Yes, I am already on it. Now leave me alone.

August 30, 2022 8:42 AM

How do I professionally and politely ask a co-worker to stop forwarding me requests to do things that I already know are part of my duties?

So, with my previous Asks settled to the satisfaction of everyone involved, I have a new issue.

I work with our marketing department on promotional swag items - my job there is to make sure the vendors are set up in our system and that they get paid. The marketing team has been hit-or-miss when it comes to giving me any info in a timely manner (vendor contacts, quantities, etc.), but they appear to be improving.

One particular member of the marketing team is extremely forward-happy; if a vendor has a question that I'm the one best qualified to answer, this member will forward it to me within like two minutes of the vendor's e-mail, even if I'm copied. And of course it's full of cheery corporatey speak like "Hiii! Are you good to reach out to him??"

This particular person is already on my last nerve because of the above hit-or-miss-ness, and I'm ready to send her a nastygram, but my own recent promotion makes me want to keep a cool head. How do I ask her to knock this the hell off?

posted by Recliner of Rage to Work & Money (36 answers total)

I would respond to every one of these emails from the "particular person" with something like:

"Hi! I'm good to take care of this, and started taking care of it when I received the first email. We operate on a quality of service expectation of (xyz hours/days) for responses to vendor questions. No follow-up to the vendor request is needed until the quality of service expectation isn't met."

If the behavior continues, start including the person's manager in your response.
posted by saeculorum at 8:48 AM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I don't suppose you can make your task board public-view-able? Then every time X forwards you something, you send back a screenshot of the task board with that item highlighted? I know it's a bit passive-aggressive, but it seems enough to discourage the person unless s/he's completely self-absorbed. It's almost as if s/he's decided to appoint him/herself as your project manager.

Another a bit passive-aggressive item you can do is just setup an autoreply to him/her that says "Thanks for forwarding, but did you check my task board? No need for that if it's already on there. Thanks!"
posted by kschang at 8:50 AM on August 30, 2022

I'd try some aggressive politeness gee, you may not have noticed that I was CCed on the email. every time, adding saeculorum's text. It makes them look stupid.
posted by theora55 at 8:50 AM on August 30, 2022 [14 favorites]

I would just be direct and make your request in a neutral way.

"Hi X, yes, I will reach out to the vendor. In the future, there's no need to forward me emails that I'm already CC'd on, I have already seen them and will respond as soon as possible."

and then use increasingly strong language and/or speak to her boss if she continues.
posted by mekily at 8:54 AM on August 30, 2022 [69 favorites]

"Yes, I saw this come in and was planning to respond. Did you have any additional context you wanted to share?"

Put the onus on them to tell you exactly why they felt the need to forward it to you.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 8:56 AM on August 30, 2022 [56 favorites]

Ok I am on my own journey of improved cool headedness at work. I also get really ticked off by people implying that I'm not doing my job or I don't know my own job, which, they do all the time, at every job I've been in, even though they're basing that on nothing but a salad of biases. But the thing is is that reacting to it has never, ever, ever helped.

So ok, she's cc-ing you. Maybe she's doing this because of some conversation with her boss about something. Not reacting will have no effect, but reacting could have tons of unwanted & unknown effects. The imagined effect of "People will get the impression from this that I need to be reminded of things & so I need her to stop." Im just finding it much more peaceful & pleasant to deal with the facts in evidence & not take action based on speculation about the future.

(I hope you find this useful & thank you for posting this question! You gave me a good opportunity to reflect on how I want this day to go today. I find it really interesting to think about this stuff & I'll be interested to read the other suggestions)
posted by bleep at 8:56 AM on August 30, 2022 [17 favorites]

Mekily's script is basically what I'd use, starting off with a fairly casual "no need to check in with me if I'm cc'd on the original message. " I wouldn't volunteer to give them access into your tracking information if you can cut this off without that - that's just asking for more micromanaging, potentially.
posted by Stacey at 8:57 AM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

Bleep is, sadly, right. This kind of thing really gets under my skin, too, but it's best to let it go to the extent you're able. At most, go for a very neutral script like: "Yes, I was cc'ed. No need to forward something to me if I'm cc'ed." But then remember that you can't ever drop the ball after that!
posted by praemunire at 9:07 AM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I would ignore that type of email. No need to acknowledge you received it, no need to say you will take care of it (of course), no need for anything but, but...nothing.

If I were to actually respond, I would beat them at their own game. As soon as the email came in, I would reply all, "On it" before they could get one of their passive aggressive requests into you.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:11 AM on August 30, 2022 [15 favorites]

Filter her email address to a separate folder and don't reply to these type of emails. Check the folder twice a day in case there is something of actual importance she is sending you. So long as you are doing the job she's got nothing to complain about. Some folks just feel the need to announce their work to the world to establish that their job is necessary and important (a fun artifact of capitalism is constant job insecurity) so if this is what she is doing maybe a little empathy is in order, but yeah this type of shit is real annoying.
posted by dudemanlives at 9:11 AM on August 30, 2022 [10 favorites]

You have to let this one go.
posted by vunder at 9:12 AM on August 30, 2022 [10 favorites]

Technical solution to an other-people problem: If you're having a physical reaction to these emails, and you've already asked the person to stop (or assured them that they can stop), consider making a folder for their emails, and creating a rule that bypasses the inbox entirely.

So for example it might be all emails from [e-mail] that contain Fwd in the subject. Then you can review them daily or weekly to make sure you didn't miss anything.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:12 AM on August 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

I think what's happening here is that when she receives the email, she thinks, "This task is on my plate. I need to make sure that it goes on RoR's plate instead, so that I can delete this email and not have to keep tabs on it." Does she need to be receiving these emails in the first place?
posted by xo at 9:14 AM on August 30, 2022 [8 favorites]

I have a coworker who does this, and I'm certain that it's not because they think I'm incompetent. That coworker is the kind who wants to help out but also not step on toes. Previously we would both do a task and not realize it until afterwards.

Try to imagine that this is the case for your coworker (even though it sounds like it isn't), and you might tone that frustration down a bit
posted by Acari at 9:15 AM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I used to be really annoyed by a similar action coming from someone in another team from me. Then I realized that their action was a make-work tick of the box for them, something they could use to demonstrate that they were participating in the look-busy churn to THEIR micromanaging boss. It had very little to do with me and almost everything to do with their own list of tasks. I outrank them in my own dept/role, I don't have to work on their timeline, my boss doesn't micromanage. I have the better deal here and remembering that has helped me ignore them.
posted by phunniemee at 9:17 AM on August 30, 2022 [30 favorites]

Maybe she's not forwarding it to you because she thinks you didn't see it, but because she doesn't know if you're going to respond to it or not. Forwarding makes more sense than a reply all, since the vendor doesn't need to see that question. It's annoying that she's asking sure, but a generous interpretation of this behavior is 1) roles and expectations are not clear in your organization, hence she feels the need to ask and 2) forwarding is the most efficient email functionality for her to use.
posted by purple_bird at 9:23 AM on August 30, 2022 [9 favorites]

The situation-behavior-impact framework for feedback is pretty effective in my experience. I'd suggest something like this:

"Hi X, earlier today you forwarded me an email that I was CC'd on from a customer and asked me to take care of it within two minutes of it being received. When you forward requests for work to me that I'm already CC'd on, it takes time and focus away from addressing the issues at hand. Can you please refrain from bringing these to my attention unless I'm in danger of missing a deadline? Thank you!"

Keep the focus on the facts of the situation and the outcome you want. Then ignore their future emails (if possible).
posted by kdar at 9:25 AM on August 30, 2022 [12 favorites]

IMO, this is one of the reasons why the Delete key exists. I'd probably also take the step to route her emails to a folder via an Outlook rule, just so they stopped triggering my rage; and then mass-delete as needed.

You can always try the "hey, I'm good, no need to do this since I am already CC'd" and hope it makes her change her ways, but if as others have stated, it's part of something she's doing in relation to her own boss (whether it's a boss request or her own attempt to appear involved), she's not going to stop.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 9:26 AM on August 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have co-workers who were forwarding me things that were also routed to me and really it was because the chain of response wasn't clear.

With one, I responded something like "Thanks, I'll get back to [PERSON]. No need to forward these - [I've been getting them via ROUTE]"

And in another situation I set things up for success by starting any email chain that I was getting involved in by saying something like "We're going to issue payment for the widgets through the Widget Emergencies process. Please cc me on vendor contacts or timeline issues and I'll respond where appropriate - no need to forward anything unless I wasn't copied!"

If nothing else, this tells anxious people that if I flake on something, I myself have flaked on it after assuring them that it was covered.

Perhaps my co-workers are a cut above, but after a couple of rounds of this basically no one loops me in unless it makes sense, at least not for widget emergencies.
posted by Frowner at 9:27 AM on August 30, 2022 [11 favorites]

This being 2022, email is really not state of the art for team communication and queuing work requests or problem remediation actions. This is what I fantasize about putting in my suggestion box at work. But wait, we don't have a suggestion box. Hmmmmm.

I think this is like ignoring the elephant in the living room. If you're the only one that sees it, or one of the few that sees it, then sadly there is no recourse. At least you know (based on the length of this thread so far) that you are not alone.
posted by forthright at 9:27 AM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

Following up on my earlier suggestion: unless there's been a previous issue here, do not take this personally. You can think of it as similar to texts that appear after your bedtime: it's much easier to just fix it so you don't see them by setting Do Not Disturb, rather than trying to train someone else to remember not to send texts after 9:30. Similarly, you can introduce conflict into your worklife by continually trying to get her to stop, but if a quick "oh hey don't worry about doing this" doesn't work, you'll be much better served by handling them on your side so you just don't get interrupted by them anymore.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:38 AM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

Can you go to her desk and talk to her face-to-face?

"Is there anything in my past performance that makes you think I am overlooking e-mail? No? Then please trust that I'm on it, but if you see something falling through the cracks, by all means send me a reminder after N days, and I will try to do the same for you."
posted by adamrice at 10:10 AM on August 30, 2022

If this is the same person who dropped the ball on tasks earlier, perhaps she is doing it because she genuinely doesn’t know what her job is.

To you, it’s very clear that these emails are your job, not hers. But maybe she doesn’t know that. Perhaps she’s been put on a performance improvement plan that requires her to either do a thing or ensure someone else does a thing, with every email.

Are you ever cc’ed on emails that are actually her responsibility? Is she bright/well-trained enough to know the difference? If not, then the problem isn’t with her, it’s with her manager. If the “I was cc’ed no need to forward” doesn’t work, then consider where the problem is before you address it.
posted by nat at 10:27 AM on August 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

if a vendor has a question that I'm the one best qualified to answer, this member will forward it to me within like two minutes of the vendor's e-mail, even if I'm copied. And of course it's full of cheery corporatey speak like "Hiii! Are you good to reach out to him??"
Tbh, i might do this , not quite so sirupy, more along the lines of "am i right to assume i reply this? Or will you?" Or most often just phone colleague and ask: "suggestions on how i should reply?"

When the e-mail was directly addressed to me, i would not naturally assume that simply because my coworker in CC, who is better qualified to answer the particular question, would automatically take this on without me asking them to do so. My colleagues would be expect me to reply, as they were only in CC., and i would be expected to consult with them before i replied.
So when a vendor writes to me inqiring what about my invoice, it has not been paid yet, and cc'ed also accounts, accounts would ignore it, but expect me to ask accounts what to reply before replying myself. Just a different work culture and hierarchy system.
If you intend to reply, to something you are cc'ed, just give them a heads up that you will.
posted by 15L06 at 10:41 AM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I've found being super brief ("yep!" "on it") works better than explaining your work process ("Per rules xyz I respond to such interactions within this timeline") to indicate you've already been doing it. Satisfies their anxiety (or whatever feeling they have that I assume is anxiety), satisfies my own desire to not be upset trying to write out a "good response", satisfies everyone's desire to avoid lengthy and fraught back and forth emails. Usually they eventually get the gist when the job gets done.

Perhaps in this case it's a bit more fraught, such as this person doesn't have insight into your job/process? They're either unaware you're on the emails or unaware this is part of your work stream? I wouldn't include them on your boards or anything, but a one off coffee break where you talk about it might be helpful. This kind of sentiment usually works better face to face (or on a call or zoom, anything that isn't written) and when it's less formal.
posted by love2potato at 10:45 AM on August 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Sorry this is pretty much normal email dysfunction, and in the absence of a ticketing or CRM (customer relationship management) system with explicit people assigned this is going to happen. It's not personal; once there are email threads with multiple receivers, it's not really clear who is responsible for the next action, who is there in an "advisory" position, and who is just CC'ed because they want a "heads-up" but but will never ever say anything. Other members of the email thread often have problems knowing if you are on vacation, or sick, are super-busy, or have left the company but they didn't get the notification.

It doesn't work if the email is only two minutes old but if you want to stop the annoying "did you see this" emails while you're working on it/investigating, a quick "I'm on this [and will reply within xxx time]" email to everyone makes you look super responsible and prevents everyone else on the thread from worrying about it.
posted by meowzilla at 11:04 AM on August 30, 2022 [11 favorites]

I'd focus on the lowest hanging fruit, which to my mind is the issue of having someone forward messages you were cc'ed on. "Hey Lisa, can you please check to see if I'm cc'ed on an email before forwarding it to me? I have a system for managing my email, and it's confusing to get the same message twice." It's specific, actionable, and reasonable.

That said, meowzilla's advice is on point. You'll have better luck getting people to back off if they see you consistently responding with an "I'm on it" message in these situations.
posted by theotherdurassister at 11:48 AM on August 30, 2022 [10 favorites]

At first I thought this was something like Special Agent Dale Cooper was getting at. "Yes, I got the email. Was there something you wanted to add?" But I was assuming this was a case where you were the clear recipient and your colleague was on the email for other reasons. I think it's more likely she's just trying to close the loop and make sure she doesn't have an action here. A lot (lot) of women have been trained to use that cheery corp-speak to make sure they don't upset anyone by seeming too brusque or rude.
posted by Lady Li at 12:22 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

There are a lot of good suggestions here, but I am not one of the advocates for letting it go. Something similar happened to me in a job, and I basically, being conflict-avoidant, decided to let it go, but it came back and bit me in the ass big-time at my review. I was totally surprised when my supervisor said that I clearly was having trouble taking action on the (other department's) requests, because the assistant who was multiple levels below me had to keep sending email to check on my performance. I was so shocked by the "needs improvement" statement she'd made to me that I had trouble at first trying to explain that there was no problem, and all she'd have to do was ask the people who made the requests to verify that I had always taken care of it. (I mean, there had never been a single dropped ball. Never. I have a completely overdeveloped sense of responsibility. But apparently, it was more important that I'd been forwarded emails checking on my response time from someone who wasn't even invested in it and didn't know my job.) So, like, I didn't even meet the standard for a cost of living raise.

Myself, even as conflict-avoidant as I am, I might buy the person a coffee and say, hey, this is getting hard to track when I get the same mails twice, trust that I'm on it unless you see something slip through the cracks, are you getting the support you need in terms of what your specific responsibilities are here or is there anything we can help you define further?"
posted by kitten kaboodle at 12:22 PM on August 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

I'm with meowzilla on this to just go ahead and respond to everyone internally with a quick 'on it' note instead of trying to tell your co-worker they don't need to worry about you or read any suspicion/lack of trust into it. At a previous employer I worked closely with sales folks and account managers and we would frequently have these situations where an email would come in to all of us from the client. Confirming "yes this email is for me and I saw it and will take it" with a quick 'on it' to the group helped build a sense of camaraderie, we all did it, and I noticed when I was on teams where there were people who didn't, we often hadn't jelled as much. Knowing the person who should answer was going to definitely helped close the mental loop on whether I needed to do anything. Do that for a bit and your co-worker may stop immediately cc-ing you.
posted by snowymorninblues at 1:13 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

When you receive the emails, you could auto-forward them to your coworker with a note saying "I'm on the distro too. No need to forward to me."
posted by emelenjr at 1:27 PM on August 30, 2022

Do they maybe think you need something from them in order to respond?

I run into this at my publishing job where we are all trained to never! leave! authors! hanging! It’s a good policy but person a will get nervous that they will be seen as ignoring the author if they don’t actively put the ball in my court, which of course it already is because I was copied and it’s my job. It’s annoying but it’s easy to let it go because we’re all in the same boat—trying to be as responsive as possible.
posted by kapers at 9:02 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

if a vendor has a question that I'm the one best qualified to answer, this member will forward it to me within like two minutes of the vendor's e-mail, even if I'm copied.

I agree with others that this is a systems/email issue. The vendor is emailing a bunch of people and it sounds like the marketing folks are their main contact. If a mess of people are emailed a request at once each individual needs to make the call as to whether they should field the request. The person who is ultimately responsible for the relationship will absolutely take on the job of confirming that the work will get done.

This is one reason many places will have one point of contact for vendors clients or other outside contacts. Throwing the request over the wall and hoping someone takes it generally is a recipe for problems.

You and the marketing team need some kind of systemic response, ie: when emails come in from the vendor that are clearly requests for me, I will respond to them in X timeframe and I will keep marketing on the email when I respond. That way there’s a clear expectation and marketing can hassle you if you don’t meet it.
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:49 PM on August 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Honestly, this sounds like someone who wants to make sure they don't have to answer the email. I think the best way to deal with this is two-fold: let her know she doesn't need to forward, and then copy her on your reply. But, you can also just start copying her on replies.

In my organization, if several of us get one email with the same request, one person will typically respond to say, "I got this." So maybe do that.

Maybe she's really super annoying and trying to remind you do her job. Or maybe she's just making sure it's not her job and she won't get in trouble for not doing it.

As for cheery corporate speech: obviously you find her irritating, and she probably knows that. So maybe be less irritable?

And, no, don't send her a nastygram, for the crime of checking in to see that something is getting done. This is definitely a check yourself and your assumptions situation. Do you interact at all with her in person or by phone? I'd say... put down the email and have a conversation. Make an actual human connection. Let it go.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:37 PM on August 31, 2022 [1 favorite]

Expanding on my previous answer. What if you go into a conversation with her assuming best intentions? With your promotion, and wanting to keep a cool head, what if you decide this is just some awkwardness from her of managing up? If you are now in a position of more power, please remember she might be much more keenly aware of that than you. Like, what happens if you decide this isn't a personal slight but is more of her own thing, and you're just kind about it all?
posted by bluedaisy at 1:40 PM on August 31, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm with the people who say this person is probably just trying to confirm they have no action required, and/or to get that in writing. (for their snotty passive-agressive purposes, or because a boss asked them to, doesn't matter). Or, just enjoying the dopamine hit of doing a "task" and crossing it off the list, however unnecessary.

It will lower your blood pressure to translate those as "saw this, do you need anything from me?" and just answer with a one-liner "I'm good, thanks"

If you're in an especially cranky mood though, you can retaliate. Reply individually (cc's removed) with something like "hey that reminds me of a different thing I needed from you..." or just a list of her outstanding tasks, even if they aren't overdue. Basically throw cold water on her fun, but in a professional, factual way that can't be characterized as a nasty-gram.
posted by ctmf at 6:14 PM on September 4, 2022