Apple Ecosystem: iMessage and Texting – HELP
March 3, 2023 4:33 AM Subscribe
Need help sorting an elderly Aunt with the iOS ecosystem, esp with texting and keeping iMessages separate.
Quick background: several years ago, we bought our Aunt (in her late 80s) an iPad. She LOVES it. Plays games, checks emails and the weather, etc; can’t express how much she uses and enjoys it. We set her up on iMessage and a lot of people (esp nieces) send her iMessages (esp those too young to have a phone, but have an iPad). iMessages work perfectly.
Fast forward a couple of years ago, and a family member gave her an older iPhone, as she lives alone, etc, and its great in case she needs to use the phone when not in her house. We set her up on the most basic cell phone plan – no data – and she now uses it quite a bit to text. We love it.
When she first got the iPhone, it was confusing, as our phone texts would go to iMessage to her iPad. I ended up setting up two contacts for her in MY iPhone – one with her cell phone number and another with JUST her email address (for iMessage), as then I could text her contact with the phone number, and I knew it would go to her phone (when I know she wasn’t at home and not connected to wifi) and other times I would send her iMessages on her iPad, when we knew she was home and using her iPad. Not sure if this was the most effective method, but it worked for us for years. Again, when she was home, she often didn't have her iPhone on, so sending iMessages to check in on her to her iPad worked great.
Over Xmas, that iPhone died (it was old) and another family member gave her their older iPhone and we were back in business, until we got her first phone bill with the phone and she was charged an extra $40 for ‘data’ as people were sending her texts with family photos (which she wasn’t able to view on her old phone, etc), and she used FaceTime once at another family members house. So we turned off cellular data on the phone to alleviate this (or so we thought).
Now, we are back to square 1. She no longer can receive texts (unless she is home and connected to wife) and when I text her, it goes to both iPhone and iPad. I Googled, and turning off Cellular data should allow her to still receive basic texts (no pictures, so I thought we were ok). But apparently not. So now she can’t text on her iphone when not connected to wifi.
Anyone know what I did wrong? Is there a way to separate this so she can still receive iMessages only on her iPad (for those family members only also using iMessage) and other people to text?
Help!
I have Googled solutions and haven’t been able to sort it.
Quick background: several years ago, we bought our Aunt (in her late 80s) an iPad. She LOVES it. Plays games, checks emails and the weather, etc; can’t express how much she uses and enjoys it. We set her up on iMessage and a lot of people (esp nieces) send her iMessages (esp those too young to have a phone, but have an iPad). iMessages work perfectly.
Fast forward a couple of years ago, and a family member gave her an older iPhone, as she lives alone, etc, and its great in case she needs to use the phone when not in her house. We set her up on the most basic cell phone plan – no data – and she now uses it quite a bit to text. We love it.
When she first got the iPhone, it was confusing, as our phone texts would go to iMessage to her iPad. I ended up setting up two contacts for her in MY iPhone – one with her cell phone number and another with JUST her email address (for iMessage), as then I could text her contact with the phone number, and I knew it would go to her phone (when I know she wasn’t at home and not connected to wifi) and other times I would send her iMessages on her iPad, when we knew she was home and using her iPad. Not sure if this was the most effective method, but it worked for us for years. Again, when she was home, she often didn't have her iPhone on, so sending iMessages to check in on her to her iPad worked great.
Over Xmas, that iPhone died (it was old) and another family member gave her their older iPhone and we were back in business, until we got her first phone bill with the phone and she was charged an extra $40 for ‘data’ as people were sending her texts with family photos (which she wasn’t able to view on her old phone, etc), and she used FaceTime once at another family members house. So we turned off cellular data on the phone to alleviate this (or so we thought).
Now, we are back to square 1. She no longer can receive texts (unless she is home and connected to wife) and when I text her, it goes to both iPhone and iPad. I Googled, and turning off Cellular data should allow her to still receive basic texts (no pictures, so I thought we were ok). But apparently not. So now she can’t text on her iphone when not connected to wifi.
Anyone know what I did wrong? Is there a way to separate this so she can still receive iMessages only on her iPad (for those family members only also using iMessage) and other people to text?
Help!
I have Googled solutions and haven’t been able to sort it.
I don't think this can be magic for you unless you pay for a real cell phone plan for her. Maybe you can contact the phone provider and ask them to disable MMS? I don't know what phone plan you have, but some pay as you go plans will convert certain SMS to MMS and then charge you for MMS. I don't know how much room she has in her budget. Maybe getting a real phone plan, maybe a $15 mint mobile or something like that with unlimited talk and text and a couple GB of data, would be enough and be in budget.
Then you'd make her her own Apple account and join your family. This will share apps and even share your iCloud space if you wanted to for backups, etc. but she'd still have her own icloud that you can set to sync. This will share things between the iPhone and iPad easily and also make it easier to keep giving her your old iPhones as you upgrade.
If you want to stay with what you have, you may be able to contact your phone carrier and ask them to disable the data on the account so that it never gets that upcharge and instead just blocks the MMS. You should still get texts and can use the phone. I don't think you can control this from the phone itself.
posted by cmm at 6:39 AM on March 3, 2023
Then you'd make her her own Apple account and join your family. This will share apps and even share your iCloud space if you wanted to for backups, etc. but she'd still have her own icloud that you can set to sync. This will share things between the iPhone and iPad easily and also make it easier to keep giving her your old iPhones as you upgrade.
If you want to stay with what you have, you may be able to contact your phone carrier and ask them to disable the data on the account so that it never gets that upcharge and instead just blocks the MMS. You should still get texts and can use the phone. I don't think you can control this from the phone itself.
posted by cmm at 6:39 AM on March 3, 2023
The beauty of Apple's iMessage system is that texts show up on all devices regardless of whether they're cellular or wi-fi only and regardless of whether the sender is using an iPhone or android phone. So the fact that she is (or was) getting texts on both devices is how it's supposed to work. And this would be easier for everyone who's sending texts to her as they can just use her phone number, rather than sending specifically to two different devices.
The issue with her not being able to receive texts unless she's on WiFi is definitely something you need to check with her cell phone carrier (or give us specifics and maybe someone who has them can help).
Assuming you're in the US, a $40 charge for data on top of the regular plan seems odd. There are many carriers who offer plans for far less than $40 that include voice and data. So I'd suggest looking into a new phone plan before you spend too much time trying to figure this out.
posted by jonathanhughes at 6:57 AM on March 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
The issue with her not being able to receive texts unless she's on WiFi is definitely something you need to check with her cell phone carrier (or give us specifics and maybe someone who has them can help).
Assuming you're in the US, a $40 charge for data on top of the regular plan seems odd. There are many carriers who offer plans for far less than $40 that include voice and data. So I'd suggest looking into a new phone plan before you spend too much time trying to figure this out.
posted by jonathanhughes at 6:57 AM on March 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
You can get a mobile plan with data for 15/month, and that would simplify everything. She probably rarely uses data, but having a little would provide ease of use. Make sure the phone prefers wifi over data, that may vary by model.
She probably has a land line, but might want to use the iphone, especially for long distance, and maybe convenience. Bluetooth can connect directly to hearing aids, the contact list makes dialing so easy, etc. I'd check the landline account to make sure she doesn't have stuff she doesn't need/use. I'm a younger geezer, and she sounds like she's adapted quite well, way to go, Auntie. Thanks for looking out for her.
posted by theora55 at 8:47 AM on March 3, 2023
She probably has a land line, but might want to use the iphone, especially for long distance, and maybe convenience. Bluetooth can connect directly to hearing aids, the contact list makes dialing so easy, etc. I'd check the landline account to make sure she doesn't have stuff she doesn't need/use. I'm a younger geezer, and she sounds like she's adapted quite well, way to go, Auntie. Thanks for looking out for her.
posted by theora55 at 8:47 AM on March 3, 2023
Seconding that whatever amount you are paying for a voice only plan can cover both voice and limited data if you switch carriers.
posted by soelo at 8:59 AM on March 3, 2023
posted by soelo at 8:59 AM on March 3, 2023
Apple is "helpfully" is trying to give you the benefits of texting (SMS) and iMessage (data), but you have created this weird workflow that separated them in the past.
What I think happened is that the old iPhone was never associated in any way with the iMessage account. So the phone gets texts sent to the number, and the iPad gets iMessages sent to the email address. Neither know anything about the other.
When your aunt got the new iPhone, she logged in with her Apple account with the phone (with her email address?) and it combined the two accounts. On her iPad and/or iPhone, there are settings that control what accounts are associated with iMessage. You should disable receiving messages from the phone number on the iPad, and you should disable iMessage entirely on the iPhone. So when you send a message to the phone number, your phone doesn't see that phone number as a valid iMessage account anymore, and should send a text message instead of iMessage. You may also want to double-check that your own phone is sending text messages to that specific number and not iMessages.
However - what you are doing seems unnecessarily complicated and counter to everything the industry wants you to do, as well as making things difficult for you, your aunt, and everyone who wants to communicate with her. There is no guarantee the settings won't accidentally change after a iPhone operating system update, an accidental dialog choice, or something else. It's also kind of infantilizing to your aunt that her phone has a bunch of stuff intentionally disabled on it, and her messages are scattered across two separate devices. I suggest that you look into a prepaid plan that has data, or a family plan that shares data with your aunt. If she's not watching videos or listening to music all day long, it is unlikely she will use much data.
posted by meowzilla at 12:04 PM on March 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
What I think happened is that the old iPhone was never associated in any way with the iMessage account. So the phone gets texts sent to the number, and the iPad gets iMessages sent to the email address. Neither know anything about the other.
When your aunt got the new iPhone, she logged in with her Apple account with the phone (with her email address?) and it combined the two accounts. On her iPad and/or iPhone, there are settings that control what accounts are associated with iMessage. You should disable receiving messages from the phone number on the iPad, and you should disable iMessage entirely on the iPhone. So when you send a message to the phone number, your phone doesn't see that phone number as a valid iMessage account anymore, and should send a text message instead of iMessage. You may also want to double-check that your own phone is sending text messages to that specific number and not iMessages.
However - what you are doing seems unnecessarily complicated and counter to everything the industry wants you to do, as well as making things difficult for you, your aunt, and everyone who wants to communicate with her. There is no guarantee the settings won't accidentally change after a iPhone operating system update, an accidental dialog choice, or something else. It's also kind of infantilizing to your aunt that her phone has a bunch of stuff intentionally disabled on it, and her messages are scattered across two separate devices. I suggest that you look into a prepaid plan that has data, or a family plan that shares data with your aunt. If she's not watching videos or listening to music all day long, it is unlikely she will use much data.
posted by meowzilla at 12:04 PM on March 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
iMessages are data, not SMS, even if they are text-only. When you disable cell phone data, iMessages can’t get through. Hence why it works at home—on wifi. It should fall back to SMS but may not do so in all circumstances, especially if the system sees it was delivered successfully to at least one device (the iPad).
I echo other comments that you can pretty easily find plans that also have a small amount of data (1-2 GB—more than enough for text iMessages and some photos) for probably the same or not much more than you’re paying now for voice. And given what you’ve described, honestly that is probably the easiest and sanest course of action here.
posted by tubedogg at 10:20 PM on March 3, 2023
I echo other comments that you can pretty easily find plans that also have a small amount of data (1-2 GB—more than enough for text iMessages and some photos) for probably the same or not much more than you’re paying now for voice. And given what you’ve described, honestly that is probably the easiest and sanest course of action here.
posted by tubedogg at 10:20 PM on March 3, 2023
Other apple users sending messages will generally find that Apple is 'helping' them, by sending the message as an iMessage because obviously that's what you'd want. This can happen even if it's sent to a phone number, provided that number is attached to her Apple ID (which probably happened when the phone was set up).
You might be able to remove the phone number from the Apple ID. It's where I would start, but I would not guarantee either success or joy with that; it's just not how they planned things out. If you want to try it's the first setting under settings -> (user name) on both devices. In theory, without the phone number attached to the account, that won't be a destination for iMessages, and texting the number should send SMS rather than iMessage messages from an apple device, the way you used to do.
If you do get some mobile data, you can go the opposite direction and get the phone to transmit all its green-bubble SMSes to the iPad as well, which makes the experience feel more consistent.
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 9:59 AM on March 4, 2023
You might be able to remove the phone number from the Apple ID. It's where I would start, but I would not guarantee either success or joy with that; it's just not how they planned things out. If you want to try it's the first setting under settings -> (user name) on both devices. In theory, without the phone number attached to the account, that won't be a destination for iMessages, and texting the number should send SMS rather than iMessage messages from an apple device, the way you used to do.
If you do get some mobile data, you can go the opposite direction and get the phone to transmit all its green-bubble SMSes to the iPad as well, which makes the experience feel more consistent.
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 9:59 AM on March 4, 2023
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posted by jon1270 at 4:53 AM on March 3, 2023