Vaccinated son visiting unvaccinated mother
May 9, 2021 10:05 AM Subscribe
My wife and I are both fully vaccinated, though my wife has an autoimmune disorder and is on immunosuppressants, so we are not sure how well the vaccine will work for her. My 78-year-old mother is not vaccinated, will never get vaccinated, and has lived her life over the past year largely as if the pandemic wasn’t happening — seeing friends and going to church maskless.
I would like to visit my mom, as I haven’t really seen her in person for a year, but my wife is understandably very concerned about the risk this would pose to her. Can you help me understand the risk of a fully vaccinated person, wearing a mask, interacting with someone who is not vaccinated? My plan would be to see her in her house, wearing a mask. My mom would not be wearing one.
I would like to visit my mom, as I haven’t really seen her in person for a year, but my wife is understandably very concerned about the risk this would pose to her. Can you help me understand the risk of a fully vaccinated person, wearing a mask, interacting with someone who is not vaccinated? My plan would be to see her in her house, wearing a mask. My mom would not be wearing one.
Isn't it possible to meet outside instead? In the backyard, or in a botanical garden or park, etc?
posted by pinochiette at 10:23 AM on May 9, 2021 [20 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 10:23 AM on May 9, 2021 [20 favorites]
I don't know the risk. If you need to see her, can you meet outdoors for a very short amount of time for a walk in her neighborhood or in the back yard if she has one? Tell her ahead of time bare bones explanation of your wife's risk and let it go at that. How frustrating and exasperating.
posted by Elsie at 10:27 AM on May 9, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Elsie at 10:27 AM on May 9, 2021 [1 favorite]
1) objective safety probably depends on how bad the situation is where your mom lives. like, is she in michigan, doing indoor dining and church? if so, hard pass!
2) pinochiette has a good solution, we know it's a lot safer outside.
3) I think one of the ways we deal with this as a society is by forcing people to get vaccinated if they want to see their loved ones. does your mom want to see you more than she wants to adhere to some stupid youtube ideology? only one way to find out
posted by goodbyewaffles at 10:29 AM on May 9, 2021 [23 favorites]
2) pinochiette has a good solution, we know it's a lot safer outside.
3) I think one of the ways we deal with this as a society is by forcing people to get vaccinated if they want to see their loved ones. does your mom want to see you more than she wants to adhere to some stupid youtube ideology? only one way to find out
posted by goodbyewaffles at 10:29 AM on May 9, 2021 [23 favorites]
Leaving aside all the questions of rewarding her or not, you might find this CDC chart helpful.
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
The microcovid calculator seems to indicate that this would be very high risk, based on what I just told it -- you may want to model the situation yourself (for example, I have no idea where your mother is located, which plays a role in the risk calculation, and due to the immunosuppressants I modeled using no vaccine which could be too aggro).
...but based on my models using that tool, I wouldn't do this if I were your wife, and as a consequence I wouldn't do this if I were you.
posted by aramaic at 10:32 AM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
...but based on my models using that tool, I wouldn't do this if I were your wife, and as a consequence I wouldn't do this if I were you.
posted by aramaic at 10:32 AM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
Most of the initial data that the CDC is publishing suggests that the likelihood of you contracting the virus as a vaccinated person and then transmitting it to your wife is fairly small...but I personally would not risk this (because I assume you like your wife), and there's not a ton of data on immunocompromised folks and how all this interacts with them.
It also has a fucking simple solution, which is for your mom to get vaccinated and you can put maximal pressure on her to do so without guilt.
posted by furnace.heart at 10:39 AM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
It also has a fucking simple solution, which is for your mom to get vaccinated and you can put maximal pressure on her to do so without guilt.
posted by furnace.heart at 10:39 AM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
I wouldn't do this. Your wife doesn't want you to do it. You should respect her wishes. She's not being at all unreasonable given your (unnecessary?) plan to visit indoors. Your mom is an adult. She can deal the consequences of her own actions. Your mom can get vaccinated like a big girl, or she can visit with you out outdoors.
But in answer to your actual question, I don't think anyone can tell you the probabilities with the information given. But a recent, real world study with currentish variants found that people who'd received both doses became infected (asymptomatic or not) at less than 2% the rate of unvaccinated people (3 cases vs 161 cases).
The chance of your mom having covid is a lot higher than the average person (she's been extremely reckless). If she does have it, the chance of you getting it from your mom is small. If you get it, the chance of you passing it on your wife is not so as small (since you live with her unmasked, and there's a better than average chance the vaccine won't be as effective for her). The consequences of your wife getting it are very serious, possibly life-threatening.
posted by caek at 10:41 AM on May 9, 2021 [29 favorites]
But in answer to your actual question, I don't think anyone can tell you the probabilities with the information given. But a recent, real world study with currentish variants found that people who'd received both doses became infected (asymptomatic or not) at less than 2% the rate of unvaccinated people (3 cases vs 161 cases).
The chance of your mom having covid is a lot higher than the average person (she's been extremely reckless). If she does have it, the chance of you getting it from your mom is small. If you get it, the chance of you passing it on your wife is not so as small (since you live with her unmasked, and there's a better than average chance the vaccine won't be as effective for her). The consequences of your wife getting it are very serious, possibly life-threatening.
posted by caek at 10:41 AM on May 9, 2021 [29 favorites]
If you are vaccinated and your mother tests negative, wear a mask and have a short visit. My$0.02.
posted by AugustWest at 11:04 AM on May 9, 2021
posted by AugustWest at 11:04 AM on May 9, 2021
I have generally come down in these discussions on the side of putting some reliance on the vaccine. And honestly, if it was just a question of your mom being vulnerable--she's an adult, if she wants to risk throwing her life away, she can. But with your wife on immunosuppressants, which raises real concerns about vaccine efficacy/vulnerability to COVID, I say no. The risk is still not substantial, but it's higher than for healthy vaccinated people. Also normally I say that the child determines the relationship with the parent, and the spouse should support their decision--but there's always an exception for when the parent poses a genuine risk to the spouse's wellbeing, which is unfortunately the case here.
Tell your mom you're seeing her outside and for short periods or not at all until she's vaccinated. Your mom is making an extremely antisocial decision, and it turns out those have social repercussions.
posted by praemunire at 11:07 AM on May 9, 2021 [21 favorites]
Tell your mom you're seeing her outside and for short periods or not at all until she's vaccinated. Your mom is making an extremely antisocial decision, and it turns out those have social repercussions.
posted by praemunire at 11:07 AM on May 9, 2021 [21 favorites]
(I mean, your mom is literally saying that she doesn't care if she catches a nasty illness and passes it on to her vulnerable daughter-in-law. It's not even society she's spurning, it's her daughter-in-law! I know whose wishes I think are more important to honor in this situation.)
posted by praemunire at 11:09 AM on May 9, 2021 [44 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 11:09 AM on May 9, 2021 [44 favorites]
Can you help me understand the risk of a fully vaccinated person, wearing a mask, interacting with someone who is not vaccinated?
The risk is that for the rest of your marriage, your wife will have reason to believe that your desire to have a visit with your mother is more important than your wife's life.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:13 AM on May 9, 2021 [108 favorites]
The risk is that for the rest of your marriage, your wife will have reason to believe that your desire to have a visit with your mother is more important than your wife's life.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:13 AM on May 9, 2021 [108 favorites]
Meet your mom for a walk in the park. Make sure your wife is ok with that. With you vaccinated, +outside, +mask... risk of you getting covid and then giving it to your wife is vanishingly small.
People who are saying your mom deserves to be punished because she's fine giving your wife a horrible illness are misreading the situation. Your mom does not believe she poses a risk to your wife given the circumstances contemplated, and all available evidence is that she's right.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:20 AM on May 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
People who are saying your mom deserves to be punished because she's fine giving your wife a horrible illness are misreading the situation. Your mom does not believe she poses a risk to your wife given the circumstances contemplated, and all available evidence is that she's right.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:20 AM on May 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
Your mom does not believe she poses a risk to your wife given the circumstances contemplated, and all available evidence is that she's right.
According to the background OP gives, OP's mom doesn't believe the risk she poses to anyone is relevant, because she doesn't believe she should take any COVID precautions at all, any time.
As it's Mother's Day, I won't characterize OP's mom out loud, but this is not a question of a person taking the risks seriously, considering the imprecise information we have about them, and making a reasonable judgment call. Not seeing her indoors is not punishment, but the natural results of refusing to take reasonable care for the safety of the people around you.
posted by praemunire at 11:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [18 favorites]
According to the background OP gives, OP's mom doesn't believe the risk she poses to anyone is relevant, because she doesn't believe she should take any COVID precautions at all, any time.
As it's Mother's Day, I won't characterize OP's mom out loud, but this is not a question of a person taking the risks seriously, considering the imprecise information we have about them, and making a reasonable judgment call. Not seeing her indoors is not punishment, but the natural results of refusing to take reasonable care for the safety of the people around you.
posted by praemunire at 11:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [18 favorites]
Using the same COVID calculator that aramaic linked to, I got either "very low risk" or "low risk" depending on length of visit (I ranged 90min-180min) and whether you'd be mostly 3 or 6 feet apart. But that's for my city - so yes, where you are definitely matters.
But I agree that what ultimately matters is your relationship with your wife, not being right. And there seems no reason not to have this visit outside, which cuts the risk dramatically.
posted by coffeecat at 11:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
But I agree that what ultimately matters is your relationship with your wife, not being right. And there seems no reason not to have this visit outside, which cuts the risk dramatically.
posted by coffeecat at 11:31 AM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't think there can be a clear risk assessment with your wife's condition in the mix. I say this as someone who trusts vaccine efficacy intimately, and whose life is now essentially back to normal.
I think one of the ways we deal with this as a society is by forcing people to get vaccinated if they want to see their loved ones. does your mom want to see you more than she wants to adhere to some stupid youtube ideology?
Indeed. I'm not saying to turn this situation into a political stunt, or draw an ultimatum. But I would make clear that your mom is putting you in an extraordinarily difficult position by refusing to accept COVID for the mortal threat that it is, especially for someone like your wife. Do extend compassion for her perception of what is going on in the world. She must be very upset that it feels like her family has been withheld from her this past year. Just keep in mind that she, in turn, is withholding your family from you by making the choices she does. Not to mention, she is asking you to weigh your wife's life against your familial bonds.
Like, to your mom, this may look like it's about your relationship with her, but it's really about your relationship with your wife, no? At heart, the question is whether your wife's right to avoid the risk of serious injury/death should take precedence over your mom's right to ignore this pandemic with zero social consequences.
posted by desert outpost at 11:55 AM on May 9, 2021 [17 favorites]
I think one of the ways we deal with this as a society is by forcing people to get vaccinated if they want to see their loved ones. does your mom want to see you more than she wants to adhere to some stupid youtube ideology?
Indeed. I'm not saying to turn this situation into a political stunt, or draw an ultimatum. But I would make clear that your mom is putting you in an extraordinarily difficult position by refusing to accept COVID for the mortal threat that it is, especially for someone like your wife. Do extend compassion for her perception of what is going on in the world. She must be very upset that it feels like her family has been withheld from her this past year. Just keep in mind that she, in turn, is withholding your family from you by making the choices she does. Not to mention, she is asking you to weigh your wife's life against your familial bonds.
Like, to your mom, this may look like it's about your relationship with her, but it's really about your relationship with your wife, no? At heart, the question is whether your wife's right to avoid the risk of serious injury/death should take precedence over your mom's right to ignore this pandemic with zero social consequences.
posted by desert outpost at 11:55 AM on May 9, 2021 [17 favorites]
The Boston Globe had an article today (5/9/2021) about vaccine protection for some immunosuppressed people that may be of interest to you: Even after a second dose, COVID-19 vaccines may not provide protection for transplant recipients (via Wayback Machine due to paywall).
posted by skye.dancer at 12:04 PM on May 9, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by skye.dancer at 12:04 PM on May 9, 2021 [10 favorites]
I am here to reiterate what Cheese said. Your wife isn’t “very concerned” about this. She is afraid for her life.
If your wife came in here and said, I am immunosuppressed, my husband has been vaccinated but insists on visiting his mother who is unvaccinated and living her life like COVID isn’t real and I’m afraid for my life, I would be telling her to leave you as soon as safely possible.
And I doubt I’d be alone in that.
posted by mhoye at 12:19 PM on May 9, 2021 [25 favorites]
If your wife came in here and said, I am immunosuppressed, my husband has been vaccinated but insists on visiting his mother who is unvaccinated and living her life like COVID isn’t real and I’m afraid for my life, I would be telling her to leave you as soon as safely possible.
And I doubt I’d be alone in that.
posted by mhoye at 12:19 PM on May 9, 2021 [25 favorites]
You all are really putting a lot of words in Clustercuss’ wife’s mouth. All we know is that she is “understandably very concerned”. It quite an extrapolation to take this to a marriage ending.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:22 PM on May 9, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by mr_roboto at 12:22 PM on May 9, 2021 [11 favorites]
Seconding seanmpuckett, cheese, & etc.
This is one of those times where you choose where your priorities lie; is it your mother, or is it your wife?
It SHOULD be your wife.
posted by stormyteal at 12:23 PM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
This is one of those times where you choose where your priorities lie; is it your mother, or is it your wife?
It SHOULD be your wife.
posted by stormyteal at 12:23 PM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
Best answer: Ask the doctor that treats your wife's immune condition.
posted by capricorn at 12:58 PM on May 9, 2021 [22 favorites]
posted by capricorn at 12:58 PM on May 9, 2021 [22 favorites]
I'm wondering if your wife has been tested for antibodies. I have a blood cancer, and we are supposed to be some of the worst responders to the vaccine in terms of developing resistance to the virus. On the support board I'm on, some of us report developing antibodies and some don't. I fortunately did show antibodies a few days after I was vaccinated, though how much protection that actually provides is unknown. Still, being tested might give your wife something more to go on. I also agree that talking to the specialist who treats her condition would be a good idea.
posted by FencingGal at 2:11 PM on May 9, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 2:11 PM on May 9, 2021 [3 favorites]
As I told my roommate in a similar situation: "You can go visit, if you'd like. But you can't come back."
posted by WaywardPlane at 2:18 PM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by WaywardPlane at 2:18 PM on May 9, 2021 [7 favorites]
Capricorn has the right idea--you should speak to the doctor because this issue will come up again, and they (should) know the risks better than MeFi.
posted by kingdead at 2:47 PM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by kingdead at 2:47 PM on May 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
There are lots of factors that are unknown, making assessment of risk very difficult. Things like the incidence of the disease in the local area, and mom's day to day habits. Somehow mom has avoided the disease despite being not compliant with official advice. Was there a reason, or was she just lucky?
The risk rises when more people are involved. Seeing one person is not like going to a meeting.
My own situation is somewhat like the wife's. I suspect that it's not just that her chance of getting infected is high, but the risk of serious illness once infected is very high. I talked with a doc about the possibility of a visit with family, and she pointed out that risk can be reduced with testing and quarantine. So for example, if mom was willing to be tested a couple days before the visit, and self quarantine for the day or so required, the risk would be reduced to a level that might be acceptable.
posted by SemiSalt at 3:42 PM on May 9, 2021
The risk rises when more people are involved. Seeing one person is not like going to a meeting.
My own situation is somewhat like the wife's. I suspect that it's not just that her chance of getting infected is high, but the risk of serious illness once infected is very high. I talked with a doc about the possibility of a visit with family, and she pointed out that risk can be reduced with testing and quarantine. So for example, if mom was willing to be tested a couple days before the visit, and self quarantine for the day or so required, the risk would be reduced to a level that might be acceptable.
posted by SemiSalt at 3:42 PM on May 9, 2021
I wouldn't. And I wouldn't ask someone else to get tested for antibodies to accommodate me so that I could accommodate someone who wasn't valuing the lives of other people.
But if I did, I would expect to have to quarantine away from home for two weeks.
posted by aniola at 4:50 PM on May 9, 2021 [4 favorites]
But if I did, I would expect to have to quarantine away from home for two weeks.
posted by aniola at 4:50 PM on May 9, 2021 [4 favorites]
If your mother never, ever wants to get vaccinated, you can't ever see her without it being super dangerous. FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Literally, you won't ever be able to see her in person again without putting your wife super at risk. FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE IF SHE WON'T GET VACCINATED, this is going to be the status quo.
I might just point that last bit out quite a few times to her.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:01 PM on May 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
I might just point that last bit out quite a few times to her.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:01 PM on May 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
Anecdata, I know, but my coworker on immunosuppressants has been exceedingly careful for the entire pandemic, has been fully vaccinated since February, along with her entire family, and got serious Covid 4 weeks ago. She hasn’t had to be hospitalized (yet) but she hasn’t been able to work, and continues to feel absolutely awful.
posted by outfielder at 5:09 PM on May 9, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by outfielder at 5:09 PM on May 9, 2021 [12 favorites]
You describe your mother taking effectively no COVID precautions and say that you would be interacting with her indoors and that she would not be masked. This seems like an obvious no-go. If you are resolved to make a visit, then I think you have to do the full COVID quarantine protocol of sequestering for two weeks and then testing negative before returning home. I get it that you miss seeing your mother, but this is a situation in which your wife absolutely has to come first. If your mother misses seeing you, then you might suggest that one way of making this possible would be for her to get vaccinated and start observing basic COVID safety because your wife is at high risk. If this isn't enough to get her to budge on this, well then, I'm sorry to say that it looks like she wants to stick to her guns more than she wants to see you.
posted by slkinsey at 5:26 PM on May 9, 2021 [13 favorites]
posted by slkinsey at 5:26 PM on May 9, 2021 [13 favorites]
I haven't seen the latest science about immunosuppressed folks but anecdotally, the immunosuppressed people in my life are being very cautious post vaccination and would absolutely not find the scenario you pose acceptable.
posted by Stacey at 7:03 PM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by Stacey at 7:03 PM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
This might help...when I had my youngest, there was a small surge in whooping cough happening due to basically new variants and old vaccines.
Babies under 4 months can't be protected. They die at a disturbingly high rate if they get whooping cough (pertussis.) So I decreed that anyone who wanted to come hold the baby needed to get a pertussis booster shot and preferably a flu shot. We found out pretty quickly who actually wanted to come hold the baby. Almost everyone.
When my mother in law moved in with us she was medically fragile and it was flu season...same deal.
Your wife has a serious medical issue.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:12 PM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
Babies under 4 months can't be protected. They die at a disturbingly high rate if they get whooping cough (pertussis.) So I decreed that anyone who wanted to come hold the baby needed to get a pertussis booster shot and preferably a flu shot. We found out pretty quickly who actually wanted to come hold the baby. Almost everyone.
When my mother in law moved in with us she was medically fragile and it was flu season...same deal.
Your wife has a serious medical issue.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:12 PM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]
The visit you're describing needs either to happen outdoors and masked or not at all.
posted by jesourie at 8:08 PM on May 9, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by jesourie at 8:08 PM on May 9, 2021 [3 favorites]
I think a lot of people are answering this question like it's last May, when we knew little about the virus, had few tools to protect ourselves, and hadn't already gone a year or more without seeing our loved ones. Things are different now, and I think it is possible to both see your mom and protect your wife.
Because of your vaccine status, even if your mom is infected, you are massively less likely to contract the virus from her. If you do contract it, you are several-fold less likely to spread it to your wife. We also have excellent rapid over-the-counter antigen tests available now. If you can swing the $25, get a box and insist that your mom test before you come inside. No, these tests are not as ridiculously sensitive as PCR, but they will tell you with near-complete certainty whether your mom is shedding infectious virus.
I am a pretty risk-averse person with an immunosuppressed close relative. This is what I would do in this situation:
1. Ask mom to be careful for a 7-10 days before your visit. She won't, but you should ask her anyway, because she should be reminded that her actions effect other people.
2. Test on arrival at mom's house. Model good behavior by testing yourself too. The tests come in 2-packs.
3. If mom is negative, see mom inside, masked, with an open window.
4. Give mom a brief outdoor hug before you leave.
Obviously whatever you decide has to be 100% okay with your wife, but at some point you two have to have some conversations about risk that involve actual data. Encourage her to talk with her doctor about what precautions you should be taking.
Your wife may or may not have some protection from her vaccination, and I would encourage to her get an antibody test in the near future even if you don't go see your mom. It won't tell her everything about her protection, but it'll be an important data point for her in evaluating risk in other situations, and will be necessary information as she and her doctor think about additional boosters, etc. in the coming months-years.
posted by juliapangolin at 4:23 AM on May 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
Because of your vaccine status, even if your mom is infected, you are massively less likely to contract the virus from her. If you do contract it, you are several-fold less likely to spread it to your wife. We also have excellent rapid over-the-counter antigen tests available now. If you can swing the $25, get a box and insist that your mom test before you come inside. No, these tests are not as ridiculously sensitive as PCR, but they will tell you with near-complete certainty whether your mom is shedding infectious virus.
I am a pretty risk-averse person with an immunosuppressed close relative. This is what I would do in this situation:
1. Ask mom to be careful for a 7-10 days before your visit. She won't, but you should ask her anyway, because she should be reminded that her actions effect other people.
2. Test on arrival at mom's house. Model good behavior by testing yourself too. The tests come in 2-packs.
3. If mom is negative, see mom inside, masked, with an open window.
4. Give mom a brief outdoor hug before you leave.
Obviously whatever you decide has to be 100% okay with your wife, but at some point you two have to have some conversations about risk that involve actual data. Encourage her to talk with her doctor about what precautions you should be taking.
Your wife may or may not have some protection from her vaccination, and I would encourage to her get an antibody test in the near future even if you don't go see your mom. It won't tell her everything about her protection, but it'll be an important data point for her in evaluating risk in other situations, and will be necessary information as she and her doctor think about additional boosters, etc. in the coming months-years.
posted by juliapangolin at 4:23 AM on May 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
"I do not believe there is evidence the vaccine is ineffective for people taking immunosuppressants."
Think again. For example, see here. The results are similar where the underlying disease (e.g. leukemia) or a medication (e.g. Gazyva) weaken the immune system.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:42 AM on May 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
Think again. For example, see here. The results are similar where the underlying disease (e.g. leukemia) or a medication (e.g. Gazyva) weaken the immune system.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:42 AM on May 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
And I wouldn't ask someone else to get tested for antibodies to accommodate me so that I could accommodate someone who wasn't valuing the lives of other people.
I didn't intend testing for antibodies as an accommodation so much as to give the wife information about her own condition, which could help her with decision making in this and other situations.
posted by FencingGal at 6:45 AM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
I didn't intend testing for antibodies as an accommodation so much as to give the wife information about her own condition, which could help her with decision making in this and other situations.
posted by FencingGal at 6:45 AM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
An outdoor visit, with you wearing a mask, seems like a reasonable and safe way to go about visiting your mother.
I wouldn't visit with her indoors. And definitely not in her own house -- we all feel a certain kind of way about how we are entitled to behave in our own homes, and how we expect visitors to behave in our homes, and her COVID denial is going to make this dynamic even more fraught for you, her, AND your wife. Just skip that conflict.
posted by desuetude at 10:56 AM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't visit with her indoors. And definitely not in her own house -- we all feel a certain kind of way about how we are entitled to behave in our own homes, and how we expect visitors to behave in our homes, and her COVID denial is going to make this dynamic even more fraught for you, her, AND your wife. Just skip that conflict.
posted by desuetude at 10:56 AM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
“I do not believe there is evidence the vaccine is ineffective for people taking immunosuppressants.”
That is incorrect.
According to this study the medication I take to manage my MS, rituximab, is associated with a 36-fold reduction in antibody response to the vaccine compared to healthy people.
OP, it is true that your likelihood of contracting covid from your mom after vaccination is very low, even if you visit with her indoors and without a mask. Therefor your wife’s risk of getting it from you is also very low.
But the risk is not zero, and the stakes for your wife if she does somehow contract covid are very, very high.
Your wife, if she’s anything like me, is probably feeling all sorts of big emotions these days—the same pandemic fatigue and generalized year-long anxiety that we’ve all been living with, genuine elation about loved ones getting vaccinated and being safer because of it, cautious hope about the trajectory of the pandemic (at least in this country), but also terror that people like us will be forgotten as the world reopens. Covid isn’t going away, and perversely the things that make everyone else safer are (at least in the short term) making people like me and your wife less safe as public health measures are walked back.
By seeing your mom only outside and in a mask, you’re doing everything you can (short of never seeing your mother again) to protect your wife and be kind to her at a time when she’s likely feeling more vulnerable and less safe than she has in a long time.
posted by jesourie at 11:15 AM on May 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
That is incorrect.
According to this study the medication I take to manage my MS, rituximab, is associated with a 36-fold reduction in antibody response to the vaccine compared to healthy people.
OP, it is true that your likelihood of contracting covid from your mom after vaccination is very low, even if you visit with her indoors and without a mask. Therefor your wife’s risk of getting it from you is also very low.
But the risk is not zero, and the stakes for your wife if she does somehow contract covid are very, very high.
Your wife, if she’s anything like me, is probably feeling all sorts of big emotions these days—the same pandemic fatigue and generalized year-long anxiety that we’ve all been living with, genuine elation about loved ones getting vaccinated and being safer because of it, cautious hope about the trajectory of the pandemic (at least in this country), but also terror that people like us will be forgotten as the world reopens. Covid isn’t going away, and perversely the things that make everyone else safer are (at least in the short term) making people like me and your wife less safe as public health measures are walked back.
By seeing your mom only outside and in a mask, you’re doing everything you can (short of never seeing your mother again) to protect your wife and be kind to her at a time when she’s likely feeling more vulnerable and less safe than she has in a long time.
posted by jesourie at 11:15 AM on May 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:13 AM on May 9, 2021 [51 favorites]