Rest and Vest, or Pack and Go
November 29, 2021 8:51 PM   Subscribe

I am completely burned out and Done with my job. I am very fortunate in that I can afford to quit and take some extended time off to recover, but there is significant financial incentive for me to hang on for another 5 months or so (significant to the tune of $60-70k on top of my regular income). Can I hang in there? Should I try?

(Yes, this is an RSU vesting situation, and I am fully aware that folks refer to them as "golden handcuffs" for a reason. I live modestly and have a good chunk of money saved up exactly because I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but I'm not exactly rich enough that I can just toss away 60 grand without some consideration, y'know? )

To be clear, my job isn't terribly toxic or abusive or really much of anything. It's just the little indignities (inarticulate goals, disorganized management, power-grabbing coworkers) piling up and combining with pandemic fatigue until one day I realized I just. Can't do things anymore. My boss, who seems just as tired and overwhelmed as I am, asks me to do something perfectly reasonable within my job parameters and I feel like my brain is trying to operate in 3x gravity. Many weeknights I end up in tears before bed knowing that tomorrow I will wake up and someone will be asking me to Do Things again.

I already had plans to quit and relocate closer to my home and family next year, so in some sense it feels reasonable that I could move my timeline forward a little and plan for some time off to just decompress. But part of my plan had been to stick it out until at least next April, where my extra payout happens - I don't exactly need it to survive, but it is a significant enough amount to add to a future down payment (enough to push me over into being able to buy a small home in cash), or enough to fund more schooling for a career change, or even just being able to retire that much earlier. On the other hand, I really can't see myself lasting until April at this rate without making myself utterly miserable and ruining all of my relationships due to my misery. Does anyone have any tips for how to make this work, or should I just cut my losses and move on?
posted by sock here, sock there to Work & Money (17 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Is it possible to take leave, paid or unpaid? I'm not sure, but I would hope that it wouldn't push back your vesting date. I have heard of people who took medical leave for burnout. If you're going to quit anyways, looking to see if you can take leave and get the payout is probably worth it.
posted by watermelon at 9:04 PM on November 29, 2021 [4 favorites]


Can you take medical leave or a sabbatical? Might give you the energy to make it to April. It's a good chunk of change. (Then again, it will be taxed as short-term capital gains so adjust your calculus accordingly. You probably already have!)

Or make plans to donate some of it to a cause or person you really care about. Altruism might be motivating?
posted by Threeve at 9:04 PM on November 29, 2021


FWIW I know someone who was burned out with her job, and taking FMLA was the right next step for her.
posted by oceano at 9:05 PM on November 29, 2021


5 months? FIVE MONTHS? Five months and you might get the cashout that lets you buy a cute little house?

You can do it. If your boss is also overwhelmed and tired just start doing the bare minimum, start asking goofy questions about why things are done the way they are, waste time talking to co-workers you otherwise would not talk to, monkey wrench some shit (but do not go so far as to get fired, you want that cute little house) and just coast through the time like you are playing your own ARG then go find that cute little house.

I know April seems a long ways off but you can do it and it is worth it. Think of it as your fake job and fake it.
posted by vrakatar at 9:29 PM on November 29, 2021 [46 favorites]


If you decide to stay…consider keeping the communications line open with your loved ones.

IME a change in scenery helped a lot with burnout.

I would like to gently point out that since the status quo is unsustainable for you to make it to April, you will need to adjust your own expectations about “what is good enough.” In addition,your new work mantras may become “not my monkeys, not my circus” and “the only way to win the (office politics) game is to not play at all.”
posted by oceano at 9:44 PM on November 29, 2021 [7 favorites]


You can do it. Someone close to me was in a very similar situation, waited it out and were glad they did. I know it feels overwhelming but if at all possible, try to care less until April. Future you probably won’t regret staying for the money, even if the thought of staying feels terrible right now!
posted by stellaluna at 9:46 PM on November 29, 2021 [4 favorites]


Even with possible tax issues, 5 months for 60-70K may well be worth it if you can set some boundaries and are definitely leaving at that time. Heck, my last company had a bit of a joke about how many people left the quarter after they vested and I know of places that had entire teams give notice immediately after the yearly bonuses were paid. Planning around these events is not unknown in the corporate world.

So what I would consider is: How certain is the amount? What do you think about what happens to it if it doesn't go to you (i.e., do those who are driving you nuts just get more money or does it get split among other employees?) Is your company the kind that would let you go the day before the payout was due anyway? Regardless of the RSU, is 6 months without pay still in your budget? How definitely are you leaving in 6 months? What do your loved ones think of this? (My partner would have been fine with my quitting with minimal notice, given how miserable I was, and readily accepted the hit to our budget - OMG the insurance issues in the USA!)

As to how to get through it, I used every single vacation day I had coming and had several day-long out-of-office obligations as well. And I was WFH so I also set some better boundaries about start times and breaks. And was senior enough to not take on solo projects that couldn't be completed in my allotted time frame.

And I had outside plans that forced me to actually leave at my target date. In your case, this is whatever it is that you and your family have planned for April.
posted by beaning at 9:50 PM on November 29, 2021 [3 favorites]


Hoo boy, can I relate a lot to the experience you've described. I was once in a similar situation, though not nearly as much financial upside, and after describing to him for the 600th time how it was making me feel my therapist said, "Quit your job. Keeping going in every day, but quit your job, just don't tell them you've. Every two weeks you take that paycheck they will keep sending your way, but you're no longer working for them."

Another way of putting it might be: however many (or few) fucks remain in your personal fucks-to-give bucket, there are no more for Your Job. Though shalt not any longer have fucks to give for your job. Like many other workers, at your company and elsewhere, you will likely get by JUST FINE by showing up every day without any fucks to give. Look around. You know there are some just like that working for the same employer as you. If they are able to manage to do that for another six months and keep collecting those paychecks, can't you? Esp with that payout coming?

I mean, in order to get you to April with a modicum of sanity, you can probably spend a portion of that NOW, *ahead of time*, on Therapy or Printer Battering or Hatchet Throwing or Your Bartender's Kid's College Fund, and still end up with plenty enough leftover for that downpayment or whatever the hell else you want to do with it.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:55 PM on November 29, 2021 [10 favorites]


Aside from leave, if you have any sick days left, take some right now. It sounds like you need it badly. ("Mental health is health" is not in any way an excuse or a copout. Anyone who's ever had a breakdown will be able to attest.)

If you can find a way to last these 5 months without losing your mind or health, I'd do it. If nothing else, that money can fund a good amount of time off after quitting. I'd try to take off as much time as possible while there, as soon as possible. I'd also spend money on things (massages, cleaning service, meals, good music, therapy, ymmv) that might help me clear my head a little.

But at the same time, if you get to a point where you truly feel like you're falling apart, then do not feel bad about leaving. I've pushed my health to the breaking point for things that were important, but, in hindsight, not important enough to justify that.
posted by trig at 9:56 PM on November 29, 2021 [1 favorite]


For $60-70k, you can definitely do this! Others have given you some good advice on strategies, but I'll echo that the key thing is simply to stop caring. That can be hard to do but, unless you are the cause of the mess that makes you want to leave in the first place, you have no obligation to take responsibility for it or try to fix it, so just go with the flow for a bit. Really, all you have to do is, until April care about the company exactly the same amount as the company cares about you. Take all the leave you can, take all the breaks you're entitled to and do what you have to do to keep yourself sane.
posted by dg at 9:59 PM on November 29, 2021 [2 favorites]


If it were me, I would hang in the 5 months, because that's a good payout, BUT, I think you need a parallel strategy to help motivate you. Because as is, this sounds like those cliché movie scenes where the kid is staring at the classroom clock waiting for school to end.

So I would find something that is more empowering and gratifying that also takes five months. I would say something preferably physically based, like learning karate, a continuing ed class, or yoga, maybe even something that gives you a certificate. Basically, anything fun and challenging to help you get out of that headspace waiting for the clock to run out.

I mention yoga, because I started it a few months ago, and I would take classes twice a day if I could, but at $14 a pop, I have to budget my time. But if I knew I had some cash waiting for me at the end? I would go every single day for 5 months, emerging out the other side a yoga master or some shit, and then I'd pay myself back!
posted by jeremias at 10:06 PM on November 29, 2021 [10 favorites]


Money is money. Health is far more important, especially when you are already financially comfortable. But we all have different tolerances, and I think you are the only person who can judge how badly continuing in this job might affect you. Some people bounce back from burnout almost as soon as they have a change of scenery, others (like me!) end up falling into long term health problems because we've exhausted all our reserves. In the latter case, I think that's more a matter of long term, chronic stress and/or mental health issues laying the foundations for burnout to really mean burnout. Five months is a very different time period depending on where you are on that spectrum.

So, do a gut check. If you try to stick it out and your mental health continues to deteriorate, how easily do you think you'll be able to bounce back? How's your physical health, generally? Are you ok away from work, as long as you aren't thinking about it? If yes, I'd say it's worth adopting the "phone it in" attitude others have suggested upthread, and just front up each day till payday (bearing in mind this doesn't work for all of us, because personal pride can get in the way even when you'd rather it didn't). But if you think you could be on the road to a genuine health breakdown, abort, abort, abort. You can't buy your health back.
posted by FifteenShocks at 11:54 PM on November 29, 2021 [3 favorites]


What if, over the next five months, you grow in ways you never imagined you could? You gain resilience to manage your mindset through any situation, you develop professional detachment and sweet, sweet boundaries around what you will and won’t put up with at work, you generate motivation on demand to get things done and feel good about it (without over exerting yourself), and you manage to finish a few side projects you’ve been meaning to get around to for a while now. Plus, you exit from your job leisurely and gracefully with some good connections and your head held high. And you get paid 60,000 to do all this.

It doesn’t have to be a shitshow. I had a three month notice period at my last job and I thought it was going to be agony. Turned out, I worked with a coach and we made it into an amazing transformative experience.

I am now a coach who helps people through similar situations. I’d be happy to offer a free session and MeFite discount to help you get through this with class and ease.

Oh, and by April, you could have an awesome plan already in motion for what you want to do with your future, too.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:02 AM on November 30, 2021 [11 favorites]


For that amount of cash, I'd pay for weekly massages, a cleaner, and take at least 4 days off for a break where I get massages, have gentle walks in nature and sleep (avoiding phone and internet preferably). See a Dr and get iron & everything else checked. Pay for a life coach /organiser/job coach to remove some of the stressors from your life and job. Leave your job on time, don't do overtime, don't go the extra mile.

If you hate your job, then sure, leave.
If you're just burned and and frustrated, then evaluate where you can make life easier on your self, and less stressful on your body, because that's all stuff that will keep coming in handy regardless of this job, and is really useful to know and figure out. Have a budget for making your own life better.
posted by Elysum at 2:16 AM on November 30, 2021 [5 favorites]


If it were me, I'd break the bonus down to figure out how much extra I'm making per day until April. If my math is right, it could be around $500 bucks a day. That would help me stick it out. I agree with all the "treat yourself" advice above!
posted by kinsey at 2:29 AM on November 30, 2021 [3 favorites]


Rest and vest is the best. You can do it!! april will be here in no time!!
posted by wowenthusiast at 5:14 AM on November 30, 2021 [2 favorites]


If you were to take all of your available leave during those five months, how big of an impact would that have? Like, if your position accrues leave at a rate of two days/month, that would let you have two three-day weekends each month, plus sick days and using up any leave you have stored up. I also like the idea of looking into FMLA, but just make sure that it wouldn't somehow affect your vesting schedule. (I don't think it should, but that would be a really unhappy surprise to learn afterwards.)

If it were me, I'd break the bonus down to figure out how much extra I'm making per day until April. If my math is right, it could be around $500 bucks a day.

When you do this math, subtract out all the days that you will be taking leave to show just how much extra you will be getting per actual day of work.

Overall I would be in favor of finding a way to disengage, put in the minimum effort to stay employed, and check each day off on a calendar until you get to the end. That the money will have a concrete impact on your life (potentially a new house!) is a big deal. Accessing tools to help with the goal of making it to April would be a great investment, whether coaching, therapy, yoga, or whatever works.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:52 AM on November 30, 2021 [3 favorites]


« Older What's the stupidest holiday sausage gift basket?   |   The SMBC fewer v less correction comic Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.