Online communities oriented around sexy stuff but...still communities?
July 12, 2021 11:07 PM Subscribe
I'm looking for online communities (forums, discord, anything really) where people sort of engage in/share sexual energy, but are still organized as communities where people aren't just like, anonymously sharing porn all the time. Snowflake details within!
Lately I've finally overcome a lot of personal inhibitions when it comes to sex stuff. I have a satisfying marriage and supportive friends, but I find that I have a lot of sort of just latent sexual energy. It's not even really about pornography or anything like that, though I'm totally fine with people sharing pics or things they find sexy, it's more just that I feel this sort of general latent sexual energy and I don't really have anyone to share it with or anything. I am sort of just looking for a community that is still a community, but where people share stuff about their interests, their sex lives, their fetishes, whatever. I think this would just give me a bit of an outlet for this sort of sexual energy b/c while everyone in my life is great, our rapport really isn't built around like, talking about our fetishes all the time or whatever lol.
As such I'm casting a pretty wide net. Part of my sort of recent sexual awakening is accepting my own fetishes, though really they're quite vanilla...so I don't need a community specifically oriented around more extreme styles of play, but of course if there are such communities that also feel like cohesive communities with personality, then I'm totally down.
In particular, I'd be interested in communities related to anime/hentai/manga type sexy stuff...I only mention that because I know there are a lot, so many that it is a bit overwhelming and no clue how to find communities that don't get extremely problematic extremely quickly.
Oh, and definitely need to be LGBT friendly. Doesn't need to be the focus at all (I guess the ideal would be a mix), but ideally would be a part of the community. But I realize one community won't have everything...
Lately I've finally overcome a lot of personal inhibitions when it comes to sex stuff. I have a satisfying marriage and supportive friends, but I find that I have a lot of sort of just latent sexual energy. It's not even really about pornography or anything like that, though I'm totally fine with people sharing pics or things they find sexy, it's more just that I feel this sort of general latent sexual energy and I don't really have anyone to share it with or anything. I am sort of just looking for a community that is still a community, but where people share stuff about their interests, their sex lives, their fetishes, whatever. I think this would just give me a bit of an outlet for this sort of sexual energy b/c while everyone in my life is great, our rapport really isn't built around like, talking about our fetishes all the time or whatever lol.
As such I'm casting a pretty wide net. Part of my sort of recent sexual awakening is accepting my own fetishes, though really they're quite vanilla...so I don't need a community specifically oriented around more extreme styles of play, but of course if there are such communities that also feel like cohesive communities with personality, then I'm totally down.
In particular, I'd be interested in communities related to anime/hentai/manga type sexy stuff...I only mention that because I know there are a lot, so many that it is a bit overwhelming and no clue how to find communities that don't get extremely problematic extremely quickly.
Oh, and definitely need to be LGBT friendly. Doesn't need to be the focus at all (I guess the ideal would be a mix), but ideally would be a part of the community. But I realize one community won't have everything...
Some fanfic communities I've been involved in have been very general but very open about sexuality. The nature of your request (revolving around anime/media) means there are likely communities around those online.
A good friend of mine has found a lovely community in her local poly orgs. It turns out that the local poly meetup is much more about finding supportive poly community than specifically people to hook up with, and now she's involved in things like jigsaw puzzle exchanges, etc.
Not that you should join a poly community if you're not, but that an IRL group might not be as hookup-focused as you might worry.
posted by gideonfrog at 5:34 AM on July 13, 2021
A good friend of mine has found a lovely community in her local poly orgs. It turns out that the local poly meetup is much more about finding supportive poly community than specifically people to hook up with, and now she's involved in things like jigsaw puzzle exchanges, etc.
Not that you should join a poly community if you're not, but that an IRL group might not be as hookup-focused as you might worry.
posted by gideonfrog at 5:34 AM on July 13, 2021
There are lots of these on Kik, doschord, and telegram. Finding one that works for you is sometimes trial and error though. Join a few and start getting a feel for things - you’ll get a sense quickly how active the community is, how “safe” it is, how well run. I wouldn’t join any community that didn’t do some “vetting” up front - asking a few questions and making you prove your age, introducing you to the moderators. In our Kik rooms we used to have an entire public room devoted to making sure people weren’t obvious creepers before letting them into the real room. Discord has hidden boards that can be opened over time to specific people too, which worked the same way.
Discord is nice in that it will separate different things - a board for pics v conversation, where Kik runs everything in a stream. There’s advantages to that too, so see which feels more comfortable to you.
Leave if you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable, it takes some trial and error but is worth it. Search for various combinations of bd.sm, kink, etc on Kik and look for room names with learning or community in them. (There used to be the playground, bd.smnetwork). Use disboard to sort through things (there used to be one called castle RACK that might be a good start; also one called “the life”). The other way to find specific rooms might be to join fetlife if you haven’t and poke around the forums. Beware that fet life can be A LOT and filed with creepers who will pm you immediately. You may want to stay largely anon there and use it for finding other outlets.
It can be fun. Be careful.
posted by dpx.mfx at 6:45 AM on July 13, 2021
Discord is nice in that it will separate different things - a board for pics v conversation, where Kik runs everything in a stream. There’s advantages to that too, so see which feels more comfortable to you.
Leave if you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable, it takes some trial and error but is worth it. Search for various combinations of bd.sm, kink, etc on Kik and look for room names with learning or community in them. (There used to be the playground, bd.smnetwork). Use disboard to sort through things (there used to be one called castle RACK that might be a good start; also one called “the life”). The other way to find specific rooms might be to join fetlife if you haven’t and poke around the forums. Beware that fet life can be A LOT and filed with creepers who will pm you immediately. You may want to stay largely anon there and use it for finding other outlets.
It can be fun. Be careful.
posted by dpx.mfx at 6:45 AM on July 13, 2021
Furry communities tend to be extraordinarily LGBT friendly, given most furries are LGBT themselves. They are also generally fairly sexually open and intersect with the anime community considerably. Unless you find it interesting, you probably want to look for groups that do not include furry roleplay. The communities I'm in that don't include roleplay are more or less communities full of people interested in exactly what you're looking for, who happen to use an anthropomorphic cartoon as an avatar.
Finding these communities is a bit of a challenge though, for anonymity and privacy reasons. I would start with Disboard (Discord) and Furlist (Telegram) to start out with. However, most of the more community-oriented groups are private, and will take some interaction with public groups to find. Even the "public" groups should require verification/screening to get in, as others have stated, I would avoid any group without verification/screening.
posted by sockmypuppet at 8:47 AM on July 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
Finding these communities is a bit of a challenge though, for anonymity and privacy reasons. I would start with Disboard (Discord) and Furlist (Telegram) to start out with. However, most of the more community-oriented groups are private, and will take some interaction with public groups to find. Even the "public" groups should require verification/screening to get in, as others have stated, I would avoid any group without verification/screening.
posted by sockmypuppet at 8:47 AM on July 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
I would caution away from Fetlife as it tends to be home of creepy dudes who don't understand/dont care about consent. You did not specify your gender but it doesn't seem to matter. Of course, YMMV.
Are you into fanfic/erotic fiction? Places like Archive Of Our Own (or AO3) have sexy content and relatively vanilla discussion.
Might I also suggest searching #sexpositive and related keywords on Instagram? There are a bunch of sex-positive educators on there who share information and memes and things and some may have private Facebook groups. If FB generally appeals, feel free to PM me, I'm in a few groups matching your description.
And yeah there are Reddits as well. /r/BDSMCommunity is good (though it may also have posts about stuff more extreme than you are interested in).
posted by softlord at 8:52 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Are you into fanfic/erotic fiction? Places like Archive Of Our Own (or AO3) have sexy content and relatively vanilla discussion.
Might I also suggest searching #sexpositive and related keywords on Instagram? There are a bunch of sex-positive educators on there who share information and memes and things and some may have private Facebook groups. If FB generally appeals, feel free to PM me, I'm in a few groups matching your description.
And yeah there are Reddits as well. /r/BDSMCommunity is good (though it may also have posts about stuff more extreme than you are interested in).
posted by softlord at 8:52 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
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posted by pyro979 at 3:44 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]