Non-CBT Depressed Teen Book Recommendations

August 19, 2022 11:14 PM

I have a 17 year old son who is quite similar to me in his mental health struggles at 17, but quite different in his disposition to them. Hoping to get some book recommendations for him.

I’m a programmer, was attracted at CBT self help books around that age, and that helped me with my anxiety, panic, and depression. I basically used CBT techniques to tame my mind’s automatic thinking. Worked for me. (I also engaged with medicine and therapy to help).

My son who is 17 has similar issues to mine at his age. He has the help of therapy and medicine. He is a reader and also a writer (wants to be a writer professionally). He is much more philosophy and idea based in his thinking about his mental health. He is skeptical of CBT techniques.

I would like to recommend books on the subject of relationships/friendships, loneliness, anxiety, depression. My reading on the subject though is not compatible and he is not interested in reading CBT focused self help.

I’m hoping the hive mind will have some ideas of books that he could engage with. Put another voice in his head.

Book type could be anything. Not just self help.

He is a serious reader. Long or dense is okay.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (14 answers total)

Why not philosophy? As an angsty teen, Camus and Sartre were my tonic. Also Baudrillard and Kant.
posted by ergomatic at 11:17 PM on August 19, 2022

The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton is as approachable as it gets. Unpopular? Broke? Broken hearted? Frustrated? Generally inadequate? It's all in here.

(Or you can watch it!)
posted by some little punk in a rocket at 12:01 AM on August 20, 2022

Seconding the recommendation to just jump into philosophy. Camus was my tonic too, especially The Plague, which I found engaging and offering some constructive ideas for how to move forward. (I do kind of regret reading nihilism when I was 18 and struggling with mental health, so I'd probably avoid those.)

I think of the Stoics jokingly as CBT for people who prefer philosophy. I'd personally start with Epictetus, but Marcus Aurelius's Meditations seems super-popular with young dudes on Reddit.

Also, I haven't read this since I was that age myself, and my memory of it now is that it's kind of pretentious and weird, but as an admittedly pretentious and weird teen I adored Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It's long, dense, philosophical without needing a background in philosophy to grok, and it made me feel like I had Figured Everything Out and was at Peace with the Universe.
posted by chaiyai at 12:25 AM on August 20, 2022 [8 favorites]

I've found Pema Chodron's books very helpful, even though I'm not a Buddhist and don't mediate regularly. When Things Fall Apart is a good one.

I've also found ACT's philosophy a better fit for me than CBT. I've gotten a bunch of good book recs from Metafilter threads
posted by jebs at 12:55 AM on August 20, 2022 [7 favorites]

Perhaps The Conquest of Happiness by Bertrand Russell?
posted by cider at 6:25 AM on August 20, 2022

I have found that much of stoicism represents the philosophical underpinnings of parts of CBT and is often embraced by the philosophically inclined. Also, I remember taking great comfort at that age when I discovered the tao.
posted by jcworth at 8:15 AM on August 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

I don’t want to be rude by contradicting another comment, but I’d recommend caution re: Alain de Botton. He founded The School of Life, which makes YouTube videos that are appealing on the surface but frequently hogwash if you examine them critically.

Your teen might like to read about the psychoanalytic approach to therapy. Freud’s own writings are underrated, but they need to be read in conversation with criticism. Narrative therapy could be another search concept.
posted by Comet Bug at 10:34 AM on August 20, 2022

At about that age I liked Boethius’ The Consolation of Philosophy, written fifteen hundred years ago but AFAIR not mentioned in Botton. I don’t know what translation is good, though.
posted by clew at 11:24 AM on August 20, 2022

Thanks for asking this question. I have found books to be welcome companions throughout my lifelong mental health journey. Therapy, medicine, personal connections, and life experience are the most important tools but the books help give us perspective and remind us we're not alone.

I, too, am not a fan of CBT for myself. It has been proven to work well for many but, for others like your son and me, it can feel annoying at best and patronizing at worst: "If only you tried harder, you'd be well!" when in reality we are trying so hard that we feel exhausted and like failures. The good news is that there are many options and we usually can eventually find one that works! You know this but I repeat it because it's worth mentioning again. Again, you didn't ask for validation but kudos for being open both about your mental health journey and helping your son on his!

Books:

- *The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Fighting the Big Motherfuckin' Sad by Adam Gnade (a long zine that's perfect for teens and young adults)

- *The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon (this book changed my life!!)

- *The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (also the movie Young Goethe in Love!)

- *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson (new classic!)

- *Good Reasons for Bad Feelings: Insights from the Frontier of Evolutionary Psychiatry by Randolph M. Neese (admittedly a bit boring at times but he covers a lot o ground)

- Hunger: A Memoir of My Body by Roxane Gay (everything she writes is gold!)

- Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me by Ellen Forney (great graphic novel)

- If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit by Brenda Ueland (so inspirational for everyone who likes to write but also a bit dated so some awkward descriptions)

- Somebody's Daughter: A Memoir by Ashley C. Ford (also a super talented author who smartly reflections on her struggles)

- A History of My Brief Body by Billy-Ray Belcourt (heavy but just magnificent)

- Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner (super sad but a sign that struggle can eventually lead to success)

- Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed (also Dear Sugar column and podcast!)

- Untamed by Glennon Doyle (super mainstream bc it's empowering for so many)

- Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened by Allie Brosh (internet classic-cum-graphic novel)

- All About Love by bell hooks (everything she does!)

- Sitting Pretty: The View from my Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body by Rebekah Taussig (disability studies are super important and she's a talented writer and good starting point)

Some of these may be totally uninteresting to your son or not helpful; some absolutely fit what you're looking for* and some are my taking creative license. However, for me, a big part of understanding my own wellness is hearing about others' experiences and also understanding the role society plays, especially how institutional racism, sexism, sizeism, homophobia and beyond affect the individual. I hope he finds at least one or two good reads. Best of luck to you both on your journey!!
posted by smorgasbord at 11:40 AM on August 20, 2022 [8 favorites]

Additionally, I highly recommend your son visit a zine festival or small press fair if there's one near you. Here's a reliable list of many if not all. Admittedly, zinefests can be awkward af and sometimes cringe, especially if you already feel shy or uncomfortable, because people are being super vulnerable and open about deeply personal stuff with a giant group of strangers. The quality can be hit or miss but the authenticity is pretty universal and delightful! Of course, you are a MeFite so you are aware and/or experienced with self-publishing and the like but I can't recommend them enough!
posted by smorgasbord at 11:50 AM on August 20, 2022

I'm thinking novels or biographies are the way to go. Middlemarch, Anthony Trollope (maybe start with the Palliser series), Woolf (maybe To the Lighthouse), Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policeman's Union. Writing which lurks around the ideas of friendship, loneliness and mental health but doesn't bash the reader on the head with it, stuff which looks at the many ways to be a person. I'm having difficulty coming up with biographies someone of that age and gender might like, and agree with MollyRealized that it might be helpful to know a bit more about what he reads now.
posted by paduasoy at 11:58 PM on August 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

I loved The Happiness Myth by Jennifer Michael Hecht, which, despite the provocative title, is more of a thorough historical examination of how different philosophers and religious thinkers approached the idea of the good life. It's written from an atheist/secular viewpoint, but it's very generous and judicious in drawing on the work of religously-motivated thinkers.

It's extremely dense and long, I am not sure about chucking the whole thing at a 17-year-old... I came to it in my forties. But, damn, it's a good book.
posted by BrashTech at 9:18 AM on August 21, 2022

Everyone else has had such good suggestions, I will veer off slightly and suggest if he hasn't read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (ish), Adams' Dirk Gently novels, and the Discworld novels, they all play on a type of grumpy cynicism that is psychologically and sociologically justified but also can't help but love humanity for all their flaws. I was in my early teen when I read Adams and late 20s when I started reading Prachett but the things I took from them come back to me again and again still.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:52 PM on August 21, 2022 [1 favorite]

i loathe CBT. i found ACT to be a much better fit for me. i'd suggest learning some about that.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 10:02 AM on August 22, 2022