There are three kinds of pillows and I hate them all.

January 30, 2022 12:12 AM

Down, Down Alternative, memory foam. They all have drawbacks. Is there another alternative? Minor details and grievances inside.

I've tried many pillows. It seems like the ones I like the best are moderately to mostly full down pillows. I like the weight and they seem to sleep cooler. But after awhile they get saggy and clumpy. (I sleep hot and sweat easily and think this contributes to the clumping problem over time. You know, moisture and whatnot.) None of the tricks I read about re-fluffing them really seems to work. Down alternative pillows don't much seem similar to real down at all, and seem to sleep hotter. I like memory foam mattresses but have yet to experience a comfortable foam pillow. I've tried a few that promised "cooling" technology but either they didn't really work or kinda worked for awhile but then the "coolness" factor seemed to fade.

What is the perfect pillow that has the heft and feel of down, or something even slightly similar, sleeps cool, and will keep these qualities longer than six months? Ideally under $100 but would potentially pay more if you promise me it's incredible!

posted by WhenInGnome to Health & Fitness (27 answers total)

Not those "memory foam with cool gel" pillows? You also need a proper breathable pillow cover.

I used to recommend "shredded memory foam" but they settle as well.
posted by kschang at 12:34 AM on January 30, 2022

I have a memory foam with holes in it. I’ve liked the density and cooling. Don’t remember the brand but something like this.

Shredded memory foam does settle bit can be refluffed. But I found them too dense. There are also alternatives like buckwheat and others that people like.
posted by Crystalinne at 12:38 AM on January 30, 2022

Buckwheat pillow?
posted by delezzo at 1:30 AM on January 30, 2022 [13 favorites]

Ah! I can relate! I always used down pillows, also like them pretty full, and never liked the alternatives. I tried a kapok pillow and it was OK, but then I tried a wool pillow and liked it enough to get several, even though they're spendy. They're filled with teeny wool balls so the wool doesn't clump, and for the brand I got (Kakun), they came very full (so pretty firm) and you just pull out the filling until it's right for you. I also got a wool body pillow which is quite possibly the best investment I've made sleep-wise! I love that thing!

I'm a big fan of wool and have been using a wool comforter for decades, and it works well for me for temperature control as someone who starts off cool and ends up hot.
posted by bighappyhairydog at 4:16 AM on January 30, 2022 [6 favorites]

I wonder if the answer is to find a down pillow with the right squishiness and heft, and then buy three or four and cycle through them? Change out your pillow every week, give the one you just used plenty of time to air out before it’s back in rotation.

I get this idea from age-old advice about how to prolong the life of leather shoes. Leather shoes will stay in good shape much, much longer if you wear them on alternate days, rather than every day, because they have a chance to fully dry out. Like, if you have two identical pairs, and alternate which pair you wear day by day, they will hold up much more than twice as long.

So, with the feathers in your pillow—if they get damp as you sleep and never ever get a chance to fully dry out, I can totally understand how they’d start to clump and never recover. Not to put too fine a point on it, but if the feathers are damp all the time and start getting irremediably sticky they’re probably starting to break down/rot.

If I were in your shoes I’d change my pillow every Saturday and toss the one just off duty into the dryer in a no-heat air fluff cycle, then store it some way with great air circulation (maybe hanging clipped onto a hanger.)
posted by Sublimity at 4:35 AM on January 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

Seconding buckwheat. It feels nothing like down, but also nothing like anything you've tried, and it's amazingly cool and gives good support. They are also relatively inexpensive, starting at $30, and much less if you get into it and decide to refill your bag from a crunchy bulk health food store that sells hulls for this purpose.

Maybe not for you, but anyone frustrated with standard western pillow technology owes it to themselves to give it a try!
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:50 AM on January 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

If it were me, I might buy some ethically-sourced down and just add it to an existing pillow. Or try to find a pillow that was made to be filled/re-filled by the user.
posted by amtho at 5:25 AM on January 30, 2022

Consider a Purple Pillow. Can confirm that it does not flatten.
posted by humbug at 5:30 AM on January 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

We love these shredded latex pillows that came with our mattress. They are surprisingly heavy and they conform nicely and as a hot hot sleeper they are comfortable for me.
I also have and LOVE this CozyPure pillow (we have a mattress topper from them as well - I’m an all latex convert at this point).
The CozyPure pillow has a zipper so I could take some of the stuffing out - I think their non-contour pillows also have that.
I’m under the impression from reading approximately 8 million posts online prior to buying our mattress and pillows that latex lasts “forever”. Even if it doesn’t - I would buy these exact things again because I LOVE OUR BED and can hardly wait to get back into it at night.
posted by hilaryjade at 6:20 AM on January 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

+1 for giving buckwheat a try.

I've been an only down pillow person for my entire life, and have recently switched to a buckwheat pillow based on (1) recommendations here, and (2) having more problems keeping enough height as a side sleeper for my shoulders to be comfortable. It was a bit of an adjustment -- I started with a down pillow on top of the buckwheat, and now have the buckwheat on top of a down -- but 2-3 months later, I really like it, and appreciate the consistent support.
posted by chiefthe at 6:29 AM on January 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

We love our latex pillows. They don’t compress, are springy in a good way and don’t sleep hot.
posted by thejanna at 7:44 AM on January 30, 2022

Nthing buckwheat. A nice thing about it not already mentioned is that it breathes really well -- unlike memory foam or purple pillows, which I find make sleep hotter and sweatier. It doesn't clump or "un-fluff" itself, either.
posted by ourobouros at 8:15 AM on January 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

After much hemming and hawing at the price, I gave in and bought a Purple Harmony pillow (I've been sleeping very happily on a Purple hybrid mattress for two years). This was to replace the shredded memory foam pillows that just compressed down no matter how much I plumped them. I LOVE this pillow. It doesn't flatten out but cradles my head comfortably and bounces right back. It sleeps cool. It also keeps my body aligned so I don't press too hard on my shoulder while sleeping on my side.

I've only had it for a few months so I can't speak to longevity but so far it is holding up. It also might not be best if you are a stomach sleeper.
posted by Preserver at 8:33 AM on January 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

I know you mention that you've tried tricks with down pillows, but this is what I do. I pop the pillows (sans pillowcases) in the dryer on medium high for about 20-30 minutes. It really fluffs and dries out the down and makes the pillows big and round. I usually do the pillows when I throw the sheets in the washer, so it doesn't even take extra time. I only do this once in a while, and more often in the humid summer.

I used a buckwheat pillow when I lived in Miami Beach (hot & humid) but IMO it takes some getting used to. They're great for heat/sweat but aren't great for super-pillow-comfort. It's a tradeoff.

I also tend to get sweaty, especially towards mornings.
posted by SoberHighland at 9:43 AM on January 30, 2022

Response by poster: Thanks for your responses so far. I've read some positive comments somewhere here before regarding buckwheat, and think I might give that a try. For those who have used and like purple pillows, which one do you have? It looks like there are about five different kinds.
posted by WhenInGnome at 10:10 AM on January 30, 2022

Plan on refilling the buckwheat shells after X number of months since they will also compress, but it’ll be good as new after that. I loved my buckwheat and don’t remember why I got rid of it now, but it did get flattened over time.

For the record, I’m a satisfied purple pillow’er now. Haven’t noticed any degradation of the material in a year.
posted by hwyengr at 11:36 AM on January 30, 2022

Didn’t see the second part of your follow up. I’ve got the classic pillow. Just the foam grid with nothing else. It is a low pillow, but I’m trying to learn to sleep on my back and it helps. It does come with inserts to lift it up if you’d rather side sleep.
posted by hwyengr at 11:39 AM on January 30, 2022

N'thing Buckwheat. If you're anywhere near the UK, I can recommend 'Brow Farm' pillows, which can be found on Amazon. I believe 'Hullo' pillows in the US are similar, though more expensive.

Seriously amazing, completely sorted morning neck pain for me and I would never go back to a foam or down pillow.
posted by Happy Dave at 11:56 AM on January 30, 2022

I have the Purple Harmony in I think the medium height.

Fair warning that a common complaint is an odor when it first arrives. I did notice this, it was not too bad for me and disappeared after a day or so of airing.
posted by Preserver at 12:05 PM on January 30, 2022

Nthing buckwheat hull pillows. FWIW I've never refilled my buckwheat hull pillows and I've been sleeping on them for >10 years. I don't find that they compress over time. Every few years, if I'm free on a nice summer day, I pour the buckweat hulls out into big plastic tubs (it's shocking how much space they take up outside of the pillow) and let them sit in the hot sun, stirring them every few hours. This is supposed to help them somehow. Getting them back in the pillow is not fun. Discovery of the buckwheat hull pillow changed my sleeping life entirely and I advocate for it to everyone I can (people probably call me "that buckwheat pillow guy" behind my back).
posted by dis_integration at 1:58 PM on January 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

I am a recent convert to the buckwheat pillow. I like it. I especially liked it at first. Now, I find that I use it maybe 60% of the time while mixing in other pillows for support. I definitely recommend giving it a try.

I ordered this pillow from Amazon in September. My girlfriend liked it, so ordered one too. She also ordered the "matching" pillow cover for this, but the cover is bizarrely large, so we don't use it. As a result, these pillows have become stained with time. We don't mind, but you might.
posted by jdroth at 5:50 PM on January 30, 2022

I use a combination of a buckwheat pillow and a down pillow, in various configurations throughout the night. I also keep a clean tea towel handy and put it under my head during the sweating phase of the night. This system sort of works pretty well, most of the time.
posted by aunt_winnifred at 5:57 PM on January 30, 2022

For longevity on the purple pillow...my husband has been using one for at least 3-4 years; I believe we bought it right when they came out with it. It feels the exact same as when we got it. We've definitely had issues with the booster that they included to add height, but I believe they've improved on that since (he just uses a thin, cheap pillow zipped into the same cover to add height, which has worked better than the booster they sold us).
posted by mosst at 10:56 AM on January 31, 2022

I would definitely recommend going somewhere you can feel the purple pillow (or a purple mattress, or something else with the purple technology) before buying it, if possible - they're very different from other products on the market. I know some conventional mattress stores (e.g. Mattress Warehouse) now have Purple products that you can feel and test.
posted by mosst at 10:58 AM on January 31, 2022 [1 favorite]

I bought myself one of these from Etsy. Yes, it's got wool inside. No, it never gets hot, and I sleep hot. And it's exactly the right density for me, doesn't go all flat. No connection with the store or owner.
posted by zadcat at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2022

Have you tried not using a pillow?
posted by menogaki at 12:12 AM on February 2, 2022

Response by poster: Update: y'all convinced me to try buckwheat. I love love love that it stays cool. The pillow I bought doesn't seem to have quite enough filling for me. It's a little flatter than I like. So I'll work on fixing that. In the meantime I'm using my least fluffy down alternative pillow underneath for extra support. (I'm almost exclusively a side sleeper.) So, the first night I used it I slept well but woke up with a horrible pulled muscle pain from my neck down around my right shoulder blade. Nevertheless, I persisted. The last few nights have been amazing. Again, the cooling factor is such a huge plus. It takes a bit of plumping and flipping and flopping (of both me and the pillow) to get it just right, but once I do, this cool firm pillow and the creaky dulcet tone guy are pretty consistently sending me straight to slumber land. Thanks for your recommendations. I might go test out a purple somewhere at some point just for curiosity.
posted by WhenInGnome at 6:03 PM on February 6, 2022 [2 favorites]