Missing hearing aids…again. Help!

August 28, 2022 3:22 PM

My 86 year old mother has profound hearing loss and wears hearing aids, which help. She also has fairly advanced dementia and lives in a facility on a special dementia care floor. The staff are very caring, however, we have a problem. She keeps losing her hearing aids and we need a strategy.

Over the past year she has begun misplacing her hearing aids, which causes her a lot of distress. Sometimes they have been found after a couple of days of searching (under the mattress, in her seldom used purse wrapped up in a Kleenex, in the garbage wrapped up in a Kleenex, etc)… but we’ve had to replace them several times which is quite costly.
We strategized with staff and came up with a plan for them to take the hearing aids at bedtime when she got her nightly meds, to be kept locked up on the meds cart, then she’d get them back in the morning. We suggested that the hearing aid tech comes in each night to check everyone’s hearing aids.
Lately this has been failing, with her refusing to relinquish them and now they’re missing again. The staff and I have gone through her tiny apartment with a fine toothed comb and no luck.
I’m going to have to order another pair as it’s been 3 days now. I spent the afternoon there again and she’s miserable without them. She says they were stolen or somebody sold them. I think they must have been thrown out by accident…wrapped in another Kleenex.
We’re wondering if she should be asked to hand them over after dinner before she returns to her space, she doesn’t socialize and can’t follow or watch tv anymore so I think she’d be ok without them, except for interacting with the night time staff.
Before I order the replacements I wonder if anyone has any strategies to suggest to persuade her to relinquish ( and or stop loosing) the aids?

posted by antiquated to Health & Fitness (16 answers total)

Don’t give her Kleenex, perhaps? Large bright checkable handkerchiefs instead?
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 3:38 PM on August 28, 2022 [3 favorites]

Would having a box labeled "Mom's Name Hearing Aids" as part of her "routine" help her hand them over at night? Even a note that she hands them in at night and gets them in the morning by her bedside? Rather than just handing her hearing to a somewhat stranger and not sure where they went, which seems to cause her distress. I mean, having my airpods case right next to my phone helps remind me to put them back rather than having them stuck in my clothes or lost in the bed.
posted by Crystalinne at 3:56 PM on August 28, 2022

Response by poster: Thank you, they go in a special box already.
The Kleenex removal idea is under consideration.
Will try not to thread sit.
posted by antiquated at 4:38 PM on August 28, 2022

If you look up "hearing aid clips" you might find something that would work.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 4:43 PM on August 28, 2022

Would it be an option to have the staff give her something incompatible (or “incompatible”) with keeping her hearing aids in? Like, a bonnet for her hair, a damp washcloth to clean her face… something where the nighttime staff can say, “here’s your bonnet to keep your hair nice and pretty overnight—if you take out your hearing aids, I can help you get this on,” or “let’s get your hearing aids put away so you can clean your face without getting them wet…” Depending on her personality and dementia, that might not work, but it may be worth trying to find something that appeals to her so it’s less “hand over the hearing aids” and more “let me help you with X by putting your hearing aids away.”
posted by theotherdurassister at 4:50 PM on August 28, 2022 [7 favorites]

My hearing aids hate to stay in my ears and they are indeed expensive. Mine are the behind-the-ear variety and i have tied thin ribbons to the thin tubes that go to the speakers that go in my ear. The ribbons are tied to a small binder clip that I clip to my shirt, behind my neck. I have put dots on them with blaze orange nail polish, too.

Mine are Oticon, and have a bluetooth capability to find them, but must be on and have battery life, so this feature is seldom of use.

In your Mom's case, I'd put a sign on the trash can and maybe also the door Do not collect trash because she can't learn new behavior. Attaching ribbons would make them easier to find in the trash, at least. Or get less capable but cheaper and still useful aids.

Thanks for being so good to your mother.
posted by theora55 at 6:08 PM on August 28, 2022 [3 favorites]

The other angle is to implement a Kleenex- or trash-checking protocol.
posted by Dashy at 6:28 PM on August 28, 2022

She has distress over missing the hearing aids (in the morning I suppose), otherwise I would wonder if doing without them would be better. When an elderly relative went to a memory care facility, after a day or two she forgot she smoked (almost chain smoking when she lived with us!) after about 3 days, and cigarettes weren't an issue after that. I know it would cause other difficulties, but I wonder if it will eventually be a path for you.
posted by TimHare at 6:32 PM on August 28, 2022

I am not sure how to prevent the misplacement, but as someone who wears hearing aids, replacements just got a whole lot cheaper. They passed a law that essentially says you can sell hearing aids directly to the consumer with the hearing specialist. When you think about it, aren't air pods or most pods acting like hearing aids? There are a few brands that are already going direct. Off the top of my head, Lively. There are many more. It won't prevent her from losing them, but it will reduce the cost of replacing them.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:43 PM on August 28, 2022 [3 favorites]

How about something larger, like a headband thingie, rather than tiny in-the-ear hearing aids? Do they really need to be invisible?
posted by amtho at 6:53 PM on August 28, 2022

Has she said why she's taking them out? (If they've become less effective or less comfortable to wear in this past year, maybe she's been trying to adjust them herself when the hearing aids need professional recalibration?)

any strategies to suggest to persuade her to relinquish ( and or stop loosing) the aids?

- Dab them with paint, so they're more eye-catching when she starts to wrap them in tissue or when you're looking for a lost pair.

- Doctor's orders, now only the hearing aid tech or a nurse remove the aids. Staff specifically asks if the aids are comfortable during daily check-ins, and your mom rings for assistance if she needs them out. (Mentioned though I don't like it because YMMV. What if she registers her discomfort, recalls the new "rule," and hesitates to ask for help?)

- The new pair charges overnight, and the charging station isn't in her apartment. Staff will have to collect them at bedtime.
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:40 PM on August 28, 2022

I don't know your mother, but I know me and I knew my mother who had dementia. The staff at the memory care started losing her glasses. Or she lost them. Then at one point she had someone else's glasses somehow. Then the arm broke off.

My mom wore glasses basically her whole life. She couldn't see shit without them, close up or far away. I hated seeing her without her glasses. I was pretty obsessed with telling the staff to put her glasses back on, and mad that they kept losing them. It sounds like the loss of the hearing aids is indeed distressing to your mom, and perhaps keeping track of them would address this distress but, it it possible that if you buy replacements, and even if you find some way to track them better, the distress will continue? In my experience, my mom constantly losing her glasses roughly corresponded with her low vision being of less consequence to her. She couldn't read anymore and was not especially interested in seeing people's faces. Perhaps for your mother she wants to be able to hear but... I don't know, in my experience dementia is kind of miserable, with one misery often giving way to the next. Is it worth trying no hearing aids for a week and see if she gets used to that? Offer soft furry things to hold, and ice cream, and other sensory things she does like instead?

My question is, are there other ways to sooth your mother besides making sure she has the hearing aids that she keeps losing?
posted by latkes at 8:47 PM on August 28, 2022 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I don't think there's a good solution here, especially if staff are already involved and trying to help and the aids are still getting lost. I had similar issues with my father with dementia, who would spend hours looking for misplaced hearing aids. But hearing well made a significant improvement to his overall cognition and lessened his confusion, and so getting rid of them altogether wasn't a good option. You don't mention whether they are in-the-ear, in-the-canal, or behind-the-ear, but if you do get replacements, could you switch to a behind-the-ear type of of model or ITEs with larger ear molds that cover more of the ear, or get some brightly colored ear molds? I think the tiny form factor of ITE/ITC aids makes them inherently risky, in terms of being so easy to drop, put in a pocket, or accidentally discard. The fact that they are usually flesh-toned makes them more invisible. Talk to your mother's audiologist about the problem, and maybe they can help troubleshoot or find solutions. She might be better off with a child's ear mold design, for example.

On the behavioral side, it's hard to know what can be done if she refuses to comply with staff requests. Staff won't want to have a source of conflict when they're busy trying to get her ready for bed. Can staff remind her that antiquated wants her to remember to take off her aids for safekeeping? Does it mean more if they invoke your name? I know my dad would get worried about his daughters disapproval, and that was sometimes enough to encourage compliance with pill taking and the like.
posted by amusebuche at 1:50 AM on August 29, 2022 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Just as a general note, there is evidence that hearing aids may help prevent dementia. The mechanism isn't clear, and I don't know if hearing aids help already-existing dementia from getting worse. But based on my layman's understanding of where things stand, I respectfully disagree with those who suggest you have your mother give up on wearing them. As you note, she's miserable without them-- and getting rid of them may speed up her cognitive decline. (Not to add extra pressure! It may end up being necessary to give up on the hearing aids -- but I think you are wise and kind to at least try to find a way for her to continue with them. If it doesn't work, you will at least know you have done your best.)

One possible strategy: rather than explicitly saying, "Give me your hearing aids for the night so I can lock them up," could the staff members say, "Let me check the batteries on the hearing aids" (or otherwise indicate that the removal is only temporary)? If they can then direct her attention to something else, and quietly move the hearing aids out of her sight, she may not remember that she wants them back.
posted by yankeefog at 2:25 AM on August 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Seconding amusebuche that it might help a bit to make them bright colors (this might even be something you can DIY with a dot of neon nail polish in a place that won’t interfere with comfort or functionality).
posted by Mchelly at 5:26 AM on August 29, 2022

Following on the concept of "make them harder to lose", for BTE hearing aids there are hearing aid lanyards (retainers, straps, whatever you want to call them). They connect to the hearing aids using little silicone rings, and then attach to a clip that goes on clothes, or to a hairclip, or to a necklace. Kinda like those chains for glasses. Random example of options available - this is a UK-based Etsy shop, but I'm sure you wouldn't have issues finding them elsewhere too.
posted by sailoreagle at 11:09 AM on August 29, 2022 [1 favorite]