What dating sites would be best for me?
August 1, 2021 3:04 PM Subscribe
I keep trying and failing to jump back into online dating. It's been such a long time since I've been in the swim that it's taking a LOT of psyching myself up. (Not to mention Covid dysphoria.) In the past I did OkCupid, but now I'm thinking Bumble. But are there others I should consider? I'm in NYC, a cis het woman, early 50s, looking for relationship-minded guys. I'm not on Facebook, so can't do any that require that. Thanks for any recommendations.
I'm another former OKCupid user that prefers Hinge. Online dating definitely varies based on your geographic area, but I've found Tinder in my area not great as most of the profiles only had pictures with a few words. Hinge can provide more info about potential dates. Hinge has options to fill out info like height, smoking status, and fun prompts to provide a glimpse about someone's personality.
posted by mundo at 6:40 PM on August 1, 2021
posted by mundo at 6:40 PM on August 1, 2021
As someone super experienced in using dating apps in a big metro area, I can say they all have pros and cons. Most experiences will be negative, good but go nowhere or just boring until -- if and when -- you find a good match, which can happen quickly or never. I'm 37 and in a different city but here's my very critical take:
Tinder: the go-to, mostly crap but some gems because it's the most popular so "everyone" is on it. I'm now banned, which is apparently not uncommon for women: some stalker saw me and reported me and there are no consequences for them.
OKCupid: it was great before but sucks now imho. Tons of secretly married guys, for example. But you never know!?
Hinge: The best for meeting women (as a queer woman) and the guys seem great on paper but all were a little weird. That's an overgeneralization but it was enough to make me stop using it.
Bumble: the best for meeting the most progressive guys but some are lazy, too.
You'll see a lot of the same people over and over again on all the apps. I found paying for a subscription wasn't worth it but some people do prefer. The apps are often frustrating but where most single people are these ways since COVID has severely limited us. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:10 PM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Tinder: the go-to, mostly crap but some gems because it's the most popular so "everyone" is on it. I'm now banned, which is apparently not uncommon for women: some stalker saw me and reported me and there are no consequences for them.
OKCupid: it was great before but sucks now imho. Tons of secretly married guys, for example. But you never know!?
Hinge: The best for meeting women (as a queer woman) and the guys seem great on paper but all were a little weird. That's an overgeneralization but it was enough to make me stop using it.
Bumble: the best for meeting the most progressive guys but some are lazy, too.
You'll see a lot of the same people over and over again on all the apps. I found paying for a subscription wasn't worth it but some people do prefer. The apps are often frustrating but where most single people are these ways since COVID has severely limited us. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:10 PM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I've had two friends (heterosexual women, 40+) try It's Just Lunch. One met her spouse and is happily married. It's expensive - $2k or more? But they connect you with potential partners who are serious about being in a relationship.
posted by troyer at 7:53 PM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by troyer at 7:53 PM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Here's what I know from my experience:
My best friend met her guy on Plenty of Fish. (note: she and I are mid 50s; her guy is 64 and mine is 61). I've never had luck of PoF, but she met him quite quickly and they are going strong after a year and a half.
Someone had posted a similar question to yours last year, and I tried Match.com. Waste of time. Match kept trying to match me with guys who lived very far away, despite my driving distance limits. I met absolutely no one on that sight.
I signed up for Bumble, and I did pay. I had some messaging going on with one man, and met another in person but was rather leery of him (he wanted to lock me into a relationship without even getting to know who I am!). But I did meet someone; we texted for a couple of days, then FaceTimed; met in person a week later, and we've been together for a year now and it's the best relationship I've ever had (and I've been married twice).
It's not easy putting yourself out there and it sucks. But it can be very rewarding! Best of luck!
posted by annieb at 4:34 PM on August 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
My best friend met her guy on Plenty of Fish. (note: she and I are mid 50s; her guy is 64 and mine is 61). I've never had luck of PoF, but she met him quite quickly and they are going strong after a year and a half.
Someone had posted a similar question to yours last year, and I tried Match.com. Waste of time. Match kept trying to match me with guys who lived very far away, despite my driving distance limits. I met absolutely no one on that sight.
I signed up for Bumble, and I did pay. I had some messaging going on with one man, and met another in person but was rather leery of him (he wanted to lock me into a relationship without even getting to know who I am!). But I did meet someone; we texted for a couple of days, then FaceTimed; met in person a week later, and we've been together for a year now and it's the best relationship I've ever had (and I've been married twice).
It's not easy putting yourself out there and it sucks. But it can be very rewarding! Best of luck!
posted by annieb at 4:34 PM on August 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
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