What are the chances that our cat would take to another one?
May 2, 2023 5:00 AM Subscribe
We had two cats, and very sadly, the younger one died. The older one now seems to be relishing her place as our only cat. Is there a decent chance she’d be happy about us getting another cat?
Pippin was our first cat, and we got her as a kitten. She’s delicate, dignified, anxious, and adoring; our little school marm. She’s 15 and mostly in good health.
When she was about 5, we got another kitten. Moonshine was a rumbly-tumbly tonka truck of a puppy-cat, and stayed that way her whole life. We followed all the protocols about slow introductions, giving them each space, etc. Moonshine lllloovvvvvved Pippin. Pippin mostly regarded her with bemused distaste. They didn’t fight, but they never cuddled or even sat together, though Moonshine never gave up trying. While Pippin merely tolerated Moonshine, we still felt like it was good for her to have Moonshine around when she’d otherwise be home alone – but really, we’re usually here.
Moonshine died just over a month ago, at 10 years old, most likely of Multiple Myeloma. That night, Pippin reclaimed our bed for the first time in many years, and she has every night since. She seems downright cheerful without Moonshine around.
We figure that means one of two things. EITHER she’s just plain happiest as an only cat… OR she just really didn’t care for Moonshine in particular, but she could be happy with a different second cat. I mean they really were an Odd Couple, and we'd try to do better this time matching Pippin's more reserved personality. We'd also probably look for a boy this time, which we’ve read often works better. If that’s likely to work out, we’d really like to get another cat -- our household is really missing some goofiness and joy.
But is that a pipe-dream? Are there many cats who are happier alone than with one particular companion, but who are at least that happy with a different companion? Or is it more likely that once a loner cat, always a loner cat, at least for a 15-year-old like Pippin?
Because of my husband’s allergies, both cats were low-allergen Siberians, which are very rarely rescues. So, we wouldn’t be able to foster on a trial basis to find out; unfortunately, we’d need to work with a breeder instead.
Pippin was our first cat, and we got her as a kitten. She’s delicate, dignified, anxious, and adoring; our little school marm. She’s 15 and mostly in good health.
When she was about 5, we got another kitten. Moonshine was a rumbly-tumbly tonka truck of a puppy-cat, and stayed that way her whole life. We followed all the protocols about slow introductions, giving them each space, etc. Moonshine lllloovvvvvved Pippin. Pippin mostly regarded her with bemused distaste. They didn’t fight, but they never cuddled or even sat together, though Moonshine never gave up trying. While Pippin merely tolerated Moonshine, we still felt like it was good for her to have Moonshine around when she’d otherwise be home alone – but really, we’re usually here.
Moonshine died just over a month ago, at 10 years old, most likely of Multiple Myeloma. That night, Pippin reclaimed our bed for the first time in many years, and she has every night since. She seems downright cheerful without Moonshine around.
We figure that means one of two things. EITHER she’s just plain happiest as an only cat… OR she just really didn’t care for Moonshine in particular, but she could be happy with a different second cat. I mean they really were an Odd Couple, and we'd try to do better this time matching Pippin's more reserved personality. We'd also probably look for a boy this time, which we’ve read often works better. If that’s likely to work out, we’d really like to get another cat -- our household is really missing some goofiness and joy.
But is that a pipe-dream? Are there many cats who are happier alone than with one particular companion, but who are at least that happy with a different companion? Or is it more likely that once a loner cat, always a loner cat, at least for a 15-year-old like Pippin?
Because of my husband’s allergies, both cats were low-allergen Siberians, which are very rarely rescues. So, we wouldn’t be able to foster on a trial basis to find out; unfortunately, we’d need to work with a breeder instead.
I would say that it's very unlikely she would be happy about another cat. Please enjoy cuddles and quality time with her. There will hopefully be more time in your life to get more cats if you really want to. Maybe you could get a bonded pair one day.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 5:42 AM on May 2, 2023 [10 favorites]
posted by kinddieserzeit at 5:42 AM on May 2, 2023 [10 favorites]
Best answer: We were in exactly this position a couple of years ago and decided to go ahead with adopting another cat, even though our old man gave us some pretty clear signals that he was enjoying being solo. Although we LOVE the young cat we added to our household, it absolutely has not improved our older cat's quality of life and I do regret not giving him the peaceful, only cat twilight years that he deserves.
posted by merriment at 5:45 AM on May 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by merriment at 5:45 AM on May 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
Yeah if your older cat is loving being the only, she's not going to love the dynamic with another cat. My old lady peacefully coexisted with other cats all her life but in her twilight years she was pretty delighted when we moved to a place where she could have a ~500ft solo apartment (our master suite) and where only the younger boy who she liked a little was occasionally permitted access. My younger female started getting really jumpy around that same boy and ended up moving in with my parents, where she was the adored and spoiled only for the rest of her days, and she loved that.
Not every cat prefers solitude/only human companionship, but it sounds like Pippin does, and if you can bear it, it'd be kind to give it to her. (Then, eventually, you can adopt a pair of kittens that will hopefully bond to each other.)
posted by restless_nomad at 5:54 AM on May 2, 2023
Not every cat prefers solitude/only human companionship, but it sounds like Pippin does, and if you can bear it, it'd be kind to give it to her. (Then, eventually, you can adopt a pair of kittens that will hopefully bond to each other.)
posted by restless_nomad at 5:54 AM on May 2, 2023
Years ago i had two Cats, a Boy and Girl. when i took them in at about age 3 i was told they loved each other.
In reality it was more like mutual tolerance, and at times hostility. Suzy dominated him despite being smaller, never allowed him to crawl under my blanket at night, which he wanted to, despite herself sleeping on a pillow next to my head. I had taken in two cats because i then worked long hours and thought they would provide each other company as the previous owner had claimed.
Anyway, long story short, she died a year before him and i think this was the happiest year of his life: Gizmo slept where he wanted, ate in peace (she wanted to share his bowl which is often interpreted as affection, emptying it and then her own if i was not watchful), poop in peace and in general lead a peaceful life.
Currently i have one cat, Mimi who is 8, since last spring, and i would definitely not take in a second one.
There is an interesting chapter in Cat Sense, on the idea that cats need a cat companion. Basically the author, John Bradshaw, says unless they are siblings it stresses the cats. He also has an interesting chapter in feral groups of cats and how they share their lives.
posted by 15L06 at 6:02 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
In reality it was more like mutual tolerance, and at times hostility. Suzy dominated him despite being smaller, never allowed him to crawl under my blanket at night, which he wanted to, despite herself sleeping on a pillow next to my head. I had taken in two cats because i then worked long hours and thought they would provide each other company as the previous owner had claimed.
Anyway, long story short, she died a year before him and i think this was the happiest year of his life: Gizmo slept where he wanted, ate in peace (she wanted to share his bowl which is often interpreted as affection, emptying it and then her own if i was not watchful), poop in peace and in general lead a peaceful life.
Currently i have one cat, Mimi who is 8, since last spring, and i would definitely not take in a second one.
There is an interesting chapter in Cat Sense, on the idea that cats need a cat companion. Basically the author, John Bradshaw, says unless they are siblings it stresses the cats. He also has an interesting chapter in feral groups of cats and how they share their lives.
posted by 15L06 at 6:02 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Pippin is 15?
Please let her enjoy her twilight years as a spoiled only senior cat.
(Background: We adopted a 10-year-old cat. She groomed Mr. Meat's beard every single day. I thought she needed a younger cat. 1 year goes by. We adopted a 1.5-year-old cat. They tolerated each other but never liked each other. 1.5 years go by. We adopted a 3-year-old dog. He distracted the younger cat. Everybody gets along-ish. No major fighting, but no real good snuggles, either. Roommates, not friends. 7 years go by. Senior cat passes. Younger cat and dog coexist peacefully. 1 year goes by. Dog passes. Younger cat loves being the only cat. 6 months go by. Younger cat passes.
I am so, so glad we gave Younger cat a chance to be the spoiled, loved, only pet for what turned out to be her last 6 months. That particular decision gives me a lot of peace.)
posted by Ms Vegetable at 6:08 AM on May 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
Please let her enjoy her twilight years as a spoiled only senior cat.
(Background: We adopted a 10-year-old cat. She groomed Mr. Meat's beard every single day. I thought she needed a younger cat. 1 year goes by. We adopted a 1.5-year-old cat. They tolerated each other but never liked each other. 1.5 years go by. We adopted a 3-year-old dog. He distracted the younger cat. Everybody gets along-ish. No major fighting, but no real good snuggles, either. Roommates, not friends. 7 years go by. Senior cat passes. Younger cat and dog coexist peacefully. 1 year goes by. Dog passes. Younger cat loves being the only cat. 6 months go by. Younger cat passes.
I am so, so glad we gave Younger cat a chance to be the spoiled, loved, only pet for what turned out to be her last 6 months. That particular decision gives me a lot of peace.)
posted by Ms Vegetable at 6:08 AM on May 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I have had cats who thrived alone, and cats who became clearly unhappy and lonely when the other cat died, and the difference is stark. It sounds like Pippin is a happy only cat and it would be a kindness to let her live out her senior cat life that way if you can.
That said, your needs matter, and if you are much happier as a multi-cat household I can imagine trying to make it work. But it would not involve a single kitten, despite your allergen needs - a kitten is going to try to run an older cat ragged and would quite likely make her much unhappier than her 10-year-old former companion. I would say you either need two kittens, who can run each other ragged and leave your older cat alone, or you need to wait for that rare rescue of a several-years-old male Siberian with the right temperament to work out with Pippin. Which sounds like it might functionally be the same as letting her live out her senior years alone anyway, but it might help you feel better about that to at least have those feelers out there with rescues hoping that the perfect unicorn boy might come along?
posted by Stacey at 6:57 AM on May 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
That said, your needs matter, and if you are much happier as a multi-cat household I can imagine trying to make it work. But it would not involve a single kitten, despite your allergen needs - a kitten is going to try to run an older cat ragged and would quite likely make her much unhappier than her 10-year-old former companion. I would say you either need two kittens, who can run each other ragged and leave your older cat alone, or you need to wait for that rare rescue of a several-years-old male Siberian with the right temperament to work out with Pippin. Which sounds like it might functionally be the same as letting her live out her senior years alone anyway, but it might help you feel better about that to at least have those feelers out there with rescues hoping that the perfect unicorn boy might come along?
posted by Stacey at 6:57 AM on May 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Don't give up on finding a retired, neutered queen or stud from an ethical, reliable Siberian breeder. Rescues are not the only option and breeders come in different forms. Yes there are horrible backyard types but there are small ethical operations which really care for their cats. Good breeders will also know their cats' personalities well enough to be able to comment on how likely their cat is to hassle Pippin. Edit: Off-topic, but I love the way you write about your cats.
posted by unicorn chaser at 7:08 AM on May 2, 2023
posted by unicorn chaser at 7:08 AM on May 2, 2023
Best answer: Or is it more likely that once a loner cat, always a loner cat, at least for a 15-year-old like Pippin?
Once a loner cat, always a loner cat. Maybe not always but it sounds very much like Pippin wants to be the solo kitty and I would vote for letting Pippin enjoy her golden years solo. Please. At 15 that could be a year, it could be five. But I don't think it's too long to let a kitty bask in being a solo cat.
I say that as somebody in a Brady Bunch situation (now) five cats. Three of our cats are bonded (two siblings, one who raised them from foster kittens) and two older cats that were adopted after their previous housing didn't work out. And we had two senior lady cats who barely tolerated one another and then had to put up with a whole house full of cats they didn't like.
Too much backstory to go into, and I feel like every cat that was added to the household was necessary. (e.g., one cat was on death row at a shelter that was not a no-kill shelter, and he was down to 24 hours.) But I dearly wish the two cats that are no longer with us had been able to be solo cats. When Laney left us in late 2021, Lilah reclaimed my bed and seemed happier than before. Now she's gone, and I really wish her last year and change had been entirely solo. She had been so happy as an only cat.
Sorry for your loss, I hope you'll give Pippin this time to bask. Please give her all the scritches and cuddles for this internet stranger.
posted by jzb at 7:12 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Once a loner cat, always a loner cat. Maybe not always but it sounds very much like Pippin wants to be the solo kitty and I would vote for letting Pippin enjoy her golden years solo. Please. At 15 that could be a year, it could be five. But I don't think it's too long to let a kitty bask in being a solo cat.
I say that as somebody in a Brady Bunch situation (now) five cats. Three of our cats are bonded (two siblings, one who raised them from foster kittens) and two older cats that were adopted after their previous housing didn't work out. And we had two senior lady cats who barely tolerated one another and then had to put up with a whole house full of cats they didn't like.
Too much backstory to go into, and I feel like every cat that was added to the household was necessary. (e.g., one cat was on death row at a shelter that was not a no-kill shelter, and he was down to 24 hours.) But I dearly wish the two cats that are no longer with us had been able to be solo cats. When Laney left us in late 2021, Lilah reclaimed my bed and seemed happier than before. Now she's gone, and I really wish her last year and change had been entirely solo. She had been so happy as an only cat.
Sorry for your loss, I hope you'll give Pippin this time to bask. Please give her all the scritches and cuddles for this internet stranger.
posted by jzb at 7:12 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Agreeing with the others to let Pippin live out her remaining time in peace.
When she passes, I recommend adopting an already bonded pair (many rescues near me actually require adopting in bonded pairs). That way you won't have to question if the relationship with work out.
posted by greta simone at 7:24 AM on May 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
When she passes, I recommend adopting an already bonded pair (many rescues near me actually require adopting in bonded pairs). That way you won't have to question if the relationship with work out.
posted by greta simone at 7:24 AM on May 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
No-one has mentioned the option of adopting an adult, former colony cat. Colony cats have a different association with people and cats than your general domestic cat. They're used to intercat interaction and how to deal with that cranky grandma that hogs the warm spots, and generally like being with other cats because it's familiar. People can be hot or miss with them, sometimes they're the front for the colony and make friends with every human because food, sometimes they just like one, when the wind is right and the sun is in the right spot.
Since you need a Siberian it probably doesn't apply to you but maybe you'll get lucky with a feral rescue.
posted by fiercekitten at 7:49 AM on May 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
Since you need a Siberian it probably doesn't apply to you but maybe you'll get lucky with a feral rescue.
posted by fiercekitten at 7:49 AM on May 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
I mostly agree with people saying you should just let Pippin live out her final years in peace since it sounds like she's happy. But you're correct that her feelings towards Moonshine is not necessarily indicative of her feelings towards the next cat. Perhaps she'd really enjoy the company of a mature chill cat. If you do want to do this, I'd adopt from a place that will allow you to return the cat should it not work out, I'd prioritize a mellow cat, and I'd give it a month - if Pippin seems at all less happy, I'd return the second cat.
posted by coffeecat at 10:15 AM on May 2, 2023
posted by coffeecat at 10:15 AM on May 2, 2023
To not abuse the edit button:
Basically the author, John Bradshaw, says unless they are siblings it stresses the cats.
While I haven't read this, one of my main takeaways from this other pop science cat book is that research on cats is relatively thin, and so there is little we know conclusively about cats in terms of their personalities.
So this is anecdotal, but when my older cat died a few years ago, the younger one was 11. He wasn't related to the older cat, and they were never particularly close - they'd occasionally sniff each other and nap close together (but not touching) in the winter. Unlike the OP's cat, our remaining cat did get needier in a way that did not strike us as happy. While the kitten we got does occasionally annoy him, he also indulges the younger one with play-fighting and they cuddle together - and his neediness went away. So yeah, I think this is the sort of thing where "cats are weird and unique" applies, and the same variability goes with how different cats mesh (or don't) with each other.
posted by coffeecat at 10:29 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Basically the author, John Bradshaw, says unless they are siblings it stresses the cats.
While I haven't read this, one of my main takeaways from this other pop science cat book is that research on cats is relatively thin, and so there is little we know conclusively about cats in terms of their personalities.
So this is anecdotal, but when my older cat died a few years ago, the younger one was 11. He wasn't related to the older cat, and they were never particularly close - they'd occasionally sniff each other and nap close together (but not touching) in the winter. Unlike the OP's cat, our remaining cat did get needier in a way that did not strike us as happy. While the kitten we got does occasionally annoy him, he also indulges the younger one with play-fighting and they cuddle together - and his neediness went away. So yeah, I think this is the sort of thing where "cats are weird and unique" applies, and the same variability goes with how different cats mesh (or don't) with each other.
posted by coffeecat at 10:29 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think you're already converging there, but I say no new cat.
We had two cats approximately the same age. They got along OK, occasionally chummy but mostly not, and on rare occasions the grey one would Flip The Eff out and attack the black-and-white one. It was quite disturbing.
When the grey one died first, B+W was quite happy alone and we let her enjoy it for her two final years.
God I loved that B+W cat. She was the best!
posted by intermod at 6:15 PM on May 2, 2023
We had two cats approximately the same age. They got along OK, occasionally chummy but mostly not, and on rare occasions the grey one would Flip The Eff out and attack the black-and-white one. It was quite disturbing.
When the grey one died first, B+W was quite happy alone and we let her enjoy it for her two final years.
God I loved that B+W cat. She was the best!
posted by intermod at 6:15 PM on May 2, 2023
Response by poster: Well, I was really hoping that a bunch of you would have stories about your older cat simply adoring a new cat you brought into the household, even though she hadn’t liked a previous cat at all. Since that’s not a common tale, Pippin gets to stay an only cat. Thanks for helping us feel more settled with that decision, even though it’s not what we hoped.
posted by daisyace at 6:03 AM on May 3, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by daisyace at 6:03 AM on May 3, 2023 [7 favorites]
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