Male, 49, Former female partner says she got HPV from me. So what now?
August 9, 2021 11:07 PM Subscribe
She got a pap smear, I was the last guy there and ipso facto...me. To my knowledge there's nothing on my nethers that looks like warts so this seem to be one of those asymptomatic ones. So what now? Disclose forever? Get the HPV vaccine? Wait two years? (Or given Covid, wait another 2 years). What's the protocol here?
I am a woman who has had a couple of strains of HPV in the past. I had to get extra screenings for a couple of years. The infection cleared up on its own.
The vast majority of sexually active people have or have had a strain of HPV. I personally don't think you are obligated to disclose the HPV to your partners.
I believe that what should be happening is more education overall, so that everyone can make the right decisions for them.
Abstinence would be the only way for a person to completely mitigate their risk of getting HPV. The other options only provide limited protection:
* Gardasil, if eligible, only provides some protection against a few strains
* Condoms are a barrier and reduce the risk, but don't eliminate it because they don't cover all skin in the area
* Avoiding having sex with someone with visible warts would reduce your risk of getting warts, but you can't visibly see HPV in most cases
Unfortunately risk of HPV will exist no matter what. Anyone who is sexually active needs to accept that
posted by kinddieserzeit at 1:20 AM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
The vast majority of sexually active people have or have had a strain of HPV. I personally don't think you are obligated to disclose the HPV to your partners.
I believe that what should be happening is more education overall, so that everyone can make the right decisions for them.
Abstinence would be the only way for a person to completely mitigate their risk of getting HPV. The other options only provide limited protection:
* Gardasil, if eligible, only provides some protection against a few strains
* Condoms are a barrier and reduce the risk, but don't eliminate it because they don't cover all skin in the area
* Avoiding having sex with someone with visible warts would reduce your risk of getting warts, but you can't visibly see HPV in most cases
Unfortunately risk of HPV will exist no matter what. Anyone who is sexually active needs to accept that
posted by kinddieserzeit at 1:20 AM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
The answer is, of course, talk to your doctor. But it also wouldn't hurt to do your own research first, provided you stick to reputable sources.
WebMD has a pretty good page on HPV Infection in Men, including a section on how to prevent spreading HPV (summary: abstinence > monogomy > condoms > no condoms, where > means "better than, but not necessarily appropriate for your circumstances").
This page from Harvard Medical School says it's still worth getting the vaccine even after you're infected, as there are some 30-40 different types of HPV.
Finally, the Cancer Council of Australia has some tips for talking to partners about your HPV diagnosis.
posted by davidwitteveen at 3:00 AM on August 10, 2021 [4 favorites]
WebMD has a pretty good page on HPV Infection in Men, including a section on how to prevent spreading HPV (summary: abstinence > monogomy > condoms > no condoms, where > means "better than, but not necessarily appropriate for your circumstances").
This page from Harvard Medical School says it's still worth getting the vaccine even after you're infected, as there are some 30-40 different types of HPV.
Finally, the Cancer Council of Australia has some tips for talking to partners about your HPV diagnosis.
posted by davidwitteveen at 3:00 AM on August 10, 2021 [4 favorites]
A friend of mine was not sexually active before marrying her husband, who also wasn't sexually active before they married. To the best of their knowledge, neither of them had never been exposed. Home free for keeps, right?
She had an abnormal pap recently. Her doctor told her it might have been from a contaminated speculum or endocavity probe during a previous office treatment.
I scoffed when I heard it. Turns out it's a thing.
So, even premarital abstinence is no guarantee.
Talk to your doctor and get tested, of course, because it's worth knowing about yourself. Certain strains can contribute to ano-genital cancers, which is why everyone I've ever known who got an abnormal pap felt justifiably freaked out about it. (That, and the stigma attached to it, which is absurd given how universal it is, regardless of supposed promiscuity.)
posted by armeowda at 12:41 PM on August 10, 2021
She had an abnormal pap recently. Her doctor told her it might have been from a contaminated speculum or endocavity probe during a previous office treatment.
I scoffed when I heard it. Turns out it's a thing.
So, even premarital abstinence is no guarantee.
Talk to your doctor and get tested, of course, because it's worth knowing about yourself. Certain strains can contribute to ano-genital cancers, which is why everyone I've ever known who got an abnormal pap felt justifiably freaked out about it. (That, and the stigma attached to it, which is absurd given how universal it is, regardless of supposed promiscuity.)
posted by armeowda at 12:41 PM on August 10, 2021
She got a pap smear, I was the last guy there and ipso facto...me. To my knowledge there's nothing on my nethers that looks like warts so this seem to be one of those asymptomatic ones. So what now? Disclose forever? Get the HPV vaccine? Wait two years? (Or given Covid, wait another 2 years). What's the protocol here?
It's a sneaky virus that can be dormant and undetectable for years, then pop up and cause some abnormal cells on a pap that prompt the sample to be tested for HPV. (Conversely, paps showing only normal cells don't get HPV screening.) Therefore, she did not necessarily get HPV from you.
But the "who gave it to whom" line of thinking about transmission (let alone blame) is actually completely immaterial with this virus, because it literally doesn't matter if a person has/had HPV until it causes abnormal cells -- but the POINT is that cervical cancer is SUPER DUPER preventable and easily cured at very early stages if you can get regular pap tests, and it becomes very very deadly in the absence of regular screening. I had early-stage cervical cancer ten years ago.
That said, it is totally appropriate protocol for her to tell you that she has active HPV because you may have given it to her, and at the very least you were exposed to it. You should tell your doctor so that they have a record of it. You, anonymous, cannot just go get tested for HPV, because there is no approved HPV screening test for men who don't have symptoms of anal, penile, or throat cancers. Eligibility for Gardasil has been vastly expanded in recent years, but I believe you're still above the age limit.
I do not see the point in asymptomatic people disclosing potential or past HPV exposure. In fact, I don't see the point in people disclosing past positive HPV results once the abnormal cells resolve back to normal. However, my prior cervical cancer comes with an assumption of persistent HPV (even if subclinical) that I definitely do (or would) disclose to partners.
posted by desuetude at 3:27 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
It's a sneaky virus that can be dormant and undetectable for years, then pop up and cause some abnormal cells on a pap that prompt the sample to be tested for HPV. (Conversely, paps showing only normal cells don't get HPV screening.) Therefore, she did not necessarily get HPV from you.
But the "who gave it to whom" line of thinking about transmission (let alone blame) is actually completely immaterial with this virus, because it literally doesn't matter if a person has/had HPV until it causes abnormal cells -- but the POINT is that cervical cancer is SUPER DUPER preventable and easily cured at very early stages if you can get regular pap tests, and it becomes very very deadly in the absence of regular screening. I had early-stage cervical cancer ten years ago.
That said, it is totally appropriate protocol for her to tell you that she has active HPV because you may have given it to her, and at the very least you were exposed to it. You should tell your doctor so that they have a record of it. You, anonymous, cannot just go get tested for HPV, because there is no approved HPV screening test for men who don't have symptoms of anal, penile, or throat cancers. Eligibility for Gardasil has been vastly expanded in recent years, but I believe you're still above the age limit.
I do not see the point in asymptomatic people disclosing potential or past HPV exposure. In fact, I don't see the point in people disclosing past positive HPV results once the abnormal cells resolve back to normal. However, my prior cervical cancer comes with an assumption of persistent HPV (even if subclinical) that I definitely do (or would) disclose to partners.
posted by desuetude at 3:27 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
« Older Small fish, Big pond - strange new fish and the... | ADHD at Work - Management Edition Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
It is SO common. Many cases are asymptomatic. Also, it is not definitely from you unless you had a long term relationship. And even then, it’s not a guarantee it was you either. But if it wasn’t you, then you were probably exposed.
I presume she had an abnormal pap? Current guidelines are paps every 3 years unless they are high risk. It can also take up to 20 years from infection to abnormal or cancerous changes. (Mayo Clinic)
I had cervical issues and needed biopsies, and while it was scary, it was all over in matter of a year with minimal medical needs. My doctor also told me there was no way to tell who gave it to me and it was not guaranteed to have been my partner at the time. I was also told “everyone who has had sex pretty much has it.” I also got the shots when I was younger - but that’s when they were newer and I don’t think I got them on the proper schedule.
Consult with your physician or a sexual health clinic on what to do now, how to stay safe for yourself and partners, and how to talk with partners. A medical professional is who you need to speak without about the protocols for you.
posted by Crystalinne at 12:39 AM on August 10, 2021 [10 favorites]