Please help me visit an ashtray
September 6, 2022 6:06 AM Subscribe
Does anyone have tips for managing cigarette smoke when staying with family members who are smokers?
I am traveling to visit family and the family member we stay with is a smoker. I typically wake up in the middle of the night with asthma when we visit them and feel terrible. They say that they don’t smoke when we are there but their house smells like an ashtray after so many years of smoking. And, I’m pretty sure some smoking happens at night (maybe out the window). We’ve tried staying elsewhere but they live in a rural location and it’s not that easy to find somewhere nearby to stay. It also creates some family drama.
I’m thinking of trying to throw money at the problem this time. Has anyone had success with air filters or other tools for cleaning smokey air? I’ll already bring all my asthma medications and try to get outside some of the day.
I am traveling to visit family and the family member we stay with is a smoker. I typically wake up in the middle of the night with asthma when we visit them and feel terrible. They say that they don’t smoke when we are there but their house smells like an ashtray after so many years of smoking. And, I’m pretty sure some smoking happens at night (maybe out the window). We’ve tried staying elsewhere but they live in a rural location and it’s not that easy to find somewhere nearby to stay. It also creates some family drama.
I’m thinking of trying to throw money at the problem this time. Has anyone had success with air filters or other tools for cleaning smokey air? I’ll already bring all my asthma medications and try to get outside some of the day.
Is it possible to rent an RV, and would showing up in an RV not be offensive to the family that you're visiting (and who have offered to let you stay in their house?)
The problem with smoking is that the nicotine and smoke gets into everything and it will continue to outgas and make things smell like an ashtray even if people aren't actively smoking. Large air purifiers running constantly might help, but the carpets and surfaces really need to be steam cleaned in order to get the smell and potential irritants out.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:43 AM on September 6, 2022 [9 favorites]
The problem with smoking is that the nicotine and smoke gets into everything and it will continue to outgas and make things smell like an ashtray even if people aren't actively smoking. Large air purifiers running constantly might help, but the carpets and surfaces really need to be steam cleaned in order to get the smell and potential irritants out.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:43 AM on September 6, 2022 [9 favorites]
At the very least I’d bring my own mattress cover, bedding and an air purifier to run next to the bed (actually 24/7) and leave the window open as much as possible too.
posted by raccoon409 at 7:01 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by raccoon409 at 7:01 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
my inlaws are smokers (and have cats) so it's just a no-brainer. I hate smelling like smoke and I'm hella allergic to cats, so I get to say "nope, I'll put my family in the Homewood Suites down the street"... then breakfast is squared away, dinner can be, and all my stuff is safely away from the mess. You could also throw money at things by finding 3rd party places to visit (we did mini golf and that kind of touristy stuff).
If somebody smokes in a hotel room, just for a brief stay, they run an ozonator (without people in the room, it's not safe) to get the smell out of the carpet/walls/bedding/whatever. I'm guessing a lifetime of smoking in a house would need at least that aggressive a treatment, and it'd be hard to make that jive with a visit.
posted by adekllny at 7:24 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
If somebody smokes in a hotel room, just for a brief stay, they run an ozonator (without people in the room, it's not safe) to get the smell out of the carpet/walls/bedding/whatever. I'm guessing a lifetime of smoking in a house would need at least that aggressive a treatment, and it'd be hard to make that jive with a visit.
posted by adekllny at 7:24 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
The IKEA air purifier FORNUFTIG is inexpensive, moves a lot of air on high speed, and is very effective at removing particulates. You can also add a gas/carbon filter (separate purchase) to remove odours. Combined this is less than $100. If you put this in your bedroom while you stay, and close the door and leave it closed, then combined with bringing your own linens and opening a window when you're not in the room, you should reduce the problem significantly. (Make sure any ductwork in the room is as closed as possible modulo comfort, or it will just blow more bad air into the room. You may wish to roll a towel at the base of the door to act as an air ingress blocker, as well. Crack the window to allow some air exchange to reduce excess CO2 buildup while you sleep.)
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:57 AM on September 6, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:57 AM on September 6, 2022 [7 favorites]
I deeply feel your pain - for the last few years I visited my parents' home, I had to stay at a hotel for this very reason. Dad didn't smoke, but every other member of that household did, to the extent that the white walls were yellow. I absolutely couldn't handle the smell. It was like inhaling death to be there - I would visit during the day and bail at night. It DID cause a ton of family drama, so I get why you need another alternative.
One possibility - if you can stand it - is using a really good face mask, which maybe you can get away with due to Covid? Even if you can't get away with it during the day, sleeping in one could help at night.
Failing that, I would get a really good air purifier (have it delivered there if you're flying) and set it up in your sleeping area at least. Say you have new allergies or something, and you need it to breathe at night.
posted by invincible summer at 8:14 AM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
One possibility - if you can stand it - is using a really good face mask, which maybe you can get away with due to Covid? Even if you can't get away with it during the day, sleeping in one could help at night.
Failing that, I would get a really good air purifier (have it delivered there if you're flying) and set it up in your sleeping area at least. Say you have new allergies or something, and you need it to breathe at night.
posted by invincible summer at 8:14 AM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hotels use a device to deoderize a room ,,no one can be in the room while it is on ,Ozone bomb .
Once the timer goes off open a window . It makes the air have a clean smell.
posted by hortense at 8:45 AM on September 6, 2022
Once the timer goes off open a window . It makes the air have a clean smell.
posted by hortense at 8:45 AM on September 6, 2022
An air purifier or 2 would be a good gift in any case. I'd see if RV or AirbnB rental is feasible.
posted by theora55 at 9:02 AM on September 6, 2022
posted by theora55 at 9:02 AM on September 6, 2022
When I (reluctantly) lived with a smoker we used a spray can of Ozium to deodorize. It worked fairly well, but I'm not sure how it'd handle the long-term build up. For ~$10 it's potentially a nice discrete backup option.
Zep is a competing brand with Ozium that also has a good reputation, but I haven't used it personally.
posted by matrixclown at 9:05 AM on September 6, 2022
Zep is a competing brand with Ozium that also has a good reputation, but I haven't used it personally.
posted by matrixclown at 9:05 AM on September 6, 2022
We travel with a smaller Levoit air purifier - this model is nice for guest rooms because it also has a night light. Maybe a box fan to push air in or out of the window, depending on what makes it better. Bring your own pillows, bedding, and mattress cover (the waterproof ones are kind of gross for sleeping, but do the best of locking things in). Shower at night to get anything off your skin and hair before you sleep.
posted by mcgsa at 9:29 AM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by mcgsa at 9:29 AM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
I know I am that one Mefite who is weirdly obsessed with wedge pillows and adjustable beds, but also consider getting a wedge pillow or building up a wedge in the bed -- wood blocks or books under the mattress at the head of the bed can build it up in a useful way. Although it won't 1000% solve the problem, I find sleeping with my head up a bit makes a *huge* difference to how well I breathe, whether my breathing problems of the moment are caused by asthma, a cold, GERD or bad smoke in the home (my neighbour is a chain smoker and our apartments are not well-sealed from each other). It won't make the smoke go away, but it might make you sleep better anyway.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:44 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 9:44 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
Unfortunately, the ONLY way you'll get some relief is either get an air filter / cleaner JUST for your room/guest room and leave it on all day (and have it turned on hours BEFORE you arrive), or live outside (tent or RV, or hotel / airBNB). Smokers often fail to realize smoke gets around, and it gets on things, and simple washing doesn't take that way.
If you do go the air filter route, Hamilton Beach has a relatively cheap one that uses a block of foam with activated charcoal so it takes away some VOCs and should be about $50-80), but if you want something that for sure take out the VOCs in the air like smells you may need something stronger, like the Smart Mi filters that should be below 200. Both will fit into carry-ons if need be.
posted by kschang at 9:48 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
If you do go the air filter route, Hamilton Beach has a relatively cheap one that uses a block of foam with activated charcoal so it takes away some VOCs and should be about $50-80), but if you want something that for sure take out the VOCs in the air like smells you may need something stronger, like the Smart Mi filters that should be below 200. Both will fit into carry-ons if need be.
posted by kschang at 9:48 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
It's an air purifier you'll need, and it needs to have smoke-level filters available. Depending on how long your stay is, you may want to have a backup filter or two with you, because if there are not any running in the home, it may get nasty (and less effective) fast. It'd need to run on high.
I highly recommend Medify Air - they're available from their website or Amazon, generally arrive fast, and work well. With air purifiers, I pretty much always get ones that cover more square feet than I actually need - too many years of living in wildfire-prone areas and with relatives that smoke - I have zero interest in breathing bad air in my home. (Especially now, after multiple Covid infections.) So we have two 330 and a 500 sq ft, in separate rooms, in an apartment that totals 768 sq ft. Like I said, overkill... but content overkill.)
You'd need to be able to close the door and block as much air movement around/under the door as possible (towels). If you've got any excuse whatsoever to run a fan, especially a bigger wind tunnel or box fan, do that - and lay a damp towel across the back side of it. If a humidifier helps alleviate your asthma, take that, too.
Take your own pillows and bedding, and if you can, a strong envelopment mattress cover. Don't take your best pillows, and put them in envelopment covers, too, to attempt to protect them. Make sure the bedding is washable. Keep your own clothing sealed in plastic bags, and if you're taking a car, try to leave your own outerwear in the car.
There's no real solution to this that will work well, other than don't enter the house. If you can settle for making it slightly better, that's where to set your goal, because you can at least improve things a bit.
posted by stormyteal at 10:16 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
I highly recommend Medify Air - they're available from their website or Amazon, generally arrive fast, and work well. With air purifiers, I pretty much always get ones that cover more square feet than I actually need - too many years of living in wildfire-prone areas and with relatives that smoke - I have zero interest in breathing bad air in my home. (Especially now, after multiple Covid infections.) So we have two 330 and a 500 sq ft, in separate rooms, in an apartment that totals 768 sq ft. Like I said, overkill... but content overkill.)
You'd need to be able to close the door and block as much air movement around/under the door as possible (towels). If you've got any excuse whatsoever to run a fan, especially a bigger wind tunnel or box fan, do that - and lay a damp towel across the back side of it. If a humidifier helps alleviate your asthma, take that, too.
Take your own pillows and bedding, and if you can, a strong envelopment mattress cover. Don't take your best pillows, and put them in envelopment covers, too, to attempt to protect them. Make sure the bedding is washable. Keep your own clothing sealed in plastic bags, and if you're taking a car, try to leave your own outerwear in the car.
There's no real solution to this that will work well, other than don't enter the house. If you can settle for making it slightly better, that's where to set your goal, because you can at least improve things a bit.
posted by stormyteal at 10:16 AM on September 6, 2022 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you for the great advice! I think that slightly better is a good goal. I've ordered a portable air filter, will bring our own bedding, put my stuff in plastic bags, and try out Ozium. The cabin idea is good too but this relative isn't very mobile.
posted by JuliaKM at 10:48 AM on September 6, 2022
posted by JuliaKM at 10:48 AM on September 6, 2022
You probably already know this from experience, but there's very little you can do to save your clothes if you're going to be walking around in that kind of environment for any length of time. Plastic bags will help contain the smell in your suitcase (somewhat) but it's 50/50 that anything you wear there will ever be smoke-free again.
The only thing that ever really worked for me was buying very cheap clothes specifically for that trip, and leaving them there. Nothing I wore at my parents' house ever came home with me. When a decent amount of clothes had built up there, I'd wash them as well as I could on the next visit and then donate them.
posted by invincible summer at 1:25 PM on September 6, 2022 [4 favorites]
The only thing that ever really worked for me was buying very cheap clothes specifically for that trip, and leaving them there. Nothing I wore at my parents' house ever came home with me. When a decent amount of clothes had built up there, I'd wash them as well as I could on the next visit and then donate them.
posted by invincible summer at 1:25 PM on September 6, 2022 [4 favorites]
When my long-time smoker mother died I had to clean out her apartment, and everything, down to the books, smelled of smoke. She specified several works of art go to old friends - those framed with a glass front had a film of yucky smoke that took multiple deep washes with Windex to remove the yellow residue. The oil paintings - I explained the situation and gave them to the recipients for them to have professionally cleaned, or not. It was awful. When I entered the apartment the air smelled faintly of smoke, but the upholstered pieces, rugs, and the walls/art/furniture obviously had a sheen of nicotine settle on them. I'm not asthmatic, but moving around and packing all her stuff had me sneezing and my nose running. Can you use your asthma as a potential excuse to request they change the air filters on their heating/AC system?
posted by citygirl at 5:14 PM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by citygirl at 5:14 PM on September 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
When I visit my chain smoking mom I leave all of my belongings in the garage (coat, shoes, bag, pjs, fresh clothes for when I leave, etc.). I am strategic in packing and do not wear or bring anything I consider “nice,” especially anything unwashable like a purse. I bring toiletries in a plastic bag so I can throw it away when I get home. I bring an extra plastic bag to carry any clothes I wear inside the house when I leave (her plastic bags smell like smoke). Before I go I take a final shower then run downstairs to grab my fresh clothes from the garage. I give her a final big hug before my shower. She has a filter that she’ll run if I complain enough but 40 years of smoking with no filter and all of the windows shut all the time (I tried to open one last time and I was told they’re all cauked shut anyway) means bringing in an air purifier just isn’t enough.
Besides finding somewhere else to stay and keeping your belongings out of the smoke zone, I can also suggest getting outside frequently (check the mail, go for walk), taking a shower before bed, sleeping with window open and a fan. Good luck!
posted by Bunglegirl at 11:36 AM on September 10, 2022
Besides finding somewhere else to stay and keeping your belongings out of the smoke zone, I can also suggest getting outside frequently (check the mail, go for walk), taking a shower before bed, sleeping with window open and a fan. Good luck!
posted by Bunglegirl at 11:36 AM on September 10, 2022
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I used to do this when visiting a branch of the family I couldn't bring myself to stay with (because of hygiene and hoarding issues at both of their homes)- they felt offended that I would choose a sterile, boring hotel instead of one of their charming homes where there was PLENTY of room, but didn't seem offended at all at the idea of a family weekend retreat in a cabin that I paid for 😂
posted by cilantro at 6:31 AM on September 6, 2022 [21 favorites]