How do you manage the stress of getting a dog?
September 11, 2022 2:02 PM   Subscribe

We just started fostering pending adoption of a giant Golden Retriever and it's been almost 10 years since we had a dog. I am having a very hard time managing my anxiety about inserting this guy into our house/routine.

So, this question is an off-shoot of a problem that I realized I had when I had my first kid. I had a very hard time with the transition and felt trapped because I could not shake the feeling that I was solely beholden to this creature. I am having these feelings again with the dog - but not nearly as bad as with a baby.

I held off getting a dog for a long time because I knew this would be a problem. I have only so much bandwidth to manage with every day which is used up pretty quickly. Figuring out how to insert a dog into the routine has caused me a lot of anxiety and stress. But I don't want to cheat my family out of the joy of having a dog or cheat the dog out of a great home with people who love him.

For the record, he is settling in nicely and is already enjoying playing fetch, going on walks, and being near us. The kids are helping out by taking him for walks and playing with him. The main issue has been that he is not a fan of riding in the car, however, and we are probably going to need some extra training to get him to a place where he will even voluntarily get into the car.

So my question really comes down to how do I manage this anxiety and these feelings because I want to make this work - if not with this dog than some other dog. I am 90 percent certain this is a ME problem and not a dog problem.
posted by tafetta, darling! to Pets & Animals (8 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I always recommend training as much as possible. Even if you're dog people, even if the dog is good, etc. It's basically the fast track to make sure your human family and your new addition all "speak" the same language. If the kids are already active with the pooch, great! They'd probably love to work on expanding the trick repertoire.

Also, we are shameless about giving our dog treats on the way to the crate. "Crate" is basically his favorite syllable, because it always means he's getting a piece of kibble. Being able to get him into a spot where he can't hurt himself or anybody else, in a hurry, is a huge stress reliever for me.
posted by adekllny at 3:04 PM on September 11, 2022 [2 favorites]


I could not shake the feeling that I was solely beholden to this creature

Honestly, it just takes time. I took in a relative's elderly dog unexpectedly last fall, and I really struggled with this for a couple months until the dog adjusted, I settled into a new routine, and the vet got a couple of medical issues properly managed. It will get better!
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 3:30 PM on September 11, 2022


Every single dog I've had, I've fervently wanted, gone to great lengths to get, then been tormented with feelings of overwhelm and regret, followed within a few months by undying love and devotion. Every time, my mom helped me through the overwhelm and regret period with a bit of reverse psychology by offering to take the dog. "Give him to me," she would say. "Okay but not yet," I would answer. Ha. You will get through this phase. It's just a big adjustment and takes time.
posted by HotToddy at 4:42 PM on September 11, 2022 [9 favorites]


I could not shake the feeling that I was solely beholden to this creature

My dog is VERY clingy and I feel guilty about leaving him behind when I go places, but again and again I hear from petsitters, daycare workers, and vet techs that he's absolutely fine and happy and charming with them (out of my sight), sleeps well, plays with other dogs, loves his food as much as always, etc. As much as I worry when I go on vacation, he's absolutely fine.

Your dog will love and adore you and be loyal to you, but would also be happy with other affectionate kind humans. It both is and is not about you. I hope this takes some of the pressure off.
posted by knotty knots at 4:43 PM on September 11, 2022 [4 favorites]


I think it's also okay to acknowledge to yourself that getting a dog changes your lifestyle. It does! In some ways it's quite inconvenient! You can let yourself feel that, while then gently reminding yourself of all the good the change will also bring.
posted by praemunire at 8:13 PM on September 11, 2022 [1 favorite]


What praemunire said.

I have some rescue pets (budgies and rats) some of which require medical treatment and are quite fragile. I always go through a bit of a freak out of "OMG what have I done" when I take on a new one. It's such a responsibility, both to the animals and my own mental health.

I have learnt to just ride it out.

Just because I can imagine the worst case scenario, doesn't mean it will happen.

I change my inner dialogue from "I won't be able to handle..." and "it's going to be so difficult if..." to "I don't know what might happen, but I'll figure it out when it does" and "Even if it might be difficult at times, I will be able to cope if..."

And the best thing is, you will be getting to know a whole new person, your dog, and they will be getting to know you.

How awesome is that.
posted by Zumbador at 9:01 PM on September 11, 2022 [2 favorites]


I don’t know whether this framing will help, but perhaps it will. It sounds like you are at one of the best stages of life for having a dog. You already have kids, which tie you down in a pretty similar way to a dog. At the same time, the kids are old enough to help with the dog, so the caretaking burden is not all on you.

Also, you note that your anxiety is about inserting the dog into your routine. That’s a short term problem. Soon you will have a new routine that includes the dog.
posted by Comet Bug at 10:35 AM on September 12, 2022


And Goldens are the best!

He loves you. Give it some time. It will be wonderful…
posted by Windopaene at 11:46 AM on September 12, 2022


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