Help me keep a senile parent safe online
May 27, 2023 10:30 AM Subscribe
My friend's father is slowly sliding into senility and can't keep himself safe from scammers, etc. while using his computer. I've recommended a few things to help my friend make their dad's online activities as safe as possible, but this isn't a situation I have much experience with and I wonder if there may be more/better options. All the online articles I can find are too basic and vague to be much use. I'm looking for specific suggestions.
My friend is currently living with their elderly parents. Mom is still doing fine, but dad's mind is going so he doesn't have a good memory or a good sense of logic and situational awareness. The other day they caught him talking to some "your computer has been hacked, we can fix it" type scammers; fortunately that got nipped in the bud before any harm was done. They've repeatedly told him not to do things like that, but he can't remember from one time to the next.
They've asked me for help as their "computer nerd" friend. I know this is a difficult situation, they have my sympathy and I want to do what I can to help. But I'm feeling a little out of my depth on this topic.
He's on a Mac, and uses Firefox with the AdBlock Plus extension.
What they've done so far:
- They've blocked everything by default, except a handful of allowed sites; further sites will be allowed as needed. But even that's not great, because (a) his friends send him jokes and videos he can't access, which upsets him; and (b) he's even gotten a "you've been hacked" pop-up on Facebook, which they'd assumed was safe.
- He no longer has access to credit cards, and he doesn’t have passwords to his bank website; they’ve also changed most of the contact emails on those sites to one he doesn’t have access to. But they're worried that scammers could talk him through resetting a password, or that they might have missed a vital email address.
- They also asked me about "safe" porn sites, since bless his old heart those still hold an interest for him.
What I've recommended so far:
- A good subscription-based proactive antivirus/antimalware program, such as BitDefender or Malwarebytes.
- Setting strictest security in Firefox, turning off saved passwords, and adding the uBlock Origin and Ghostery (with EVERYTHING manually blocked) extensions to block malicious ads and sites.
- Using a VPN such as ProtonVPN to block tracking and man-in-the-middle attacks.
Other possibilities I don't know enough about:
- Some sort of parental control software to prevent him from doing certain things or accessing system admin functions?
- "Load on startup" sandbox software so that even if he gets himself into trouble the host system is protected?
I'd appreciate any advice on those and any other steps they could be taking to minimize the amount of damage dad could inadvertently cause.
Thanks!
My friend is currently living with their elderly parents. Mom is still doing fine, but dad's mind is going so he doesn't have a good memory or a good sense of logic and situational awareness. The other day they caught him talking to some "your computer has been hacked, we can fix it" type scammers; fortunately that got nipped in the bud before any harm was done. They've repeatedly told him not to do things like that, but he can't remember from one time to the next.
They've asked me for help as their "computer nerd" friend. I know this is a difficult situation, they have my sympathy and I want to do what I can to help. But I'm feeling a little out of my depth on this topic.
He's on a Mac, and uses Firefox with the AdBlock Plus extension.
What they've done so far:
- They've blocked everything by default, except a handful of allowed sites; further sites will be allowed as needed. But even that's not great, because (a) his friends send him jokes and videos he can't access, which upsets him; and (b) he's even gotten a "you've been hacked" pop-up on Facebook, which they'd assumed was safe.
- He no longer has access to credit cards, and he doesn’t have passwords to his bank website; they’ve also changed most of the contact emails on those sites to one he doesn’t have access to. But they're worried that scammers could talk him through resetting a password, or that they might have missed a vital email address.
- They also asked me about "safe" porn sites, since bless his old heart those still hold an interest for him.
What I've recommended so far:
- A good subscription-based proactive antivirus/antimalware program, such as BitDefender or Malwarebytes.
- Setting strictest security in Firefox, turning off saved passwords, and adding the uBlock Origin and Ghostery (with EVERYTHING manually blocked) extensions to block malicious ads and sites.
- Using a VPN such as ProtonVPN to block tracking and man-in-the-middle attacks.
Other possibilities I don't know enough about:
- Some sort of parental control software to prevent him from doing certain things or accessing system admin functions?
- "Load on startup" sandbox software so that even if he gets himself into trouble the host system is protected?
I'd appreciate any advice on those and any other steps they could be taking to minimize the amount of damage dad could inadvertently cause.
Thanks!
Best answer: That computer is for Dad's use only, and all three family members engage reputable companies for credit monitoring and identity monitoring services.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:38 AM on May 27, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:38 AM on May 27, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: He no longer has access to credit cards, and he doesn’t have passwords to his bank website; they’ve also changed most of the contact emails on those sites to one he doesn’t have access to. But they're worried that scammers could talk him through resetting a password, or that they might have missed a vital email address.
Aside from tech stuff, I'd see if the bank offers any safety mechanisms or suggestions. If not, it might be time to remove him from the bank accounts altogether, or to leave only a negligible amount in whatever accounts he can access. (If the parents haven't already set up an arrangement for how and by whom their money should be managed when they're no longer able to do it, that's something to talk about with the mother now.)
I'd also make sure to get regular credit reports for him, to make sure he's not a target of identity theft. A credit freeze should also be in place.
Does he use a smartphone, does he have access to the app store, and is a credit card connected to that? Is his phone number connected to any accounts? Is he able to access his wife's phone? A lot of sites use 2 factor authentication with phone numbers or authenticator apps instead of email these days.
Would he be able to access his wife's cards or info if he wanted to (or was told to)?
Are there any risks they're worried about that are not financial? If they haven't already, they might want to do periodic research on the different types of scams that are going on these days (not just online ones - phone and mail scams are still going strong) and make sure they're taking steps to obstruct as many of them as they can.
posted by trig at 11:44 AM on May 27, 2023 [3 favorites]
Aside from tech stuff, I'd see if the bank offers any safety mechanisms or suggestions. If not, it might be time to remove him from the bank accounts altogether, or to leave only a negligible amount in whatever accounts he can access. (If the parents haven't already set up an arrangement for how and by whom their money should be managed when they're no longer able to do it, that's something to talk about with the mother now.)
I'd also make sure to get regular credit reports for him, to make sure he's not a target of identity theft. A credit freeze should also be in place.
Does he use a smartphone, does he have access to the app store, and is a credit card connected to that? Is his phone number connected to any accounts? Is he able to access his wife's phone? A lot of sites use 2 factor authentication with phone numbers or authenticator apps instead of email these days.
Would he be able to access his wife's cards or info if he wanted to (or was told to)?
Are there any risks they're worried about that are not financial? If they haven't already, they might want to do periodic research on the different types of scams that are going on these days (not just online ones - phone and mail scams are still going strong) and make sure they're taking steps to obstruct as many of them as they can.
posted by trig at 11:44 AM on May 27, 2023 [3 favorites]
Best answer: You could consider setting up Firefox Sync so you (they) can view the browser history on another device and keep an eye on what sites he’s been visiting.
They've blocked everything by default, except a handful of allowed sites; further sites will be allowed as needed. But even that's not great, because (a) his friends send him jokes and videos he can't access, which upsets him
Yes, whitelisting by hostname tends to be a huge pain not only because of this issue but because a given site is likely to try to load resources from many seemingly unrelated domains and subdomains. In this situation I’d lean toward enabling parental controls (either in the browser, the Firefox account, or at the OS level) that block a standard set of “unsafe” sites, rather than try to enumerate “safe” sites.
posted by staggernation at 12:43 PM on May 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
They've blocked everything by default, except a handful of allowed sites; further sites will be allowed as needed. But even that's not great, because (a) his friends send him jokes and videos he can't access, which upsets him
Yes, whitelisting by hostname tends to be a huge pain not only because of this issue but because a given site is likely to try to load resources from many seemingly unrelated domains and subdomains. In this situation I’d lean toward enabling parental controls (either in the browser, the Firefox account, or at the OS level) that block a standard set of “unsafe” sites, rather than try to enumerate “safe” sites.
posted by staggernation at 12:43 PM on May 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
Put controls on ALL the bank accounts, investments, and credit cards, so he can't send money.
Have them call your mom to check all transactions over $500, and make sure they don't call HIM to check.
Get new credit cards and don't save them on the computer.
Have your mom lock up her purse daily so he can't go into it for her credit cards.
My friend's elderly mom sent her entire retirement life savings, $120,000, to a romance scammer, and not a penny could be retrieved because she gave it to him. He had urgently talked her though each transaction in great detail and absolutely cleaned her out. Make it hard for a smart man in his 30s to find their financial info, because with a scammer pretending to be a pretty woman and controlling him, that's who's actually in charge of what he sends away.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 2:02 PM on May 27, 2023 [10 favorites]
Have them call your mom to check all transactions over $500, and make sure they don't call HIM to check.
Get new credit cards and don't save them on the computer.
Have your mom lock up her purse daily so he can't go into it for her credit cards.
My friend's elderly mom sent her entire retirement life savings, $120,000, to a romance scammer, and not a penny could be retrieved because she gave it to him. He had urgently talked her though each transaction in great detail and absolutely cleaned her out. Make it hard for a smart man in his 30s to find their financial info, because with a scammer pretending to be a pretty woman and controlling him, that's who's actually in charge of what he sends away.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 2:02 PM on May 27, 2023 [10 favorites]
I wonder if a Chromebook would be a help? Specifically the locked down school environment, they're hardened a fair amount so kids can't screw them up. Also ChromeOS is pretty secure and easily reset. And it's enough of an oddball that the basic "share your screen with the scammer" hack might not work.
posted by Nelson at 2:51 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Nelson at 2:51 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I sort of thought about a Chromebook, but then considered that taking someone with cognitive/memory issues and introducing an entirely new operating system might not be the best combination. Granted that most actual interaction is done in a browser which is basically the same, but I would still look to trying to solve this problem within the familiar Mac environment if you can.
posted by staggernation at 3:39 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by staggernation at 3:39 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If they are getting popups on Facebook, the computer is infected with Malware. That needs to be dealt with first.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:15 AM on May 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 1:15 AM on May 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: adding the uBlock Origin and Ghostery (with EVERYTHING manually blocked)
Yep, I am helping a friend with a very similar situation. And they're very hard because sometimes removing (even more) access to the things the person enjoys can seem cruel and people dealing with a family member with senility/dementia can be going through their own grieving process. Additionally people can still be "with it" enough to resent the guardrails set up for them while also still needing them in other ways or at other times. There are a few directions here to take, tech and non-tech.
Tech
Agree with DarlingBri there's something up if they're getting a popup on Facebook. There's a good extension for FB called FB Purity which can help block certain kinds of content on Facebook specifically. It would be the second step after you figure out where those pop-ups are coming from (check through FF extensions, often there's weird adware which can be doing this) Also you might try Privacy Badger. I don't really think a VPN is going to add much here except for complication/confusion. Similarly I'm not sure if subscribing to a malware blocking service is going to add much, this is really more about existing things their father is doing that is somehow getting around different tools. It may be too late in the game for this but iPads can have a few fewer malware vectors for this sort of thing but only your friend would know if their dad could make the switch. Similarly, and this can seem counterintuitive, a subscription to a porn site (if there's a specific one) might keep the sketchy porn sites at bay, but maybe not.
Also he can be set up as a non-admin on the Mac and/or added to a family plan which can block an awful lot of stuff. Also concurring with what trig says about iOS access. If he has that, remove biometric access and replace with a complicated password. Set the computer to turn off during "sundown" times (i.e. later in the evening) which is a time when more older people with memory issues are less functional.
Non-tech
Banks are used to dealing with things like this. It's worth communicating with the bank what is happening and they can put restrictions on the accounts and/or his use of it (in addition to the credit card block that seems to be in place). Block the bank website. Remove bank cards from physical proximity and yeah I'd consider getting new cards. Have your friend be able to check on the parents' bank account (if they are okay with it) somewhat regularly to look for weird charges.
And have your friend and their mom really have a hard talk about what the future plan is going to be, when they may have to do this or that extra step. If your friend doesn't have power of attorney (and/or is on the bank accounts), that might be a good step because their mom is going to need help and, again, this is going to be extra hard for her.
posted by jessamyn at 9:40 AM on May 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
Yep, I am helping a friend with a very similar situation. And they're very hard because sometimes removing (even more) access to the things the person enjoys can seem cruel and people dealing with a family member with senility/dementia can be going through their own grieving process. Additionally people can still be "with it" enough to resent the guardrails set up for them while also still needing them in other ways or at other times. There are a few directions here to take, tech and non-tech.
Tech
Agree with DarlingBri there's something up if they're getting a popup on Facebook. There's a good extension for FB called FB Purity which can help block certain kinds of content on Facebook specifically. It would be the second step after you figure out where those pop-ups are coming from (check through FF extensions, often there's weird adware which can be doing this) Also you might try Privacy Badger. I don't really think a VPN is going to add much here except for complication/confusion. Similarly I'm not sure if subscribing to a malware blocking service is going to add much, this is really more about existing things their father is doing that is somehow getting around different tools. It may be too late in the game for this but iPads can have a few fewer malware vectors for this sort of thing but only your friend would know if their dad could make the switch. Similarly, and this can seem counterintuitive, a subscription to a porn site (if there's a specific one) might keep the sketchy porn sites at bay, but maybe not.
Also he can be set up as a non-admin on the Mac and/or added to a family plan which can block an awful lot of stuff. Also concurring with what trig says about iOS access. If he has that, remove biometric access and replace with a complicated password. Set the computer to turn off during "sundown" times (i.e. later in the evening) which is a time when more older people with memory issues are less functional.
Non-tech
Banks are used to dealing with things like this. It's worth communicating with the bank what is happening and they can put restrictions on the accounts and/or his use of it (in addition to the credit card block that seems to be in place). Block the bank website. Remove bank cards from physical proximity and yeah I'd consider getting new cards. Have your friend be able to check on the parents' bank account (if they are okay with it) somewhat regularly to look for weird charges.
And have your friend and their mom really have a hard talk about what the future plan is going to be, when they may have to do this or that extra step. If your friend doesn't have power of attorney (and/or is on the bank accounts), that might be a good step because their mom is going to need help and, again, this is going to be extra hard for her.
posted by jessamyn at 9:40 AM on May 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is a low tech answer, but I’d put a brightly colored post it on the edge of the computer that said something like “got a ‘hacked’ error message? Come talk to KIDNAME first!”
posted by hungrytiger at 11:19 PM on May 29, 2023
posted by hungrytiger at 11:19 PM on May 29, 2023
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