly child-like people so they can take switching personally but it's a normal thing to do and should be fine so long as you're polite about the whole thing.
posted by dis_integration at 6:03 AM on September 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

Your plan of emailing separately is good. Prof B may need to know they can move on to the next person on their list - that's probably why they asked - so it's considerate and professional to let them know.

Having two people you'd work with in the same department is a good thing.
posted by Dashy at 6:23 AM on September 27, 2023 [6 favorites]

I'm a graduate program director and have a fair amount of experience with PhD admissions. I would really suggest asking this of a mentor who can provide field-specific advice (e.g. someone who is writing a letter for you). In my department, which does pair PhD students with advisors during admissions, the answer would be "it's not time to reject anyone yet if they're in the same department", but I'm unsure if my norms (which I think would cover many fields, including some social sciences) map on to the way you describe the scenario. In general, in the US, you apply to a department, not a person. But of course there is likely a secondary process for indicating potential advisors, and admissions committees may interpret what you put for this in various ways according to their field's (or department's) norms.
posted by advil at 7:30 AM on September 27, 2023 [13 favorites]

I am in the humanities but generally speaking my experience is that applicants tend to assume I take this kind of "rejection" way more personally than I in fact do. I get paid the same either way, and while it's nice to work with a good student, it's not in my interest to work with someone who isn't eager to work with me! But because we get way more applicants than we can accept, it's important for me to know so I can prioritize accordingly and strategize in grad committee meetings. Be courteous but please don't feel like you have to butter up either of the profs or smooth anything over.
posted by derrinyet at 7:31 AM on September 27, 2023

This is so department and campus and advisor specific it's really hard to say, so all you can do is take your best guess. If they're running an actual lab, they've got limited spaces and they will need to know, as noted above, so they can work down their list. If it's not a social science that does 'labs', some faculty still limit how many students they work with; others view a big cohort as clout. Some faculty get really personal about this stuff. Some don't. It's... impossible to predict. And you may end up with professor B on your committee, so maintaining good relations is good.

All that said, if you don't know anything else about the department and its culture and have to commit to an action, Rock 'em Sock 'em's script is very good.
posted by joycehealy at 7:34 AM on September 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

Dear Professor B,

Thanks so much for taking the time to meet with me to discuss nanofactoneters and your work in biogeography. I wanted to let you know I’ll be working with Professor A moving forward, focusing on macroriveters. I look forward to seeing you in the department.

Sincerely, OP
posted by bluedaisy at 7:56 AM on September 27, 2023

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s my understanding that you haven’t even applied to this program. So you don’t know whether you’d even be accepted or whether professor A would choose you.

I asked a professor I know what you should do and they said this

1) reach out to both via email and let them know you’ll be applying to work with them. 2) in your personal statement identify the one you’d like to work with most first “I’m especially interested in the work A is doing on X.” 3) identify the other one after “I’m also interested in working with B because I find their work on Y really fascinating.”

If one truly is a better fit, because of your interests/experiences, that will show in the rest of the personal statement. It would be very unorthodox to say outright “I would PREFER to work with A compared to B” but sometimes when you submit the application it asks you to rank order specific PI’s you’d like to work with and we can see that info on our end when making decisions.
posted by cali59 at 9:09 AM on September 27, 2023 [6 favorites]

My PhD is in a subject where you don't need to name a specific advisor (or even specific interest, really) in your application, but I suspect the answer is likely extremely subject-specific (yes funding structures are a factor, but seemingly related subjects can have wildly different cultures). Can you ask one or more of your letter writers for advice?
posted by hoyland at 9:34 AM on September 27, 2023

This is indeed highly field specific, and in some fields it is institution specific. In my field it used to be one way and is slowly switching to another so it very much depends on the year, the field, and the institution.

But overall you can’t go wrong being polite and honest. Which of the above paths to doing so will work best, that depends on specifics.
posted by nat at 12:02 PM on September 27, 2023

I think this would be a good question for the department's graduate admissions coordinator. "Could you talk me through process for choosing an advisor?", then follow up by describing the conversations that you've had already.

If it makes you feel better, you could say (if true) "I've decided to work with X for my first semester, but I am looking forward to taking class Y with you."
posted by esker at 12:18 PM on September 27, 2023

Mod note: From the OP:

Thank you so much for your responses. Hearing how much the "right" answer can be specific to the department was reassuring (i.e., I wasn't overthinking this for nothing. :) ) After reading through these comments, I ended up contacting the admissions coordinator who was incredibly helpful and gave insight on how the advisor selection process worked (thank you, esker and sm1tten for that suggestion!)

Rock 'em Sock 'em, thank you for the email template -- I plan to use this to get in touch with both faculty members.

Thanks again, everyone!"

posted by travelingthyme (staff) at 8:05 PM on September 28, 2023