Should I have said something?

July 17, 2023 1:12 PM

While on a train trip through Germany, a fellow passenger (stranger to us) mistakenly took our suitcase from the compartment and left their own. We discovered their mistake at the end station - our bag was gone while theirs was left behind. There was nothing left to do but take their bag to the lost and found office at the train station. I am very unhappy with how the situation was handled and am wondering if I should have been more assertive.

Long story short, they have their luggage back, we do not, although we got a call from Deutsche Bahn confirming DB has our bag and will send it to us for 42 Euros. We also had to pay $$ to get replacement toiletries and underwear AND cut the trip short. The other passenger called tonight to say sorry and thank you but when I mentioned our expenses they played dumb saying they had expenses too. I am feeling like a loser. 80 Euros is not nothing to me, plus I feel taken advantage of. Should I have said something? Should I text or call them and explicitly say they should have offered to pay us back for the delivery?
The train station attendant declined to search the bag for personal ID so we slipped a note with our phone number into a side pocket of the bag. We were then forced to buy toiletries and underwear in a strange to us German city, and we decided to cut the trip short and return home so as not to incur further expenses.
It turns out the other passenger gave our bag likewise to the lost and found office in another city. We were called by Deutsche Bahn and asked to pay 42 Euro to get the bag delivered. We also spent around 40 Euros on toiletries and underwear.
What really rubs me the wrong way is how cavalier they were about the whole thing. They dismissed my comment about the difficulties we had as a result and said they were inconvenienced, too.
I talked to a German friend and they said to let it go but, again, it just makes me angry because even a few years ago 80 Euros would have been a huge financial hit.
If they had offered, I would most likely have declined but this just feels like a slap in the face. Plus, despite paying the 42 Euros to Deutsche Bahn, we still have no confirmation that the bag was or will be shipped.
Please help me feel better about this and/or decide on whether to say something. I have the passenger's phone number.

posted by M. to Human Relations (22 answers total)

You should absolutely not contact the passenger. What could you possibly hope to accomplish? Apart from maybe the German version of a restraining order?

This happened to me once with luggage on an airplane, and I never got my luggage back. Someone else took my black carryon and took theirs. It was five days of nice business dress, with the associated accessories. When I added up replacement value it was more than a thousand dollars. I wound up filing with my insurance company, and there was significant legwork to do because it turns out that nobody wants to be in charge of writing a police report about accidental baggage theft on an airplane on the runway at Ontario airport in unincorporated San Bernadino County.

I hope someone enjoyed my Cole Haan heels. Actually I hope their feet fell off, but I still wouldn't call them and tell them about it.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:23 PM on July 17, 2023 [16 favorites]

I think they were probably exactly as inconvenienced as you and no, it isn't especially reasonable to expect them to pay your expenses. This is one of those "shit happens" things. If anything, it sucks that the train company doesn't have a cheaper/free way to expedite fixing this sort of thing.
posted by restless_nomad at 1:24 PM on July 17, 2023 [22 favorites]

It doesn't sound like being more assertive would have gotten you through that situation with less expenses.

Do you want to spend more anguish pursuing this resolved situation? Or would that energy be better spent preventing this kind of honest mistake from happening again?
posted by Phssthpok at 1:25 PM on July 17, 2023 [1 favorite]

Presumably they also had to pay a fee to get their bag delivered back to them? I'm not sure why you're assuming they weren't also inconvenienced in the same way you were. The train company probably has a standard fee for returning lost luggage. It can be very expensive to ship bulky items, so this doesn't sound especially egregious.

It sounds like it was a very frustrating experience but there's no reason to contact the other passenger and demand they pay your fees as well (which they almost certainly will refuse to do). You will have to chalk this up as a learning experience and maybe in a year or two it'll just be one of those bad travel stories that everyone has.
posted by fight or flight at 1:26 PM on July 17, 2023 [2 favorites]

They called you to apologize. That was their acknowledgement of your inconvenience.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this, and I get that they're "at fault" as the one who took the wrong bag, but I don't think calling them back about this will do anything other than prolong your frustration.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:31 PM on July 17, 2023 [15 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks for the reality check. My thought process was, they were definitely at fault, and the expenses on both sides were due to their mistake. If they had offered, I would have declined, but I thought it was not nice of them to not at least acknowledge the hassle they caused.

But yeah, from another perspective, I hope if the reverse had occurred, and I had mistakenly taken another person's bag, that they would have been gracious about this.

So, point taken and I am glad I didn't say anything. In fact I am already feeling better about this knowing that there was ultimately nothing else to say.
posted by M. at 1:33 PM on July 17, 2023 [8 favorites]

Best answer: This almost happened to me about 20 years ago at Heathrow when I realized my bog standard Nike duffel bag looked exactly like another one that just came off the belt and kept an eye on the person who took it in case it was actually my bag. From that experience, I learned a lesson: obnoxious luggage (hello Vera Bradley) or copious amounts of obnoxious luggage tags in big loud designs to at least attempt to alert someone to the fact that it wasn't their bag.

And I agree with everyone else, this was unfortunate but not done on purpose, and I think you should just chalk it up to a travel experience you don't hope to repeat.
posted by jabes at 1:34 PM on July 17, 2023 [12 favorites]

I mean yes, I agree with you that they technically were at fault. But this is also a common mistake that for me falls into the category of "these things happen."

If they had offered, I would have declined

A good rule of thumb is to not expend much mental energy on outcomes you don't even need/want, particularly when it comes to strangers you'll never meet again. I mean, I get it, it's the principle of the thing...but also, this person's future behavior will have little to no impact on you.
posted by coffeecat at 1:51 PM on July 17, 2023 [4 favorites]

Best answer: If the situation were reversed, think about it for a minute: would you be so relieved and thankful that the other person wasn't being obnoxious and insisting on extra fees you could ill afford after paying for your own, etc.? If so, give that gift to that person, or, if you prefer, out to the universe.
posted by praemunire at 1:55 PM on July 17, 2023 [5 favorites]

Reframe this. You aren't paying 42 euros for DB to return your bag. You're paying 42 euros for the privilege of learning the lesson that you should've made your bag more distinctive. This is one of those things that everyone says to do, and nobody actually does. But notice that the other passenger didn't take the bright pink and lime green leopard spot bag, did they?

Also, am I crazy, or could you not have just taken the train back to this other city where the other passenger got off and retrieved your bag from the lost and found yourself? I looked up fares on DB's website, and it seems like you can go all the way from Berlin to Munich for just over 100 euros. Stuttgart to Munich (much closer, but still a 2 hour+ train ride) is 46. I guess it would depend where the other passenger got off, but if it was local, I'd probably just make the trip myself.

And of course, you didn't *have* to cut your trip short. You chose to, yourself. The other passenger isn't responsible for that.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:02 PM on July 17, 2023 [5 favorites]

Best answer: In future do what we do. We have secure straps around our bags with our name on (a very uncommon name). No-one mistakes our name. Google Personalized Luggage Straps For Suitcases or look for them onAmazon
posted by TheRaven at 2:19 PM on July 17, 2023 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Also, am I crazy, or could you not have just taken the train back to this other city where the other passenger got off and retrieved your bag from the lost and found yourself?

Not really - the way the lost and found at DB was explained to us, the found report has to be manually entered into the system by the DB employee which can take (like we were told) up to 2-3 business days. Incidentally, our bag ended up in another city altogether. The DB office there called us because we had filled out the lost report ourselves via the DB website rather than filling out the paper version at the station.

So for anyone reading this, I would not recommend just taking the train back, even if it were otherwise practical in terms of ticket prices and available time / further connections. The bag might be on its way in another train or locked up somewhere.

Thanks again everyone.
posted by M. at 2:33 PM on July 17, 2023

Best answer: This happened to me. I have no idea whether they took my case first, or I took theirs. The other person got in contact with me, I made sure to carefully parcel up their suitcase and send it on. I received mine all fucked up (contents all there, by luck more than judgement) - they'd put little effort into packaging it. Also, I had sat there and tried 001, 002, 003, etc on the combination lock to open the case, whereas they had just ripped the zip open. I was pissed off but I had my suitcase (and contents) back, and I decided it was the cost of not putting anything very identifiable on my plain black case (we'd swapped identical cases), and to be happy I'd got my case back at all. The case is now plastered with Pokemon stickers (thanks kids) and no-one is going to take it by accident.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:35 PM on July 17, 2023 [2 favorites]

I am a North American who spent three weeks in Europe recently, mostly in Germany, and I've got to say that my German friends are right: die Bahn has a lot of problems right now with overcrowded trains, late trains, cancelled trains, and more. I appreciate die Bahn and wish we had something like it in the US because Amtrak is a start but it's like comparing apples and oranges, to to be generous. I am SO sorry that you had to deal with this because it's a huge pain and super stressful. At the end of the day, you got your bag back and it was under $50. The person who took your bag did it by accident and did apologize. Perhaps there was a language barrier, perhaps they were so incredibly embarrassed, perhaps they did not have any extra money to spare. I agree with you that their offering to pay would have been the best thing but they didn't. In the US we are so used to getting things done right or getting our money back: this does not exist in most countries, even in privileged places like Germany. Last summer I got to the station two hours early then just missed my train when they had changed platforms and it was all unclear despite being a fluent former resident. They had sympathy but ultimately I had to buy an expensive new ticket. A friend had her train cancelled only to not be able to travel till the next day but hey they covered her hotel costs.

I love traveling and am so lucky to be able to do it. However, traveling in 2023 when people are eager to be out again? Like most things in our post-pandemic world, it's more expensive, more complicated, and less fun due to many factors out of our control. I had a hellish experience during an unplanned layover in Iceland that involved sleeping on the floor of the airport: I kept reminding myself that it was temporary and part of the adventure. I met some nice people and it made for a good story. You share good stories and advice here so I'm sure you do in person, too. I once heard that people don't love travel stories where everything goes smoothly; they prefer the ones with twists and turns that are not tragic but certainly a pain. I hope sooner rather than later it becomes one of those bad experiences that make for a good story!
posted by smorgasbord at 3:20 PM on July 17, 2023 [3 favorites]

The other passenger called tonight to say sorry and thank you

They had a lot of other options but instead keeping your stuff, or abandoning the luggage, or not contacting you, they chose that. They made an innocent mistake and apologized.

but when I mentioned our expenses they played dumb saying they had expenses too.

Why do you think they were playing dumb? It would have been a thoughtful gesture on their part to recompense you but they may not even have thought about it. Two years from now they’ll be out shopping, the embarrassing moment they took someone’s luggage will pop up in their mind, and they’ll think "I could have handled that better."

I am feeling like a loser

To me you seem like a worthy member of society. To go after them would be the very soul of "No good deed goes unpunished."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:53 PM on July 17, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: If my luggage is likely to get confused with someone else's I'll put some day-glo/hi-viz gaffer tape on it (handles are a good spot, since that's most likely where people will grab it). This makes it both very easy to distinguish and less attractive to snatch as people think stuff with tape on it is likely broken somehow. In my opinion if someone has to check a luggage tag to distinguish it, it won't make much difference against the inattentive.
posted by Aleyn at 7:43 PM on July 17, 2023

I'm going to go against the grain and say it would annoy me too to hear their response and if I was the one who took your bag by accident I would have felt responsible that you had all those extra expenses.

Probably not worth pursuing any further at this point, but personally I can see where your frustration was coming from. Everyone else gave good suggestions for making your luggage more personalized. Good luck!
posted by knownfossils at 10:25 PM on July 17, 2023 [4 favorites]

I'll also go against said grain. It wasn't an "honest mistake". They were careless to the point of recklessness. Everybody knows to check if a bag is actually yours before you f'ing walk off with it.

Both parties' expenses were a direct result of that carelessness. They're responsible for their costs. They should also be responsible for yours, because they directly arose from their entirely avoidable actions. "You're lucky he didn't steal it" isn't the moral high ground some of you think it is.

Can you do anything about it? Probably not. But I completely understand why you feel wronged. You were. Some no talent arse clown can't take two seconds to read a luggage tag and you're collateral damage. I would absolutely pay for your costs if I were in his shoes, because I'm a goddamned adult.
posted by some little punk in a rocket at 5:23 AM on July 18, 2023 [5 favorites]

"You're lucky he didn't steal it" isn't the moral high ground some of you think it is.

However, calling to apologize is very much a sign of responsibility.

Also, there's nothing said about luggage tags by the OP. In fact, it is specifically noted that the other people's bags did not have identification on the outside.

Assuming the OP's did not as well, then getting off a train during a stop is an unlikely time to open luggage to make sure it's yours.

It wasn't an "honest mistake".

Last but not least, even if they were irredeemably sloppy it was still an honest mistake. They did not leave their luggage on the train on purpose.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:33 AM on July 18, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I agree with "some little punk in a rocket" (above). I think the other person (the one who mistakenly took the wrong luggage) had a moral obligation to pay for their mistake. Yes, the mix-up was unintentional, and as others have said, "This is one of those 'shit happens' things" – but someone has to foot the expense when shit happens, and it shouldn't be the OP in this case. Having said that, I agree that in practical terms it's probably pointless to pursue this matter any further.
posted by alex1965 at 8:46 AM on July 18, 2023 [3 favorites]

Since part of this question is about framing/perspective/how to feel about something, I just want to say, as someone who has lived in Germany for four years:

You lost something on DB. They found it and you might get it back. REJOICE! Take the W.
posted by sy at 1:46 AM on July 19, 2023 [2 favorites]

For this time: It sucks you had to pay more, and I'm sorry that happened! In your shoes, I would try to just let it go. I would frame it like this: if the bag had been actually completely lost or stolen, you would be wishing you could simply pay a few hundred bucks and some inconvenience to get it back. Every time something annoying happens I imagine a much worse scenario, and how this annoyance would then have been a best-case wish. "Someone smashed the mirror on my car while it was street-parked: at least it wasn't the whole bumper!" "My suitcase was taken and returned... at least it wasn't my wallet and phone stolen!" Etc.

Small thought for next time: I always firmly knot a few inches of thick, colourful ribbon around the handles of all my bags. Visible from a distance, and not mistakeable for anyone else's identical bag, since the ribbon is right on the handle they'd be grabbing.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:55 AM on July 19, 2023