How did you logically convince yourself not to worry?
May 10, 2021 3:20 PM Subscribe
I would like to eliminate some existential dread from my life, where it is sensible to do so.
A couple examples... As a kid I used to worry about shark attacks. Then I realized they are too rare to be worth worrying about. More recently, I worried about self-replicating nanomachines (AKA "grey goo") destroying all life on Earth. Then I Googled and found plausible theories that the machines wouldn't be able to power themselves.
But there are worries I haven't been able to quell. Some examples:
I am not looking for problems where you don't see a likely positive outcome. I'm also not looking for ways to calm yourself regarding unsolved problems. Those topics are best discussed in other threads.
A couple examples... As a kid I used to worry about shark attacks. Then I realized they are too rare to be worth worrying about. More recently, I worried about self-replicating nanomachines (AKA "grey goo") destroying all life on Earth. Then I Googled and found plausible theories that the machines wouldn't be able to power themselves.
But there are worries I haven't been able to quell. Some examples:
- A shortage of jobs paying livable wages
- Worldwide prevalence of far-right ideologies
- Climate crisis inaction
I am not looking for problems where you don't see a likely positive outcome. I'm also not looking for ways to calm yourself regarding unsolved problems. Those topics are best discussed in other threads.
I have similar worries. Here is my process for shutting it down:
1) I am worried I will lose my good job and be poor again
2) OK, what is my basic plan if that happens?
3) (Make a realistic plan for what I'd do)
4) Also, I used to make minimum wage, and it sucked, but my life was still worth living. I couldn't do everything I wanted to do, but I could still take advantage of free things like the radio, the library, and so on.
5) People all over the world deal with poverty and still enjoy some aspects of their lives.
6) I would figure something out. My work isn't my identity.
For climate change, right wing nutjobs taking over, etc-- same thing, figure out the specific worry (change to my standard of living, fear for my family) and figure out what the plan is. This has been helpful in that it got me off my ass and into doing very basic emergency prep, saving money, and so on. Someone said that anxiety is only useful to the extent that it helps you make a plan, and I have found that to be true.
Having a realistic understanding of what I do and don't control helps shut it down. Memoirs are good for this-- like, people who survived wars are examples of people who did what they had to do, had a shitty experience, but still are living and presumably having some fun now and then. Lots of people don't survive wars, but that is also true of, like, commuting, water-skiing, and sleeping. That is to say, being alive entails a certain level of risk. The especially heinous risks are often survivable and remembering that can help you move on from whatever the specific concern is at the moment.
posted by blnkfrnk at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
1) I am worried I will lose my good job and be poor again
2) OK, what is my basic plan if that happens?
3) (Make a realistic plan for what I'd do)
4) Also, I used to make minimum wage, and it sucked, but my life was still worth living. I couldn't do everything I wanted to do, but I could still take advantage of free things like the radio, the library, and so on.
5) People all over the world deal with poverty and still enjoy some aspects of their lives.
6) I would figure something out. My work isn't my identity.
For climate change, right wing nutjobs taking over, etc-- same thing, figure out the specific worry (change to my standard of living, fear for my family) and figure out what the plan is. This has been helpful in that it got me off my ass and into doing very basic emergency prep, saving money, and so on. Someone said that anxiety is only useful to the extent that it helps you make a plan, and I have found that to be true.
Having a realistic understanding of what I do and don't control helps shut it down. Memoirs are good for this-- like, people who survived wars are examples of people who did what they had to do, had a shitty experience, but still are living and presumably having some fun now and then. Lots of people don't survive wars, but that is also true of, like, commuting, water-skiing, and sleeping. That is to say, being alive entails a certain level of risk. The especially heinous risks are often survivable and remembering that can help you move on from whatever the specific concern is at the moment.
posted by blnkfrnk at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
Well I'm leaving out a lot as per your request but lately I have been calmed by watching classic movies about civilians during major upheavals & how they didn't know how it was going to turn out either, and yet the war ended, and people had whole lives to live after that. Modern movies about those times don't do the trick. You have to get that in medias res feeling.
posted by bleep at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by bleep at 3:59 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
Climate change: human beings are really fucking creative and innovative when they are absolutely forced to do so or face certain death. I have no doubt as a species we will find a way to solve our most colossal immediate climate problems (though every individual may not be protected just the general group).
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:13 PM on May 10, 2021
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:13 PM on May 10, 2021
Far right ideologies - this is not humanity’s first rodeo. Even with smallpox long ago vaccination they had conspiracy theorists thinking cowpox vaccine would turn you into a cow in order for the rich to eliminate the poor. Yet we moved on.
Society will always have a % of different personalities or classes....: some % scientists, some % right wing, some % clergy, some % aristocracy, some % “just livin ma life”, some % clutching their pearls and yet we move on.
Rather than think we have to continually move forward to make progress, a belief which I totally let go of once America elected a nazi Cheeto, I think of it as a giant cycle and people have the same types of views values and priorities now as they did then and somehow we manage to make our way through life
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:35 PM on May 10, 2021 [5 favorites]
Society will always have a % of different personalities or classes....: some % scientists, some % right wing, some % clergy, some % aristocracy, some % “just livin ma life”, some % clutching their pearls and yet we move on.
Rather than think we have to continually move forward to make progress, a belief which I totally let go of once America elected a nazi Cheeto, I think of it as a giant cycle and people have the same types of views values and priorities now as they did then and somehow we manage to make our way through life
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:35 PM on May 10, 2021 [5 favorites]
One thing that I find helpful about the global issues to ask myself what am I willing and able to do about it. I try to take at least one step in the right direction and I figure if I do that, then other people who are like me will also be doing that plus there are people even more concerned and dedicated who are doing even more and it will all snowball in the right direction. (It's the same answer I use when my brain asks, "why bother to vote when your one vote has a vanishingly infinitesimal chance of making a difference?"
This helps when the anxiety spirals because I can think "I am doing my part and I am going to trust that others are doing theirs" and that trust calms me down.
posted by metahawk at 5:28 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
This helps when the anxiety spirals because I can think "I am doing my part and I am going to trust that others are doing theirs" and that trust calms me down.
posted by metahawk at 5:28 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
I worked through the logic, realized I was getting nowhere rehashing the same points, and then restarted an old SSRI prescription. I still feel the uncertainty but obsess about it less.
posted by deludingmyself at 5:40 PM on May 10, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by deludingmyself at 5:40 PM on May 10, 2021 [5 favorites]
I tend to work according to the principle that what can't be cured must be endured, and do my best to make any preparations I personally put in place around endurance as non-intrusive to other people as possible.
Some examples:
I can't cure them, so I have no option but to endure them. Worrying about them will accomplish nothing but making me even more miserable than the situation we find ourselves in legitimately justifies, so quite a lot - most, in fact - of the preparation I personally put in place around endurance is exactly the kind of collection of ways to calm myself that you're specifically not asking about.
posted by flabdablet at 7:18 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
Some examples:
- A shortage of jobs paying livable wages
- Worldwide prevalence of far-right ideologies
- Climate crisis inaction
- Since roughly 1980, governments all over the world have been persuaded to adopt an increasingly deregulated, decreasingly taxed, increasingly privatised and market-led stance on public policy on the grounds that doing so is "more efficient".
- A largely deregulated, mostly free market is a highly efficient arrangement for allocating scarce resources to the wealthiest participants.
- In a largely deregulated, mostly free market, "market forces" determine most of what actually gets done, and these "forces" essentially reflect the priorities of the wealthiest participants.
- Wealth is power, and wealth begets wealth: to him that hath, more shall be given. All morality aside, this follows directly from the observation that return on an investment is in general proportional to the size of the investment. Exponential positive feedbacks are inherent in a free market.
- The lack of an instinctive revulsion at the prospect of acquiring wealth beyond the dreams of avarice really ought to be listed in the DSM as a specific and diagnosable form of mental illness, but it isn't. To a little over half the planetary population it actually seems aspirational.
I can't cure them, so I have no option but to endure them. Worrying about them will accomplish nothing but making me even more miserable than the situation we find ourselves in legitimately justifies, so quite a lot - most, in fact - of the preparation I personally put in place around endurance is exactly the kind of collection of ways to calm myself that you're specifically not asking about.
posted by flabdablet at 7:18 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
There are some good answers above.
In the course of my job, I track policy developments in the area of renewable energy, and I am actually optimistic that we are going to make a pretty massive transition over the next 20 years to a much lower-carbon society. Lots of institutions are moving rapidly on multiple fronts to make it happen. Will that reverse climate change? Well, there have been recent studies suggesting that some climate systems may actually bounce back relatively quickly if we stop with the greenhouse gas emissions.
On the economic front, I see this country moving steadily in a progressive direction. Gens X, Y, and Z are all aware of how the last 40 years has sucked for working- and middle-class people. As the boomers die off, I believe younger people are going to continue pushing economic policy leftward. We are seeing the beginning of that already, from, ironically, a boomer president who is moving away from his party's past flirtation with neoliberalism.
As for right-wing crazies taking over: This is the one I worry about too. But I try to remind myself that there are many good people working hard to stop that from happening. Trump and Trumpism were rejected by a significant majority of the country. I don't see that changing -- in fact, the demographic tides are against it. I think Trumpism is, in a weird way, a kind of last, hideous gasp of a twisted, rancid version of boomer counterculture. It may yet do significant damage. But I see brighter days beyond.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:23 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
In the course of my job, I track policy developments in the area of renewable energy, and I am actually optimistic that we are going to make a pretty massive transition over the next 20 years to a much lower-carbon society. Lots of institutions are moving rapidly on multiple fronts to make it happen. Will that reverse climate change? Well, there have been recent studies suggesting that some climate systems may actually bounce back relatively quickly if we stop with the greenhouse gas emissions.
On the economic front, I see this country moving steadily in a progressive direction. Gens X, Y, and Z are all aware of how the last 40 years has sucked for working- and middle-class people. As the boomers die off, I believe younger people are going to continue pushing economic policy leftward. We are seeing the beginning of that already, from, ironically, a boomer president who is moving away from his party's past flirtation with neoliberalism.
As for right-wing crazies taking over: This is the one I worry about too. But I try to remind myself that there are many good people working hard to stop that from happening. Trump and Trumpism were rejected by a significant majority of the country. I don't see that changing -- in fact, the demographic tides are against it. I think Trumpism is, in a weird way, a kind of last, hideous gasp of a twisted, rancid version of boomer counterculture. It may yet do significant damage. But I see brighter days beyond.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:23 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
But I have to add this: Just as worry is not necessarily a logical phenomenon, being free from worry is not purely a logical thing either, and sometimes logic alone is not enough to get you from point A to point B. Be conscious of other factors that may be exacerbating your anxiety: lack of sleep, stress in other areas of your life, doomscrolling, etc. Cultivate habits that will rejuvenate what I call the "human animal". Regular exercise -- even just walking; exposure to nature; time with animals; time doing other non-screen activities (I like to do carpentry; my wife tends to her plants); etc.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:27 PM on May 10, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:27 PM on May 10, 2021 [4 favorites]
There is a message in Christianity attributed to Jesus that I find useful (paraphrased):
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? You worry about things like what you will eat, what you will wear, etc. But look at the birds: they don't worry, they don't save up food in barns in case something bad happens. They find food as needed.
Look at the flowers in a meadow: they don't worry about how they look and they don't spin yarn to make themselves look good, yet even the richest person who has ever lived has never looked as beautiful as the flowers.
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own without borrowing trouble from the future."
posted by tacodave at 7:32 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? You worry about things like what you will eat, what you will wear, etc. But look at the birds: they don't worry, they don't save up food in barns in case something bad happens. They find food as needed.
Look at the flowers in a meadow: they don't worry about how they look and they don't spin yarn to make themselves look good, yet even the richest person who has ever lived has never looked as beautiful as the flowers.
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own without borrowing trouble from the future."
posted by tacodave at 7:32 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
One more piece of good news for the climate outlook: Renewable Energy Is Suddenly Startlingly Cheap.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:39 PM on May 10, 2021
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:39 PM on May 10, 2021
For most things of this nature, I found that not watching the news, the national news or any of the cable stations such as CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, AON, or any TV that makes a living on being sensational really helps. I get my information by reading things I chose to read about. Also, for news, the "All Sides" site and app is interesting in that it will present 3 articles on the same issue, left, right and middle. From those you can draw your own conclusions.
I am not saying keep your head in the sand, I am saying make your own analysis. The talking heads on TV are paid to create controversy where none exists.
Finally, for some issues, I ask myself who or what I am worried for. Climate change for example. I do my best to limit my carbon footprint. I recycle. I reuse. I lower my thermostat in the winter and raise it in the summer. When I think about climate change, I realize I am concerned not for me, but for some bigger concept like society. Well, as part of the community, I do what I can and, like socialism, hope everyone does their part.
posted by AugustWest at 8:53 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
I am not saying keep your head in the sand, I am saying make your own analysis. The talking heads on TV are paid to create controversy where none exists.
Finally, for some issues, I ask myself who or what I am worried for. Climate change for example. I do my best to limit my carbon footprint. I recycle. I reuse. I lower my thermostat in the winter and raise it in the summer. When I think about climate change, I realize I am concerned not for me, but for some bigger concept like society. Well, as part of the community, I do what I can and, like socialism, hope everyone does their part.
posted by AugustWest at 8:53 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
The past is fixed unchangeable attachments, the future is unknown and desired outcomes are attachments. Turn down the dial on attachments. A speck of dust floating on the wind wherever it blows. When you turn down that dial, you do the best you possibly can because there's no attachment to the past or to the future, all that's left is just doing the thing and if it's self-less it will be good. It's also mostly worry free. When hungry eat, when tired sleep, have you had your dinner? Wash your bowl, chop wood, carry water. If you are the agent of change, that will just come naturally.
Besides, you'll be dead and gone before those things, maybe even tomorrow when you walk out the door. There is only now.
posted by zengargoyle at 9:04 PM on May 10, 2021
Besides, you'll be dead and gone before those things, maybe even tomorrow when you walk out the door. There is only now.
posted by zengargoyle at 9:04 PM on May 10, 2021
You might enjoy reading Ministry for the Future. It's well researched very-near-future speculative fiction. It has it's flaws, and quirks, but if you're reading it as a buoy against climate catastrophism it could be really enjoyable and provide a little bit of a break from that worry.
While right wing ideologies are becoming more prevalent (or at least more visible) so are left wing ideologies. I don't think they're just getting as much attention; cheerful leftists are typically pretty quiet. Mutual aid societies are much better organized and doing interesting things not previously attempted as far as I know; Rolling Jubilee is a great example; that exists! Good is being done!
I am increasingly encouraged by how cheap renewables are getting; like, this isn't great news on the surface, because it's insane but Wyoming might be paying to keep coal plants open in other areas of the country. BUT BUT BUT; that's because coal is starting to become too expensive to run, very quickly, and those plants aren't financially viable. That's a fantastic trend wrapped up in a shitty current events burrito.
posted by furnace.heart at 9:45 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
While right wing ideologies are becoming more prevalent (or at least more visible) so are left wing ideologies. I don't think they're just getting as much attention; cheerful leftists are typically pretty quiet. Mutual aid societies are much better organized and doing interesting things not previously attempted as far as I know; Rolling Jubilee is a great example; that exists! Good is being done!
I am increasingly encouraged by how cheap renewables are getting; like, this isn't great news on the surface, because it's insane but Wyoming might be paying to keep coal plants open in other areas of the country. BUT BUT BUT; that's because coal is starting to become too expensive to run, very quickly, and those plants aren't financially viable. That's a fantastic trend wrapped up in a shitty current events burrito.
posted by furnace.heart at 9:45 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
“I take great inspiration from the advice of an eighth century Indian Buddhist master who recommended that whatever the circumstances, we should try to see things clearly. If there is a problem, we must look to see if it can be overcome, and if it can, that is what we should do. If it can’t be overcome, worrying about it further will be of no help.”
posted by aniola at 9:52 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by aniola at 9:52 PM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I meditate. I use Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness Meditations. There are I think 5 different 15 minute guided meditations. I've been using them for 5 years.
The 3 that help me the most are:
Lovingkindness meditation (to re-ground myself in the relationships that I have on earth right now). The mantra is "May I/you/[x] be safe, may I/you/[x] be happy, may I/you/[x] be healthy, may I/you/[x] live with ease" - and actually most of the time as I work through myself and my loved ones, I realize that many of us are safe, healthy, and generally living with ease, and happiness will come and go.
Breathing meditation (to re-ground myself in my body. to help myself become more observant and less reactive.)
Meditation on emotions (to allow myself to process what the Pandemic (and everything!) is making me feel, and give myself space to forgive feeling overwhelmed/sad/helpless during meditation.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 4:19 AM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
The 3 that help me the most are:
Lovingkindness meditation (to re-ground myself in the relationships that I have on earth right now). The mantra is "May I/you/[x] be safe, may I/you/[x] be happy, may I/you/[x] be healthy, may I/you/[x] live with ease" - and actually most of the time as I work through myself and my loved ones, I realize that many of us are safe, healthy, and generally living with ease, and happiness will come and go.
Breathing meditation (to re-ground myself in my body. to help myself become more observant and less reactive.)
Meditation on emotions (to allow myself to process what the Pandemic (and everything!) is making me feel, and give myself space to forgive feeling overwhelmed/sad/helpless during meditation.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 4:19 AM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
A shortage of jobs paying livable wages
Worldwide prevalence of far-right ideologies
Climate crisis inaction
This is more for large scale, societal or worldwide level worries that I as an individual feel I can't do much about. If I'm worried on a personal level about, say, jobs, there's lots of actions I can take that will affect the outcome, from coming up with something that will pay more to adopting a very low cost lifestyle, so I don't find "not worrying" to be a useful way to respond.
[I feel that I should give a content warning here: I'm going to discuss the end of the world. The actual end of the world.]
I catastrophize and worry all the way. For the three examples you gave, if I was consumed with worry over them I would think to myself something like: these far-right ideologies are making climate-crisis inaction worse, which will probably lead to the deaths of many people, but at least once a lot of people die there will be less competition in labor markets so jobs will have to pay more. But maybe the survivors will be far right climate deniers who make a profit off the situation in a way that makes climate change even more accelerated. Many people will die. Humans might be reduced to a very small population. (er, they might be all far right ideologues though.. but there would be fewer than now!) But humans haven't been very good to other life on the planet. Maybe the surviving plants and animals will thrive in the absence of people."
I don't exaggerate in silly ways like saying the "world would end" -- a phrase that often gets tossed around in discussions of these sorts of issues, but it's ridiculously exaggerated, it would be extremely difficult to literally get rid of the world! Even if it ends up being a lifeless ball of rock on which all life has gone extinct, it will still be here orbiting around the sun... well for several billon years, about 7.5 billion according to wikipedia. Though I do find it comforting to think about how life on this planet was NEVER going to last forever. We are all stardust in the end.
In the light of looking at "all human life on earth extinguished", most other possible outcomes seem better!
I admit that this is REALLY not for everyone.
posted by yohko at 12:57 PM on May 12, 2021
Worldwide prevalence of far-right ideologies
Climate crisis inaction
This is more for large scale, societal or worldwide level worries that I as an individual feel I can't do much about. If I'm worried on a personal level about, say, jobs, there's lots of actions I can take that will affect the outcome, from coming up with something that will pay more to adopting a very low cost lifestyle, so I don't find "not worrying" to be a useful way to respond.
[I feel that I should give a content warning here: I'm going to discuss the end of the world. The actual end of the world.]
I catastrophize and worry all the way. For the three examples you gave, if I was consumed with worry over them I would think to myself something like: these far-right ideologies are making climate-crisis inaction worse, which will probably lead to the deaths of many people, but at least once a lot of people die there will be less competition in labor markets so jobs will have to pay more. But maybe the survivors will be far right climate deniers who make a profit off the situation in a way that makes climate change even more accelerated. Many people will die. Humans might be reduced to a very small population. (er, they might be all far right ideologues though.. but there would be fewer than now!) But humans haven't been very good to other life on the planet. Maybe the surviving plants and animals will thrive in the absence of people."
I don't exaggerate in silly ways like saying the "world would end" -- a phrase that often gets tossed around in discussions of these sorts of issues, but it's ridiculously exaggerated, it would be extremely difficult to literally get rid of the world! Even if it ends up being a lifeless ball of rock on which all life has gone extinct, it will still be here orbiting around the sun... well for several billon years, about 7.5 billion according to wikipedia. Though I do find it comforting to think about how life on this planet was NEVER going to last forever. We are all stardust in the end.
In the light of looking at "all human life on earth extinguished", most other possible outcomes seem better!
I admit that this is REALLY not for everyone.
posted by yohko at 12:57 PM on May 12, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
The idea is that the solution to a given major issue is almost certain to be out of my wheelhouse or zone of understanding; thus my ability to see a solution doesn't reflect the true chances of it being solved. Like, I know nothing of geo-engineering and I'm a novice at best when it comes to thinking about politics, human society and civilization, etc. So what are the odds that my assessment of the viability of a solution... are actually correct? Probably pretty low, right?
Thinking this way at least helps me focus on learning more about the scale and quality of the problem, and keeps me from fixating on my own ignorance or uncertainty about the existence of a solution. Like, the solution for global warming may be outside of my personal context — but an engineer in Ghana or Portugal? Or the collective context of all engineers (or scientists, or politicians, or whatever)? Maybe not.
posted by miltthetank at 3:39 PM on May 10, 2021 [13 favorites]