Why do they say your personality changes when you speak other languages?

August 5, 2022 7:52 PM

Like is that true? I speak Spanish, French and English and while I can say that each language has its own distinctive characteristics, I'm not sure that I feel all that different. I can say though, that each of those languages has particular traits that I associate with them and I guess those traits are part of my personality. However, I've never felt that I couldn't have those traits if I didn't know these languages. Anyone have any explanations? Would like to hear what people think.
posted by Tarsonis10 to Society & Culture (22 answers total)

I’m much funnier in English. It’s my native language so I can make jokes in English I’m not capable of making in other languages I speak.

Beyond that though, many people who grow up speaking multiple languages speak them in different contexts, for example one at home and one at school or with peers. That naturally shapes the topics that are easier and harder to talk about and could potentially influence communicating differently in each language, which would come across as a personality difference. I’m sure it’s not the case for everyone though.
posted by mekily at 8:06 PM on August 5, 2022 [4 favorites]

Yeah, for me my own mastery of the language is super relevant, as I've been called "fluent" in Spanish by both my undergrad Spanish department and a number of Spanish speakers and I can live my life in the language and have, repeatedly... but I am not me in terms of my sense of humor, confidence, vocabulary, etc. and that absolutely impacts my perceived personality (and intelligence) by others.

Then there are differences in how the language itself shapes how you see/operate in the world. Gender, time, color, a general "it" as in "it's raining," idioms - languages have a lot of differences that can absolutely impact your view of all sorts of phenomenon. I think speaking multiple languages can open up windows into different ways of thinking and being, and that can mark who you are as a person.
posted by vegartanipla at 9:08 PM on August 5, 2022 [7 favorites]

I imagine there might be language-specific nuances here, particularly when the languages have significant differences in degrees of formality and directness. Someone explained this phenomena to me once... in [this person's experience] each language has different words (and their connotations) available to her.
posted by oceano at 9:24 PM on August 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

You might enjoy Memory Speaks, which explores the social, emotional and cognitive aspects of multilingualism, and language loss.
posted by latkes at 9:27 PM on August 5, 2022 [3 favorites]

Compared to when I'm speaking English, my gestures and facial expressions are a little more animated when I'm speaking Spanish, and even bigger and more animated than that when I'm speaking Brazilian Portuguese. My core personality is the same, but if I was as deadpan in Portuguese as I can sometimes be in English, I would come across like a monotone grump.
posted by umbú at 9:51 PM on August 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

I think what it is is there’s a lot of ingrained cultural stuff in your native language that you might have a hard time picking up in an additional one. I can make jokes in my L2 but they won’t be the same sense of humor as in my L1, not by a long shot. So I always feel a bit constrained in L2 even though grammar and vocabulary are fine. If you’re equally fluent (and culturally fluent) in all those languages maybe you wouldn’t notice a huge difference.
posted by music for skeletons at 9:51 PM on August 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

Heh, i can at least report for me the codeswitching also happens in my English because my local patois definitely has a different vibe than my international one. Same thing with the Malay I speak in the city and the dialect I have in a different region. Definitely certain registers are more apparent in one situation or the other. That said, i personally find it shifting in different cultural conditions, and for most people language:culture is a 1:1 switch. I.e. you're moving into another culture when you speak the language. From my perspective because that's not always the case, I see the cultural dimension as the key since as I mentioned, I'm not switching languages and vocab etc should be the same.
posted by cendawanita at 9:58 PM on August 5, 2022 [2 favorites]

Like umbú, I'm more animated and gesture more when speaking Spanish than English. I do think there is some shift in my personality switching from English to Spanish, but it's pretty hard to separate the language-based change from the place-based change (in my case, Mexico). Even if I'm speaking Spanish in an English-speaking country, the language is still charged with the place and culture in my mind. In other words, cendawanita has it, you can't easily separate language from culture.

Similarly, I was in French immersion school for many years as a child, but didn't associate the language with any kind of different culture as I lived in a very anglophone area and pretty much only spoke French at school, with my anglophone classmates. I don't feel like I'm much different in French than English because I don't associate it with a different culture, not at all like how I feel different in Spanish, which I learned in Mexico.
posted by ssg at 10:41 PM on August 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

The words available in a language can limit or enhance the ability of someone speaking in that language to talk about a particular topic, too. In the novel 1984, Newspeak takes it to an extreme example, but every language has some level.

It's one of the reasons that a government, religion, social movement, etc, literally controlling the usage of language should be of concern. Limiting language limits the expression of ideas, and limiting the expression of ideas is generally not a great idea.
posted by stormyteal at 10:50 PM on August 5, 2022 [4 favorites]

Code switching, definitely. Some differences that impact how I feel and express myself in different languages:
- facial muscles that are engaged
- tone, melody, flow
- cultural conventions of conversation (e.g., how much time between turns)
- shared cultural context of what can be alluded to and understood, references
- cultural values and expectations (e.g., when, in a similar situation, teasing is perceived as bonding or mocking; when, again in a similar situation, speaking to strangers is perceived as welcoming or intruding; speaking directly as honest or rude; animated body language as engaged or childish, etc.)
- available vocabulary for nuances or what is even a thing
posted by meijusa at 1:01 AM on August 6, 2022 [1 favorite]

I was quite good at French but self-conscious about it and just on the edge of passing as francophone/my accent confusing people (not that this should matter, but not being a fully fluent speaker of a language is some amount of social friction even if only perceived on my side and not to the other person). As a very self-conscious teenager, I was even more reserved in French for these various reasons and my social interactions with people were in that context. I think that there must be some subconscious effect of that speaking the language more generally if the brain ties any of these things together. The way this comes out also would totally depend on context (as does ones personality ordinarily speaking).
posted by lookoutbelow at 3:00 AM on August 6, 2022 [1 favorite]

Grew up speaking English, went to school in Italy. A friend who was fully bilingual in English and Italian maintained that much more of the communication in Italian is subtext than in English. I do think there is an element of truth to that-- although in both languages, there's a lot of regional and group variation. Interactions in Italy definitely felt different to me than in the US, but then also talking to people in Rome felt very different from Florence or Naples.

On the other hand I was married to a person who was fluent in English and French and it felt like he was speaking French even when he spoke English-- his facial expressions, his logic, everything.
posted by BibiRose at 4:40 AM on August 6, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm fully bilingual in English and Afrikaans. It's more like code switching than a different personality, but there is an aspect of nuance that isn't shared between languages that goes beyond the meaning of the words.

Afrikaans is better for swearing.
posted by Zumbador at 6:10 AM on August 6, 2022 [2 favorites]

I worked entirely in French one year for an older Swiss-French man. He was quite a dominant character in his own way. One day I had to speak on the phone about an item we needed, and the person on the end of the line spoke English. I was polite with her, but very definite about what it was she should supply.

After I got off the phone, the boss laughed and said that an entirely different personality came out when I was speaking English (my native language). With him I was usually a bit tentative and reserved, but in English, and under the circumstances, I was able to be the more natural me.

But people are right that the circumstances and the company often differ in which you speak your languages, and that was a part of the picture here too. In Quebec, it can often be a slightly fraught matter as well. Once a friend visited the boss, and was quite startled to find a person with an anglo name working there. "Since we have anglos we have to put them to work," the boss told him, and then they went out.
posted by zadcat at 6:29 AM on August 6, 2022

Agree it's more like code switching than a personality change. I'm more modest and self-effacing in Chinese because I know it creates a warm glow of approval in my audience whereas projecting confident self-assurance comes across as obnoxiously bragging. The odd thing is you are permitted, even expected, to be obnoxiously egotistical if you're a boss. But that goes so against my grain as an American that I can't pull it off.
posted by mono blanco at 7:14 AM on August 6, 2022

I think it can also have to do with how you feel and the cultural context within which you speak/have learned a language. I'm American and have a Chinese friend I made in China; we used to hang out and talk all the time. When speaking English, he seems to have less pressure to be serious/masculine and is a bit sillier and more lighthearted; when speaking Chinese he adapts more to the serious masculine expectations of his culture.
posted by bearette at 7:28 AM on August 6, 2022

Identity is so wrapped in language. People who know you well might often be able to look at an anonymous piece of writing and know that it is "you" due to a range of signatures that you are leaving through the use of language (so many -- grammar and punctuation, tone, style, word choice, use of alliteration, analogy, metaphor, subject/verb placement and use of modifying phrases, and on and on). The same is true in spoken language. You have your own unique "signature" in terms of how you use language.

If you change the building blocks of the language itself, your signature will be different. Not another personality or "you" per se, but a different prismatic expression of you and your personality.

Like a shift of a kaleidoscope: it's still colored glass, a lens, and your unique light, but the order and pattern has shifted.
posted by desert exile at 8:31 AM on August 6, 2022 [3 favorites]

Friend of mine who’s a native Englishman says he’s much more flirtatious and garrulous in Spanish because it’s like he’s free to take on a different persona than the more reserved one that’s tied up with his upbringing - like taking on a fictional identity, becoming the person he always wanted to be growing up.
posted by penguin pie at 10:12 AM on August 6, 2022 [2 favorites]

I grew up speaking English. I used to talk quietly, sparingly, and with a mumble. A big part of that was depression. As I practiced Spanish in high school and college, I found that practicing the accent was a way of pretending to be a more confident person. I found the phonetics of Spanish to be physically easier and more pleasurable to pronounce than English: fewer consonant clusters, five easy vowels, and the tendency to use a higher, more nasal pitch. And if I said something wrong or phrased awkardly, I could forgive myself for simply not speaking the language natively. At the same time, I developed a slightly deeper southern U.S. accent that helped me speak more clearly, got treatment for the depression, and gained confidence in other ways.
posted by gray17 at 10:17 AM on August 6, 2022

“ I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse”

Charles 5th. As discussed here, Charles had his particular reasons for saying this which were based on his own individual experience with those languages- as well as with the trends at the time. I think that is the case with polyglots and especially groups of polyglots. Here in Scotland, where most people code switch between Scottish Standard English and Scots, I could choose to call somebody a “spotty little tell-tale” or a “plooky wee klype” - the second sounds vastly better as an insult!

I speak French at a reasonable level - but there is a difference in the context the way I might have to think to make express something between the two languages: choosing whether something is “tu” or “vous” for an obvious example - or perhaps using a French expression that conveys something better than English. It is necessary to think about gender of people and thinks more too: I could say “Elle est trop belle” in relation to the table I bought - or tell you I had dinner with my neighbour last night in English, without having to reveal whether this person was male “voisin” or female “voisine” for example. In the end though, when I speak French, I am basically copying others I have heard using the language and using that as a starting point for how I want to sound, what I want to say.
posted by rongorongo at 11:42 AM on August 6, 2022

If you are speaking a language with extensive honorifics or different levels of formality/politeness, switching to English can free you up to be more blunt. My mom mentioned once that she preferred arguing (with my dad) in English because she didn't have to use the polite verb forms.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:07 AM on August 7, 2022 [2 favorites]

The words available in a language can limit or enhance the ability of someone speaking in that language to talk about a particular topic, too.

This is kind of what I had in mind as well. I think one’s personality as perceived by others is heavily tied to language. I speak zero Hausa, for example, so I could be in a room with someone with a witty, sparkling, insightful Hausa speaker and have no clue that this person was so charming.

Language gets its utility for what you use it for. All of my Japanese comes from a former job where I dealt with Japanese customers almost every day; my personality in Japanese is kind of professional and rigid — I know almost no colloquialisms. I am passably fluent in French and can make jokes and sly observations now and again. Let me talk to Yukiko for ten minutes and then Marcel for ten minutes, and they will have different ideas of what kind of fellow I am.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:32 AM on August 8, 2022 [1 favorite]