Sleep punching partner
October 17, 2021 10:37 AM Subscribe
My partner, the most gentle and nonviolent of men, has an REM issue where he flails, punches and kicks during nightmares. Last night, not for the first time, I received the blows while sleeping.
He was dreaming about fighting intruders. I -- a woman who is smaller than he is -- was in a deep phase of sleep and woke up to my partner punching me hard and repeatedly on my neck. It still hurts today. I am seriously afraid that he is going to injure me at some point.
Just for information: He also yell-talks in his sleep in a very strange, unrecognizable voice, without a lot of articulating of consonants though I can understand what he says. Mentioning this here in case this rings a bell for anyone who's been through a similar combination of REM symptoms.
He already has had a sleep study for suspected sleep apnea, which showed nothing unusual (nor apnea). From Dr. Google, we know he is having a specific kind of REM disruption that can sometimes be helped with Klonopin or melatonin. After last night's scary punching episode he is going to try melatonin first and make an appt with his PC. He has concerns about Klonopin.
I am concerned that melatonin won't work. I don't want to sleep apart from my partner if there is another solution. It is a very important part of our relationship to both of us. As this is anonymous and I can't threadsit: suggestions (from people who have not experienced this issue) to sleep apart are not really going to help me, because while I know that is a solution I am turning to ask metafilter because would rather find a different solution if possible.
QUESTION. Assume my partner and I already know everything you can know from Googling this condition. What I want to know from askme: Did you or your partner ever experience this problem? Did you solve it medically? Was there anything else is the practice of sleep that made it better?
He was dreaming about fighting intruders. I -- a woman who is smaller than he is -- was in a deep phase of sleep and woke up to my partner punching me hard and repeatedly on my neck. It still hurts today. I am seriously afraid that he is going to injure me at some point.
Just for information: He also yell-talks in his sleep in a very strange, unrecognizable voice, without a lot of articulating of consonants though I can understand what he says. Mentioning this here in case this rings a bell for anyone who's been through a similar combination of REM symptoms.
He already has had a sleep study for suspected sleep apnea, which showed nothing unusual (nor apnea). From Dr. Google, we know he is having a specific kind of REM disruption that can sometimes be helped with Klonopin or melatonin. After last night's scary punching episode he is going to try melatonin first and make an appt with his PC. He has concerns about Klonopin.
I am concerned that melatonin won't work. I don't want to sleep apart from my partner if there is another solution. It is a very important part of our relationship to both of us. As this is anonymous and I can't threadsit: suggestions (from people who have not experienced this issue) to sleep apart are not really going to help me, because while I know that is a solution I am turning to ask metafilter because would rather find a different solution if possible.
QUESTION. Assume my partner and I already know everything you can know from Googling this condition. What I want to know from askme: Did you or your partner ever experience this problem? Did you solve it medically? Was there anything else is the practice of sleep that made it better?
Has he had any experiences in life that could lead to PTSD? Because I've had this happen with someone I was sleeping with, and the only thing that helped them with it in a permanent sense was treating the underlying trauma. Using sedatives or hypnotics was not effective and led to other side effects. I had to wake them up and orient them several times but I was always a little scared doing it because I didn't know if they would swing at me or something before they fully woke up. They would yell/talk, thrash around, sometimes sit up and climb out of bed like they were reaching for someone or something, etc.
What do you two think is causing this?
Does he have any recollection of his dreams or is it all gone in the morning?
I know you don't want to sleep apart, but your own physical safety and ability to relax and get good quality rest is also very important. Maybe you could sleep apart some nights just as a temporary measure while he works on figuring this out.
posted by zdravo at 11:26 AM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
What do you two think is causing this?
Does he have any recollection of his dreams or is it all gone in the morning?
I know you don't want to sleep apart, but your own physical safety and ability to relax and get good quality rest is also very important. Maybe you could sleep apart some nights just as a temporary measure while he works on figuring this out.
posted by zdravo at 11:26 AM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Get a PTSD diagnosis and a prescription for a nightmare-interrupting device. NightWare is the least invasive I’ve heard about.
Combine with the medication he’s investigating and some changes to his day. Unfortunately you didn’t mention what his day is like but achieving a higher degree of physical exhaustion could help.
posted by michaelh at 11:30 AM on October 17, 2021 [4 favorites]
Combine with the medication he’s investigating and some changes to his day. Unfortunately you didn’t mention what his day is like but achieving a higher degree of physical exhaustion could help.
posted by michaelh at 11:30 AM on October 17, 2021 [4 favorites]
I have a sleep movement disorder, although not as extreme as your partner's. My number one recommendation would be to make an appointment with a sleep doctor to discuss treatment options. I've had good experiences at clinics affiliated with hospitals with good neurology departments, if that's an option. Aside from medication the most helpful things have been being very diligent about good sleep hygiene and general lifestyle improvements (stress reduction, meditation, exercise, eating healthy, etc.).
On a more practical level you could try upgrading to a king sized mattress and creating a pillow barrier between you and your partner to reduce the likelihood of him hitting you.
posted by fox problems at 11:52 AM on October 17, 2021 [11 favorites]
On a more practical level you could try upgrading to a king sized mattress and creating a pillow barrier between you and your partner to reduce the likelihood of him hitting you.
posted by fox problems at 11:52 AM on October 17, 2021 [11 favorites]
I know this isn't exactly helpful and you may well be aware of this incident already, but I draw your attention to the tragic case of Brian Thomas to emphasize the importance of an immediate plan to keep both of you safe while finding a solution.
posted by stray at 12:32 PM on October 17, 2021
posted by stray at 12:32 PM on October 17, 2021
On a more practical level you could try upgrading to a king sized mattress and creating a pillow barrier between you and your partner to reduce the likelihood of him hitting you.
posted by fox problems at 11:52 AM on October 17 [1 favorite +] [!]
Was going to be my recommendation. Based on experience. (My sympathies - I find these incidents very distressing.)
posted by From Bklyn at 12:59 PM on October 17, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by fox problems at 11:52 AM on October 17 [1 favorite +] [!]
Was going to be my recommendation. Based on experience. (My sympathies - I find these incidents very distressing.)
posted by From Bklyn at 12:59 PM on October 17, 2021 [3 favorites]
He has already injured you. This is a serious issue you need to speak to someone about, not just anecdotal stories.
You need to speak with a sleep specialist who focuses in sleep disorders, not just apnea. You may need to find another place to sleep. Comedian Mike Birbiglia has discussed his REM sleep disorder and his story can be found online. He jumped out of a window. He now takes heavy sleep medication, wears oven mits inside of a zip up sleeping bag, and sleeps in a separate locked room away from his wife and child.
My husband has apnea. There are times we slept apart because sleep is important. That finally pushed him to realize how he needed medical help and now uses a cpap and is investigating other breathing solutions.
posted by Crystalinne at 1:01 PM on October 17, 2021 [20 favorites]
You need to speak with a sleep specialist who focuses in sleep disorders, not just apnea. You may need to find another place to sleep. Comedian Mike Birbiglia has discussed his REM sleep disorder and his story can be found online. He jumped out of a window. He now takes heavy sleep medication, wears oven mits inside of a zip up sleeping bag, and sleeps in a separate locked room away from his wife and child.
My husband has apnea. There are times we slept apart because sleep is important. That finally pushed him to realize how he needed medical help and now uses a cpap and is investigating other breathing solutions.
posted by Crystalinne at 1:01 PM on October 17, 2021 [20 favorites]
How much caffeine does he ingest, and how late in the day?
One of my partners is a very gentle person who has never been violent in her life. Yet in her late forties, she started having episodes like you describe. We tried a bunch of stuff, but what seems to have done the trick in her case was limiting caffeine to before noon. (About ten hours before sleep).
The punching and kicking in her sleep stopped cold once that adjustment was made.
Lest anyone think I'm pushing this as a panacea, we've never found anything that eliminates MY occasional violent sleep. I know mine comes from trauma, though. I did eventually learn to recognize the factors that led to that kind of bad night, and would sleep alone on those nights.
For us, this eventually led to the realization that we do better sleeping apart, but that's due to other factors, snoring among more personal reasons.
Ymmv, of course. Just wanted to point out that there can be less ominous causal factors.
posted by Vigilant at 1:14 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
One of my partners is a very gentle person who has never been violent in her life. Yet in her late forties, she started having episodes like you describe. We tried a bunch of stuff, but what seems to have done the trick in her case was limiting caffeine to before noon. (About ten hours before sleep).
The punching and kicking in her sleep stopped cold once that adjustment was made.
Lest anyone think I'm pushing this as a panacea, we've never found anything that eliminates MY occasional violent sleep. I know mine comes from trauma, though. I did eventually learn to recognize the factors that led to that kind of bad night, and would sleep alone on those nights.
For us, this eventually led to the realization that we do better sleeping apart, but that's due to other factors, snoring among more personal reasons.
Ymmv, of course. Just wanted to point out that there can be less ominous causal factors.
posted by Vigilant at 1:14 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Did his sleep study actually show REM sleep behavior disorder? Even if he didn't have the typical flailing/punching episodes, it should have shown absence of REM atonia. If it truly was a normal sleep study, this isn't REM sleep behavior disorder -- as others have mentioned, PTSD is on the differential, as are night terrors (less common in adults than children, but can happen). Each of those has its own treatment strategy.
Regardless, this is disruptive to both your and his sleep, and potentially quite dangerous. In my experience with RBD, Klonopin is really effective; not sure what his concerns are but if his PCP can't adequately address them, ask for an appointment with a sleep specialist.
posted by basalganglia at 1:26 PM on October 17, 2021
Regardless, this is disruptive to both your and his sleep, and potentially quite dangerous. In my experience with RBD, Klonopin is really effective; not sure what his concerns are but if his PCP can't adequately address them, ask for an appointment with a sleep specialist.
posted by basalganglia at 1:26 PM on October 17, 2021
My husband started kicking in his sleep after he had a stroke. Ropinirole fixed it, but if it hadn't, our Plan B would have been to replace our bed with two twin beds on wheels we could push together to snuggle and then push apart to sleep.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:31 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Jacqueline at 1:31 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Until he's getting appropriate treatment for whatever it is going on, which is something you should pursue, you should sleep separately if you can't adequately put a barrier in the bed. My husband isn't anywhere on the scale of yours, he just tends to throw elbows periodically as he fights his way out of traps, and a king size bed with a pillow in the middle is enough to keep us more than an elbow-length apart. I don't know if that's enough of a solution for someone as mobile as your partner appears to be.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:35 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 1:35 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Make sure the sleep study data was evaluated for REM sleep disorder, and make sure someone also talks to you (your experiences sleeping next to your partner are important data here). A sleep specialist is a really good idea.
I have familial although not personal experience with this, and every couple I know did eventually choose to sleep apart— although there are usually lots of reasons as we age why people might make that choice. (As a kid I assumed my grandparents slept apart because they were like people in old tv shows, but it is much more likely REM sleep disorder combined with some aging-related symptoms made it the right choice). Sleeping apart also doesn’t solve the problem of the person injuring themselves, so even if you do eventually go that route you’ll need a better solution for fixing the flailing itself.
Anyhow especially since REM sleep disorder can itself be an early symptom of some other disorders (Parkinson’s, Lewy body dimensia, etc), this is worth getting treatment from a sleep specialist even if you do find some hacks to let you sleep safely in the same space.
posted by nat at 1:46 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have familial although not personal experience with this, and every couple I know did eventually choose to sleep apart— although there are usually lots of reasons as we age why people might make that choice. (As a kid I assumed my grandparents slept apart because they were like people in old tv shows, but it is much more likely REM sleep disorder combined with some aging-related symptoms made it the right choice). Sleeping apart also doesn’t solve the problem of the person injuring themselves, so even if you do eventually go that route you’ll need a better solution for fixing the flailing itself.
Anyhow especially since REM sleep disorder can itself be an early symptom of some other disorders (Parkinson’s, Lewy body dimensia, etc), this is worth getting treatment from a sleep specialist even if you do find some hacks to let you sleep safely in the same space.
posted by nat at 1:46 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have done this kind of thing all my life. Typically I do not remember doing it until my partner shakes me awake. Mostly it’s verbal, just yelling. Sometimes I thrash. When I was a kid, I sometimes got out of bed and raged around the room, one time overturning my bed and tipping over a bookcase. At least I was told that I did this, I have no memory of it. Nothing like that has happened in adulthood. This is associated with nightmares that I have, and when I remember them, which is seldom, it is always some form of being attacked by much larger unknown people. When I was 66, my wife urged me to speak to our family doctor. She told me it was PTSD, and from work she had done with the VA, she prescribed 1/2 mg lorazepam and 2 10 mg prazosin at bedtime. It has been a lifesaver. Not perfect, but I’ve only had two episodes since then, but they were minor, and I am now 69. I am not A doctor, I am not your doctor, my doctor is not your doctor, etc., but I hope this helps.
posted by charris5005 at 2:09 PM on October 17, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by charris5005 at 2:09 PM on October 17, 2021 [5 favorites]
Hi. I'm your partner (this was me). After that post, I had a sleep study which showed some mild sleep apnea (at the time). I didn't have an episode during the sleep study (mostly because it was so difficult to sleep with the monitors, I don't think I reached deep enough sleep to have one). My neurologist decided that I should be diagnosed with REM Sleep Behavior Disorder based on my clinical symptoms, despite the sleep study not showing anything.
Since then, I've gone on and off (now very much on) with a CPAP, which does not affect my episodes. I took Clonazepam for several years, which did seem to help reduce the number of events. I discontinued that when I was having memory concerns, as my doctor pointed out that long term use is associated with memory deficits. I have since started taking 5mg of melatonin each night. It generally helps, but I do have occasional episodes still. They aren't nearly as frequent, and typically do not reach the level of me actually acting out dreams. They're more of the type where I wake up startled, or think someone is in the room and yell at them.
Other things that have helped:
- Decreasing my overall stress. When I posted that, I was in my second year of my masters degree, and under a lot of stress. Since then, I've finished my degree (and thus removing that stressor) and also sought therapy and medical treatment for depression and anxiety. I believe this has made a much bigger difference in my episodes than the Clonazepam or melatonin. I'm currently entering a higher stress period in life, and I've noticed more events.
- White noise and sleep masks. I think a lot of my episodes occur when my sleep is disrupted for some reason, such as a noise outside or the dog jumping on the bed. This wakes me up enough to start to come out of sleep, leading to the half awake me acting out whatever the asleep half was dreaming. Adding white noise has reduced the opportunity for these disruptions, and adding a sleep mask helps increase my sleep quality.
- Consistent sleep schedule. This one waxes and wanes, but see above regarding increasing sleep quality to reduce the chance of waking during the night.
- Coming to bed after my partner. My partner getting it bed after me was another scenario that would cause me to rouse from sleep.
Regarding the concerns for injury: I'm a woman, and my spouse is a man. There was less concern for me injuring him than there might have been if the roles were reversed. However, I have still hit him in areas where he has an old injury or similar, that have been quite painful. There was also a lot of concern for injury for me, since a big feature of mine for a while was getting out of bed and wandering the bedroom. I sought treatment and got things under control, but we did discuss whether sleeping separately. Ultimately we did not, but don't discount the risk of injury as well as the importance of the quality of your own sleep when considering things. Your partner needs to make resolving this a priority. It will probably never go away, but it can definitely be managed.
posted by bluloo at 2:21 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Since then, I've gone on and off (now very much on) with a CPAP, which does not affect my episodes. I took Clonazepam for several years, which did seem to help reduce the number of events. I discontinued that when I was having memory concerns, as my doctor pointed out that long term use is associated with memory deficits. I have since started taking 5mg of melatonin each night. It generally helps, but I do have occasional episodes still. They aren't nearly as frequent, and typically do not reach the level of me actually acting out dreams. They're more of the type where I wake up startled, or think someone is in the room and yell at them.
Other things that have helped:
- Decreasing my overall stress. When I posted that, I was in my second year of my masters degree, and under a lot of stress. Since then, I've finished my degree (and thus removing that stressor) and also sought therapy and medical treatment for depression and anxiety. I believe this has made a much bigger difference in my episodes than the Clonazepam or melatonin. I'm currently entering a higher stress period in life, and I've noticed more events.
- White noise and sleep masks. I think a lot of my episodes occur when my sleep is disrupted for some reason, such as a noise outside or the dog jumping on the bed. This wakes me up enough to start to come out of sleep, leading to the half awake me acting out whatever the asleep half was dreaming. Adding white noise has reduced the opportunity for these disruptions, and adding a sleep mask helps increase my sleep quality.
- Consistent sleep schedule. This one waxes and wanes, but see above regarding increasing sleep quality to reduce the chance of waking during the night.
- Coming to bed after my partner. My partner getting it bed after me was another scenario that would cause me to rouse from sleep.
Regarding the concerns for injury: I'm a woman, and my spouse is a man. There was less concern for me injuring him than there might have been if the roles were reversed. However, I have still hit him in areas where he has an old injury or similar, that have been quite painful. There was also a lot of concern for injury for me, since a big feature of mine for a while was getting out of bed and wandering the bedroom. I sought treatment and got things under control, but we did discuss whether sleeping separately. Ultimately we did not, but don't discount the risk of injury as well as the importance of the quality of your own sleep when considering things. Your partner needs to make resolving this a priority. It will probably never go away, but it can definitely be managed.
posted by bluloo at 2:21 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Forgot to add: ignore the comments regarding this being PTSD. Unless there's a reason to think PTSD is a possibility, I'd recommend focusing on working with a neurologist or sleep doctor. Also, he should see a neurologist for this (I just re-read your post and saw the part about him seeing his PCP to discuss). Primary care is not the way to go. This is a fairly rare disorder and needs treatment and monitoring by a specialist.
posted by bluloo at 2:24 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by bluloo at 2:24 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
People have listed good long term strategies above, but a short term fix could be to create or buy a sleeping bag liner to contain his flailing limbs. This works better for sleep kickers than arm flailers, but it’s something you could try as soon as tomorrow. (If you have a sewing machine you could take a flat sheet and sew it down a long side into a tube)
My flailing partner burritos himself to contain himself, we have separate covers for this reason, but if he didn’t stop kicking with separate blankets, our next step was sleeping bag liner. (We also have a king sized bed made from two twins. The separation between mattresses is just enough to keep him on his side, and the space means I don’t get an elbow to the face anymore)
posted by larthegreat at 2:44 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
My flailing partner burritos himself to contain himself, we have separate covers for this reason, but if he didn’t stop kicking with separate blankets, our next step was sleeping bag liner. (We also have a king sized bed made from two twins. The separation between mattresses is just enough to keep him on his side, and the space means I don’t get an elbow to the face anymore)
posted by larthegreat at 2:44 PM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Just to note that the patient information for the NightWare linked above says: “If you have acted out your nightmares (i.e. sleepwalking, violence) do not use NightWare and contact your Healthcare Provider.” so it does sound like persisting with the search for medical answers is important, to make sure you get the right kind of medical intervention.
posted by penguin pie at 3:21 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by penguin pie at 3:21 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have REM Sleep DIsorder. I hit, kick, and cry out in my sleep. I once kicked my 75 pound greyhound across the room. As I understand it, one of the ways to tell this from other similar disorders is that folks with RSD vividly remember their violent dreams on waking or being woken from them. I don't have a bed partner any more but if I did, I would consider sleeping with my arms inside the body of a tight t-shirt. This was enough when recovering from pacemaker implant surgery to keep my arms by my side.
posted by QuakerMel at 4:14 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by QuakerMel at 4:14 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I would also add that my acting out in sleep is not every night. I didn't have it the nights of either of my two recent-ish overnight sleep studies. REM Sleep Disorder is often a diagnosis made by detailed questioning of a patient and their sleep partners and excluding other diagnoses than by observation in a sleep lab.
posted by QuakerMel at 4:22 PM on October 17, 2021
posted by QuakerMel at 4:22 PM on October 17, 2021
I have had a member of my family suffer from something extremely like this, triggered especially by alcohol. I believe it became much less severe, if not completely resolved, after choosing to quit drinking alcohol altogether.
posted by nukacherry at 6:18 PM on October 17, 2021
posted by nukacherry at 6:18 PM on October 17, 2021
I think I have rem movement disorder, based on spouse's reports of my kicking and flailing and speech-giving habits. I have also flung myself out of bed (that scared me, as I nearly landed on my head). I'm having an actual in lab sleep study next month, su we'll see what they say.
I take Ambien nightly now, and incidents have been fewer. We're also trying a weighted blanket. I'm vigilant about sleep hygiene, but that doesn't seem to matter that much.
posted by Dashy at 7:28 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I take Ambien nightly now, and incidents have been fewer. We're also trying a weighted blanket. I'm vigilant about sleep hygiene, but that doesn't seem to matter that much.
posted by Dashy at 7:28 PM on October 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I am so sorry you are both going through this.
REM disorders run in my family to the point where my parents cannot share a bed or a room. My mom has what your husband has. My dad has profound apnea.
As for me, I'm a sleep paralysis + sleepwalker with hardcore night terrors. While I wasn't a thrasher, I was deeply, deeply affected by my REM disorders and taking Klonopin has fixed the physical distress completely. I no longer sleep walk, and I no longer wake up pinned to my bed. My past bed partners and I spooned without issue once I started taking it. It is an essential part of my life now.
You mentioned that your husband has concerns about medication. I know that for many people taking something like Klonopin is really daunting in the same way people are worried about becoming reliant on Xanax, but it's changed my life. I hope your husband is able to find something that works as well for him (and you), too.
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:10 AM on October 18, 2021
REM disorders run in my family to the point where my parents cannot share a bed or a room. My mom has what your husband has. My dad has profound apnea.
As for me, I'm a sleep paralysis + sleepwalker with hardcore night terrors. While I wasn't a thrasher, I was deeply, deeply affected by my REM disorders and taking Klonopin has fixed the physical distress completely. I no longer sleep walk, and I no longer wake up pinned to my bed. My past bed partners and I spooned without issue once I started taking it. It is an essential part of my life now.
You mentioned that your husband has concerns about medication. I know that for many people taking something like Klonopin is really daunting in the same way people are worried about becoming reliant on Xanax, but it's changed my life. I hope your husband is able to find something that works as well for him (and you), too.
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:10 AM on October 18, 2021
I’ve had extremely intense night terrors of the “flinging myself out of bed screaming and attempting to fight anything nearby for about 40 seconds until I wake up” variety since I was 13. I’ve been a sleep-talker and sleep-mover my entire life. I also have attacked my partner in my sleep, which is very unpleasant for both of us.
In fact, I’d say my night terrors are a lot more awful and traumatic for the people who experience them than they are for me. I’ve had lots of time to grow accustomed to them. (This is also why I never, ever share rooms with people who aren’t family or a super close friend - I’m not doing that to someone who doesn’t already REALLY like me).
All this means that you need to get your partner to a professional sleep specialist ASAP. I did a sleep study when I was 15 that wasn’t very conclusive, but it’s a good idea to rule things out.
Neither myself or my family or my partner or my doctors have figured out a trigger for my night terrors. I can go many months without having one then have four in one night for no apparent reason. In my experience, sleep hygiene, exercise, and limiting caffeine to before noon are nice for insomnia: they seem to have zero effect on night terrors. Stress *may* be a factor for me, but the correlation is definitely very weak indeed.
Weird as it seems, a major factor DOES seem to be “objects in the room, especially if they move or have moved recently.” I have been known to be set off by a hat in the corner that wasn’t there the night before. I also never have had a night terror while sleeping with a light on, though that’s not exactly a great long-term solution.
I saw another sleep specialist last year to discuss medication, as I’m getting a surgery and want to be SURE that I don’t violently fling myself out of bed during that period. She put me on a low dose of triazolam to take before bed as needed, which does seem to help. I definitely don’t take it every night.
My specialist doesn’t think I have REM sleep disorder, for what it’s worth (which was comforting, as I know about the Parkinson’s association). Apparently it matters that my night terrors started when I was still a kid and are of the “sudden hallucinated peril” variety and don’t involve any narrative linkage to more elaborate dreams. I seem to be a rare adult who has the night terror-type that most kids have and then grow out of.
These sleep disorders really aren’t always linked to PTSD, contrary to popular belief. I had experienced zero traumatic events whatsoever and had an idyllic home life when I started having night terrors. Brains just *do* things sometimes.
posted by faineg at 4:57 AM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
In fact, I’d say my night terrors are a lot more awful and traumatic for the people who experience them than they are for me. I’ve had lots of time to grow accustomed to them. (This is also why I never, ever share rooms with people who aren’t family or a super close friend - I’m not doing that to someone who doesn’t already REALLY like me).
All this means that you need to get your partner to a professional sleep specialist ASAP. I did a sleep study when I was 15 that wasn’t very conclusive, but it’s a good idea to rule things out.
Neither myself or my family or my partner or my doctors have figured out a trigger for my night terrors. I can go many months without having one then have four in one night for no apparent reason. In my experience, sleep hygiene, exercise, and limiting caffeine to before noon are nice for insomnia: they seem to have zero effect on night terrors. Stress *may* be a factor for me, but the correlation is definitely very weak indeed.
Weird as it seems, a major factor DOES seem to be “objects in the room, especially if they move or have moved recently.” I have been known to be set off by a hat in the corner that wasn’t there the night before. I also never have had a night terror while sleeping with a light on, though that’s not exactly a great long-term solution.
I saw another sleep specialist last year to discuss medication, as I’m getting a surgery and want to be SURE that I don’t violently fling myself out of bed during that period. She put me on a low dose of triazolam to take before bed as needed, which does seem to help. I definitely don’t take it every night.
My specialist doesn’t think I have REM sleep disorder, for what it’s worth (which was comforting, as I know about the Parkinson’s association). Apparently it matters that my night terrors started when I was still a kid and are of the “sudden hallucinated peril” variety and don’t involve any narrative linkage to more elaborate dreams. I seem to be a rare adult who has the night terror-type that most kids have and then grow out of.
These sleep disorders really aren’t always linked to PTSD, contrary to popular belief. I had experienced zero traumatic events whatsoever and had an idyllic home life when I started having night terrors. Brains just *do* things sometimes.
posted by faineg at 4:57 AM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
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Alas, I can offer no medical.solution. I have retreated to a comfy-cot like arrangement in a spare bedroom.
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:04 AM on October 17, 2021 [2 favorites]