Building a social support network for NZ... when I live in the UK?!

October 7, 2022 10:41 PM

I am seriously considering moving to New Zealand within 2 years. I am on the skill shortage list and am exploring all the red tape. I have done biggish moves before but always within the UK where I knew at least one person to 'get me started'. Depending on where I went, I may not have that. Are there any ways of me building links from afar and/or potentially with other people who may be migrating from here or elsewhere? I'm not a FB fan but wouldn't rule it out. I'm asking about friends of friends.

I am interested in lots of stuff - not especially sporty-outdoorsy by nature (I know this is a big thing there) but enjoy film, culture, cooking, self work/self development, interested in social issues.
I'm a health professional, by trade.

I am a single parent of a four year old. I am used to not having a support work on my doorstep, which is tough anyway, but the thought of this is daunting so far from home. Always low on time/spread thin, but I tend to make friends fairly easily when the opportunities are there.

Any general advise on migrating there appreciated also but specifically interested in building potential social circles/s from afar. Thanks.

posted by tanktop to Human Relations (7 answers total)

I have family who sort-of migrated back to NZ where we originate, and it was hard, they all said at the start to reconnect socially. NZ people are friendly but have a tight inner circle that takes a long time to break into/establish - like years, not months.

There are migrant support groups in most of the bigger cities. For the one I plan to someday return to, there was a helpful guidebook and also support/buddy systems. My kid belongs to an asian ethnic group, and I intend to immediately join the local ethnic group child and family activities/support groups. Ditto for our eventual local church which we have already made some visits to. The school parent groups can be quite active too, so that's another way to connect with people. One sibling connected to a bunch of friends through her kids' school where she was very active, and eventually there were deeper friendships.

Rural vs city makes a big difference. A sibling who moved to a rural place has made big connections by actively seeking out the elderly people nearby who connect everyone.

I subscribe to E-Tangata and The Weekend to get a broad overlook of NZ culture/events from afar, and that's helped me feel a little more connected. I loathe all social media, but my siblings report it is very widely used - facebook is the default for events and businesses.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 11:17 PM on October 7, 2022 [2 favorites]

Kiwis are very active on twitter (I'm among them - it's good for my network), widely used by farmers, scientists, Maori, activists, artists...and a lot of medical and public health folk.

I barely use facebook so cannot say. Sport is fortunately waning - although many people enjoy the wilderness. Humour is dry/ironic.

A number of towns have specific ethnic flavours and focus e.g. a German friend lived in Nelson and was able to send his daughter to a bilingual German/English kindergarten. There's a lot of this kind of thing.

There are a few mefites in NZ although widely-spaced in the South Island. Some towns can be very cliquey/hard to get into but ymmv. e.g. I live in a small rural town pop. ~450, nearest real city pop 130k, 150km away, but there are 30 clubs and societies covering the gamut. I've also lived in tiny communities pop. ~30 where, as long as you try and join in, one can fit in fine. And if you're medical that's kind of automatic.

Happy to receive DM queries as I sometimes help hook people up with jobs and things.
posted by unearthed at 11:51 PM on October 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

My NZ friend says joining an online Maori language group would be useful, and a way to get to know folk before arriving. You'll need to know at least some Maori to understand cultural social constructs, especially in the health field, and to participate in various social conversations.
posted by Thella at 2:00 AM on October 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

One thing that all of my NZ expat friends tell me is that it takes a long time to break into a social circle there. We were down there for almost two years and knew people, but made very few friends of our own. (To be fair, we knew we were leaving at some point, which made people less likely to want to take time to make friends.) People are friendly but keep you at acquaintance-length for a while.

There is an Expats in New Zealand FB group run by ExpatFocus.com that might help with that. Internations, which is a website for expats, has regular get-togethers. It's also easier to make friends if you have a child and meet other parents at your child's activities.
posted by rednikki at 11:59 AM on October 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm a kiwi (with a Brazilian husband who has been here since 2016) and can confirm that it's true that we are friendly and helpful but only on a surface level, and it takes a very long time to become 'friends' with people. I have a tendency not to consider someone a friend until I've known them for years, and I'm pretty sure that reflects a national tendency. We take a while.

You do not need to know any Te Reo Māori at all to get by and as a migrant you won't be expected to. Most people will generally willingly explain things for you or translate, but Māori is mostly used as single words in context (or as speeches in formal settings.) Most youngish European NZers (40 and under) will have small vocabulary of common Māori words. You can pick these up as you go along. (For example, if you are in a context and someone says 'e tu' and everyone stands up, you will know what e tu means!) On the other hand, taking an online class may be a good way to meet people. I just can't imagine that these online friendships would really take. Could be wrong though.

In my opinion, migrant networks are your best bet. I know that there are meet up groups in the big centres and these are generally frequented by people who have immigrated. Honestly, even as a kiwi most, if not all, of my friends have been made through work since I left school.
posted by thereader at 1:15 PM on October 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

It does depend very much on where you're planning to move. I live 30 minutes north of Christchurch in a small village. Your key to small-town membership is your kid, without a doubt. The school community is a key element in a small place, and just being there will connect you to a vast group. Joining the PTA and getting involved will let you meet almost everyone. Without kids it would take decades rather than years to become integrated into a smaller community.

This is much less the case in a city, of course, so that's why I mention it
posted by tillsbury at 1:29 PM on October 8, 2022

Things may be a bit different as a health professional if you are hospital-based. I am connected with a circle of immigrant doctors and nurses who all work at the local hospital (many from the UK) and from the nature of the work, they bond fast and form friendships outside work. I agree with the idea that fellow migrants are your starting point. There's no shame in that. They have trod the same path, they have been through the culture shock issues, they have navigated the bureaucracy, and like you they have gaps in their social networks they need to fill.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:00 AM on October 10, 2022