Therapist, life coach, something else? What kind of help do I need?
December 2, 2021 11:43 AM Subscribe
2 things have me stuck in a rut and I'd like someone to help with ideas and motivation. What sort of a professional should I be looking for?
I want to lose weight like I have in the past, and I want to have more sex with my spouse. On the weight loss front I basically want non-judgmental encouragement, preferably more than once per week (maybe even a daily check-in message). I already know how to lose weight having done it before, so I'm just looking for encouragement and an understanding listener.
On the sex front, my spouse and I are already communicating and there has been some improvement but it has been slow and painstaking and still not especially fulfilling. So I guess I'm looking for someone who can offer advice and encouragement and also just be someone to listen — in the circles I move in we absolutely do not discuss sex lives, so it can be lonely when I want to talk about my sex life with someone but my spouse is feeling overwhelmed and doesn't want to talk about it. So this would also be an opportunity to have someone to talk to who can keep things confidential.
I've already worked with one therapist on these topics and she was nice and a little helpful but I'm not sure her expertise lined up with what I needed so we have parted ways and I'm wondering if I should go to another therapist or look for a different kind of help.
I want to lose weight like I have in the past, and I want to have more sex with my spouse. On the weight loss front I basically want non-judgmental encouragement, preferably more than once per week (maybe even a daily check-in message). I already know how to lose weight having done it before, so I'm just looking for encouragement and an understanding listener.
On the sex front, my spouse and I are already communicating and there has been some improvement but it has been slow and painstaking and still not especially fulfilling. So I guess I'm looking for someone who can offer advice and encouragement and also just be someone to listen — in the circles I move in we absolutely do not discuss sex lives, so it can be lonely when I want to talk about my sex life with someone but my spouse is feeling overwhelmed and doesn't want to talk about it. So this would also be an opportunity to have someone to talk to who can keep things confidential.
I've already worked with one therapist on these topics and she was nice and a little helpful but I'm not sure her expertise lined up with what I needed so we have parted ways and I'm wondering if I should go to another therapist or look for a different kind of help.
It sounds like you need two very different professionals. For the weight loss, an accountability coach or a life coach who specializes in weight loss should be able to provide exactly what you are looking for.
On the sex front, I would suggest a therapist whose expertise is sexual issues. Depending on where you are located, this professional may be called a sex therapist, a clinical sexologist, or a marriage & family therapist focusing on sexual health. This should be a licensed mental health professional whose training and practice focus on sexual wellness, regardless of their specific title.
posted by hworth at 12:38 PM on December 2, 2021
On the sex front, I would suggest a therapist whose expertise is sexual issues. Depending on where you are located, this professional may be called a sex therapist, a clinical sexologist, or a marriage & family therapist focusing on sexual health. This should be a licensed mental health professional whose training and practice focus on sexual wellness, regardless of their specific title.
posted by hworth at 12:38 PM on December 2, 2021
Sometimes a group can be a good/more economical option for goals like weight loss, especially if you already know what works for you and are mostly looking for compassionate accountability and support.
posted by Otis the Lion at 1:33 PM on December 2, 2021
posted by Otis the Lion at 1:33 PM on December 2, 2021
I'm not sure her expertise lined up with what I needed so we have parted ways and I'm wondering if I should go to another therapist or look for a different kind of help.
I feel like this kind of thing is luck of the draw - it depends more on the individual(s) you interact with than the format. So maybe you could shop around and try a few different avenues until you find one that feels good to you.
posted by trig at 3:58 PM on December 2, 2021
I feel like this kind of thing is luck of the draw - it depends more on the individual(s) you interact with than the format. So maybe you could shop around and try a few different avenues until you find one that feels good to you.
posted by trig at 3:58 PM on December 2, 2021
What about finding an online health coaching situation where you get someone to text you and support you? Coach.me might be a good fit for that.
Here's the kind of person who could support you in your goal to work on your sex life: Dr. Jane Gyun or Dr. Ali Ash. Both have online resources to start with and there are lots of others like them if they don't fit for you.
Absolutely second the comment about the book Come as You Are. It's fantastic.
posted by mulkey at 10:39 PM on December 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
Here's the kind of person who could support you in your goal to work on your sex life: Dr. Jane Gyun or Dr. Ali Ash. Both have online resources to start with and there are lots of others like them if they don't fit for you.
Absolutely second the comment about the book Come as You Are. It's fantastic.
posted by mulkey at 10:39 PM on December 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by Bella Donna at 12:36 PM on December 2, 2021 [1 favorite]