Grad School PhD Success Celebration, COVID-style
April 19, 2021 8:54 AM Subscribe
My husband is finally about to finish his CS PhD after seven-ish long, long years. I want this to be feted appropriately, but it's been a terrible year for celebrations, and I have no idea what to do!
It's been a tough year for us in terms of big milestone events. We canceled our wedding and got zoom-married instead. We figured we'd save the wedding money and buy a house instead and have a reception in our future yard at some later date, and of course the housing market is completely wild right now so that feels like a dim possibility as well. It would be really nice to knock one of these things out of the park instead of losing all the nice moments to COVID.
I'm trying to think of things that feel acceptably big for such a huge milestone. It's also genuinely been an incredibly taxing process on us both. (who knew grad school would be tough, right? haha) We've had plenty of bad feelings tied up in the PhD over the years, but dang it, I want thi We're getting our second Pfizer shots in a few days, but I don't think we have any big travel in the cards yet or anything like that. If this was normal times, I'd probably plan a weekend trip to the city and one extremely expensive dinner, and we might actually still do this... later! But I really want to do something at the actual moment to celebrate this huge accomplishment and really mark the ending of a huge chapter of our lives.
We do have tentative plans to go camping when he is truly done, not sure when as his defense date isn't yet scheduled. It would definitely be cool to sneak some stuff on this trip to surprise him with, but beyond maybe a fancy bottle of champagne I'm not sure what!
General interests are mountain biking, computer stuff (his PhD is in supercomputing), video games, he's really excited to start learning Korean when he has more free time. We're both getting more and more outdoors-oriented so some cool camping stuff might be extremely fitting but I don't know enough to know what could be cool!
It's been a tough year for us in terms of big milestone events. We canceled our wedding and got zoom-married instead. We figured we'd save the wedding money and buy a house instead and have a reception in our future yard at some later date, and of course the housing market is completely wild right now so that feels like a dim possibility as well. It would be really nice to knock one of these things out of the park instead of losing all the nice moments to COVID.
I'm trying to think of things that feel acceptably big for such a huge milestone. It's also genuinely been an incredibly taxing process on us both. (who knew grad school would be tough, right? haha) We've had plenty of bad feelings tied up in the PhD over the years, but dang it, I want thi We're getting our second Pfizer shots in a few days, but I don't think we have any big travel in the cards yet or anything like that. If this was normal times, I'd probably plan a weekend trip to the city and one extremely expensive dinner, and we might actually still do this... later! But I really want to do something at the actual moment to celebrate this huge accomplishment and really mark the ending of a huge chapter of our lives.
We do have tentative plans to go camping when he is truly done, not sure when as his defense date isn't yet scheduled. It would definitely be cool to sneak some stuff on this trip to surprise him with, but beyond maybe a fancy bottle of champagne I'm not sure what!
General interests are mountain biking, computer stuff (his PhD is in supercomputing), video games, he's really excited to start learning Korean when he has more free time. We're both getting more and more outdoors-oriented so some cool camping stuff might be extremely fitting but I don't know enough to know what could be cool!
Response by poster: Yeah, to clarify, it doesn't need to be on the actual day – but in light of the fact that our other two big "things" we might have had this year are still kind of postponed indefinitely, I'd rather have something we can do the following weekend/ASAP vs. "let's go out for a fancy dinner to celebrate your graduation... in a few months"!
posted by caitcadieux at 9:33 AM on April 19, 2021
posted by caitcadieux at 9:33 AM on April 19, 2021
I don't know what kinds of camping you're into, but it might be cool to tell him in advance that you're going camping that weekend and then surprise him with a special, new place--backpacking in to a spot with secluded hot springs, or a campsite with an especially beautiful vista. If you're more of the car camping types, maybe a surprise feast (of Korean food?) tucked away in the car?
And seconding to be prepared for him to be exhausted on the big day--I had celebratory drinks with friends after my late afternoon defense, and then cancelled my dinner plans and was asleep by 9!
posted by dizziest at 10:10 AM on April 19, 2021
And seconding to be prepared for him to be exhausted on the big day--I had celebratory drinks with friends after my late afternoon defense, and then cancelled my dinner plans and was asleep by 9!
posted by dizziest at 10:10 AM on April 19, 2021
I defended my PhD (virtually) in May 2020, so lockdowns were well underway. Agreed that the day-of is pretty exhausting, and defending virtually is a weird anticlimax after so many years of working! Here's what made my day feel special:
- My partner went above and beyond helping me prep my presentation (my advisor sucked), listen to me practice and giving me real feedback/brainstorming how to fix framing/wording, handling the tech stuff (I had a lot of stress about figuring out some of the online tools at the tim), and taking photos of me giving the talk.
- I was so touched by the number of people who attended my presentation, including family who had no idea what I did and friends I hadn't seen in ages around the globe.
- Because I couldn't celebrate with the normal post-defense reception, my friends surprised me with a delivery of bubbly, snacks, and a TON of beautiful leis (I studied in Hawaii so this was a normal celebratory thing, YMMV). They had organized all this behind my back, and had even reached out to my friends from home and my parents to crowdfund a little package. I was basically verklempt with appreciation. So flowers might not make sense, but maybe camping gear? Treats? Other things?
- I didn't do a group skype party because I hate those, although I video-called my folks and posted to social media. One of my friends came by for a socially distanced hangout (and to deliver the goods).
- I spent the rest of the day stoned, eating cheese, drinking beer and doing jigsaw puzzles. The next day, I think I went on a nice hike with my partner: a strong dose of nature was so welcome after all the screen time and intense focus.
Good luck to him, and hope you celebrate well!
posted by Paper rabies at 10:13 AM on April 19, 2021
- My partner went above and beyond helping me prep my presentation (my advisor sucked), listen to me practice and giving me real feedback/brainstorming how to fix framing/wording, handling the tech stuff (I had a lot of stress about figuring out some of the online tools at the tim), and taking photos of me giving the talk.
- I was so touched by the number of people who attended my presentation, including family who had no idea what I did and friends I hadn't seen in ages around the globe.
- Because I couldn't celebrate with the normal post-defense reception, my friends surprised me with a delivery of bubbly, snacks, and a TON of beautiful leis (I studied in Hawaii so this was a normal celebratory thing, YMMV). They had organized all this behind my back, and had even reached out to my friends from home and my parents to crowdfund a little package. I was basically verklempt with appreciation. So flowers might not make sense, but maybe camping gear? Treats? Other things?
- I didn't do a group skype party because I hate those, although I video-called my folks and posted to social media. One of my friends came by for a socially distanced hangout (and to deliver the goods).
- I spent the rest of the day stoned, eating cheese, drinking beer and doing jigsaw puzzles. The next day, I think I went on a nice hike with my partner: a strong dose of nature was so welcome after all the screen time and intense focus.
Good luck to him, and hope you celebrate well!
posted by Paper rabies at 10:13 AM on April 19, 2021
Best answer: We went through this early in covid and it was tough, especially since we couldn't travel - he FINALLY had a free month before he started his postdoc and we couldn't go anywhere!
This is minor, but if you live near his campus and it's a collegiate looking place: immediately after his defense we went for a walk there to decompress and took some dorky posed "professor" photos in front of fancy academic buildings and settings while he was still dressed up from the zoom defense. I also sneaked out and bought a bottle of cheap champagne to pop immediately after he logged off the defense, which was amusing to coordinate since we were both constantly aware of what the other was doing. A relative remote-delivered a favorite takeout food which was appreciated. His cohort set up a series of zoom calls with everyone to celebrate the day after each person's defense.
We celebrated with a camping trip also. I think we did decadent camping food like nice grilled steaks and fancy beers, and picked out a scenic lakeside campsite. An equipment purchase to celebrate his newfound free time could be nice. We've really enjoyed our Jetboil stove for hot chocolate/tea/hot water bottles on cold nights/morning coffee/freeze dried bag meals. Other camping things that have improved our lives lately: basic gear upgrade (sleeping bag warmth levels improvement/more comfortable and more compact sleeping pad/tent footprint/headlamp update), mid-size hiking backpacks with water hydration reservoirs, fancy packable folding chairs, big cooler and ice packs for car camp life, high quality rope hammock with mounting ropes for campsite lounging, fire starting supplies in the event of fire-creation-frustration.
posted by ghostbikes at 10:43 AM on April 19, 2021
This is minor, but if you live near his campus and it's a collegiate looking place: immediately after his defense we went for a walk there to decompress and took some dorky posed "professor" photos in front of fancy academic buildings and settings while he was still dressed up from the zoom defense. I also sneaked out and bought a bottle of cheap champagne to pop immediately after he logged off the defense, which was amusing to coordinate since we were both constantly aware of what the other was doing. A relative remote-delivered a favorite takeout food which was appreciated. His cohort set up a series of zoom calls with everyone to celebrate the day after each person's defense.
We celebrated with a camping trip also. I think we did decadent camping food like nice grilled steaks and fancy beers, and picked out a scenic lakeside campsite. An equipment purchase to celebrate his newfound free time could be nice. We've really enjoyed our Jetboil stove for hot chocolate/tea/hot water bottles on cold nights/morning coffee/freeze dried bag meals. Other camping things that have improved our lives lately: basic gear upgrade (sleeping bag warmth levels improvement/more comfortable and more compact sleeping pad/tent footprint/headlamp update), mid-size hiking backpacks with water hydration reservoirs, fancy packable folding chairs, big cooler and ice packs for car camp life, high quality rope hammock with mounting ropes for campsite lounging, fire starting supplies in the event of fire-creation-frustration.
posted by ghostbikes at 10:43 AM on April 19, 2021
Best answer: If he realllllly loves rustic primitive camping this might not appeal, but we're in the middle of planning a trip that involves renting a camper van for that #vanlife and finding some chiller-than-packed-campground spaces on HipCamp for our first foray out of quarantine. This is not very cheap, especially for a sweet van with a really good bed and solar and kitchen, after you're done with insurance and fees, but it feels like a better "recovery" type camping trip for a light bit of hiking and a lot of lounging, resting, and cooking/eating, rather than sleeping on the ground, and still hopefully being able to assert more distance and be more outdoors than spending a comparable amount on a swanky hotel for the weekend.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:21 AM on April 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyn Never at 11:21 AM on April 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Maybe look into getting a doctoral hood in his school colors? My department just gave out mugs to graduating students, and though I had no desire to sit through the university-wide graduation ceremony, I was a little sad that I didn't get any of the traditional pomp and circumstance.
posted by yarntheory at 4:14 PM on April 19, 2021
posted by yarntheory at 4:14 PM on April 19, 2021
My cohort spliced together a congratulatory video for friends who got married this year, and it was really well received. Even just a few seconds of folks saying "you did it, wooo!" is really sweet.
posted by joycehealy at 4:30 PM on April 19, 2021
posted by joycehealy at 4:30 PM on April 19, 2021
I recently had a similar conundrum and celebrated a friend’s PhD completion by getting a custom cake from Baskin Robbins. You can upload a photograph of something PhD or dissertation related and they can “print” the photo onto the top of a cake. Honestly, the custom cake was pretty darn cool.
posted by forkisbetter at 6:35 PM on April 19, 2021
posted by forkisbetter at 6:35 PM on April 19, 2021
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posted by eotvos at 9:29 AM on April 19, 2021 [1 favorite]