Driving teacher was inappropriate long ago
October 21, 2021 6:56 AM   Subscribe

Driving teacher was inappropriate a long time ago. Should I do anything today?

I took driving lessons from a very well reputed driving school about 15 years ago. The teacher was inappropriate: he told me how all the teenage girls he taught wanted to give him oral sex (using the crude term) and it was hard for him to be alone in the car with them.

It was really uncomfortable and I didn't know how to respond so I froze. He did not make any overtures to me (I was not his target demographic) but I think it's very likely he would have made passes at girls who were "his type". I thought of it recently and called the driving school to tell them, but he doesn't work there any more. I saw online that he now runs a private driving school with a Facebook page.

What should I do? This is in Ontario Canada.
posted by nouvelle-personne to Human Relations (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I imagine that your former teacher must be licensed by the Ontario Ministry of Transportation, who you might try contacting? I empathize because I am still creeped out by an instructor in the UK who made lecherous comments about pedestrians we drove past.
posted by johngoren at 7:30 AM on October 21, 2021


First, I'm incensed on your behalf and so sorry that you endured this. I hope the instructor's actions haven't caused you lasting harm and that you have the supports you need in any case. Something similar happened to me, also about 15 years ago, though it was in Florida, and I'm gay and read as male. In my case, the instructor was less explicit — "You go to the arts high school? I bet you know a lot of gay kids. What are their names?" "Mentioning" that he "happened to know" the younger brothers of several people I'd known in elementary school — but I still feel sick dread and anger when I think about it all these years later. I commend you for following up—it is absolutely the right thing to do—and I'll be watching the replies here with interest.

I lived in Ontario for a number of years, but I don't have any concrete suggestions beyond johngoren's to inquire with the MTO. I think they are worth contacting in any event, but you can also see if the man's current operation (it's not a "school," it's a scheme to gain access to physically vulnerable girls/young women) is ministry-approved or if it's (recently?) had its approval revoked.
posted by wreckingball at 7:56 AM on October 21, 2021


Response by poster: Oh- another detail - on his school's facebook page there are multiple reviews from moms saying how great he was with their daughters. Authentic reviews - the moms' accounts aren't fake.

I can even see why teen girls might like him - he walks the line of appropriateness in a way that would make a teenager feel "cool" because he's an "adult bro" who speaks candidly, swears, gives compliments, acts youthful, they're alone in the car together joking around, etc.

I could message the moms from a burner account and tell them my experience so they can check in with their kids. Although frankly he probably flirt-groomed the moms too, so they might not be receptive to that.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:20 AM on October 21, 2021 [1 favorite]


You could certainly review him yourself.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:22 AM on October 21, 2021 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: I'd be very concerned about retaliation. I could use a burner account but I'd still worry he might be able to figure out who I am.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:23 AM on October 21, 2021 [1 favorite]


Ultimately, you should do what makes you feel safe. I had a driving instructor like this too but I had some rare revenge. My sister had him after me & took him to task, like even made him cry once. Then the school went out of business shortly after because they were operating without a license after the official owner had died.

That said, I’m sorry this guy is still teaching and I’m sorry the fear of retaliation is still scaring you. The thing is, he almost certainly did this to other girls and students and surely you are not the only one. I think leaving reviews across sites using an anonymous-as-possible account would be beneficial to others. You can be vague about times “I had him as an instructor over a decade ago and he made comments about….” You share general details like you expressed so well here: you can ask to have your post here made anonymous, too, if it’s make you feel safer. You could even end your reviews with a statement like “I hope he has changed and is professional with his students now but I want to share this for the safety of others.”

I wish you luck! It is so hard being young and feeling so disenfranchised. It sucks that there are creepy men like him out there and it’s still so hard 15 years later. Lots of love to you.
posted by smorgasbord at 8:36 AM on October 21, 2021 [2 favorites]


I know this isn't quite what you asked but I would seek some therapy or support before you take any action. What happened to you was traumatic and inappropriate. Your desire to protect others is great, but it might be good to have some supports in place before you take any further actions, especially if those might be more public ones.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:50 AM on October 21, 2021 [1 favorite]


My only thought was that if you do leave a review or contact someone or whatever, that you let it go afterwards. The chances are not very high that a single complaint of the kind you have will lead to a meaningful outcome on its own. So try not to worry about whether anything happens or not. If there is a bigger problem with this man (and I'm sure, that like you, we all think there probably is or was), what you do will add to the weight of evidence/public knowledge. For your own peace of mind, try to have that be victory enough, and let anything else be gravy.
posted by plonkee at 9:52 AM on October 21, 2021


I know the person who suggested you “leave it behind” after you take action had caring intentions but I want to say that this experience, which was clearly traumatic, probably caused PTSD. And your negative feelings are completely valid! I agree that seeking out therapy sounds wise and has great potential for long-term healing — but if simply “letting go” were so easy, it’d have already happened. I know I’m projecting my own experiences as someone with PTSD and OCD onto this but being validated in this can be very important and I want to give that to you!
posted by smorgasbord at 1:12 PM on October 21, 2021


I listened to a recent podcast episode that recounted a similar story about a driving instructor in BC. A teenage girl experienced sexual harrassment during her driving lesson, and after hearing other young women had similar experiences, she started a social media account to share these stories. It turned out he'd been doing this for more than 40 years, and after much media attention he has been arrested and charged.

I'm really sorry you experienced this. I would encourage you not to just move on. Personally, I would file a police report. I wouldn't be surprised if he's done this to hundreds of young women.
posted by barnoley at 7:04 PM on October 21, 2021 [4 favorites]


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