What are these goggles?

June 10, 2021 4:02 PM

I received this as a gift. What do I… use them for? Riding motorcycles? Skiing? I’m confused.
posted by jitterbug perfume to Shopping (16 answers total)

They appear to be fashion sunglasses, made by a company with the most obnoxious copywriting ever.
posted by sagc at 4:07 PM on June 10, 2021 [32 favorites]

You use it for protection from the sun. They are intended to be a fashion accessory in addition to blocking UV; no extreme sport required, but you'd probably want to use them mainly outdoors.

I would see if you can get the "GET-LAID-GUARANTEE" shown on that store page in writing.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:07 PM on June 10, 2021 [15 favorites]

Apparently, based on the verbiage of the site, to "look cool," "get laid," and "fuck a lot."

So, basically, for any and every purpose you feel like. Or use them as a rickety drink coaster.
posted by cotesdurhone at 4:16 PM on June 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

Disco.
posted by bricoleur at 4:16 PM on June 10, 2021 [2 favorites]

They are for looking fly. Or, looking like a fly.
posted by Gray Duck at 4:27 PM on June 10, 2021 [19 favorites]

Looking sus'.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 4:37 PM on June 10, 2021 [5 favorites]

Pretty sure those are for Burning Man.
posted by sacrifix at 4:38 PM on June 10, 2021 [29 favorites]

‘Apparently, based on the verbiage of the site, to "look cool," "get laid," and "fuck a lot."’

This is just such a sublimely funny sentence.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:14 PM on June 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

The website says you use them “to communicate how radicalized you are, how much you are getting laid and how much you WILL BE getting laid.” So yeah they’re for doing that
posted by cyclopticgaze at 6:24 PM on June 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

Saw someone wearing those today.
I assumed it was a fashion statement with a tip of the hat to Pride month.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:12 PM on June 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

I would see if you can get the "GET-LAID-GUARANTEE" shown on that store page in writing.

They do not say by whom, so ... it might not be a feature.
posted by amtho at 9:11 PM on June 10, 2021 [7 favorites]

I don't think it will help you to be successful in the procurement of sex unless you find a narcissist who can enjoy his reflection and live out his life long dream of fucking himself.

Otherwise, skiing.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 9:42 PM on June 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

Wow that website copy drips with assholery... but they will block UV, yes. Looks as if you can wear them over your regular glasses.
posted by inexorably_forward at 10:24 PM on June 10, 2021 [2 favorites]

Wear them to every damn Pride event you can find, my friend
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 3:13 AM on June 11, 2021 [5 favorites]

Halloween?
posted by Billiken at 8:51 AM on June 11, 2021

Flummoxing facial recognition software? I think the whole "getting laid" angle is just to keep the government off their backs. /s
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 6:09 PM on June 11, 2021 [2 favorites]