Help me survive my first performance review
June 22, 2021 4:55 AM Subscribe
I have passed my probation period. My supervisor would like to have a chat with me about KPIs, and I'd like the conversation to be productive and constructive. I also need some advice on managing work-related anxieties, mainly catastrophising whenever a mistake is made.
In previous conversations about my performance, he has explained that he is extremely happy with my work performance and has brought up how I take the lead on managing one particular account. He said that I learn fast and have exceeded expectations, and that he had a lot of faith in me going forward.
At the same time, he also mentioned that he would like to see me be more proactive on the other accounts that I am part of. One small negative feedback that I got is that I tend to forget the minutiae of some tasks, like copying the work group email alias when I am sending clients emails. I put a post-it on my monitor to remind me to do that after I got this feedback.
Another issue is that I am usually on top of things and submit things rather proactively, but in the last few days I have lagged behind due to being added to additional accounts. I submitted one project the morning after it was due (I was supposed to send it in for internal review at EOD). I wonder if this is something that I should address pre-emptively? He hasn't brought this up ever. I'd also like to mention that I'm not drowning in work, and I think I'm coping relatively well with the workload. It's certainly a lot, but it's challenging, not arduous.
I'm just in over my head with anxieties due to actually liking my job and being terrified of fucking up or creating a bad impression with my supervisor, who I really want to impress.
I'd like to create an agenda for the meeting so that I can set concrete goals for myself to achieve - could you help me with that? I work in consultancy, if that matters. Also any tips to manage work-related anxieties will be much appreciated. I have ADHD and often castastrophise; making any small mistake can lead to me feeling unmotivated and too anxious to work productively for the rest of the day because I'm certain that I would be fired for it.
In previous conversations about my performance, he has explained that he is extremely happy with my work performance and has brought up how I take the lead on managing one particular account. He said that I learn fast and have exceeded expectations, and that he had a lot of faith in me going forward.
At the same time, he also mentioned that he would like to see me be more proactive on the other accounts that I am part of. One small negative feedback that I got is that I tend to forget the minutiae of some tasks, like copying the work group email alias when I am sending clients emails. I put a post-it on my monitor to remind me to do that after I got this feedback.
Another issue is that I am usually on top of things and submit things rather proactively, but in the last few days I have lagged behind due to being added to additional accounts. I submitted one project the morning after it was due (I was supposed to send it in for internal review at EOD). I wonder if this is something that I should address pre-emptively? He hasn't brought this up ever. I'd also like to mention that I'm not drowning in work, and I think I'm coping relatively well with the workload. It's certainly a lot, but it's challenging, not arduous.
I'm just in over my head with anxieties due to actually liking my job and being terrified of fucking up or creating a bad impression with my supervisor, who I really want to impress.
I'd like to create an agenda for the meeting so that I can set concrete goals for myself to achieve - could you help me with that? I work in consultancy, if that matters. Also any tips to manage work-related anxieties will be much appreciated. I have ADHD and often castastrophise; making any small mistake can lead to me feeling unmotivated and too anxious to work productively for the rest of the day because I'm certain that I would be fired for it.
Possibly begin with "I've noticed that I have a bit of a tendency to catastrophize mistakes I make. Can we begin by talking about the structure of this meeting?" It sounds like your manager is pretty good, so should be able to help you contextualize everything (the good and the bad) and be able to let you know the relative severity of things. Eg. possibly setting up categories of major good things you've done, major improvements you need to make, minor good things, and minor improvements to work on would be helpful (possibly with a third intermediate level in each case). Laying them out in a table may also be useful. I find that working with whoever is evaluating me to ensure that the amount of time spent on different items in the meeting is proportional to the level of importance of those items helps me as well (but many of us don't instinctually do this when providing feedback to others, so the explicit reminder or agreement before your meeting gets underway may be helpful).
posted by eviemath at 6:30 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 6:30 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
So I have rather debilitating anxiety about reviews. I had an unexpectedly bad one at the very beginning of my career, and it scarred me, so now I go into each one fearing the worst. What I do to combat that is to remind myself that employers generally don't schedule meetings in advance to fire people. (There's probably an exception somewhere, but that's the kind of thinking you and I need to get away from!) If they wanted to fire you, or even put you on a performance improvement plan, they'd probably have done it by now. It does not benefit them to wait until an arbitrary point on the calendar. Even a regularly scheduled review that's pretty negative will still give you some time to turn things around.
The other thing I do is to think of myself as an athlete and my boss as my coach. (I use a lot of sports analogies.) Even if you're the world's best football player, there are still plays you don't execute perfectly. Baseball players strike out, basketball players miss free throws, quarterbacks throw interceptions, etc. And when they come back to the bench, or after the game, or at practice, their coaches talk to them about what they did wrong. Not to embarrass them about what has already happened; to help them avoid making the same mistake in the future.
With regard to this meeting specifically, the way to impress your boss is to listen. Don't go in with your own agenda. Let your boss be the one who sets the agenda. Where you can be proactive is to think about what kind of feedback you're likely to get and to think of potential solutions for them. For example, if you're thinking about that late report, what went wrong there? Were you just not aware of the deadline? Would setting an Outlook reminder help? That way, when your boss says "I've noticed you've been a little late a couple of times", you can respond that yes, you had some trouble, but you've identified some ways to fix it. Present your solutions and ask if your boss has any other suggestions to add. This has two benefits: first, it shows your boss that you're aware of your shortcomings, but more importantly, it shows him that you have a problem-solving mentality. Especially in consulting, that's a good way to make an impression.
If you want to set your own agenda, you can set up your own meeting with your boss, like a 1-on-1. Say something like "hey, I had a problem with ____ and I'd like to get out in front of it so that it doesn't turn into a bigger problem later". Again, propose some solutions, and listen to your boss's suggestions as well. (This might not work for every office culture, so get a feel for whether it would in your office before you actually do it.)
Remember that, theoretically, the point of a review is to help you get better at your job. I know that is not often the case, but it's possible. Much of what I know about time management (which, admittedly, isn't a whole lot - here I am on Metafilter during work hours - but it's a whole lot more than I did in my mid-20s) has come from performance reviews where a boss suggested something to me. Importantly, I didn't just copy what the boss was doing. I thought about how I could adapt the boss's methods to my own habits and preferences and then synthesized something that would work for me. So like, someone once suggested bullet journaling. I looked into it, and no, that's just too much for me. But there were some aspects I found useful, like making a to-do list each day and having a 43 Folders-like future to-do list. We called it "Kevin journaling" instead of BuJo, and it was helpful. That's my final piece of advice, to go into your review expecting to learn something.
Best of luck, I sympathize with you.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:05 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
The other thing I do is to think of myself as an athlete and my boss as my coach. (I use a lot of sports analogies.) Even if you're the world's best football player, there are still plays you don't execute perfectly. Baseball players strike out, basketball players miss free throws, quarterbacks throw interceptions, etc. And when they come back to the bench, or after the game, or at practice, their coaches talk to them about what they did wrong. Not to embarrass them about what has already happened; to help them avoid making the same mistake in the future.
With regard to this meeting specifically, the way to impress your boss is to listen. Don't go in with your own agenda. Let your boss be the one who sets the agenda. Where you can be proactive is to think about what kind of feedback you're likely to get and to think of potential solutions for them. For example, if you're thinking about that late report, what went wrong there? Were you just not aware of the deadline? Would setting an Outlook reminder help? That way, when your boss says "I've noticed you've been a little late a couple of times", you can respond that yes, you had some trouble, but you've identified some ways to fix it. Present your solutions and ask if your boss has any other suggestions to add. This has two benefits: first, it shows your boss that you're aware of your shortcomings, but more importantly, it shows him that you have a problem-solving mentality. Especially in consulting, that's a good way to make an impression.
If you want to set your own agenda, you can set up your own meeting with your boss, like a 1-on-1. Say something like "hey, I had a problem with ____ and I'd like to get out in front of it so that it doesn't turn into a bigger problem later". Again, propose some solutions, and listen to your boss's suggestions as well. (This might not work for every office culture, so get a feel for whether it would in your office before you actually do it.)
Remember that, theoretically, the point of a review is to help you get better at your job. I know that is not often the case, but it's possible. Much of what I know about time management (which, admittedly, isn't a whole lot - here I am on Metafilter during work hours - but it's a whole lot more than I did in my mid-20s) has come from performance reviews where a boss suggested something to me. Importantly, I didn't just copy what the boss was doing. I thought about how I could adapt the boss's methods to my own habits and preferences and then synthesized something that would work for me. So like, someone once suggested bullet journaling. I looked into it, and no, that's just too much for me. But there were some aspects I found useful, like making a to-do list each day and having a 43 Folders-like future to-do list. We called it "Kevin journaling" instead of BuJo, and it was helpful. That's my final piece of advice, to go into your review expecting to learn something.
Best of luck, I sympathize with you.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:05 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
Don't sell yourself short. If you have specific areas that you would like support or guidance in, bring those up. But don't say things that are critical of yourself. Rather than saying, "I need some advice on managing work-related anxieties, mainly catastrophising whenever a mistake is made," try something like, "I'd like to improve my skills at documenting lessons learned for future use." This will help them see you as someone who wants to get better at their job, rather than someone who is anxious and catastrophises. Both are true and you are not hiding that, but it highlights that you are actively seeking ways to improve.
I don't know much about ADHD, so take this with a grain of salt, but most people have work related anxiety and many people have difficulty shifting focus away from mistakes, but if you can document mistakes and other things that go wrong that you didn't see coming, this gives you a tool for growth.
posted by happy_cat at 7:59 AM on June 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't know much about ADHD, so take this with a grain of salt, but most people have work related anxiety and many people have difficulty shifting focus away from mistakes, but if you can document mistakes and other things that go wrong that you didn't see coming, this gives you a tool for growth.
posted by happy_cat at 7:59 AM on June 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
#1 rule is don't get defensive. "Yes" and "Thank you" to any negative things. Wanna get put on a performance improvement plan and get fired? Then start a fight during your performance review.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:20 AM on June 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:20 AM on June 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
Honestly it sounds like you'll probably have a pretty good review. Your boss already knows you are anxious but have good potential so warned you in advance, from what you say I doubt they will spring anything major on you. There will probably be some small stuff you didn't know about.
What managers want out of reviews is the promise of future progress. As a new employee as long as you show potential for growth you're great! The only thing you should worry about is shutting down your boss when they say things about you. Do not correct your boss if they say you are doing a good job, you may want to practice accepting praise before hand if you have trouble with that (I do). If they criticize you, first accept/agree what they say and THEN talk about what you plan to do to improve. As long as your boss feels like you're actually listening to them, and you don't insult them or something, your review will be 100% successful! You might feel awful afterwards, but that's totally fine. Your success and how you feel about your success are two totally different things, and it doesn't actually matter if they're in sync. Anxiety makes this tricky, but from my experience with this issue it sounds like you're on the right track!
posted by JZig at 8:36 AM on June 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
What managers want out of reviews is the promise of future progress. As a new employee as long as you show potential for growth you're great! The only thing you should worry about is shutting down your boss when they say things about you. Do not correct your boss if they say you are doing a good job, you may want to practice accepting praise before hand if you have trouble with that (I do). If they criticize you, first accept/agree what they say and THEN talk about what you plan to do to improve. As long as your boss feels like you're actually listening to them, and you don't insult them or something, your review will be 100% successful! You might feel awful afterwards, but that's totally fine. Your success and how you feel about your success are two totally different things, and it doesn't actually matter if they're in sync. Anxiety makes this tricky, but from my experience with this issue it sounds like you're on the right track!
posted by JZig at 8:36 AM on June 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't have much advice on the goal-setting front - you sound much more organized/Type-A than me, a total slob who also works in a high-pressure consulting capacity and is somehow still alive. But for anxiety about getting fired, I've found it really helpful to remind myself and internalize just how much of a pain in the ass it is to fire someone. Especially as I've moved up in my career - everything from documenting everything to putting together a performance plan to making a case to HR to all of the time and expenses associated with hiring and training a new person - trust me, no one seriously wants to fire anyone unless they really hate them, and it often goes beyond making the occasional error/missed deadline at work, which we all do.
The people who tend to get fired are the types that managers are willing to actually put the time, effort, and cost into getting rid them - typically, people who are really disrespectful, insubordinate or even just have a generally bad personality that makes other people on the team uncomfortable, or some combination of those things. I've also seen people get fired for making a giant expensive error, shrugging it off, not disclosing it to management, so when the executive team got caught by the client with egg on their face they were just livid enough to terminate the person over it asap. That was brutal. But that was a unique scenario and it doesn't sound like it would happen to people like you and me who are generally transparent and self-aware enough to at least ACT like they give a shit, you know?
This is my long way of saying that I can tell by your writing that you seem to generally give a shit about your performance in some capacity, and the bulk of people who get fired really lack that self-awareness. Take it from me, a big fucking slacker who is REALLY GOOD at hiding it, and somehow still afloat 12 years in and have made god knows how many errors and missed deadlines along the way.
posted by windbox at 8:54 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
The people who tend to get fired are the types that managers are willing to actually put the time, effort, and cost into getting rid them - typically, people who are really disrespectful, insubordinate or even just have a generally bad personality that makes other people on the team uncomfortable, or some combination of those things. I've also seen people get fired for making a giant expensive error, shrugging it off, not disclosing it to management, so when the executive team got caught by the client with egg on their face they were just livid enough to terminate the person over it asap. That was brutal. But that was a unique scenario and it doesn't sound like it would happen to people like you and me who are generally transparent and self-aware enough to at least ACT like they give a shit, you know?
This is my long way of saying that I can tell by your writing that you seem to generally give a shit about your performance in some capacity, and the bulk of people who get fired really lack that self-awareness. Take it from me, a big fucking slacker who is REALLY GOOD at hiding it, and somehow still afloat 12 years in and have made god knows how many errors and missed deadlines along the way.
posted by windbox at 8:54 AM on June 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
You want to improve, so you should get the opportunity to learn where to improve. That said, always be promoting yourself to your boss. Go in with notes about accomplishments and competencies small and large. Maybe you deal with email really efficiently, have made the organization of network files more sensible, implemented better processes, have had successes with clients, etc. be prepared to say Since this is a review that will be filed, I'd like to add some things I feel are notable.
posted by theora55 at 11:05 AM on June 22, 2021
posted by theora55 at 11:05 AM on June 22, 2021
It's easy to mentally give equal weight to the positive and negative feedback you've received, as if exceeding expectations is 10 points and forgetting to cc people on emails is -10 points. This is a fallacy. Remember that every employee has areas they can improve in, skills they need to strengthen, and mistakes they need to watch for--negative feedback is a given when you have a good manager (i.e., someone who is both invested in the organization's success and in your success in your role/projects). Positive feedback like, "You exceed expectations," and "I appreciate you taking the lead on this project," is not a given: take these data points seriously. These aren't compliments. Your manager isn't sharing this positive feedback with you (just) to make you feel good. This is important information for you to have so that when you get negative feedback, you can hear it accurately: "Our team is stronger and more effective with you on it because of X and Y strengths you bring to the table. Z is an area where you tend to struggle (or aren't as experienced), and I'd like to help you improve on it. It is worth it to me as your manager, and to the organization as a whole, to help you improve on Z because of the positive contributions you're making."
posted by theotherdurassister at 11:36 AM on June 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by theotherdurassister at 11:36 AM on June 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
Lots of great advice here already! I'll emphasize that it is okay to receive feedback that there are things you should be doing better. This is good and normal and natural and expected, as no one is perfect, and even if you're starting from being awesome there is always room to become more awesomer. A good manager will give you both positive and "critical" or "constructive" (gosh I hate those euphemisms) feedback. A manager who only ever tells you "You're doing great!" is not a good manager and will not help you grow in your career.
The performance review will likely be driven by your manager, but you're right to want to come prepared. Don't proactively bring up a tiny missed deadline from ages ago that they've never mentioned, don't fall all over yourself apologizing for anything. In fact, in general, apologies aren't appropriate in this situation unless you've made a really serious mistake or hurt someone's feelings. DO bring up the things you'd like to work toward,. SOme examples might be getting closer to your team's goal, doing something to contribute to the company's stated mission, learning something that will further your career. It can also be things like paying more attention to detail, which is a thing you should state matter-of-factly. It's nice if you can talk about how you're going to do it--in this case, you've already put a system in place to remind yourself! If you need guidance on how to work on the thing you want to work on, ask your manager for it--without any self-deprecation.
Know that I'm not saying "don't apologize" and "no self-deprecation" only because it's better for your own mental health (and it is!)--I'm also saying it because doing those things undermines your credibility with your manager and colleagues, and people who do those things are unpleasant to work with.
Since it sounds like you're new to this style of working, you might find "Help, I have a manager" useful. It's an illustrated booklet that gives a lot of concrete and concise advice on working with a manager, including having discussions like this. The person who wrote it has an audience that's primarily programmers, but the principles apply to most office-type jobs.
posted by rhiannonstone at 8:40 PM on June 22, 2021
The performance review will likely be driven by your manager, but you're right to want to come prepared. Don't proactively bring up a tiny missed deadline from ages ago that they've never mentioned, don't fall all over yourself apologizing for anything. In fact, in general, apologies aren't appropriate in this situation unless you've made a really serious mistake or hurt someone's feelings. DO bring up the things you'd like to work toward,. SOme examples might be getting closer to your team's goal, doing something to contribute to the company's stated mission, learning something that will further your career. It can also be things like paying more attention to detail, which is a thing you should state matter-of-factly. It's nice if you can talk about how you're going to do it--in this case, you've already put a system in place to remind yourself! If you need guidance on how to work on the thing you want to work on, ask your manager for it--without any self-deprecation.
Know that I'm not saying "don't apologize" and "no self-deprecation" only because it's better for your own mental health (and it is!)--I'm also saying it because doing those things undermines your credibility with your manager and colleagues, and people who do those things are unpleasant to work with.
Since it sounds like you're new to this style of working, you might find "Help, I have a manager" useful. It's an illustrated booklet that gives a lot of concrete and concise advice on working with a manager, including having discussions like this. The person who wrote it has an audience that's primarily programmers, but the principles apply to most office-type jobs.
posted by rhiannonstone at 8:40 PM on June 22, 2021
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What helps me in stressful meetings is bringing notes about what I want to say, and sticking to them. But I think this is a meeting to move your career forward, not anything negative.
posted by wellred at 5:35 AM on June 22, 2021 [6 favorites]