DogFilter: Befriending the dogs next door
December 19, 2021 6:24 PM Subscribe
My neighbors' dogs bark aggressively whenever we are outside. Is there a way to get them more used to us?
My neighbors have two dogs that they have gotten within the past year or so. Whenever I am outside in my yard gardening, bringing in groceries, etc, they bark, and will seem to do so until the neighbors bring them inside--they've kept it up for nearly an hour in the past when the neighbors aren't paying attention. Frankly, I use my yard less because of the constant barking. It stresses me out, and spending more time out there didn't seem to help.
Is there anything that we can do to help the dogs recognize us as friends minding our own business? A previous neighbor had dogs who barked less after we went to the fence a few times and let them sniff us, but these dogs backed up, growled, and barked more aggressively when we calmly approached, so we stopped trying that. We don't have a bad relationship with the neighbors, but "train your dog to shut up" doesn't seem like a way to win them over (they also once said something about a piece of trash that had blown into our yard that made the dogs so "nervous" that the neighbors needed to come in and get it, in a way that made it sound like our fault, so I suspect they'd frame getting barked at while shoveling the driveway as our fault, too).
My neighbors have two dogs that they have gotten within the past year or so. Whenever I am outside in my yard gardening, bringing in groceries, etc, they bark, and will seem to do so until the neighbors bring them inside--they've kept it up for nearly an hour in the past when the neighbors aren't paying attention. Frankly, I use my yard less because of the constant barking. It stresses me out, and spending more time out there didn't seem to help.
Is there anything that we can do to help the dogs recognize us as friends minding our own business? A previous neighbor had dogs who barked less after we went to the fence a few times and let them sniff us, but these dogs backed up, growled, and barked more aggressively when we calmly approached, so we stopped trying that. We don't have a bad relationship with the neighbors, but "train your dog to shut up" doesn't seem like a way to win them over (they also once said something about a piece of trash that had blown into our yard that made the dogs so "nervous" that the neighbors needed to come in and get it, in a way that made it sound like our fault, so I suspect they'd frame getting barked at while shoveling the driveway as our fault, too).
These are bad dog owners, but the dogs themselves are not “bad”. I might knock on their door one afternoon and ask them if you could try to make friends with the dogs while they are there, because it is stressful for you to be in your own yard when they are barking at you. Maybe bring a bag of dog treats? I am sorry, you shouldn’t have to spend your time OR your money, but I think the best approach might be friendliness and dog snacks.
posted by Glinn at 7:36 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Glinn at 7:36 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
I have befriended, or at least made peace with, many reactive neighbor dogs. They need to be able to see you. Is this a fence you can see through or is it a privacy fence? If it's a privacy fence you may be out of luck.
But if it's cyclone fencing or something like that, here is what I'd recommend. Get a bag of training treats (itty bitty treats, inexpensive). Sit down near the fence but not close, maybe 4-6 feet away, and sit parallel to the fence. Just look straight ahead, don't look at the dogs. You want them to be able to see your face being bored and uninterested, which will help them assess you as not a threat. You can try talking to them a bit, just a real gentle high voice. At the first sign of calming down, a break or even decrease in barking, or still barking but not lunging at the fence, toss a few treats their way. Toss more treats when you get up and leave.
Just keep doing that a little bit every time you're outside. If they get to a point where they don't bark at all when you come out, keep giving treats for that for a while. Eventually you'll get to a point where they either don't mind you being there or actively look forward to it.
Normally I wouldn't recommend giving any dog any food without explicit permission from the owner (when I make peace with strange dogs it's generally just nice words and repeat exposure, but I've also got my own dogs with me to break the ice), but it's clear that the owners of these dogs are blithely unconcerned about the emotional or mental welfare of their animals.
posted by phunniemee at 8:00 PM on December 19, 2021 [13 favorites]
But if it's cyclone fencing or something like that, here is what I'd recommend. Get a bag of training treats (itty bitty treats, inexpensive). Sit down near the fence but not close, maybe 4-6 feet away, and sit parallel to the fence. Just look straight ahead, don't look at the dogs. You want them to be able to see your face being bored and uninterested, which will help them assess you as not a threat. You can try talking to them a bit, just a real gentle high voice. At the first sign of calming down, a break or even decrease in barking, or still barking but not lunging at the fence, toss a few treats their way. Toss more treats when you get up and leave.
Just keep doing that a little bit every time you're outside. If they get to a point where they don't bark at all when you come out, keep giving treats for that for a while. Eventually you'll get to a point where they either don't mind you being there or actively look forward to it.
Normally I wouldn't recommend giving any dog any food without explicit permission from the owner (when I make peace with strange dogs it's generally just nice words and repeat exposure, but I've also got my own dogs with me to break the ice), but it's clear that the owners of these dogs are blithely unconcerned about the emotional or mental welfare of their animals.
posted by phunniemee at 8:00 PM on December 19, 2021 [13 favorites]
If talking to the humans doesn't work, I would clicker train the dogs to shut up. Purchase a training clicker (about $10). Every time the dogs stop barking for even a second of silence, click the clicker immediately and chuck over a couple kibbles. Over a few weeks, extend the duration of silence that gets them a click+treat. This will train them to be silent. Check out some YouTube videos to see how it works.
I wouldn't usually suggest feeding someone else's pet, but these owners clearly don't give a hoot about their dogs since they're letting them dog flip out endlessly. Just try to feed the dogs the brand they're used to in case they have allergies (keep an eye on the garbage, or when they bring in their groceries, and you'll probably see the brand they use) and only give small amounts.
Also- avoid eye contact with the dogs. And let them see you blink and yawn, that's an animal signal that tension can be released.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:02 PM on December 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
I wouldn't usually suggest feeding someone else's pet, but these owners clearly don't give a hoot about their dogs since they're letting them dog flip out endlessly. Just try to feed the dogs the brand they're used to in case they have allergies (keep an eye on the garbage, or when they bring in their groceries, and you'll probably see the brand they use) and only give small amounts.
Also- avoid eye contact with the dogs. And let them see you blink and yawn, that's an animal signal that tension can be released.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:02 PM on December 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
We lived next to a neighbour that had a "fence aggressive" dog for 2-years - however, it was only aggressive towards other dogs - not people.
He actually bit our biggest on the nose/mouth a couple times (he now has scars) - and with our oldest managed to grab a leg through a gap and mangle him to the point of $1500 vet bill.
Not only that, but it made our dogs anxious and on-edge - and more barky themselves.
We tried to become friends with him, bring treats, etc.
Nothing worked - we ended-up having to cobble together a cheap fencing solution (this was a originally chain-link/mesh fence, which was poorly maintained) - it was a rental, so - we didn't have any control. At one point, after the first minor incident, the owners actually built a proper fence - but the people they hired left the gap.
Yet - prior to that construction being completed - one two occasions our dogs and him mixed in the same yard accidentally - and there were no issues (even though all of us humans were anxious and calling them back).
He only had "fence aggression" - they had another dog who was normal, and incredibly sweet.
Thankfully we moved in Sept 2020 - and we now have a proper dog run, so our dogs are only troubled by squirrel/chipmunk sightings and deer or foxes that get into the bigger portion of the yard.
So - unfortunately I don't have a proper anwser.
posted by rozcakj at 5:46 AM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
He actually bit our biggest on the nose/mouth a couple times (he now has scars) - and with our oldest managed to grab a leg through a gap and mangle him to the point of $1500 vet bill.
Not only that, but it made our dogs anxious and on-edge - and more barky themselves.
We tried to become friends with him, bring treats, etc.
Nothing worked - we ended-up having to cobble together a cheap fencing solution (this was a originally chain-link/mesh fence, which was poorly maintained) - it was a rental, so - we didn't have any control. At one point, after the first minor incident, the owners actually built a proper fence - but the people they hired left the gap.
Yet - prior to that construction being completed - one two occasions our dogs and him mixed in the same yard accidentally - and there were no issues (even though all of us humans were anxious and calling them back).
He only had "fence aggression" - they had another dog who was normal, and incredibly sweet.
Thankfully we moved in Sept 2020 - and we now have a proper dog run, so our dogs are only troubled by squirrel/chipmunk sightings and deer or foxes that get into the bigger portion of the yard.
So - unfortunately I don't have a proper anwser.
posted by rozcakj at 5:46 AM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
I've had success with fence aggressive dogs with just...talking to them (the dogs). Something along the lines of "hey dog, it's Csox, I hope you're having a good day." Just something mild and gentle, so they know it's boring-old me on the other side of the fence, not some intruder who's just waiting for the perfect moment to jump the fence and attack their people. This was with a wooden privacy fence with a few gaps...enough that the dogs could see motion thru the fence, but not enough to identify me as me. It took about 3 weeks of me saying hey to them each time before I started to notice any improvement. It got to the point where if I was in my normal daily routine, the dogs wouldn't bark at all, but if I was in the yard outside my normal hours, they'd still bark, but a "hey buddy, it's me" would be enough for them to simmer down quickly. Good luck, I know how aggravating it can be.
posted by csox at 6:01 AM on December 20, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by csox at 6:01 AM on December 20, 2021 [5 favorites]
I have a couple more thoughts. The key to befriending dogs is understanding what motivates them. Two books I found really helpful for understanding barking as a behavior are Barking, the Sound of a Language and The Bark Stops Here. Both books contain a lot of information you might find helpful even if your neighbors don't care. Both books are realistic about the challenges involved in training dogs to stop barking at stuff they bark at.
Please be VERY CAREFUL if you do decide to interact with the dogs beyond talking to them. Most importantly, you really need to get your neighbor on board if you want to train their dogs. I would advise that you do not approach the dogs, give them treats or otherwise try training them through the fence unless you have your neighbor's permission.
Even if you are very careful, there are some very bad things that could happen:
You might get bitten
Your neighbor might sue you if something bad happens
You may inadvertently stress or confuse the dogs
The barking might actually get worse*
That is just a sample. Hopefully none of that would happen, but it's important to be aware of what you might be getting yourself into and how it might play out in the long term.
*this is why I suggested ignoring the dogs in my previous answer. My holy terror of a barker would completely and totally lose every one of his marbles when the (very nice and very well-intentioned) neighbors tried talking sweetly to him through the fence. It made the problem infinitely worse. Every dog is different so YDMV.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:28 AM on December 20, 2021 [4 favorites]
Please be VERY CAREFUL if you do decide to interact with the dogs beyond talking to them. Most importantly, you really need to get your neighbor on board if you want to train their dogs. I would advise that you do not approach the dogs, give them treats or otherwise try training them through the fence unless you have your neighbor's permission.
Even if you are very careful, there are some very bad things that could happen:
You might get bitten
Your neighbor might sue you if something bad happens
You may inadvertently stress or confuse the dogs
The barking might actually get worse*
That is just a sample. Hopefully none of that would happen, but it's important to be aware of what you might be getting yourself into and how it might play out in the long term.
*this is why I suggested ignoring the dogs in my previous answer. My holy terror of a barker would completely and totally lose every one of his marbles when the (very nice and very well-intentioned) neighbors tried talking sweetly to him through the fence. It made the problem infinitely worse. Every dog is different so YDMV.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:28 AM on December 20, 2021 [4 favorites]
I lived next to a house with two fence aggressive dogs.... who were the sweetest loveydoveys when we met them in front of the house with their people. It might be worth it to try meeting them with their people, talking to them, giving them approved treats, and then repeating the talking/treats when they are at the fence. In my situation, the dogs never chilled out about their RAWF RAWF MUST GUARD TERRITORY RAWF but it helped _me_ to know that they would normally be sweetie pies and that it was about the fence, not about me as a specific individual.
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2021
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2021
« Older seeking an "experience gift" for my parents in the... | Is there a vegetarian Alison Roman? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
I have had a dog with a fence barking problem and it can be very challenging to address this stuff once a dog makes a habit of it. Just a data point if you do decide to ask the owners to do the right thing for you and for their dogs.
The first thing you can do is try to make it so the dogs can't see you. Even the gaps in a typical wooden "privacy fence" are an issue. Get some black landscaping fabric and tie/staple that up double thickness all the way down your side of the shared fence line. Make sure the view is totally obscured. This doesn't work with all dogs who have this issue sadly. Ideally these people would stop ignoring their dogs when they bark incessantly. There are good reasons to not leave dogs unattended outside barking for long periods.
If blocking the view doesn't solve it I am not aware of any way that you can help other than to ignore the dogs unless you can get the neighbors on board. In that case, you might be able to spend some time getting to know the dogs without the fence involved and progress from there.
If they want to learn how to manage the behavior, the technical term I'm aware of is "barrier reactivity". I would suggest they do some research.
I am so sorry you haven't been able to enjoy your yard and I'm hoping you can resolve this.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 6:44 PM on December 19, 2021 [6 favorites]