Transform your life! Achievably!
June 26, 2021 9:12 AM Subscribe
I am feeling the urge to transform my life. However, I am still living home-bound pandemic life and feel like I’m lacking momentum/opportunity/capacity for measurable change. I would love to hear stories about small changes that snowballed into bigger, sustainable, long-term life changes. Interested in anything from health/fitness, home improvement, life-long learning, volunteering/career, to things I haven’t even considered before. Bonus points if you were parenting young children or caregiving for others at the time.
If you want to talk me out of transformation, that’s cool, too. Normally I’d use this urge to rip out more of my lawn and convert it to garden space, but there’s a drought, and it’s been too hot to seriously take up my once every three years Couch to 5k attempt. I just feel stuck in my work from home dead-end government job while parenting a struggling distance learning kid pandemic life, and I would like to feel good about something in my own control again. Or maybe I’m approaching my mid-life crisis? Motivate me and tell me cool things to plan for!
If you want to talk me out of transformation, that’s cool, too. Normally I’d use this urge to rip out more of my lawn and convert it to garden space, but there’s a drought, and it’s been too hot to seriously take up my once every three years Couch to 5k attempt. I just feel stuck in my work from home dead-end government job while parenting a struggling distance learning kid pandemic life, and I would like to feel good about something in my own control again. Or maybe I’m approaching my mid-life crisis? Motivate me and tell me cool things to plan for!
Maybe a different track from what you're looking for, but what about a complete de-clutter ala Marie Kondo/The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning? I did this after a huge emotional year when the grandparent I was a live-in caretaker for died. The process not just of getting rid of things but of slowly transforming my space and the way I felt about my space by considering every item and my emotional connection to it really did lead to a huge transformation in how I consider my patterns of consumption, my goal setting and how I want to live going forward.
posted by theweasel at 10:20 AM on June 26, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by theweasel at 10:20 AM on June 26, 2021 [4 favorites]
Read James Clear's Atomic Habits. He talks about making incremental changes that add up to big life-altering stuff.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 10:35 AM on June 26, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 10:35 AM on June 26, 2021 [5 favorites]
During the pandemic I knew I needed to do 'a thing' but didn't have any leftover energy. I was dismayed at the amount of spare time I spent just watching youtube videos. So what I decided to do was only watch videos, movies, etc in French, which I used to know fairly well but have let slide. At first I started watching the news, found some French as a second language videos on youtube, and some French series on Netflix. I even started reading some French books. It helped enormously, because I could chill out with videos and books, which is my standard coping mechanism, and in the last year my French has improved quite a bit.
This might be a one-off that doesn't fit your situation at all, but I'm throwing it out there because people keep tossing out ideas that require a fair amount of energy, and this was almost entirely passive, so my mind didn't rebel.
posted by maggiemaggie at 10:47 AM on June 26, 2021 [9 favorites]
This might be a one-off that doesn't fit your situation at all, but I'm throwing it out there because people keep tossing out ideas that require a fair amount of energy, and this was almost entirely passive, so my mind didn't rebel.
posted by maggiemaggie at 10:47 AM on June 26, 2021 [9 favorites]
I recommend thinking back to when you were 13, 17, 22. What was important to you then, what was your hope for yourself and vision for the future? I recommend this because I recently used that framing to come back to myself, which transformed my life in a minor but fulfilling—I can’t even tell you how fulfilling—way.
Being a musician defined my identity then, and I never even questioned that it always would.
Then adult life overtook me (mental health, physical health, office work, poverty, heartbreak, isolation, low self-esteem, perfectionism, capitalism, blah blah blah) and somewhere between 28-40 I just...stopped playing. I barely noticed. When I thought about it at all, it was like it had just dried up and blown away in the wind. Like it died.
It wasn’t dead! I finally reached the point in the pandemic where I needed it again. And I won’t go into it—and not to exaggerate—but I feel saved and whole? I’m not good, music is not my career, and neither of those things matter. It’s my soul, I guess you would say. Little me knew it and adult me just needed to be guided back.
So, what’s in your soul? Was little Maarika a painter, essayist, builder, dancer? Was she fiercely into justice? Did she want to learn everything about the dolphins or algebra or baking? Was she happiest running around in the woods? If something has soul-level significance to you, the transformation and habit will not feel like chores and you can’t fail, is what I’m saying.
posted by kapers at 10:52 AM on June 26, 2021 [20 favorites]
Being a musician defined my identity then, and I never even questioned that it always would.
Then adult life overtook me (mental health, physical health, office work, poverty, heartbreak, isolation, low self-esteem, perfectionism, capitalism, blah blah blah) and somewhere between 28-40 I just...stopped playing. I barely noticed. When I thought about it at all, it was like it had just dried up and blown away in the wind. Like it died.
It wasn’t dead! I finally reached the point in the pandemic where I needed it again. And I won’t go into it—and not to exaggerate—but I feel saved and whole? I’m not good, music is not my career, and neither of those things matter. It’s my soul, I guess you would say. Little me knew it and adult me just needed to be guided back.
So, what’s in your soul? Was little Maarika a painter, essayist, builder, dancer? Was she fiercely into justice? Did she want to learn everything about the dolphins or algebra or baking? Was she happiest running around in the woods? If something has soul-level significance to you, the transformation and habit will not feel like chores and you can’t fail, is what I’m saying.
posted by kapers at 10:52 AM on June 26, 2021 [20 favorites]
Seconding the Marie Kondo suggestion. I was surprised to find that her method in The Life Changing Art of Tidying Up was, in fact, life changing.
I would also suggest some health focus too. How’s your nutrition, your sleep, your cardiac health, your strength, your mobility, your endurance? There are many aspects of fitness …spend some time getting a handle on what would benefit from a transformation. As a nerdy person, I have found that modern technology has helped me really get a handle on what’s going on with my body and my physical activity generally. Get a smart scale (so you’ll have an ongoing record of your weight changes) and a health tracker (Fitbit, Garmin, etc.) that records heart rate as well as steps and sleep. That might be helpful for getting a few months’ baseline.
posted by Sublimity at 11:48 AM on June 26, 2021 [6 favorites]
I would also suggest some health focus too. How’s your nutrition, your sleep, your cardiac health, your strength, your mobility, your endurance? There are many aspects of fitness …spend some time getting a handle on what would benefit from a transformation. As a nerdy person, I have found that modern technology has helped me really get a handle on what’s going on with my body and my physical activity generally. Get a smart scale (so you’ll have an ongoing record of your weight changes) and a health tracker (Fitbit, Garmin, etc.) that records heart rate as well as steps and sleep. That might be helpful for getting a few months’ baseline.
posted by Sublimity at 11:48 AM on June 26, 2021 [6 favorites]
I am seconding Atomic Habits. The author specifically talks about small changes that people make, such as getting a better mattress or washing your hands properly to prevent colds.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I would like to burn everything down and have it all be different. I am hoping this too shall pass. Getting out of the house and walking every day has made me feel better: I have a daily goal; I can measure progress; and I get the hell away from the place where my frustration lives. Vaccinated and wearing a smaller size, I have been going to a thrift shop and occasionally buying things that aren't me at all. My reading is about people with lives and experiences very different from my own (thank you, Seattle Public Library summer book bingo), and I've even watched a few series/specials that I might have ignored before. I am slowly deaccessioning all of the books I had hoped my kids would read, getting rid of shoes that aren't quite right, fixing little irritations that have been hanging around for far too long. I can't burn it all down, but I can...edit? Smoothe a few small things? It's not so much transformation as tiny, achievable changes that make tolerating this urge for life arson somewhat easier. I hope you find the thing that does it for you.
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:03 PM on June 26, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:03 PM on June 26, 2021 [10 favorites]
Well, once I tried out Couch to 5k a couple of times, it kept snowballing and eventually I ran a marathon.
posted by bq at 3:25 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by bq at 3:25 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
Make a small change or two and see what that shakes loose. Like, a language app or daily exercise or reconnecting with friends. Fix something about your living space that annoys you. Start getting in the habit of noticing what you can change and doing it. You’ll get some practice and some ideas about what bigger changes you want.
posted by momus_window at 5:20 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 5:20 PM on June 26, 2021 [2 favorites]
During the pandemic I knew I needed to do 'a thing' but didn't have any leftover energy. I was dismayed at the amount of spare time I spent just watching youtube videos. So what I decided to do was only watch videos, movies, etc in French, which I used to know fairly well but have let slide. At first I started watching the news, found some French as a second language videos on youtube, and some French series on Netflix. I even started reading some French books. It helped enormously, because I could chill out with videos and books, which is my standard coping mechanism, and in the last year my French has improved quite a bit.
I did this too, only with Spanish! My practice started at least a year before the pandemic, but I definitely intensified it by watching things in Spanish more regularly in the past year. My comprehension has gotten a lot better! What's nice is that this makes me feel more confident about the idea of traveling back to places where Spanish is spoken, or even just talking to people in my neighborhood when the opportunity arises.
I specifically often choose things like mindless TV series to watch in another language, because it matters less to me whether I pick up every nuance. For instance, I've been watching The Vampire Diaries bit by bit. I wouldn't say it's a total masterpiece of a show, but it's interesting enough to watch in Spanish in the background. The language change actually makes it more interesting.
posted by limeonaire at 7:21 AM on June 27, 2021 [4 favorites]
I did this too, only with Spanish! My practice started at least a year before the pandemic, but I definitely intensified it by watching things in Spanish more regularly in the past year. My comprehension has gotten a lot better! What's nice is that this makes me feel more confident about the idea of traveling back to places where Spanish is spoken, or even just talking to people in my neighborhood when the opportunity arises.
I specifically often choose things like mindless TV series to watch in another language, because it matters less to me whether I pick up every nuance. For instance, I've been watching The Vampire Diaries bit by bit. I wouldn't say it's a total masterpiece of a show, but it's interesting enough to watch in Spanish in the background. The language change actually makes it more interesting.
posted by limeonaire at 7:21 AM on June 27, 2021 [4 favorites]
I second Couch to 5K as well. The great thing about running is that it can be done on your schedule, in or around your home, and with very little up front investment except decent shoes and an excellent sports bra. I have never liked running, but I discovered that I LOVE the feeling after I finish a run. In the beginning, sometimes I hated every moment of the actual run but the minute I stopped I was filled with euphoria about the achievement and what a service I was doing to my body and future self.
The first time I did C25K I fell off the wagon fairly quickly. The second time I managed to keep running for a little while - a few months or so - before vacations / heat / various other roadblocks made me stop. But the third time I did it, it stuck, and now I run 2-3 miles 4-5 times per week, which is an enormous achievement for me (since I still don't particularly love running) and something I am inordinately proud of.
The key for me was finding out what motivated me enough to actually overcome my objections (and I am masterful at coming up with objections to exercise). I discovered that signing up for a virtual race tricked my brain into thinking it was really important that I do the run, so that I could achieve the goal. In the beginning, I was working up to a 5K, and I had to keep practicing to make sure I could complete a full 5K without stopping and wouldn't 'embarrass myself' by not being able to do it. After doing a few of those, I discovered longer races that could be done in short increments, and that has kept me going ever since. I did a '100 miles in 100 days' challenge starting January 1st, and the 'fear' of not making my goal actually made me run most days, even in the freezing cold. I have run almost 300 miles so far this year. I am unrecognizable to myself, honestly.
The trick is to find what makes your brain want to do the thing. For me, the most successful thing has been longer term goals with frequent rewards for staying on track. If the goal is too short term, I achieve it but then lose interest. If the goal is too long-term, I run out of steam or interest partway through. So - I really recommend spending some time playing around with what tricks work for you.
Good luck!!
posted by widdershins at 7:44 AM on June 29, 2021
The first time I did C25K I fell off the wagon fairly quickly. The second time I managed to keep running for a little while - a few months or so - before vacations / heat / various other roadblocks made me stop. But the third time I did it, it stuck, and now I run 2-3 miles 4-5 times per week, which is an enormous achievement for me (since I still don't particularly love running) and something I am inordinately proud of.
The key for me was finding out what motivated me enough to actually overcome my objections (and I am masterful at coming up with objections to exercise). I discovered that signing up for a virtual race tricked my brain into thinking it was really important that I do the run, so that I could achieve the goal. In the beginning, I was working up to a 5K, and I had to keep practicing to make sure I could complete a full 5K without stopping and wouldn't 'embarrass myself' by not being able to do it. After doing a few of those, I discovered longer races that could be done in short increments, and that has kept me going ever since. I did a '100 miles in 100 days' challenge starting January 1st, and the 'fear' of not making my goal actually made me run most days, even in the freezing cold. I have run almost 300 miles so far this year. I am unrecognizable to myself, honestly.
The trick is to find what makes your brain want to do the thing. For me, the most successful thing has been longer term goals with frequent rewards for staying on track. If the goal is too short term, I achieve it but then lose interest. If the goal is too long-term, I run out of steam or interest partway through. So - I really recommend spending some time playing around with what tricks work for you.
Good luck!!
posted by widdershins at 7:44 AM on June 29, 2021
I tried to the gym literally every day, and at first - for quite some time - I didn't much care what I did there, only that I made it in the door, dressed in a way where exercise wouldn't be awkward. Literally. That's it. It's fine to walk right back out. But every day, I'm going to that gym.
I've got a set of rules, under which circumstance I do not have to go to the gym. National holidays, weekends, days I'll be traveling farther than the county line, and if I was sick enough to call outta work. And that's it. Otherwise, I'm heading for the gym.
Which made it the default. My brain works on repetition; that's the gist of it.
Eventually, I added some weightlifting. If I wanted cardio, I should just walk or bicycle or something, I think; those would be more fun, most of the time. But as long as I'm at the gym, well, they have weights, and I don't.
Finally, I added structure to that. The wiki for Reddit's /r/fitness has a number of programs, all of which are pretty good. Takes me maybe an hour on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and I probably goof around for 20-30 minutes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Anyways, at that point, I also knew a few people at the gym, so it's also a social outing of sorts.
I've wound up switching gyms maybe half a dozen times to dial it in to what I like (sufficient free weights and machines, not too far or brutal to park if it's gonna be a drive, not very crowded, and some of the people there are okay to chat with).
At the point where I've dialed in the gym (win!) and have a few people I always say hello to, I have a habit, and an easy enough one to keep. It's not what I'm bending to do, but it's what I do.
Couch to 5k has never, ever worked for me. If I'm off by a day, I don't quite know what to do. The goal is too formal, and maybe I'm just not cut out for running. I mean, even with bikes, I do not do cardio in the gym. I do not like cardio in the gym. That feels strangely like work, and "feels like work" and "I keep doing it" aren't 100% the same path.
But weights, taken at my own pace along a program that someone mostly laid out for me, this I can do. I wish it hadn't taken me decades to figure all that out!
posted by talldean at 10:45 AM on July 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I've got a set of rules, under which circumstance I do not have to go to the gym. National holidays, weekends, days I'll be traveling farther than the county line, and if I was sick enough to call outta work. And that's it. Otherwise, I'm heading for the gym.
Which made it the default. My brain works on repetition; that's the gist of it.
Eventually, I added some weightlifting. If I wanted cardio, I should just walk or bicycle or something, I think; those would be more fun, most of the time. But as long as I'm at the gym, well, they have weights, and I don't.
Finally, I added structure to that. The wiki for Reddit's /r/fitness has a number of programs, all of which are pretty good. Takes me maybe an hour on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and I probably goof around for 20-30 minutes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Anyways, at that point, I also knew a few people at the gym, so it's also a social outing of sorts.
I've wound up switching gyms maybe half a dozen times to dial it in to what I like (sufficient free weights and machines, not too far or brutal to park if it's gonna be a drive, not very crowded, and some of the people there are okay to chat with).
At the point where I've dialed in the gym (win!) and have a few people I always say hello to, I have a habit, and an easy enough one to keep. It's not what I'm bending to do, but it's what I do.
Couch to 5k has never, ever worked for me. If I'm off by a day, I don't quite know what to do. The goal is too formal, and maybe I'm just not cut out for running. I mean, even with bikes, I do not do cardio in the gym. I do not like cardio in the gym. That feels strangely like work, and "feels like work" and "I keep doing it" aren't 100% the same path.
But weights, taken at my own pace along a program that someone mostly laid out for me, this I can do. I wish it hadn't taken me decades to figure all that out!
posted by talldean at 10:45 AM on July 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
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Finding time to walk helped me learn to carve out time for other exercise- cycling with a weekly group that summer and then taking group fitness classes when it started to get too cold and I wanted to keep my weekly habits going.
It basically kept snowballing from there and l've lost a third of my body weight in the past 30 months.
posted by noloveforned at 9:41 AM on June 26, 2021 [9 favorites]