Should I stay or should I go?
August 28, 2022 5:33 PM   Subscribe

I've been living in a new city for six months now. While there are so many things I love about it down here, I also find myself constantly aching to go back home. How do you know if something just is not right for you?

I moved to Baltimore from Buffalo six months ago for a job offer I could not bring myself to say no to. I don't regret giving it a chance. I enjoy my job most of the time, I have a lovely apartment, and I live in a nice area. But in a very fundamental way it does not feel like home and I have a sense that that will never change. There isn't anything clear cut I can identify that makes me dislike it (and I don't really dislike it at all--it's a perfectly nice place with plenty to do) and yet I feel in a very intuitive way that it is not home and never will be.

I find myself constantly thinking about Buffalo/NY and how much I wish I were there instead. I miss so many little things about it. I lived in a cozy house with friendly neighbors and a friendly landlord who always looked out for me. It was so walkable (though this area is quite walkable too, to its credit). I miss the giant old houses with so much character, the Wegmans on every corner, the miles and miles of bike trails. I miss how friendly everyone was and how proud they were to be from Buffalo. Everything felt slower and more manageable there and here everything moves so quickly all the time.

And of course I could find most of that in Maryland too--I know there are bike trails here, too, and there is a Wegmans not far away, and there are so many amazing parks in Maryland too, maybe even more than in New York. But in a very fundamental way it just does not feel right. Everything moves so quickly here. People feel impatient and angry. I live in a huge apartment complex and none of my neighbors are friendly at all. I've gone to meetups, and while I've enjoyed myself and will definitely keep going, I've had a very hard time meeting people my own age and haven't made any real friends. I had a few people I was hanging out with at one point, but they were all guys and when I made it clear I did not want to hook up with any of them I stopped hearing from them. Great.

Maybe most of all, I really miss my family and friends. It's going to be Bills season very soon and I'm going to have to watch all the games alone. I miss going to happy hour after work or going to a barbecue at a friends house.

I am also acutely aware that, while I like my job well enough, for a variety of reasons I likely would not stay here long-term even if it were in Buffalo. The work itself is wonderful but they have a number of policies that I just cannot deal with long-term. They also never give raises.

So.... I'm six months in, and right now feel very fixated on the fact that this is not it for me and I want to leave. And yet I came all this way! I got a great offer! I do not want to just throw it all away so quickly. I know there can be a weird slump around six months. People who have done this... how do you differentiate between normal homesickness and just knowing that something is not right for you? I think if I felt like this place could become a home someday it would be different, but it does not feel like home at all, and those feelings are getting worse instead of better with time.

Thanks in advance
posted by Amy93 to Society & Culture (26 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I’d advise giving it a year, at least. I moved from my hometown (Denver), to Seattle and it took me a couple of years to make some real friends (I was in my early 30s when I moved here), and about that long just to get used to the weather! Also, it took a long time to get used to the more “closed in”:sky here - I grew up with immense vistas, and they are hard to come by in western Washington.
I forced myself to go places alone for music, book readings, coffee, dinner, etc. the more I did that, the more like home Seattle became for me.
Like you, I moved for a job, and in that regard, I never looked back. So, give it time, plenty of time. Buffalo will still be there if you really can’t bear it.
posted by dbmcd at 5:42 PM on August 28 [2 favorites]


Should you stay or should you go? If I were answering that question for myself, I would have to decide if life back home in Buffalo was waiting for me just as I left it, and could I afford to pull up stakes again and move back. Nowhere in your question do you say you have any real ties to Baltimore besides the job. So if you can go back, what's the point in staying? Just to make a go of it for work? I look foward to seeing if anyone answers your questions about homesickness and settling in.
posted by Stuka at 5:44 PM on August 28 [1 favorite]


Anecdata: I am from Chicago originally and I spent 7 long, mediocre years in Portland trying to squeeze myself into an unsatisfying life in a place that didn't suit me. Portland was pleasant. It was nice. I could ride my bike around comfortably. I owned a nice, adorable little house that I could afford. But it didn't feel like home when I first moved there, and no matter how hard I worked, it never got better, even when I bought the little house and settled down. I never really made deep friendships. I never felt like I was on the same wavelength as folks I met. I never felt excited about the city, or rooted there.

I live in Seattle now, and I'm much happier. It doesn't replace how Chicago felt for me (and I don't think anything will, since Chicago was my first love), but it feels like a place I can call home. I immediately connected with some aspects of Seattle even when I visited here, before I even moved up, in a way I never did for Portland. There will always be things I miss about Chicago and the Midwest, but if I went "home" now there would also be things I missed about Seattle and the Salish Sea region, too.

What's your goal in living in Baltimore? Is there anything Baltimore is giving you that Buffalo can't?

As someone who gave up a lot in terms of social life and community by moving to many different U.S. cities and towns throughout the decade of my 20s, I will say two things: one, new friendships and community are laborious to build, and also require a bit of luck and chemistry. If you have a strong community of friends, family, and neighbors already, that's worth cherishing. Two, I always knew almost immediately if a place felt like somewhere I could be happy or not. If that changed, it changed only for logistical reasons (career goals, cost of rent, proximity to family, etc) -- but my relationship with the ineffable character and soul of a city didn't change.

If you have your old life waiting for you still in Buffalo, and you really do like that life, I vote Buffalo (unless you have some strong compelling reasons to try harder in Baltimore that you haven't shared with us -- and "I don't think I've given it enough of a chance" isn't really a compelling reason in my book). If I moved back to Chicago today (which I won't, for Reasons), I wouldn't know anyone anymore after ten years away. Coming home after a year or two is doable; it can sometimes be harder after longer periods. Just something else to bear in mind.
posted by cnidaria at 6:02 PM on August 28 [2 favorites]


Maybe most of all, I really miss my family and friends. It's going to be Bills season very soon and I'm going to have to watch all the games alone. I miss going to happy hour after work or going to a barbecue at a friends house.

Moving as an adult is *hard*.

I moved to San Francisco from Atlanta 6 years ago. The professional opportunities were amazing, and I had a real love for the city. In a lot of ways, I was ideally situated to make the move.

But boy, losing all of my friends was punishing. I had a way to meet new people in town, which was invaluable, but it wasn't enough to make the first couple of winters really miserable. New friends aren't like old friends, and no amount of wishing can fix that.

As I type this, though, I'm sitting in a house next to my fiance. My best man is one of those people I met in that first year. Upstairs from us are her brother and his wife. I still miss my Atlanta friends, and it still sucks being so far away from family (they're in Mississippi). But I feel more rooted and settled down now than I ever have in my life.

It just takes time. Some of the things you point out won't change as you get more rooted (distance from family, bike trails), but many of them will (friends, beloved local institutions, etc).

The "give it a year" advice is true and worthwhile for those reasons. But I think it's also okay to take all that into account and say "Yeah, I want to go back to Buffalo," for two reasons:

1. Those permanent things may be really important to you.
2. There's no point in doing hard things just to prove you can stick it out.

You'll be okay no matter what, though.
posted by billjings at 6:04 PM on August 28 [6 favorites]


Halfway down this page are the "Charm City Bills Backers" which is a Bills fans group in Baltimore. According to what I can find, they get together at The Admiral's Cup. They also seem to have a Facebook Group if you use Facebook.

That won't solve all the home-sickness, but if you're the fan you sound like you are, you are sure to make friends within that group at least. It's worth an Uber/Lyft ride there and back to find out, no ?
posted by TimHare at 6:28 PM on August 28 [11 favorites]


I moved from NY to Chicago on one week's notice for work. Did not know a soul in Chicago. I was homesick for the first month or two then I was sort of neutral to the place. I ended up staying for 14 years. I love Chicago. Met my (ex) wife there. My three children were born there. I still have some great friends there.

It took me a year to feel at home. I am a Giants fan and I moved the year ('85) the (Da) Bears won the super bowl. As a Bills fan you know how much that would suck if the Ravens won the Super Bowl this year. I think what changed it was me stop thinking about how easy it would be to move back to NY. But what was I going to do? Just start where I left off? There was a reason why I was willing to move to Chicago beyond just the job. Deep down, I knew that life in NY in my 20s would be a struggle to earn enough money to recreate my upbringing on LI. Sure it would be great if I could do it, but I was making a lot more money in Chicago and had started to meet "my"
people in Chicago. I was in my 20s. Going to Bulls games with Michael Jeffrey at the helm, going out on Rush Street, hanging out by the lake, etc.

I think give it more time. I think instead of looking at your alternatives for now, focus on making a life in B'more. Btw, I know Buffalo. It is a great town. My ex grew up in Amhurst. I have been to Bisons games, Sabres games, (sorry but I rooted for the kick to go wide right), been to Duffs countless times. Been to Niagara Falls more times than I can recall. Heck, I was even willing to move there when I got married, but my ex did not want to. I was married in Buffalo. I can also add that we moved to Marin and only lasted 1 year. Like you, it was never home. Ex wanted out.

I would say give it another 6-9 months if you are willing to focus on building a life in Baltimore. You will know more then. Good luck. Also know that whatever you decide, it will work out best for you.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:36 PM on August 28 [2 favorites]


I think loving the place where you live and feeling connected and happy there is an incredibly rare privilege. If I were lucky enough to have it I would never give it up.

I agree that six months is a short time for figuring out if a place is for you, but you didn't say you dislike Baltimore, just that you miss the place that are lucky enough to really love.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:37 PM on August 28 [5 favorites]


Move back, I implore you.

I moved across the country five years ago, and I've regretted it literally every single day since. (I have things tying me to the new city, so I can't just move back.) Your gut knows the difference between homesickness and bad fit. The standard answer on Metafilter is to give it more time, at least a year. But you don't need a year to figure out it. You already know, you knew the day you moved, you knew before you moved. You knew you didn't want to move, but you did it anyway, because you heard other people's voices questioning your reasons for not accepting a great job offer. You had your reasons, but you couldn't full articulate them, or if you could, you thought they'd sound silly to other people, so you didn't trust yourself. Now those same nebulous "other people" are telling you to wait a while, give it a chance. They're just as wrong now as they were then.

All the more so because the old city was Buffalo. Buffalo is one of the most lovable, magnetic cities in the United States. People who tell you to live somewhere else have probably never lived in Buffalo. It's not an atmosphere you can recreate by watching TV at a bar. But you already know that, which is why you should move back.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:45 PM on August 28 [3 favorites]


I spent decades feeling this way before I was finally able to move back to someplace that--as expected--instantly felt right. And, like, it wasn't tragic: I was in a nice place all that time, things were fine, and my career benefited from the location. But wow, moving back was definitely the right choice. Loving a particular city, landscape, region, or whatnot is by itself a great reason to move, and if you enjoy being near family, what a bonus. I am less sure about practical matters, like getting more experience out of the role you're in at work, saving up for the move, or trying to line up a job before you go back--stuff that mainly affects when rather than whether to go.
posted by Wobbuffet at 6:46 PM on August 28 [1 favorite]


If you were happy with the job I'd advise you to give it at least a full year. But you already know the job isn't a great fit for you and you won't be happy long term, so why not go ahead and start looking around at what your other job options are? If you can find a job you would really like back in Buffalo, there's no real reason to make yourself stay in Baltimore just on principle. It's okay to try a thing, have a new experience, and decide it was a worthwhile experiment but you liked the old thing better.
posted by Stacey at 6:47 PM on August 28 [6 favorites]


I agree with Stacey. The job isn't enough to keep you there, you don't like the rest of Baltimore, just job hunt around Buffalo already. Can't hurt to give it a shot, anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:59 PM on August 28 [1 favorite]


My wife and I have both together and separately in our lives moved across country and to other countries. I will tell you that it takes 1 year, minimum, to get to the point of feeling like the new place is or could be "home". You can't really make the call any earlier than that without cheating yourself out of potentially finding a good fit.

That said, if your primary consideration is family and old friends, it doesn't matter where you move to or how long. But my experience is that you can grow beyond that crutch after giving a new place at least a year and in the long run, that's potentially a better strategy for life.

I lived in Pittsburgh for a while and it was a cliche, and completely my experience, that young people moved away until they had kids and then moved back. So it's never too late to go back, but I would wager those Pittsburghers wouldn't trade their time away for anything even though they loved being back.
posted by qwip at 7:09 PM on August 28 [2 favorites]


Having moved a few times in my life: six months is the hardest point. It’s long enough that homesickness is the strongest, and not long enough to feel like you belong. You won’t have a proper friends circle yet, you won’t have your regular haunts, you won’t have an instinct for how to navigate the city or understand all the resources. You’re not yet a local.

But all of these things are transitory. A little more time and they’ll lock into place and your adventure will really begin.

Give it a few more months.
posted by Ookseer at 7:27 PM on August 28 [6 favorites]


Go back to Buffalo as soon as you are able.

Your gut knows the difference between homesickness and bad fit. The standard answer on Metafilter is to give it more time, at least a year. But you don't need a year to figure out it. You already know, you knew the day you moved, you knew before you moved.... Now those same nebulous "other people" are telling you to wait a while, give it a chance. They're just as wrong now as they were then.

This.

I'll contrast my own situation: I left the US in 2019 because at my age it takes a full-time job to live there without slowly impoverishing yourself... And I had no close ties to anyone. After short stints in South America and Mexico I landed in Spain in July of this year and here is where I will stay for a while.

Do I occasionally miss aspects of living in the US? Yes. But all the people who made the places I lived there feel like home are dead or I no longer have relationships with them. So I have no great longing to go back. Where I am in Spain is both delightful and practical enough to warrant staying.

I'm jealous that you have a place you miss enough to want to go back despite practical difficulties. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" is more my watchphrase.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:02 PM on August 28 [1 favorite]


Move back. I’m 20 years into my life in the wrong country and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever get back. How I wish I had moved back after a year, instead of staying here because it was what I thought I should want.
posted by bluebird at 12:28 AM on August 29 [1 favorite]


I moved halfway across the country in 2015 from Cleveland to far northern Minnesota (and into Canada for a while, but back in the US right now) to be with my Canadian now-husband. I'm in a cute little town. I would never, ever have chosen to live here on purpose. I need a city around me. I need to be able to go to McDonald's at 3 in the morning. I need to be able to stock up at Sam's or Costco without driving three hours one way and making an entire day out of it. I need neat restaurants to be within a half-hour drive (running joke that everything in Cleveland is about half an hour from wherever you are at the current moment) and not in, like, Minneapolis at the other end of the state.

I've had days where I've literally cried missing Cleveland. I have no friends here, other than my husband. We were in a board-game group for a while early on but the chief proponent of that moved away and it fell apart. (Didn't help that one of the other members is a Baptist and kept his opinion about our abhorrent, Hell-seeking gay marriage to himself until the other guy moved.)

I've made it work because some day we will move, and it will be both of us, and he is the person I am destined to be with. (No, I'm not in a cult or being held hostage. And it's sappy and gross lol but it's true.)

Now you, on the other hand, have nothing except work keeping you in Baltimore. You like your work, but your company sounds like garbage. (They don't give raises? How they even have any employees left?) You don't dislike Baltimore consciously, but you don't like like it, either.

Move back. You don't need more time to decide a place is not for you when there's nothing really holding you there. If the work situation was different, I might have a different answer, or if you hated the area but loved all your new friends, or whatever, but you sound like you're miserable except for work, and that's not good for you.
posted by tubedogg at 2:45 AM on August 29 [2 favorites]


This is the kind of question that's hard to run through the hive-mind, because it's so emotive that it really inspires people to project their own experiences onto yours - everyone who is still desperately missing the place they left will urge you to move back quickly, because they wish they could move back. Which doesn't necessarily mean that's right for you (if only it were that simple!)

So FWIW, I'll project my own experience onto yours :)

I made a major move a few years ago, and it took me 2 years to stop pining for the last place, but now the new place is absolutely home and I love it here. I actually had the chance to go back to the old place after 2 years, got a job offer, went back for a week and realised very strongly that I didn't want to go back there after all. It surprised me immensely but it was for the best.

I think the "very intuitive way" that you can feel averse to a new place is not necessarily a deep mystical intuition, it's just a set of strong feelings that hit you when you move to a new place, because it's difficult. At least... that's maybe a more useful way of framing things, because if you think of it as a deep intuition, then that suggests that it's immovable, that you'll never be able to change that intuition. Whereas if it's a collection of feelings - loneliness, tiredness, unfamiliarity, lack of community - those are all things that can be taken apart and worked on and changed.

If you stick around, Baltimore will probably become home, but it'll take more than 6 months. If you go back, you might be hugely relieved or you might feel "Oh. Huh. I've actually done all this stuff in Buffalo before and I miss the novelty and growth and challenge of Baltimore" like I did. The good news is, in reality, you sound like the kind of person who will eventually feel at home wherever they land whether that's Baltimore or Buffalo, it might just take time.

One thing that's served me well in the past is - set a date in the future where you'll make a decision. Maybe when you've been in Baltimore a year. A year is honestly such a short span of time in the grand scheme of your life, though it doesn't seem like it in early adulthood. Until then, you're committed to staying, so you are off the hook for wondering and puzzling about it. You can stop picking that scab. And until then, you do whatever you can to throw yourself into life in Baltimore because hey, even if you're leaving in 6 months, you want to get the most out of your Baltimore interlude.

By the time decision day comes around, you might feel differently because life might have taken off in Baltimore, or you might be so happy it's time to move back. Or you might decide to give yourself another six months before you decide. One place I lived overseas that had a lot of immigrant workers, the joke was that all of us were just there for "six more months", even those of us who'd been there 20 years! And the 20 years "and six more monthers" were very happy! It was just easier deciding to stay in the short term than feeling the pressure to make a lifelong decision, and gradually the doubts fell away, we looked around, and it had become home.
posted by penguin pie at 3:33 AM on August 29 [4 favorites]


The end of Baltimore summer is a drag. I've lived here for years and I kinda wanna move right now.

No harm in looking for jobs back in Buffalo and still giving Baltimore a shot while you look. Diversification!

Lots of fun fall events coming up too. Honestly fall in Baltimore is much better than summer. Even if you're going to move home anyway, try to enjoy it! (I can make suggestions if you want to memail me; kinda skimmed this on the bus to work.)
posted by the primroses were over at 5:00 AM on August 29 [1 favorite]


It's not clear to me what your job situation is, exactly. You say you moved to Baltimore for a job offer that you couldn't turn down. It sounds like (maybe?) the job isn't all you thought it'd be cracked up to be? How are jobs in your field in Buffalo? If you think you could find a job in Buffalo that's roughly as good as the one you have in Baltimore, why not try to do that and move back? (And when I say roughly as good, I think you should take cost of living into account - a job you'd like roughly as much that pays roughly as much, accounting for what it costs to live in Buffalo vs Baltimore.)

The only other thing I haven't seen someone else bring up is: winter. Winter is coming. It's easy to reminisce about what you were missing in Buffalo during the past 6 months when ~4 of those months were spring and summer, but winter in Buffalo is probably a different story. (Unless you are one of those people who loves winter, in which case, try to get a good job offer in Buffalo and then move back pronto! :) )
posted by sunflower16 at 7:01 AM on August 29


I've moved a lot. Like, really a lot, both within the US and times living in other countries. A few of the places I have landed have been really, really great. The vast majority have been fine -- not necessarily a place that I dream of going back to, but places where you eventually meet some nice people, learn the things that are fun to do locally, and have fond memories of later. Most of those were places where if life had gone differently, I could have done ok staying permanently.

But there have been two places that the minute I got there, I knew with certainty that it was not a place for me. They are both places that get recommended in almost every "where should I live?" threads here which always makes me smile, and the people who live there love those places. There was just something about each of them that made me not like it from Day 1. They weren't objectively bad places, but they were bad fits for me.

So my advice is going to be to look introspectively and assess if this is just the usual ups-and-downs of a new place (including how long it can take to meet people and build connections these days due to pandemic limitations), in which case staying a bit longer and giving it more of a chance would be the right move. At a minimum, you might want to try and ride out the six month slump you mention. But, if this is a place that just isn't for you and never will be (and it sounds that way, especially given that your job situation is not long-term), there's no point staying a minute longer than you have to. If that is the case, you should start planning to leave, whether that is to return to Buffalo or to try another new place.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:05 AM on August 29


Like several other folks here, I've lived in a lot of different places. I definitely think it's true that it takes longer than six months to feel at home somewhere, initial impressions are not always very accurate, and (almost) every place has something great to offer if you find it.

However, I found that for myself, my happiness is based much more on where I live than what I do for work. Obviously it's important to be able to pay the bills and cover necessities, but there is effectively* no job in the world that I would move for unless it was to a place I already wanted to move for non-job reasons. I know other people may be more connected to their work or more passionate about their jobs, and certainly it's very common to move for a job. But through all the jobs I've had and all the places I've lived, I have never had a job that I liked so much that it could overcome living somewhere that I don't enjoy living. And many times I have managed to be happy while working a job I didn't love because the rest of my life outside of work was good.

So I guess my point is, if the only reason you moved there, and the only reason you have stayed so far, is for the job, I'd urge you to take a deep think about how important your job is vs. the rest of your life. Unless your job is the main factor in your happiness, it probably makes sense to move back to Buffalo. If, instead, Baltimore was already a place you wanted to try living, and the job just enabled you to do it, maybe it's worth sticking it out a bit longer.

* If someone would like to give me a one year contract that pays enough to retire in luxury for the rest of my life after that year, we can talk. Otherwise, no thank you.
posted by primethyme at 7:42 AM on August 29


I ended up moving back after my last move as an adult (which was to a place I'd lived before and liked!), but it took two years and I am glad that, since I had gone to the trouble of moving, I gave it that much time (actually I gave it about a year and a half but it took six months to find a job back where I currently live). Three to six months in is when it gets tough, no question. I don't know that there is a way to distinguish between that difficult period and "mere" homesickness; part of it must be subconscious and part of it must be the combination of luck and effort that either brings a new life together or doesn't.

Having lived in Baltimore for a year will have exposed you to a different part of the U.S. and a different way of life. That in itself is of value. It will also avoid having a super-short-term stint on your resume. I say, give it that long. If you're still miserable, go on, find somewhere new. By the end of my last stint, I was "glad" that the pay at that job had turned out to be too low to be sustainable, since that gave me an objective reason to go back when I was getting more conflicted about it.
posted by praemunire at 7:59 AM on August 29 [2 favorites]


On the side of staying in Baltimore, consider Melody Warnick's book, This is Where You Belong. She talks about things you can do to feel more connected to people in a new place.
posted by olopua at 8:18 AM on August 29 [1 favorite]


I meant to add--I moved because I was taking a side-step in my career and that's what I needed to do. I do think that having two years in that first job gave me credibility in continuing to pursue that track (so that I got the next one in my current city and I'm now in one of the more desirable jobs available). You mentioned that your job offer was too good to turn down. Work isn't the most important thing, but do consider how the B'more job fits into your planned trajectory and how long you would have to stay to get the benefit of that.
posted by praemunire at 8:36 AM on August 29


There's not really a wrong answer here. I'd say maybe to shift your framing. Buffalo is home, it's your home, and it speaks to you deeply. You have family and strong emotional connections there. How wonderful to have a place that is *home* because not everyone does. And you can go back, now or in the future!

You are also now exploring! Seeing what it's like to live and work someplace new! And that can be a great thing too! It's hard to make a new place feel like "home" when home means family and your favorite team being on the jerseys everyone wears on Sundays in the fall.

It's normal and expected to be lonely and a bit out of sorts during a big transition. Did you go to college? I remember the first semester being especially tough, and year two being so much better. I suspect you might have the same experience.

What if you decided you were going to be in Baltimore for a short time and so you just tried hard to enjoy it as much as possible and embrace everything local, but without feeling like it needs to speak to you deeply? If, in the long run, you want to be in Buffalo, I don't see any reason not to try to get back there. It might feel different now, but you might appreciate it even more. Returning isn't failing.

Also! I don't think you should watch the games alone! I'm certain there is a sports bar somewhere in Baltimore where Bills fans go to watch games. Find this place! Go watch games with your Buffalo people. And to be clear, I don't mean a bar that will broadcast the game, but rather the bar that caters to Bills fans. I'm pretty sure it exists (we have one in Portland, Oregon!).

Sports are actually a great way to connect with others when you are away from home. I'm across the country from my alma mater, and college sports season is a great way to find people from home.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:16 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]


Hi neighbor! (I live on the outskirts of Baltimore.)

Lots of stuff to consider here.

You might be experiencing culture shock, which peaks at six months.

It might be that you're in the wrong part of Baltimore for you, and you might be happier in a different area. I loathed Baltimore, and found it rather grumpy and unwelcoming, until we moved about five miles. Baltimore is very neighborhood-dependent. Some spots are friendly and fun, some spots are insular.

Now I like it here, I'm in the right vibe for me.

Plus summer here can be rather grim. It's hot and muggy, everyone is in a foul mood.

Or it could be that this just isn't the place for you. Understandable. Not everything is for everyone.

I'm guessing you're navigating a mix of culture shock and dashed hopes, which is really hard to crowdsource.

I'd give it a little time and space, just to let the culture shock wear off. Explore other neighborhoods. Go to Buffalo and visit - in winter. Is it worse or better than Baltimore in summer?
posted by champers at 4:21 AM on August 30


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