Albatross 18 Panyga Golf Game Ladyfilter. Help me get him to turn off this game for good.
April 10, 2006 1:50 PM   Subscribe

Albatross 18 Panyga Golf Game Ladyfilter: My boyfriend plays over 9 hours a day all weekend on this free Internet community golf game, stays up until 2am. As you can imagine this hinders conversation and our sex lives, drives me mad. After 2 months together How do I get him off this game for good when he is at my house!!
posted by sandrapbrady to Computers & Internet (11 answers total)
Either get him unaddicted, or get a new boyfriend.

I've been addicted to games for my entire life on and off. It's very much like alcoholism. I didn't want to lose my significant other, so I unaddicted myself by selling my PCs and cancelling my MMORPG subscriptions. I don't use the 'net at home anymore, either. I'd rather spend time with people or reading or creating things on my mac.
posted by SpecialK at 1:57 PM on April 10, 2006

Are you looking for technical (blocking the site, etc) solutions or social (make your boyfriend pay attention to you rather than the game) solutions? Or possibly either?
posted by jacquilynne at 1:59 PM on April 10, 2006

Invite him over, tell him your internet connection is down, and seduce him.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:01 PM on April 10, 2006

You're just going to have to be straight with him. Tell him no video games allowed while he's at your house. If he stops showing up at your house, count yourself lucky and move on.

Alternatively you could try setting up time limits, but in my experience those seldom work out. For example, I've already spent way too much time on Metafilter today :-)
posted by tkolar at 2:16 PM on April 10, 2006

I agree with SpecialK on all accounts. I used to be addicted to WoW after it first came out. One night, a girl I liked from work called me back and I dropped it cold-turkey untill recently (once I was single again). I also agree it's a form of addiction. Either it's you or the game; for those who still play their addiction, finding a middle-ground can be damn near impossible.
posted by jmd82 at 2:54 PM on April 10, 2006

Mrs.Tacos feels fairly free to close my laptop with about five minutes notice if she wants me for her own nefarious purposes.
posted by I Love Tacos at 2:56 PM on April 10, 2006

It's good that you caught this early on. Coming right out with "No games allowed!" would probably seem harshly controlling. Instead just tell him that you feel it's unreasonable for him to be spending nearly every waking minute at your place power-levelling his 5-iron. His response will say a lot. If he comes back with a compromise (and keeps it up for the next couple weeks at least), that's a good sign, I don't know his age, but there was a time when I found girls and games equally fascinating. If he seems to think you're being unreasonable by asking him to not stare at a monitor when he's at your place, then it may not simply work out.

Let me say that it is by no means impossible to play games casually and manage to have a life and relationship as well.

However, if you've been seeing someone for only 2 months and he's already spending 9 hours a day playing games instead of with you, then unless he wakes up right now, it's going to get worse. Don't tell yourself you can fix him, for some, MMORPGs can be extremely compelling.

I may play 5 or 6 hours of games on a weekendday, but I live with my SO of 4 years and we each have our own activities. If one person is ignoring the other for games this early on. Two months in, you should both still be saccharinely infatuated with each other.

Two months into the relationship, and he's foregoing actual real-life sex for pretend golf? At least when I'm foregoing real-life sex I'm slaying pretend dragons and stuff.
posted by Durhey at 3:25 PM on April 10, 2006

Tell him you can't continue seeing someone who prefers computer games to... pretty much everything else. It would be the same if he were watching tv, or sleeping all the time, or spending all that time at work. The relationship isn't working for you. He has a problem that he's not facing.

Be ready, because he is going to try to manipulate you, try to make it look like you're unreasonable, lie, and do lots of other things that addicts do when confronted by people who care about them.

He might actually agree with you and ask how many hours of game-playing would be acceptable to you. Have your answer ready, and stick to your guns. Leave this guy if he can't get to the cause of his addiction. He is playing games to feel better, or to feel nothing. It's serious for him and for you.
posted by wryly at 5:16 PM on April 10, 2006

I think you need to express your feelings of disconnection when he's over at your place and staring blankly into the monitor. No matter what game it is, that's no fun for anyone else.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but you could sign up for an account and set a rule so if he is at your place he has to be playing a game with you and/or on your team. You'd also have to express a maximum amount of rounds - i'd imagine two, as that can add up to an hour easily. Cut it down from there.

He might be a little averse to being "approached" like an addict, and I think if you express a slight interest in his hobby he might open up to you a little more. I've played this game off and on, and the most I've played is two hours at a time. I've seen users who have so many hours logged that I can't even fathom them having outside social contact - multiple 8+ hour sessions on a weekend sounds about right.

I'd also recommend post-game activities you could have lined up so you can ease him out of expecting to game whenever and wherever a PC and internet connection is available. Eventually he'll learn to enjoy your company more than his virtual stroke count and avatar customizations, I promise you!

Not that he's discounting that at all - I'm just referring back to my days of blossoming out of my FPS infatuation. I think the players devotion has more to do with routines and expectations rather than preferable sensory stimulation, as I'm sure you can entertain him much more than any game ever could. He just needs to get outside of that sphere for long enough to realize it, and he will! Best of luck, I hope things go well for you.
posted by prostyle at 6:49 PM on April 10, 2006

I play too many games when I'm really stressed out about work or family...

My wife refuses to get out of bed or stop knitting when she experiences the same circumstances...

Maybe he's not into the relationship, or maybe its about work or family, or maybe men are kind of stupid.
posted by ewkpates at 5:09 AM on April 11, 2006

I think the root of the problem here is that you think you have a boyfriend, when in fact what you have is a guy who comes over to your house to play computer golf in your presence.

If you want a boyfriend, why not get one?
posted by kindall at 8:28 AM on April 11, 2006

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